Why Was I Even Born If No One Wants Me Here

I hate my parents for making me cry, for making me afraid of trusting anyone, because who can you trust if you can't trust your parents?

I hate them for screaming at me and hitting me when they're upset, and then being upset when I can't stand to talk to anyone.

I hate them for telling me that I'm worthless and then loving me when I get good scores on things.

I hate them for telling me to go to another room when I cry, because they don't want that part of me. They don't want me.

I hate them for wrecking me and then making me watch as they do it to someone else who tries even harder to like them.

I hate them for never listening to anything.

I just wish I could get out of here, but there's no way out of it for me, and I don't know how I'm going to survive, or if it's even possible for me to get out of here without going completely insane because there's no one to talk to or anything!

silentchaos silentchaos
2 Responses Mar 10, 2010

You never had the choice to be born<br />
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It is not your fault the way that they are treating you<br />
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It is also not fair the way that you are having to live like this<br />
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It is also very difficult to see how it may be different in the future<br />
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Please believe me it will be different in the future because you will make it better for yourself<br />
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The fact that you realise these things about your parents... is something that took me a lot longer to realise let alone have the bravery inside me to vocalise.. because I felt bad about 'bad mouthing' my parents. <br />
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No you can't trust someone just because they gave birth to you<br />
No you can't trust someone just because they are older than you and you live under their roof<br />
They are human too and it is one of the most painful realisations<br />
Allow yourself to sit there and think..... if this were someone my age ...would I want them as a friend? .. and you realise the answer is a definite NO... it is difficult to take in at first, a very bitter pill to swallow. It is almost like your world crumbles.<br />
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The difficulty is being in their constant company and the times when they 'seem really nice to you'. you find yourself wishing very hard that they will remain this way, but it is almost like a monster that suddenly rises in them when they are hurtful and unkind and unfair to you. The term is 'passive aggressive' it is a form of abuse. <br />
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Light at the end of the tunnel? Yes there is, there always is. Yes you do have the strength of courage to wage this battle right now. You will come out stronger at the other end,... why?.... because you have realised there is something wrong in the relationship with your parents already. <br />
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You will be able to leave this parental home eventually, trust me yes you will. I thought I would never leave the clutches of mine. I did. You can. You will find your own way. <br />
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Ensure you own future will be independant of them.. you won't need them for anything eventually, not for financial support, nor emotional. There is NOTHING wrong with realising this. <br />
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Stay true to yourself especially when your 'gut feel' is that something you are being told and/or the way you are being treated is wrong. Make sure you stick with your gut feel.<br />
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Recognise the bad ways you are being treated and never let anyone else treat you like that in the future. See this time with your parents as a training ground for future relationships with friends, colleagues, partners.... . turn this situation around in your head as an opportunity to get to know for yourself what the character traits are of someone you would NOT want to spend any time with when you leave home as an adult.

been thru what you are going thru now. if i can be any help write 2 me