So Close But Yet So Far

I'm almost done highschool, I graduate in a mere couple of months. I've dreamt of this moment all of my life. The moment where I go to college, and finally leave my disfunctional family behind. But with that so close, my finances, and possibility of being declined are slowly ripping my dream right out of my hands. I now have two options. Live with my mother, who is a ****, and is moving to South Carolina to marry a guy she met in an online poker game about a year ago (FYI I live in Ontario, Canada) or live with my father who is a complete control freak, and won't let me make one decision without making sure its what he thinks is right, even though 9 out of 10 times he's wrong. Great options, some back up plan I have. My life has been so royally screwed up in the last couple years that it will take years of therapy to even be able to cope. My parents split, my grandfather (the closest thing I'll ever have to a father) died suddenly from a heart attack, and both my parents are engaged to be married next year just a couple months after they're divorce. And on top of that, as soon as I stop smiling or being the perfect daughter, I'm accused of being suicidal (in they're defense I have been suicidal and am a recovering cutter, but I'm better now, promise). I've now gotten a nice healthy drinking problem just so I can cope with how dumb they are.

I dont hate them, but I dont love them either. All I feel is a numbness towards them. I'm grateful that they paid for my food, clothes, shelter, but even that they barely succeded in. My financial crisis for college is in part they're fault, they never opened a college fund, and I doubt I'll see any money from them.

So right now my life is full of sunshine and lollipops, at least I have to act that way.

I can't even talk to my friends since they all come from the perfect family, with the great parental-child relationships.

I've waited so long for my feedom, and now I don't even know if I'll get it.

blondette731 blondette731
Mar 2, 2009