The Early Morning Blahs...

I arise in the moring with a rain cloud over my heard

my mood is listless~uneasy apprehensive thoughts chasing each other , they long for a warm and fuzzy niche to settle themselves and just be at peace

why cannot this be i say to me?

i am already at sea seeking a safe harbor...thoughts from the past oh the bloody past can it not lay and rest for the love of God!?

i go over the list of the reasons i need to get up,my obligations and duties, i mull them over and seek the light in the shadows of my  cranky mind

this hurts (literally) that hurts figuratively, oh hell, shut up already!  lets dance on the SUN:)

lets chase the rainbows!

how about we just be; and see all the blessings that we have in our life, i think to me?

the world for mood in Russian is litrally self-tunig, so one day just one day I wish to TUNE MYSELF TO OPTIMIST, I WISH TO THINK POSITIVE INSTEAD OF BLAH, I WISH TO SEE POSSIBILITY INSTEAD OF CLOSED DOORS AND I WANT TO CLIMB OVER MY FEARS INSTEAD OF  MAKING EXCUSES!

TIME FOR A GOOD 'NASTROYENIJE' (MOOD:)!!!

Lunadelobos Lunadelobos
46-50
1 Response Mar 14, 2010

i don't know how and with whom to replay the torment altough i had a very telling dream last night~i believe it was a reflection and symbolized the 'death' (not litteral just figurative) of one perhaps two very important people in my life, how unwittingly they terribly let me down and caused damage (so this is some of the damage i am dealing with)<br />
<br />
the thing is that the sadness, the despair etc becomes so part of who you are it;s sort of stitched into me now, maybe that sounds too bleak, but all the negativity does change your brain and physiology....well i really do appreciate your words thank you for that!:)<br />
<br />
perhaps i can write (and not send) a letter, say it all, or even in a letter say it and send it!..you've got me thinking now, because you're right i want to move on more than anything and live the life i deserve to live. also, i have been trying to forgive particular people but it's not easy, still a worthwhile goal, maybe someday when i am ready i will forgive!