A True Hatred
I was adopted and im an only child. So, my parents see me as the perfect little miracle from god. they did everything right when they were rasing me until i hit high school. It has all gone down hill since then. I had to always lie to my parents because they couldnt ever handle the truth. i would sneak out just so i could see, at that time, the love of my life. I was never doing anything "bad", i just wanted to see my boyfriend. Well highschool came and went. I got good grades but mainly bc my mom did all of the work for me. Apparently to her, i could do nothing on my own. So when i went to college, i naturally failed out because i didnt know how do manage my time because my mom and dad planned everything out and did everything for me. I transferred and then did so bad again. finally my parents had enough and made me come live at home. Im not at a school and learning how to do the whole school thing all over again. BUT my parents are literally wanting to do my homework with me. they want to see if i write my assignments in my binder, they want to have a copy of my syllabi, they want to control everything. they continually remind me of how afraid they are for me. I cant handle it. If im supposed to move forward and stay positive, how is the environment they are putting me in, healthy?!
Not only do they think the only way for me to succeed is at home, but they also thing my boyfriend is a piece of trash. Hes jewish and we're catholic: problem number 1. He also did bad in school, but has had 3 internships with major companies and when he graduates, he will have a good job for sure. my parents cant see past his one failure: problem number 2. His mom is divorced and dating a couple men right now. my parents think he had bad family morals: problem number 3. His mom is really tight on money and is just trying to make it. She has MS and cannot work. She's living off her divorce settlement- therefore, although they wont admit it, my parents look down on her: problem number 4. I could go on and on but i think the picture is very clear. My parents are very strict, religious, and old fashioned. They dont want me to be with him. They even refuse to tlak about him or ask about him. so now, i cant talk about him at home and dont have many friends to talk to because im still making them at this new school.
Ive contemplated leaving, but i have no means of an income and no license. They basically have me in their trap and i feel like im spiraling down because of them and their ridiculous fears. ITS MY F****** LIFE. i just dont know what to do anymore. im depressed, i cry all the time, and im miserable. The only thing that keeps me going is my fiance. Oh did i mention he proposed and i said YES! Oh did i also mention i cant tell my parents because god only know they wouldnt approve. I tried to tell my mom about it one day and she just ignored what i said (nothing out of the ordinary). she said dont get engaged til you have a stable career and have looked at all the potential guys out there. Ive been with him for 2 1/2 years... and the last time i checked, an engagement wasnt moving straight to the expensive wedding. It was a proimise until the wedding. And no matter what, i intend to keep that promise to him.
I feel a little better after saying all of this, but i still will never know what the right thing to do is. I need to get out of this toxic environment. I just dont know how to without dropping out of school (which i in no way want to do.) if anyone has dealt with things like this before, please let me know how you survived without killing yourself. im being serious. this has taken me to this last option before, but i could never leave my wonderful fiance behind. please help