My Parents Confuse Me

Okay, so my story i really different i come from a Kurdish family my parents have always fought to make me happy, even though we were poor they always tried to give me whatever i wanted as a kid in my city kid never had birthdays but my parents always gave me birthday parties. My parents were not around very much when i was a kid i was always tossed around between family members or i'd be with a baby sitter i didnt mind it because my parents we're out helping other people in my country, my mom always faught for womens freedom she stood up for any girl who wa being abused or raped parents or others ..when we finally moved out of my countrry and into Turkey i was still left alone i had no family members to stay with their my parents just left me alone at home, i always wanted to run away because i felt like my parents didnt care about mesince they we're too busy to be there for me..i was over at a family friends house one day i was 7 or 8 years old than and the girls father molested me, i waas traumatized i couldn move, i started shaking, i didnt know what the hell was happening, thankfully the mans wife came home and i had a chance to just run out of there without him doing anything else to me, i ran out of thereso quick with tears runing down my cheecks i forgot my shoes..i just criied all the way home ..i didnt know what to think or what to do with this situation, my parents never listened to anything i had to say i even tried telling my mom one day i told her i didnt like the man and she didnt really take it in she still invited his family over to our house ..a year later we moved to canada and i felt better here i forgot about everything he did but school didnt help with my happiness at all i got bullied everyday, kids would make fun of my name, my looks, and how i couldnt speak english the crying began again that lasted 4 yars of my elementry school and in high school thats when the man who raped me decided to also move here with his family mom and his wife talk on the phoe every day and she invited them over all the time and she always made me go over to their house, i was so depressed i couldnt take it anymore so i told my mom last year when i was 15 that he molested me as a child at first she acted like she was upset and everything but i didnt really get the reaction i was hoping to get from my mom she basically just told me to forget it and that she couldnt do anything about it, it happened a long time ago and that she was sure he wouldnt still be doing that to kids and that upset me even more so i continued crying myself to slee every single night and whenever i see him it gets worsee i can't sleep at all at night and i can't concentrate at school i get really low grades and i never feel like hanging out with my friends, i always just want to be alone..Guys ask me out and i always say no even when i do go on dats and i like the guy i'm neevr able to kiss them because soemthing always holds me back maybe it's bcaus ei was molested as a kid and i'm not confortable with sexual stuff but i do want want to be kissed, and i do want to have sex i just cant .....i still cy myself to sleep my mom trcks me to going to his house and she asks me why im always so depressedand i don't feel like telling her because it's not like she even listens to me and she always makes me feel like im the wrong one and she always tells me to be as smart as my cousin but i can't do tht because nothing goes through my mid when i already have so much **** going through my mind abou being molested as a child and my parents not doing anythng about it when i tell them..i don't even know how to feel about hem anymore they make me mad and always make me feel bad for them and always tell me im the worst child ever ...i just feel like killing myself somedays cuz im really depressed ..i don't know what to do with my life me   
LovelyWermita LovelyWermita
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 13, 2011

Please allow me to say this, I hate your mother to death as much as I hate my parents!<br />
the irony is that she used to help those who were in your situation but just shrug her shoulders to you!<br />
My dear you need specialist's help and on top of them is the psychiatrist's help to help you forget and move on...<br />
don't freeze your life because of something you had nothing to do with it, you are a victim!! don't kill yourself in the time that damned freak is living his life joyfully!<br />
May he get burnt alive before facing inferno's fire...<br />
May God help you.....