My Parents Hate Each I Other, I Think They Hate Me, And I'm Sure That I Hate Them

Maybe it's just bad luck, there's one lucky brother, and another one that's completely left to it's own luck, My father in my own words is an *******, he drinks every night, and gets to home completely wasted every night like at 2 or 3 0'clock, he is not violent, he just acts stupid ¬¬, I think that's because he's been in the same plan, for almost 20 years, and I'm only 16, I think his brain is completely drowned in emptyness, and that he only has 3 working neural cells, however he's not the only one that has rotten through the time, my mother is completely shattered and rotten because of this, every morning my father wakes up, he doesn`t even experiences a hang over, he's so experienced at drinking, that drinking in that unnatural and scary way, doesn't even affects him at all, it's like he was drinking milk all night long, he just takes a bath, get dressed, and go on the same plan of last night, but the mornings mon and dad fight, my dad swears to god, that he is a saint, that he knows best, that he was working all night, a god on earth, and my mother breaks up everyday with this, because he never learns, when I was little, I was totally sympathethic to my mother, I understosd her, now I can't stand her, all the pain that my father causes to her, goes to me through my mother, and vicious pain chain where i get all the pain, my mother treated me like crap everyday she fought with my dad, so you can imagine, that there weren't too much happy days with my mother, when I have a decent relationship with mother she's lovely, she's great I love her on those moments, but it's like, at one momemnt something bad happens and she explodes all it's rage against me, and starts yelling at me, I could say that I took a defensive position with her, I don't let her come close to me, because I know she will hurt me again sooner or later, it's some knd of hedgehog's dillemma, I always go deffensive whe I'm around her, I've been a good kid, the proud of any other family, I'm smart never loose a subject, and I'm sociable, surrounded by people, and a nice person with everyobdy, at some point the indifference of my mother who always said that I was worth nothing, that I'm useless, I exploded, and gave myself, to a whole year of excesses, chain smoking, drinking, thank god I never did drugs or something like that, I went good in school but in the weekend I was completely different, I was smart in the day, and in the night, I just went bad, after last year ended I finally crash landed with reality and settled down, the damage done by my mother to me, was erased with a crazy year, I realised that drinking that way was so bad, because I remembered my stupid dad, and the smoking, It just sucked, I'm clean now, also I stopped being an ******* with my friends, now I am considered, and romantic, and all of that, I got mature, but the relatio with my parents it's broken as always, it sucks, my dad thinks he has the moral authority to correct me, it ****** me off, I hate him, my mother keeps transfering his pain to me, double paid, it hurts me, but now instead of taking that pain to my heart, I deflect it, I deflect every emotion, when a girl says to me, That she likes me, that she`s in love with me, I panic, I think she will hurt me, and alwasy come down with the same answer -LIAR- you don't love, you just desire me, you will get bored of me, and go on to the next bastard, now I don't have  healthy romantic relationships because of that, I think my mom's hostility, is destroying me so much, I feel shattered, I hate my dad because he hurts my mom, and I hate my mom becuase she reflects that pain to me always, I have a brother he's a loser, he has a profesional degree, he got it quite easily, because he's a lazy *******, he got a job, where he works in front of the home computer, just three hours for saying so, the rest fo the day he's checking the soccer leagues pages just for fun, and on facebook for almost half a Day, well me too, but I'm a teenager I don't have laboral responsabilities,  he's in the house all day long, does nothing and doesn't gives a sign, of getting a home of his own, I think he's an stuid *******, but my mother loves him, for her, he's the example I should follow, he's the hero, he sells me everytime I argue with my mother, (Madison dit it mom [He says I made the mess on the bedrrom, that is primarily composed of my brother's dirty clothes], he never learns [while I was sitting in the couch eating like a pig Madison was cleaning the house, he left with his friends [yes the ***** with with blonde and pink hair (yes he did called my best friend a *****, in front of her) and the pair of scenesters what kind of ******** are them, oh Madison is so stupid, he thinks he's better than me, what a retard, stupid ******* thinks my brother] , and forgot washing the dishes,[ what a retard I'm going to tell mom, I guess tha's what my brother thinks]Madison didn't do anything at all, and my mom says Madison you are an ***, you are useless, it makes me mad, I have my life, of course I have my flaws, but appart from being with my fiends, we made a clothing line we sold shirts stamped with sharpie, we made money of our own, my brother doesn't do a crap, I have dreams, the dream of my brother is to sleep all days 'till 2 0'clock, and live on my parents house 'till they die and then he will take the house for him, I feel missapreciated by both my parents, misserable, and unhappy, tohugh I have tons of friends who support, none of them will provide me with the warming love of a mother and the wise advices of anormal dad...

sry if I bothered but I feel really sattisfied just for sharing this, in person I get afraid that people, will laugh at this, but here I don't have that fear becuase I know hat someboyd is gonna understand me, thank you for ur attention =D

dropdeadmadison dropdeadmadison
18-21, M
Mar 3, 2010