My Past

Well my past was pretty bad... I think, if you all think so. Well when I was told at 21 years old that when I was still within my mother's womb... she drank alcohol and took drugs... my dad told me about this. So she tried to kill me then, and when I got born the doctor had to hit my ankle to make me cry... since Iwasn't crying when I was born. I had to be on an incubator I usually had a nightmare or dream that the mom I had wasn't my real mom. Then when I was four years old I went outside to speak to kids out there... and one said a bad word, so my mom kept me inside ever since then.

Also I had metal things on my legs at the age of four, since I couldn't walk straight... still can't today. But anyhow, and I went to kindergarden and all the kids laughed at me and picked on me. They never let me play with toys, and maybe that's why I didn't pay attention to the kindergarden teacher. So she held me back... since I didn't listen or even take naps and so forth like all the rest did.

When I got held back, I did a bit better at things and listened to the teacher. Listening to the stories now... taking naps, trying to color in lines... since the last kindgarden teacher disliked me doing so, learned how to spell my name, and such. Even so when other's learned my name was Mary... they started to make fun of it... and singing that evil song I dislike and probably always will. The song called "Mary had a little lamb." I hated it since then. When I was five... I witnessed a scary scene, since my mom hit my older brother with a metal pole. But he was alright... but I was scared and ran and hid under my bed.

At the age of eight my mom thought it be funny to place a knife into a doll's hand and put it into the room that I slept in.. I thought the doll had walked in by itself, and ever since then I was scared of dolls.

When I was in fourth grade my mom chased me in the backyard... I thought she was trying to hurt me, and I ran inside and hit my head against the light switch and split it open. I got sent to the hostipal and got it stiched up... then got to go to school the next day. Everyone all laughed, all except for one person whom seemed to ask if I was okay... wow...

Um, I don't remember that well except for the bad things, they seem to stick out more.

Vipy Vipy
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 12, 2007

My mom was mentally ill alright, we didn't learn that until 2006, before my grandma died (my mom's mother.) Anyhow, if we had known maybe we would have been more prepared about it. Since my mom actually tried to kill herself in 1996 by hanging herself from the rafters in the garage since her depression pills only seemed to keep making her worse even stronger one's since the doctors kept changing her depression medication... my mom had cronic depression and also bi-polar which in turn... gave to all her children nice huh? Though my older brother, one of my sisters, and younger brother seem to not have it, just only my two sisters and me have them. But got told I shouldn't want to kill myself or someone else... but, this year I thought of killing myself twice.

Sounds like your mom was mentally ill. That doesn't excuse her behavior. The abuse may not have been intentional, but it was wrong!!! I hope you are seeing a counsellor, because she has left some deep scars. I hope you can find a loving supportive relationship because you certainly deserve one. God loves you deeply and wants you to be healed, so I'm sure you will find a person that will not scare you or take advantage, whether it be a spouse or just a dear friend. Don't be afraid to open your heart to the possibility. You are a good person..