I'll Move Forward Despite Them!

My parents were neglectful and cruel in so many ways. I don't even feel like I'm anyone's daughter. When I was young, my mother was too distracted to raise me. She just did her work and when I cried or wanted something or accidentaly dropped some food, she would always be angry, shout at me and beat me. By the time I was 4 yrs old, I didnt even know how to speak. In any language. Because my mother would never talk to me. I remember not understanding what was going on around me. I think that made me permanently stupid/slow.

My parents started fighting when I was 10. They didnt seem to think of how it was affecting us children. My 2 younger brothers would just play together but I hid in my room and cried until the fighting was over. At school teachers and classmates started saying that I look too 'serious' and 'sad'. Whenever I went to talk to my mother, all she did was critisize my father, complain about her life and me. She never paid any attention to my appearance or other important things. At school in my preteen/teen years I was messy, dishevelled and could barely talk to people. I had to learn everything in life the hard way, even basic things that every girl ( or person) should know. At home, when my parents werent fighting with each other they would say bad things to us children. My mother would critisize everything so I just avoided speaking to her. But when I was in the same room, watching TV, or using the computer, she would say things like, "Look at you, you're so ugly!", "You're so unnatural, who doesn't even talk to their own mother!", "Your aunt says you are strange and weird because you never talk to me!"... and so on. She wouldnt even let me be.

We moved house many (4) times because every time my father would be convinced that he'd be made manager at his new job. But he had so few friends that it never worked out. The summer holidays were so frustrating because no-one took me out, our family had no friends and I never got any presents for doing well at school. Once, I told him that I needed a desk in my room to work on. Three days later, when I asked him, he gave the same answer 'not today'. I got so frustrated because over half the summer holidays had passed and I was just sitting on the internet, day after day. I wanted to start drawing, revising my lessons and improving my handwriting. I said, loudly, "I cant wait, I don't have the time!" He got so mad, threatened to beat me if I dared to shout at him again, and said he'd never buy me the desk. Later in the day, I just came out of the bathroom where I had been crying, I found some trash on my bed. He said loudly, from the living room, "Trash! Take out the trash!" I was so angry I slammed the bedroom door closed, and was crying on my bed. A minute later he had dragged me to the floor and was beating me as hard as he can and insulting me. I screamed, What did I do? He just said, "You're a disgusting, disrespectful,, girl! You're going to hell for this! I dont want you in this house!" I stayed under the covers crying for the rest of the day as he insulted me loudly in front of the rest of the family. I wonder how anyone could be so cruel.

The next day my mother told me that staying in the bathroom locked up for too long 'aggravates him', and also speaking loudly to him (when i asked for the desk). When I pointed out that my brother speaks in exactly the same way, and worse, a lot of the time, she said 'Yes, I know, we forgive him, because he's a boy...". I was stunned, just because of that...??? They beat me up just because of that, and no one was sorry!! But at least she told me the truth, at least I know that this didn't happen because I was crazy, or there was something wrong with me.They acted like I was a hideous crazy child, when actually I always get straight A's, work hard and study hard, and try to keep myself out of trouble and try to improve myself, unlike some people who smoke weed and fail school!

But I knew that no matter what kind of childhood i had, I shouldn't lose my future at all costs. I'll keep doing well at school, and start looking for activities outside the house within walking distance to meet new people and depend on myself. I'll do so well that I'll get into a good college quickly and move out! I'm a kind person by nature, but because of my parents I feel depressed a lot of the time and don't trust others. My parents should never have had children because they're not fit to raise them, all they did was condemn me to a bad childhood, a bad life with them. It's unfair but some people are lucky enough to have parents that would love, care for, advise them and support them, while other people have to struggle along, fall into every possible mistake in life and live in misery a lot of the time. Just like how there are poor and rich people in this world, not everyone has the same potential but we have to learn to be happy. Everyone has a future!
Anneah Anneah
13-15, F
Aug 1, 2010