My Parents Think I'M A Bad MotherI'm a 25 years old mother that had to come back to live with her parents, because of money issues.My baby is allergic to milk protein, soy protein and another 10 kinds of proteins too, including poultry, wheat, etc. Where we live, the only milk she can drink is more expensive than the salary I can earn in a month. My husband works overtime, and we are selling everything we came to own during our five years as a couple so we can take care of her, and I'm back to my parents and he is with his mother so we don't have to pay rent. It is quite a difficult time, considering that on top of all this, I have osteoporosis due to years of malnutrition. I try to never complain about the pain I feel, the sadness, or anything, I just go about my life trying to make it happy for my child, I laugh with her, play with her, show her everything pretty, the sky, the birds, the flowers, and I sing a lot because that makes me feel less tired and happier. But being back to my complicated parents makes it even harder. My first memory of my mom is her using me as a meat shield againts my father's fists. My father used to drink away all the money we needed to eat. My mother left me and my baby brother alone with my dad for years. A lot of things happened, and we didn't become a family untill I was sixteen years old. I left them as soon as my brother started college (on a scholarship he earned), and I felt he was safe. I got married, moved to another city, and lived far away from them. In that time, they got their own house, had another baby (at the same time I had my baby too). Then, my baby got sick and the money started to be insufficient. Now that I'm back, after all those years of being a pain in the ***, my parents are treating me as if I was the bad mother, for not having enough money for her milk, for the doctor, they treat me as if I was the cause of my baby's illness. I'm writing here because I need an outlet of the anger that makes me feel, being that I need their help now, I can't simply lash out at them and say "who are you to call me a bad mother". It feels like they think that because I smile a lot, I don't care about all the hardships we are going trough, but it's just the other way around. I smile a lot because I don't want my daughter to suffer. Because I want her to live happy and enjoy. I smile a lot because I learned to do that growing up, I learned that no matter how many bruises my face had, I could make my brother laugh if I smiled and showed him that the sun always comes back after the night has ended, and I could make him believe that the fact that our present sucked didn't mean our future had to suck too.
I want to show that same face to my baby girl. I want her to know that struggling may hurt, but life is worth it.