Help.

I'm 16 years old. On the outside (mostly at school and around friends) I'm someone with a normal home life. Maybe three people know the truth, but thats about to change. For as long as I can remember, my father beat my mother. This happened for more than ten years. From the time I was a baby till about my 14th birthday. I remember being a toddler and my mother coming up to my room and telling me to lock my door and not unlock it until she told me it was okay. I didnt understand what was happening until I was older. There are several little stories like this, but there just bad memories, nothing that defines me. I have a little brother. He's 13 and I used to help him through these situations. Now he claims to hate me, and is taking after my father in the way that he thinks he's the biggest and baddest in the world. Last year, my mother was admitted to the hospital. It was not to shocking to discover that when she was admitted she had a BAC of 3.6 as she would drink constantly. She even offered me alcohol when I was in pain one day, but I refused, knowing that was not the proper way to deal with it. She has diabetes and diabetic neuropathy. That is nerve damage caused by neglect of diabetes. That was 10 months ago. With hard work and perservance she could have improved her health. She didnt do so, and had two strokes in the next two months. She has yet to try and get better. She constantly yells at me, saying thinga that used to be hurtful, but no longer hold meaning because I have become callous to her words. She told me one day, after a fight, "how do you get pregnant at age 16? You act like my daughter.'' It hurt. Today she said, to my brother, "two more years and we can throw that piece of sh*t out." It didn't hurt. For as long as I can remember, it's been my plan to leave when I turn 18 and never look back. I have a new plan. I'll let my parents pay for me to go to college, because that's the best revenge I can think of. I'm horrible at holding grudges, but I think I can do this. Ill be completely independent. I'll get married to the man of my dreams, have kids, but my family won't be there to see how great I turned out. They think I'm selfish, a *****, petty, every bad human charateristic you can think of. They may be right, and I know I'm nowhere close to being perfect. However, I know for a fact that I can be something great. I'll never be an alcoholic like my parents are. I'll also never hit my child to the point where there are horrible bruises all on their body and life scarring memories that I cant take away. For now though, there's only so much I can do. And thats the problem. Someone can only take this for so long. I dont know how much I can handle, because in a situation like this, two years is a long time. I need help, but I have no one who truly understands to turn too. I have friends, but none that I could put this burden on. This is my life.
chuckcares chuckcares
18-21, F
4 Responses Jan 10, 2013

I too have abusive parents and I have to wait till I am 21 to leave that hellhole. Try concentrating on something, a secret hobby that your parents do not know of.

Never let them get the better of you. Remind yourself that you can leave in 2 years, that you can have your revenge.

I have had a really hard time coping with my issues as well. Although this may sound off to you, it really will work. I have never believed in anyone or anything, I thought I can do it all I relied on myself for everything. I held grudges all the time and no matter how many apologies I got it didnt matter. I was an angry person, and I couldnt get away from these people. But someone led me to thier church, now Im not perfect so I thought I had no business walking into a church. But I found a new family thier, I will never forget my real family but I have a group of people that inspire me and take time out of thier day to see how Im doing, go out to lunch and help me vent. I have a new respect for God and the many people doing His work. Your parents will always be your parents, but Its always nice to find people out thier that go above and beyond to check on you and see how you are. You will never regret finding a loving support group just to talk with.

I think you have a very strong head on your shoulders and a logical way of looking at things. You even have a completely sophisticated and logical form of "revenge".

Although I am not in your position, my advice is that you have to start looking for financial aid, and plan on scholarship. Education, right now, is your way out the door. Trust me. Don't ask them to pay, because you might get disappointed if they refuse. And right now, if you want to be out of that house by 18, you have to fend for yourself. Although we are still teens and its complicated for us to decide on a career, when you do get to college and you take electives, I'm sure you'll pick one which is plausible. If you invest money into your education, and you pick a good career, even if you end up in debt (which is inevitable, because college is expensive), it will be WORTH it. Because you'll have your dream job, and a truly wonderful life!

As to the rest, I would really just try to steer clear of your parents. Try to preoccupy yourself with other, much more important things. Especially school, and your friends. If the situation gets REALLY bad, you HAVE to call someone, even a friend. You aren't trapped in this house, and there are people out there to help you. Even people that will force your parents to get help.

My best friend's mom was beaten, and my friend now is only 15 and takes medication because of stress she experienced as a child. I'm sure you're going to have a much better life, but in the meantime I don't want you to go through such stress, because it can get you sick mentally and physically.

Do what you feel is right, if it gets serious, you have to seek help. You have an awesome future which awaits you.

that was amazingly insightful and sound advice you gave. You are very wise and mature for your age. I hope 'chuckcares' feels comfortable enough to talk to you about what she is going through as you could be a great support for her as she fights to get through the next two years of her life. As a survivor of an incredibly abusive and dysfunctional family, i wholeheartedly agree with you in regards to keeping oneself busy with other things...such as a job, after school activities and clubs. I worked part time,was very actively involved in our school band and also joined after school athletic clubs. Looking back....it was the ONLY time I felt 'normal' and wasn't in constant 'survival' mode. I think it is one of the reasons i turned out the most 'normal' of my family members and have been the only one who has gone on to break the dysfunctional cycle in how I parent and the environment that I have raised my children in.

thank you; I think that life sometimes throws these tragedies our way in order to give us a sense of reality and make us stronger. I hope she will break through this dysfunctional cycle like you have. all the luck to you and your daughter!

I know what it is like to be 'trapped' in the 'house of horrors' and to be counting the days until you can leave and get as far away from the hell that you have had to live in. While you think having your parents pay for your education will be your 'perfect revenge'...maybe you should rethink that plan. Do you really want to be 'tied' for another 4 years to the very people who make you feel like utter garbage about yourself? As for your mom.....she is a very sick person who after many years of beatings has turned to something to help 'numb' the pain. You should be proud of yourself for not turning to drugs or alcohol as well. You CAN have that good life you talk about, but you won't find it while you are keeping yourself 'tethered' to the very people who bring you down. I strong suggest you consider another 'plan' to your life of happiness and success. Maybe you can start a part time job now and begin to save $ for when you are 18 and can move out on your own? Take a year or two once you turn 18 to continue working and living independantly. It may not be easy,but i can promise it will be worth it. THan....you can continue onto your post secondary education as a Mature Student! You will be even more proud of yourself that you did it on your own...without the help and the guilt trips and tear downs that will come along with it. I also strongly suggest you see someone qualified to help you be able to understand what went on in your home, how it has affected you and how to deal with it in a productive manner so that it doesn't drag you down and keep you from being able to live positively and follow your dreams. You can do this! Don't EVER let the haters tear you down. Just because they are your 'blood'...it doesn't make them your 'family'. Family is the people you can count on for the love,support and encouragement you need to help build your confidence and self esteem so that you are strong enough to make it in this world successfully! Best of luck to you!

Trust me. You don't want to take time of from your education. One year turns to two and two into ten. Do it now while you can and get it done. I agree on the part time job but do it and classes too. It can be done. It's not easy but neither is life.

i don't necessarily agree with you that if you take a year or two once you graduate from high school....it will turn into 10. My daughter took a year off after high school to take a 'break' from the pressures of studies and school work. I completely supported it & charged her rent to continue to live at home,while the majority of her friends went off to college or university. After a year, she was well 'rested' , refreshed and eager to continue her education as she was tired of the 'minimum wage' job (you see, there is a method to my 'madness' ). When she was starting her 1st year.... most of her friends were burnt out, repeating their first yr b/c they didn't take their studies seriously and failed most of their classes or just simply dropped out (one of which b/c she got pregnant). They ALL said they wished they had taken a year off like she had. My daughter is now in her fourth and last year of University with a GPA of 3.7, she has been working at the same place for the past 5 years to help get her thru university & has lived out on her on for the past two years! She says to this day that it was the best decision she made. Now, that may not work for everybody....but from the sounds of what she discovered, neither is going onto another four years right after 12 years of school. ESPECIALLY if the parents pay for it . If this young lady goes right to University after high school b/c she wants to 'show' her parents what she can do and take advantage of them paying for it, I am concerned for her well being and ability to be prepared for the rigors of University life. IF she takes a year off, gets away from the horrible circumstances that she has been living under and gets herself 'emotionally' healthy...I believe she will have a better chance of making it through the rigors of university,instead of rushing right in,not taking the time to deal with what she has been put through and than having a meltdown in the middle of her academics b/c of the stress that will be piled on top of it all. I may be wrong....but as a mother who has two kids in university (one who was emotionally ready ...and made it through and one who wasn't and has had to stop,take time off and get emotionally healthy & than go back), I feel I have a bit of perspective that MIGHT help this young lady and MIGHT help her in the long run.