Firstly, I am not writing this to look for sympathy or pity from others, I am just at a point where I can not stand either of my parents anymore and I'm am not comfortable enough to tell anyone so I have resorted to an online forum.
My parents were high school sweethearts who married shortly after college. My father joined the military while my mom waited to start her career. I was born on the military base and my mom was the one taking care of me. When I was 2 years old my parents got a divorce and joint-custody. I am not legally allowed to know the reason for their divorce until I am 18, but once while driving through the base my dad pointed out "there was where we lived, with all the other cheating wives.". And once my mom told me my dad abused her, so I am not sure of the full story but have some idea.
Anyways, after they got divorced, my mom started her career and immediately began seeing some scary man who was a teacher at a military school. He scared me, at least, and rarely talked to me. I was mostly raised by nannies and care takers because both parents worked full-time.
I started preschool and struggled even then. I would always break down and cry to my teachers and always had abusive friends. By the time I started kindergarten my mom had married the man she has been seeing and had a kid with him. The man, named Mannix, was very abusive towards my mother and me. My hatred for my mom started when Mannix would take a big paddle out and hit me with it whenever he pleased and my mom would stand there, not saying anything. I was only about 5 but I still knew this was very wrong. When I went to my dad's house and he saw the bruises he wouldn't say anything.
When I started the first grade, after a couple of weeks my dad started seeing my first grade teacher. By the end of the year they were engaged and we moved from our sad little apartment into her two-storied house in a nice neighborhood. On my mom's side things were getting very bad with Mannix, the cops came once a week to break up their fights and we had to keep moving because the neighbors would get involved. They got divorced when I was in second grade. After that my mom would drink all the time and go out parting with new friends she made. This left me and my four year old brother at home alone. I took care of him most of the time, walked him to school, cooked our meals, etc. The rest of elementary school was like this. On my dad's side I did not get along with Diane, my step mom, at all but it was manageable.
When middle school started I had a lot of friend problems and was struggling with school A LOT. And at home Diane would always push me around behind my dad's back. She had three kids with my dad and she wouldn't even let me talk to them. The only time I've ever held them was in the hospital. I still don't know them to this day. She would come to my room and insult what I was wearing or say mean stuff about my mom to me, then when I would tell my dad, Diane would deny everything and they both would just end up mad at me. When I turned 16 (this year) I stopped seeing my dad and now live full time with my mom. My dad never stood up for me and never listened to me at all. He would always force me to do things I never wanted to do and make fun of me for failing classes and never complied to my request for tutors or help with my dyslexia. I haven't seen him since January. But it still really hurts seeing that my dad has changed so much since he has been with Diane and I am still not over it.
My mother is my problem now. When I was in sixth grade she married a 28 year old named Kevin. He is a good guy but whenever my mom yells or hits me, he just stands aside and says nothing to my mom or me. Whenever Kevin isn't home it is even worse. She verbally abuses me, making fun of how I look or my grades or my dad. I try to stand up to her but end up getting grounded. I am grounded all the time and I am very close to my friends, which are the only thing keeping me sane. My mom says my opinions or ideas or thoughts aren't relevant because I am younger and she is the parent. She is the most selfish person I have ever met and rarely complies to my needs such as clothes, meals, or moral support. I support myself financially now, but my life emotionally is still poor quality. A couple of days ago she wrote on my door: "HONOR, RESPECT, LOYALTY, MEEKNESS". I am tired of this and I am tired of her. I hate her so much but I feel like there is nothing I can do since I am 16. Sorry this story is not extreme and really long. It may seem normal to some and not a big deal. Can anyone relate and if so, any advice? I am really stuck and want things to change.
CKINKAID CKINKAID
18-21, F
5 Responses Aug 22, 2014

Add a response...

This is just unfortunate. I really do dislike when parents neglect their children's feelings. Due to their selfish ways and negligence they are causing emotional damage. I'm 24 years old,, raised twin boys since they were 2 months, experienced neglect and emotion abuse from mother and step father, abuse from my mother, and now pregnant with my first child. From all of my experience and study on phychology/sociology I WOULD NEVER NEGLECT MY CHILDS FEELINGS OR NEEDS. If I am not the one who comforts her, supports her, guides her, loves her, show her she's worth everything and she matters, than who will.
I will not bash your parents for what they did wrong but I can simply tell you all the right things and share great advice.
One, when you get out of high school, go to college or find your passion and work hard. Do not focus on finding a person to love you or comfort you. It's a big distraction. Besides, true friends will love you and the right guy will come eventually. I PROMISE!! ;)
Two, After you have esablished a career or a passion that makes money. Focus on the money. So you can own your own car, house, care for your children (if you want kids) and live a happy life. The main goal is to be happy!! Remember that!!
I don't even know you but through your story I feel like we've already met. I hope you take my advice. Only because I've been through it. My motivation was to prove to everyone that I DESERVE HAPPINESS AND I WILL SUCCEED.

I don't know how good my advice will be. When similar (not going into detail on how similar) things happened to me, I eventually started fighting my father back. I even ran away once. I came back because I have a baby brother whom I care about very much. My father and I got into many fights and social services was called many times, but they never did anything. I had told my parents since I was nine that I was moving out as soon as I turned eighteen, and I did. I moved in with a friend and I called my parents many times(to speak with my brother) and got slurs yelled at me many times. They threw away all of my belongings and I don't get to see my brother much because, thankfully, I moved onto a college campus and support myself. But, towards the end of my stay at my parent's house, I really started to **** with them. I knew they did drugs and the living conditions of the house are poor so we would get into fights(physical) and I would tell them to call the cops. If they ever tried something, to this day, I would call the cops and have them arrested and I would take custody of my brother. He's young now so I'm trying to get my degree before this all goes down, but it will eventually. My advice? Call her out. And Kevin. Don't be afraid of them. It will give them power of you're afraid. You have to stand up for yourself and your brother. What are they going to do? Hurt you? Kick you out? Both of those things would land them both in jail. The truth is, your parents have abandoned you, and you have every right to be angry, but don't be scared. Whether you see it or not, you have the power, you just need to let them know it. Hold your ground, and above all, stay true to your word. If you say you're going to do something then do it. Good luck. With everything. I hope your life, and your brother's, takes a turn for the better.

I feel you sometimes I hope they would die and I will be alone

Add a response...

Wow, your parents really suck... I don't think it's an excuse not to be there for you because they've screwed up their own lives... emotional and financial support is something they SHOULD be providing the very least.. it's just the most basic of being a parent.. at least either financially or emotionally... but your mom not being there in either way at all and moreover mocking you for your grades... that is really some ****** up ****..this should really be against the law.. parents not doing their rightful duties in providing basic necessities and respect for their own kin... the mindset here really should be that if you've screwed over your life at least try to make a better one for your kids and prove that your worth at least bringing up a kid ..not letting fend for their own.. I really hope your mom and add seek some professional help cause it really seems like they need it.!.anyways you're 16/17.. and you've grown and fend for yourself all while not falling victim to some kind of major psychotic illness or getting into any serious trouble with bad company or the law (i'm assuming?). (you're probably also still caring for ur little brother as well ..?)Taking on a role of a parent and all...it just goes to how enormously strong of a person you are.. stay strong& never give up hope, for your the one in the driver's seat of your life .. choose your passengers wisely..!

Yours sincerely,
Zxver