My Parents Aggravate Me

I know this group, and my title must sound a little harsh and cruel, but I am speaking nothing but what I am truly feeling inside. My parents are not the parents I'd always like to have around. I know that sounds so bad, a teenage girl not wanting her parents around because a lot of people do not have parents to call their own but this is my story. Everyone is different, right?
My parents and I have never really had an open, caring, close relationship. I must admit though, I am more of a "Mommy's Girl" then a "Daddy's Girl", but this is besides the point.  I chose to write specifically about this topic tonight because my parents were ******* me off so bad, I wanted to slap them in their faces. My mom shut off the air conditioning today because she said she didn't have the money to afford A/C for us right now. I find that absoultely ridiculous considering the fact she just bought three bottles of alchol last week for her and friends, but what do I know? I'm just a stupid teenager. I wouldn't have a problem with the A/C being off, but we live in Southern Arizona, one of the hottest states, and I find shutting off our air flow to save money is totally ridiculous. It's not the first time things like this have happened and that's probably why I'm so angry inside. Not being able to pay bills on time and not having any money seems to be a HUGE problem for my parents and I've had to deal with this all of my life. I can't explain how much stress and aggravattion it puts on me. I know I'm just a teenager, but everyone has a breaking point and my parents always seem to let me down, no matter what. Parents are supposed to be there for you, to comfort you and make you feel safe, and to tell you everything is going to be okay, but mine do not do that. I don't get the kind of love and consideration I want/need. It's simply the smallest things my parents do or do not do that get to me the most. I just wish I had parents who seemed to show me more love and care then what I am getting here at home. I am sick of not having electricity for how ever many days. I am sick of not having internet and cable on. I am sick of our phones getting shut off because of unpaid or late paid bills. Why is this constantly happening? I truly am getting so sick and tired of it. Maybe if my parents would quit ******* around buying weed and booze and actually getting **** paid on time, this house would be a little more peaceful. But when something gets shut off or something goes wrong, it's nothing new, and the fact that my parents make jokes about it, it actually hurts and angers me. When I'm not around them, I tend to be happier and less stressed because when they talk to me, or are around me, I get this horrible, sea sick, nervous, annoyed feeling in the depths of my chest. I avoid being around them and talking to them if I don't have too. How I really feel about my parents...words can't even explain, at least, not yet, that is. Hopefully this site helps me cope with my depression, anxiety and crazy feelings I've been keeping inside for so many years about a lot of things. This is just the beginning. Thanks to everyone who took time to read. It's greatly appreciated to have someone hear me out for once.
BrokenGirl333 BrokenGirl333
18-21, F
Sep 11, 2012