I Don't Think I Will Ever Stop Being Pessimistic...

I'm sorry. A bad joke. One of my mind's habits. I am actually an optimist, against all the evidence that the world has already gone to ****. By habit, my mind looks forward to things, even simple ones like shots of coffee or a barefoot walk on grass, my next meal, or a PM from a special friend.

It wasn't always this way with me. When I was seriously depressed by disability, poverty and pain, I was a pessimist. Until I made an enormous effort to change the habit of my mind so as not to dwell on the practical problems, the difficult decisions and the physical sensations, those were the things that consumed me.

While I weaned myself off the anti-depressant drugs -which rendered me a flatlined zombie, unable to write a coherent sentence- I worked at training my mind to be more positive. I reasoned that my mind must be unimaginably powerful, if it had brought me so low, so I should try, consciously, to use its power to raise my horizons once again.

Each night, as I lay day down to sleep, I replayed a memory of a Dear Friend's voice telling me: "Go to sleep with a smile." And I did just that. And each morning I would smile again as soon as I woke up. Even if I didn't always mean it, I found it helped.

Each time my mind slips back towards preoccupation with my various stressors, I quickly think of something I can look forward to, whether it is my son's smile as he returns from school or a bowl of rice and vegetables for my lunch, to try to balance the negative thought. It doesn't always work, of course, but sometimes it does. And just knowing that it is possible sprinkles a little more fairy-dust of hope on my heart. It has taken time, but I am going to get there!

Many, many people with depression are extraordinarily strong-minded, intelligent, creative and sensitive. I honestly believe it may be possible for some of them to think themselves back towards a more fulfilled life.

amberdextrous amberdextrous
51-55, M
7 Responses Mar 15, 2010

What you have achieved is quite simply remarkable. How very true that simple joys in life give hope and something to look forward to.

dex did you reread this whole discussion yet? youve got it all right here to look back on and make yourself well. are you sleeping brother?

Nice post. So happiness, love and laughter are always inside us, if we want them to grow, we should spread them out in our surroundings. Because they come back to us like a boomerang when we need them the most.<br />
Thanks for posting this. People need that :)

Great story, I wish you the best in overcoming the obstacles you now face. <br />
Paco35:)

I like that'go to sleep with a smile' ..is good:)

Great story Dex. Yes, I truly do believe that happiness and optimism is a choice and we can change our minds from being unhappy and pessimistic to being full of joy. The saying "your thoughts and beliefs create your own reality" is absolutely spot on I believe and something I do try to live by - I don't always succeed but I'm getting there.

dear friend this <br />
'Many, many people with depression are extraordinarily strong-minded, intelligent, creative and sensitive. I honestly believe it may be possible for some of them to think themselves back towards a more fulfilled life." <br />
while it may not be true in all cases but i think in many cases yes! and i think your friend's advice is very apt! its like what's first the chicken or egg, well when we are cabable we get happy and when we are happy we become capable, etc and on it goes .... its a circle for sure (and of course with more elements..)<br />
We just got to pull ourselves up like you say it is an effort and not always fruitful, but i think consistency is important here!..That's my BIG thing to be consistent and act it even when i don't feel it because sooner or later something will make me feel it;)( I've been aquainted wth the meds and now am not on them.)<br />
<br />
Thank you for a good post. All the best to you, it sounds like you've overcome agreat deal and have very many reasons to be proud ,happy and content. <br />
<br />
Warm regards.