Post

I Can Finally Say That I Hate My Parents

At this point, I can honestly say I don't love them anymore. I used to. I used to love them and wonder why they didn't love me like other parents loved their children. I used to think they were just so horrible because of me, that my very presence caused them to behave like that. They told me they hated me and then they told me they loved me. They told me it was my fault they were unhappy. I used to want to die just so everyone would be happy again.

My mother abused me verbally, emotionally and physically from when I was 7 until I left home for good at 19. She would slap me, hit me, kick me, pull my hair, grab my ears and pull, throw things at me, hit me with things, and once she threatened to kill me with a kitchen knife. She told me she wanted to kill me, and that if I was gone everything would be better. She always called me names. Even when I was too young too really understand what they meant. She told me I was a selfish *****, that I was stupid, ugly, fat, smug, evil, a sl*t, that I would be hated by everyone who met me because I was so awful and stupid. She told me I did things jsut to ruin her life or hurt her... like saying ouch when she rushed me hair or when I asked her to play with me. She told me when I was little that if I didn't stop being horrible she wouldn't like me anymore, but she might still love me. She would get explosively and violently mad over small things I did wrong, like spelling mistakes or breaking a glass. If my dad caught me crying about my mum, he'd bring it up with her, and then she'd hit me or scream or whatever because I'd made her look bad. She hurt me in so many ways. I am still never going to be good enough or thin enough or smart enough or successful enough for her. She pretends all the things she did never happened. If I bring it up, she says that I'm lying or I imagined it or it was just discipline and I am blowing it out of proportion and am ungrateful because I don't appreciate all the 'discipline' that made me the good person I am. Bulls**t. She didn't deal with her own issues, she didn't stand up to my dad, she didn't stand up to his daughters, she wasn't happy and didn't do anything to change it. So she took it all out on me. And I know she will never acknowledge it or apologise. The last time she hit me I was 19. She hit me because I burnt the caramel sauce. She can't hit me anymore because I have my fiance, and she knows I'm gone now, out of her control. She tries still to have me under her control again though. She says the cruelest things, manipulates and guilts, tries to make me insecure. But she never says it in front of my fiance. I hate her for the spinlessness which made it ok to her to take all her problems out on a small child. And I hate her because she doesn't have the respect for me or the courage to be honest and apologise to me for ruining my childhood. I hate her because she's pathetic, because she tries to hurt me and control me still. I hate her because she is my mother and she should have loved me properly, and now all that we have is just a thin film of lies and fake smiles and this awful fake close relationship that hides all the scars and the pain.

Dad was verbally abusive and neglectful mostly. I mean, he hit me sometimes, but not as often as my mum. Usually for small silly reasons like my mum did, like I walked in fornt of the TV when his football team was losing. His words were the most hurtful thing about him, just like with mum. I'd rather a bruise or a welt any time, rather than the words. He told me I was useless, that I made him sick, that I wasn't as good as his other daughters, that I was fat and ugly and untalented, that I had to validate my existance to his daughters. He never says he loves me when his daughters are around. Back then he knew that his side of the family treated me like dirt (still do). He knew his grandchildren bullied me and called me names and hurt me and called me their 'slave'. He knew his daughters were nasty to me, that they either ignored me or made fun of me in front of other people. He knew they called me fat and stupid to my face. It's been that way since I was born. They didn't like the fact that my dad married someone else, other than their own mother, they hate my mother and so they hate me too. He knew and he saw and he still called my mother and me ungrateful liars when we brought it up with him. He let them do whatever they liked. The sun shone out of his grandchildren, and I was just there to be respsonsible for them, even though they are mostly all older than me. He blamed me for things they did, and punished me for them. He took my toys, my bedroom, my things, and my few cherished sweets and gave them away to his grandchildren. I wasn't important enough. He never had any time for me, he thought I was pointless. He talked for hours with people about his other daughters, but when asked about me he'd say "oh, she never does anything'. I was always a straight A student, all my teachers loved me, I was talented and nice, but he only ever told people made up or exaggerated stories about me doing embarrassing or stupid things. All the while telling them wonderful stories about his other daughters. My fiance said something that really clicked with me about my dad... that he acts like a distant step-father rather than a real dad. And he does. These days, he tells people that he's the reason I turned out so well. He tells them I'm a talented painter and writer, but he hasn't seen anything I've done since high school... and even then he told me it was 'cr*p'. He touches me now, when for my whole life previous I can't remember him hugging me more than once a year for show. I can't help but flinch when he hugs me or pets me or palys with my hair. He sees my reaction, but he never stops. I hate him for being spineless and not standing up for me against my mum or his daughters or his grandchildren. They were more important, they had to like him, so him couldn't rock the boat. I hate him because he never showed me any love or kindness. I hate that he pretends he made me who I am, because I made me who I am, in spite of him and mum. I hate him because he saw his own brother being inappropriot with me and did nothing. He said 'Oh, I probably should have said something, but anyway' in this voice like he'd seen my uncle not flush the loo. 'But anyway'? Your own brother is rubbing his groin on your child and you go 'but anyway'? 

I hate them both. And I can't love them anymore. Love is earned. Respect is earned. Even parents have to earn the right to be in your life and your heart. They have done nothing but betray their position as parents. And I have a new family now, my fiance. I have finally found someone who treats me like a human being, not a whipping post. I have found someone who doesn't ransom out their love, or hurt me and then use love as an excuse. I've found someone who takes care of me and loves me and respects me. My mother is trying to take him away from me, but she can't. I have a new family now that is strong and secure. Its only two people, but its safe and wonderful. And no-one can hurt me anymore, least of all my parents   

sugarburn sugarburn 22-25, F 61 Responses Jun 26, 2008

Your Response

Cancel

I love your story

Hopefully, in the final minutes before their last breaths, they'll get a replay of all the horrible things they did to you. From your point of view. And by the time they've realized what disgusting barrels of feces they are, it'll be too late to apologize or beg for forgiveness. Wouldn't that be nice.

I can relate to your experience with your mom almost exactly. My dad was not neglectful, he instead had control and anger issues. Hitting and spitting in the face, constant criticism, sent me out of the house one night in my pajamas with my dog in three feet of snow because i had a bag of goldfish before dinner.. Stuff like that. When ugly betty came out they used to joke that the show should be about me, because i looked like i was pregnant and i dressed ugly. I would wear solid colors only because they raised me to be ashamed of my body, and i didnt want to be noticed, i felt dirty. I was a straight a student too, and the adults in my life raved about me. Theytook credit for that. They take credit for everything good ive done for myself, losing weight and keeping it off after a late childhood of being force fed and binging When they weren't. home because i was afraid they would yell at me for eating if they saw me. But they project all their insecurities onto me and constantly a yell and criticize me. I recognize myself as being mildly ocd now, obsessive thoughts aboutbad things happening (paranoia) and compulsive behaviors (driving back home to make sure doors are locked when i know i did, thinking that the curling iton i never plugged in is burning down the house, constantly praying amd blessing myself while i drive--fear defys logic. Constantly using hand sanitizer not because i promote cleanliness but because my hands always feel dirty. I have never disobeyed them, yet my mom tells me to go to hell and that im a little ***** when i dont go along with her. But not in the joking manner, in the way someone says something with disgust. A couple months until i go to college,but theyll always be in a control that i cant escape. Thank you for listening and thank you for this site

You ought to have the courage to tell your parents they are a couple of **** and do not want to know anything more about them or their family ****, tell them you hate them, they mean nothing to you, that from now on you have a new life and they will be deleted forever, that will make you feel better.

I'm glad that the abuse has stopped. They dont deserev to be parents

Sometimes i wonder if some people should have the right to be parents

when I was a kid I read all kinds of stories about kids parents who flat out hate them, beat them, blame them for about everything that goes wrong in the world. I vowed that I would never be like that, because i bet your parents would stop if you switched sides with them.

The abuser became the abusee. Some kids parents actually beat their kids as part of their daily to do list. They just are sick people to me. If that's how they raise a child, then they don't deserve to be parents.

That sounds like what I am going through right now.

I'd rather be an orphan, with parents like that.

I'm so sorry to hear that you endured such a horrible childhood. There are far too many children who suffer at the hands of sick parents. Unfortunately I am one of them as well. I am unable to form friendships or meaningful relationships after a lifetime of abuse. My mother set me up to fail from the day I was born. She abused in every way possible. She allowed older siblings to abuse me in every way as well. My family is like a cult to this day. The suffering I endured has never been acknowledged and no one ever paid the price for what they did to me. My family is still full of pedophiles and abusers so it will continue on for a long time. My teachers let me down. The principal and vice principal of my elementary and junior high schools let me down. Every adult I knew let me down. No one stepped in to help even though I was clearly being abused. I went to school with black eyes and bruises; injuries that could not be explained by a simple fall or accident. One time my brother beat me so badly (he was 10 years older and sexually abused me as well since I was out of diapers) that I could not use my arm for at least a week. Instead of trying to find out what happened to me, my teacher yelled at me and told me that I had no business being in class if I couldn't write. I tried to learn to write with my left hand and attended school anyway. I was in severe pain but school was a haven from living a hellish existence in my own house. Educators, neighbors, social workers, older family members, etc. - laughed at me, joined the abuse, ignored the abuse, no one did anything to help me. My mother did not and does not love me. I have come to that horrible realization but it still hurts more than anything. I can't help but wonder what life would have been like had I had normal parents who cared for their children. My brothers and sisters were nothing but animals who tortured me every chance they got. Even in adulthood they were a detriment to my life and the lives of my children. I regret all the years I tried to make them love me. Now I just hate them all. Sadly, I am still unable to form strong bonds with people. I trust no one, especially those who are supposed to "love" me. I have severe depression and social anxieties that just won't stop, even with medications and counseling. I think the trauma was too deep and went on far too long. All I can say is that anyone who causes you deliberate pain does not love you. It took me 40 years to figure that out. Too long, too late for me. I hope you fair much better than I.

I grew up with really bad parents also, they blamed me for them having to get married. the only family member I was ever close to was my grandpa and he died at an early age, so I was alone alot. My dad was an athiest and my mother a jehovahs witness they hated each other, they lived their own lives the whole time I grew up. On summer vactions from school my mom would pack up my sister and go visit family in pittsburg and my dad would disappear for the summer and I would spend the summers alone. I had to ration my food because I never knew when someone would come home. Needless to say I got into drugs bad to cover up the emptiness I had inside me. I've never had close friends no matter how I treated people I was always invisable. I knew as early as 7th grade that when I graduated High School my parents would eventually divorce and remarry and have new familys and it would be like I was never born. I've only seen and spoken to my parents a couple times in over 30 years. I've quit drugs and drinking now over 25 years I have two sons and two grandsons that my parents only know about. I don't have the greatest life but I don't have the worst, all I can tell you is that hating your parents will eat you up inside you have to find a way to forgive them and move on with your life the best you can you will always feel that seperation from your family till the day you die. I knew by changing my life and surviving would always be on their mind to some degree, I'm always out there making it another day with my family and with Gods help he gave me a different life and gave me the spirit of adoption because he knew I had know where else to turn and no one else to help me, and he will do the same for you. I know that as soon as someone brings God into the equation your first thought is oh god one of those people. I know I used to be like that also things change as you get older. I don't want you to be 30 years old with all that hate inside you, it almost destroyed me and my family and they are all I have, and I don't want that for you seek God now so you can have a better life, like I said it won't be perfect but it will be better.

We have so much in common..I'm 12 now, and I live with my cruel foster parents, but it's still better than living with my dad. You're my inporation to suck up with the stuff they do to me. Thank you. <3

I envy and admire your own self confidence. You will have heard this a million times but your foolish parents don't know what they've missed out on, mistreating you so terribly. There comes a time when a person realises who they are when faced with adversity and although I have not passed my own, reading your story has moved me and given me hope and I wish you the very best with your new life

never forget that parents are just assigned to us, we dont have to live out our life with them, it hurts us but we will be better off without them. Most people say your life isnt worth all the time we spend fighting and arguing and treating each other badly. But it is because we will have kids some day and we can pass our love and respect on to them. Your parents should't have treated you that way im so sorry thats what you had to live with as a child and i hope now that you have a fiance you life only gets better from here/ Best of Luck!!

You are strong and beatiful , always rember that

i know you have been through a lot. my parents are similar. i am not even out of middle school yet. they say i exaggerate everything. i don't have siblings like that. i have a little brother who is better than me. he is the favorite of my parents. the eldest cousin in our family comes to baby sit us, and my parents like her better than me. it makes me feel like im trapped in a dark room and crying out. if anybody could hear me, im being ignored, and i can't see the exit. anybody who would give a f*** is overseas. they call me a fat *****, even though im so underweight now, its ridiculous. now my grades are falling. it's a nightmare. go get help, people tell me, but nobody believes me, and im too scared to ask for help anyway. so now i can see that im not alone, and i still have a chance. the room may be dark, but surely there is an exit. and through that exit, there is a light. so i'll keep trying now.

i know you have been through a lot. my parents are similar. i am not even out of middle school yet. they say i exaggerate everything. i don't have siblings like that. i have a little brother who is better than me. he is the favorite of my parents. the eldest cousin in our family comes to baby sit us, and my parents like her better than me. it makes me feel like im trapped in a dark room and crying out. if anybody could hear me, im being ignored, and i can't see the exit. anybody who would give a f*** is overseas. they call me a fat *****, even though im so underweight now, its ridiculous. now my grades are falling. it's a nightmare. go get help, people tell me, but nobody believes me, and im too scared to ask for help anyway. so now i can see that im not alone, and i still have a chance. the room may be dark, but surely there is an exit. and through that exit, there is a light. so i'll keep trying now.

i know you have been through a lot. my parents are similar. i am not even out of middle school yet. they say i exaggerate everything. i don't have siblings like that. i have a little brother who is better than me. he is the favorite of my parents. the eldest cousin in our family comes to baby sit us, and my parents like her better than me. it makes me feel like im trapped in a dark room and crying out. if anybody could hear me, im being ignored, and i can't see the exit. anybody who would give a f*** is overseas. they call me a fat *****, even though im so underweight now, its ridiculous. now my grades are falling. it's a nightmare. go get help, people tell me, but nobody believes me, and im too scared to ask for help anyway. so now i can see that im not alone, and i still have a chance. the room may be dark, but surely there is an exit. and through that exit, there is a light. so i'll keep trying now.

You need to know this- your family do NOT need to be a part of your adult life. At all. When I turn 18 (or perhaps after they've financed college) I really don't want very much to do with them- and I haven't even been through nearly as much as you have. You can surround yourself with any people you want to and can find new parental figures to fill the roles you missed out on. Your life is just about to begin without your family to tie you down :)

Damn girl what the hell I would of called the police by now but good thing u found ur man wish u luc and happiness may the lord bless u

Damn girl what the hell I would of called the police by now but good thing u found ur man wish u luc and happiness may the lord bless u

I stumbled across this after I was done with my homework. I know you wrote this a year ago, and that you might not even read this comment, but I want you to know that when I read your story, my heart felt like it was dying. I started literally bawling because this is basically the story of my life. Lucky for you, you got out of it. Unfortunately, I'm still living it--and I was just verbally and physically abused no more than 15 minutes ago. Thank you for showing me that I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel ashamed for hating my parents and I don't bring it up with my friends, because they get along with them so well, so I thought that nobody felt the way I do. I appreciate that you were brave enough to share your story. (:

I stumbled across this after I was done with my homework. I know you wrote this a year ago, and that you might not even read this comment, but I want you to know that when I read your story, my heart felt like it was dying. I started literally bawling because this is basically the story of my life. Lucky for you, you got out of it. Unfortunately, I'm still living it--and I was just verbally and physically abused no more than 15 minutes ago. Thank you for showing me that I'm not alone. Sometimes I feel ashamed for hating my parents and I don't bring it up with my friends, because they get along with them so well, so I thought that nobody felt the way I do. I appreciate that you were brave enough to share your story. (:

u grew up in a horrible situation and u made it out strong it seems. way to go i know it sucks not to have ur parents support and be the parents u saw on tv i used to wish my family was like the tv families but none ever are. but maybe u and ur fiance can have that family without ur parents cause u do remember everything and they are trying to make u forget like they are trying to cause maybe now they see they were wrong but it is probably to late...wishing u the best in life

here here. i despise mine as well. they are the reason that im depressed and on medication. my whole damn family. only my grandparents are good in my family. yah they have done alot for me but im just simply sick of the stress and all the crap.

i feel you

i feel you

I totally feel the same way, I have my love and now I am free as well. No one can hurt me or cause me pain, I am so happy and getting ready to graduate from college!

sad........ if i was you, i would have hit my mother/father back......i think. but i have the wrong personality to be insulted and not insult back ;)

This story really affects me... I hate my parents too. I am in the process of distancing myself from them; it feels great, and I suggest you do the same. You don't have to deal with them. As long as you are independent financially, you can be physically away from them. If I had your parents, I wouldn't even send them holiday cards. As it is, I just send my parents cards.



I am dying to know though; how, after going through all this, did you meet your fiancée? I can't imagine letting anyone get close to me after what my parents did, and in comparison they were never as overt about things as your parents. Please let me know... I know you have a lot of comments, but it would help me out, I think.

hey all. i just discovered this site tonight...i look to reading to help me cope with my thoughts these days.

i was in barnes and noble the other night and came across a book related to parents who alienate their kids. this got me to searching the web tonight for matter on this topic...estranged relations with parents or the simple way to put it, hate for parents, or as i typed in "so i hate my parents" and found this. i could totally relate to that book i saw and i can relate to these post as well.

i remember parts of my childhood vividly. my mother and father were never very loving or caring with me and my siblings growing up. my father worked a lot and my mother was a stay at home mom. she was very isolated from the world outside our house and would mainly sleep all day. i remember my mother and father would call us kids names as kids like "stupid" and they would spank us and hit us for doing "wrong" things. "wrong things" like fighting with each other...ect. i remember my mother getting mad at me for getting my clothing dirty and remember this one occasion, me being about 5, and her shoving the dirty socks in my face. Those are some memories that haunt me today.

my mother would rarely clean the house and clean our clothes or even keep food in the house. I remember being hungry a lot of the time. if we wanted to eat food and got caught taking food from the fridge of the cup board we would get hit for that. when i was about 9 my mother had what she calls " a nervous breakdown." In reality she went nutz and starting yelling someone was going to get her. i remember her waking up our entire house at 4 am yelling this. she even went as far as to run up and down the street with my then 3 month old sister banging on neighbors doors yelling this. going to school was bad. all the kids that lived in the area knew what happened. i was embarrassed to go to school and face people.

things were never the same after that.

these nervous breakdowns continued for years to come. i went to bed scared at night sometimes. us kids got into a bad habit of teasing my mother. it was always hostile between us. when we would tease her she would get really mad and eventually hit us. this went on for years...i think we did it out of boredom...or it was our way of expressing our anger...our anger she didnt take care of us like she was supposed to. she threatened to kill us constantly. i remember instances she would chase me up to my room for something i said to her, purposely to hurt her, and she would bang on my door threatening to kill me. this was another reason i found it hard to sleep at nite. i always imagined i would run away from home, or move away, and never come back, and never talk to my parents again. i remember those were my thoughts since roughly 5 or 6 years old.

i used to spend a lot of time alone in my room. i would read and daydream about my life when i graduated high school and when i was old enough to leave. it was my way to cope i guess. i didnt ever have friends growing up. when my siblings and i got along things were ok at home, but that was rare.

i remember that as i got older things got harder. i wanted to fit in and be like everyone else. my parents didnt buy me clothes or even soap sometimes. they cared nothing for taking care of themselves so hence why would they for us kids. it was quite terrible. school was terrible. all the other kids had things i didnt. they would pick on me for this. school and home were nightmares. my entire 18 years with my parents was dark and gloomy. to this day, considering how very different things are from then, i still feel like things should be dark and gloomy in a way. i'm preoccupied with how my parents treated me and how other peoples parents treated them. i wonder why was it me. why was i born to them and why am i to live the life i have now. i have a really hard time being happy. i am worried a lot. i am scared of people. i have seen a therapist for some time and it helped somewhat but this "new" life is so different and scary. i guess i m not sure how to react yet, but i am learning.

as of today my parents care nothing for the house. they let it go to waste. they never clean, nothing, they live in their own filth. they are what you may call hoarders and they care nothing for themselves either. the worst part is, my now 18 yr old bro and 14 year old sis still live there. i feel so horrible for them, but am so ashamed of my family. i dont go home often.

my younger bro and sis are visibly effected by them. my sister doesnt talk and is very behind for her age. at 14 she can barely tell time. i blame this on my mother and father neglecting her. i hate them for that. how could they ever have kids and not take care of them.

i hate it when people ask me about my family. occasionally people will at work and i am terrified inside. i dont know what to say. i dont want to tell them i hate them bc i am scared of them judging me for this. but i dont want to lie. i used to lie growing up when ppl asked and i feel like i am harming myself if i continue. holidays are bad. my family doesnt celebrate and of course ppl are going to ask why. i am so embarrassed when ppl ask.

i hate gettng close to ppl bc they eventually ask about them. my boyfriend of 3 months is curious. his family is really nice and completely opposite my parents. i cant imagine his reaction. when i tell him about them he seems interested and understanding. empathetic toward my situation, but i am so nervous of when and if the day will come when i show them to him. when i show their live to him. i am so ashamed.

my therapist says i shouldnt let them have this control over my life. these feelings of guilt, embarrassment. and it's true. i shouldnt.

i wanted to share my story. i feel like i have no one that truly understands...until i read some of these posts tonight.

I Hate my mother 4 leave