I Though I Would Never Cut Myself Again...?

as the title of my story say, "i thought i would never cut myself again", well i have.. & i know later on i will regret it when i see the scar. but that scar will be there to remind me of the pain i have gone threw living under his house, *tear tear* I'm so hurt i cant even call him what he really is. no matter how many times i say, yell, or write it down "I HATE YOU!" nothing will ever change. except the day that i move out. its not fair he never supports me or never see's what i can truely be. i hate the way he treats me, i hate looking at him, i hate hearing his voice. he swears! all i wanted was to go out and have atleast one night of fun since im always busy with school work. one nite, one nite, one nite, cant you spare me another one nite out off all of these years. I wish my parents were divorced, honestly I wish I has in a foster care that would be better than living here. Because I rather live alone and know I have god with me asking him why my parents didn’t love me, then be here praying to him why did he give me these parents. He treats me like hell and my mother just stays there not saying a word. Its like hello???? Women fought their lives so the new generation of women can speak their mind. & here you are being quite?? How DARE you??? Your own flesh and blood. In the past I told myself I would have to find a new way to express the feelings I had towards them, luckily I did. I began to write poetry..but today I could counldn’t..i couldn’t. so I grab the sharpest thing in my room which was a staple..and I did it..again. its been four years since I cut my self. As I was doing it, the sensation released tremendous emotions out. Im not emo, im actually a very girly girl. Looking at me you wouldn’t suspect me cutting myself. But that is why my name is called trapsouL. Because at school I put on a mask hiding how my life at home really is. Ashamed of the fact that I live this way. At school, my soul is allowed to be free for 6-7 hours. The moment I return home it is trapped. Now I have to find a way to hide my beautiful scar..makeup sounds like the trick rite now..well this is my nite story for today..feel free to comment it and im sorry for any errors im so devastated I don’t even want to proof read it.. ooh but there is one happy thing about this nite, I finally called him an ***!!! Gosh that felt so good, but I wish I told him something else..if you know what I mean..

trapsouL trapsouL
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 13, 2010

thank for the comment and your 100% RIGHT. since the day that it happened i have grown..and luckly the scar is not there no more but in my head it still is..but that does not stop me

do what makes u happy, **** whoever doesnt help contribute to ur happiness. its ok to be selfish to be happy. think bout number 1 thats u.