Why Embarrass Me?

Just today, my that man ranted on me just because I left my wallet at my grandma house and he had to wait for a short time for me in the car. Initially, I didn't really wanted to talk back to him when he was harshly scolding me. But I really couldn't stand it anymore by saying: when you made me wait, it's alright, justified but when I made you wait, it wrong, a sin. Just because you are elder doesn't makes you always right. With this he stop the car at roadside, wanting to hit me. I had to protect myself, I left the car, but he rushed out and hit me infront of the public and then forced me back into the car by pulling my hair real hard. In the car, he then said: I am your father, I made you therefore I am justified to scold you and beat you up but you as a daughter can never talk back to me, you understand! The more I see of you the more it irks me. Initially, I was fine, I told myself: it's okay, it's not the first time anyway, stay cool. But he wouldn't stop, until tears started flowing down my cheeks. He made me feel as thought I am the worst daughter on earth ever. Then she begin pouring out his "sorrows". In the end, he scold me just because he wasn't feeling right. I know, I should accept it that he always take it out on me, not my sisters. I am useless, unwanted, irritating and mostly importantly a punchbag. That's my use, to be taken out at when desperate. I am used to it. To be frank, I am crying right now. In the pass, in this situation, I cried for him, but now I cry for myself for my heart is numb with no love. I just felt that I was unjustified. From today onwards, I will never take back to him, not because I am afraid of him but rather HE IS NOT WORTH FOR ME TO EVEN WASTE A DROP OF SALIVA FOR. I HATE HIM FOREVER AND EVER, I DON'T HAVE A FATHER, HE IS DEFINITELY NOT WORTHY FOR THAT TITLE FOR HE IS JUST A PASSERBY OF MY LIFE. NO LONGER I WILL CARE FOR HIM, NI LONGER I WILL BE THE SILLY ONE TO GIVE IT MY FULLEST. HE WILL SEE THE CHANGE, I WILL MAKE HIM REGRET FOR NOT CHERISHING THE SILLY ME AND FORCES THE COLD BLOODED ME OUT. Since you wanted this side of me, I will grant your wish.. Now, I really felt so good after cutting, I finally woke up from fantasy dream, I should be happy!! I should be. I will be fine even without him. I know I will be fine..:);):(:(;(:(:(
unwantedchild97 unwantedchild97
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 10, 2013

I know this was posted a little bit ago but... I hope your doing better :)
That's a difficult path to go down.. I went down a similar one sometime ago and came out very good
I think you can too
I don't know the whole story but I want you to know, if you ever want to talk
Let me know :)