Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

Over 32 years ago I had a child out of wedlock. I was 21 years old. Before I got pregnant I was a college student, and my parents were proud of me, my Dad had me on a pedestal pretty much. Then, when I got pregnant it was like a complete turn around. Naturally most parents are going to be angry, but my parents came out and told me they'd never care about me, or love me again. For the next 4 years they made my life torment, from physical abuse to namecalling. I even went to the welfare agencies and they refused to help me---they pretty much said I deserved the flack.I do not have any use or trust for social agencies to this day. So, I left my son behind, and the hate my family felt for me. Eventually I married, had another son who is now 24 and the light of my life, and he has a little son, too. I also have a shaky, but good relationship with the son I left behind who is now 32. However, my parents still will not speak to me after all these years, and my Father is still saying horrible things about me behind my back. He even told my husband that I am a stupid, crazy *****.My Father has even told people around these things, he still does. My father is a right-wing old-fashioned sort who thinks women should be virgins until marriage, but it's OK for guys to fool around with anybody. I have had friends who have said it seems my Dad regards me like a cheating spouse instead of a daughter.He even said if I had been a guy he would not have had the attitude toward me.
Like I said, you can understand parents being angry at a "wayward" daughter, but to continue this coldness and hatefulness for 32 years? Please tell me this is not normal!
Yeah, I hate my parents, at least i am still hurt and angry with them for this stupid attitude. I think they never really cared about me at all.
nightwisp1957 nightwisp1957
2 Responses Oct 23, 2010

Well, my Dad died last year, and to the end he had a hard-hearted attitude toward me. Can you imagine someone holding a grudge for 33 years? Not only that but both he and my Mom defends the abusive attitude my husband has toward me. When my husband said he was going to leave me, and a bunch of other horrible things the first thing out of my Mom's mouth was, "Don't bring her around here, not after what she put us through 30-something years ago." Once I told my Mom about how my husband won't let me go anywhere, and she thought I was lying, she said,"he would let you if you asked him."<br />
I literally went from a cold-hearted abusive environment to one which has became one. I am beginning to think I was put on this Earth to be a scapegoat to others. I am sick of it. <br />
After Dad's funeral my aunt told me to put the past behind me, and think of the future, that no one can walk in my shoes but me. Today my husband threatened to kill me, and I cannot even have a voice or defend myself. When I said he was treating me like my parents he said it's because you are nothing and you don't have any rights.<br />
I do think some people like myself are truly born into this world to be mistreated, it seems that way, and it never ends. <br />
I'd sell my soul to get to have a life like everyone else--a peaceful life. Where people understand me, and people I can be myself with.

I stood by my Dad until I was 28 too fearful of losing his 'friendship' and 'guidance' even though he is a complete pervert. I don't hate anything or any one but for the past 2 years I have had to hate him because he has not aknowledged my children or my hurt over a few consecutive incidents that led me to separate myself from him and his side of the family. The christmas cards stopped from his entire side of the family, all of a sudden my nan wont acknowledge my kids, etc.<br />
I am gob smacked like you.<br />
Is it really that hard for them to reach out. After all you still want your parents to try. And it must hurt you a lot that they wont.<br />
I am shocked Dad and co won't attempt any sort of 'friendship' with my kids, but my dad is a dirty pervert so I wondered why I would encourage contact any way and now I just send him hate mail.<br />
I mean this story could go on and on, I do hate him, especially at christmas time, but my kids think he is overseas, which isn't totally a lie, and it means they do not need to SEE him, which I think is great now. And the hate mail helps. Im not letting him move on with his life after the way he has treated me, why should I? he spent so much tim esetting me up for failure as an adult. He taught me to use my fists instead of words, and Im a GIRL!!! "He tried as hard as he knew how" some might say, well, wheres the compensation in that?<br />
I am a better parent than he could ever hope to be. That makes me happy. He will die, and I wont help bury him. His mail order bride will get everything, and I wont visit his grave. I picture all this because, I want to be prepared for when he does die, (soon hopefully) as we were quite close for 28 years, but I never trusted him. He ruined my life and I was to young to see that. Now Im an adult I hate him. I wont waver on what could be if i had enough forgiveness. Now through my anger I discovered I dont want him near me, ever again.