My Parents Think I'M A Bad Mother

I'm a 25 years old mother that had to come back to live with her parents, because of money issues.My baby is allergic to milk protein, soy protein and another 10 kinds of proteins too, including poultry, wheat, etc. Where we live, the only milk she can drink is more expensive than the salary I can earn in a month. My husband works overtime, and we are selling everything we came to own during our five years as a couple so we can take care of her, and I'm back to my parents and he is with his mother so we don't have to pay rent. It is quite a difficult time, considering that on top of all this, I have osteoporosis due to years of malnutrition. I try to never complain about the pain I feel, the sadness, or anything, I just go about my life trying to make it happy for my child, I laugh with her, play with her, show her everything pretty, the sky, the birds, the flowers, and I sing a lot because that makes me feel less tired and happier. But being back to my complicated parents makes it even harder. My first memory of my mom is her using me as a meat shield againts my father's fists. My father used to drink away all the money we needed to eat. My mother left me and my baby brother alone with my dad for years. A lot of things happened, and we didn't become a family untill I was sixteen years old. I left them as soon as my brother started college (on a scholarship he earned), and I felt he was safe. I got married, moved to another city, and lived far away from them. In that time, they got their own house, had another baby (at the same time I had my baby too). Then, my baby got sick and the money started to be insufficient. Now that I'm back, after all those years of being a pain in the ***, my parents are treating me as if I was the bad mother, for not having enough money for her milk, for the doctor, they treat me as if I was the cause of my baby's illness. I'm writing here because I need an outlet of the anger that makes me feel, being that I need their help now, I can't simply lash out at them and say "who are you to call me a bad mother". It feels like they think that because I smile a lot, I don't care about all the hardships we are going trough, but it's just the other way around. I smile a lot because I don't want my daughter to suffer. Because I want her to live happy and enjoy. I smile a lot because I learned to do that growing up, I learned that no matter how many bruises my face had, I could make my brother laugh if I smiled and showed him that the sun always comes back after the night has ended, and I could make him believe that the fact that our present sucked didn't mean our future had to suck too.
I want to show that same face to my baby girl. I want her to know that struggling may hurt, but life is worth it.
Catosa Catosa
22-25, F
2 Responses Apr 10, 2013

I'm 30 years old and a single father who moved in with his parents after my divorce. I have my daughter full-time because CYS (children & youth services) took my ex-wife's rights to her newest born which made her an improper care taker which currently supersedes our custody agreement. With the mother unable to be left supervised with our daughter (as well as her family) has put a strain on my wallet which prevents me from moving out due to daycare costs and babysitting coverage.

I understand living with parents can be a royal pain in the butt. Your parents will use your child against you to manipulate you. They will also make you feel guilty for making decisions they would never agree with in the first place. Remember that you moved in with your parents because they are financially solid and unfortunately you are not. They don't understand. And you always wish the parents would not badger you or disagree nearly everyday. Its hard to not feel down after the constant criticisms.

My Suggestion: Stop trying to change your parents mind because they are never going to agree. You can only change yourself which is not always easy. Its honestly not going to get better until you cannot rely on their help anymore which means out of their house. It takes a village to raise a child, which means family/friends/community. Always look forward and be optimistic. See a counselor so you cant vent and if you feel helps. Start looking for solutions and not focus on the negatives which is even hard for myself. Get active with the kids outside the house so they cant use that against you either (Example: Go to the park daily...its free and there are many). Never underestimate the power of Memberships so you'll always have some place to take the kids (Example: YMCA which has an indoor pool and programs for financially strapped families).

Hope this helps

I hope you can get out of there as soon as possible. Even if you have to move to a tiny apartment..