I Can't Handle Her Drunk

We've been engaged for just over a year now. I love her to death, but some things she does just make me wish there was a tangible reality check to show her how things are. I mostly chalk that up to issues that come along in every serious relationship. But tonight was too much. Long story short, her cousin came up from down south to visit for Christmas, so she used that as an excuse to celebrate and get drunk. Before long, our upstairs neighbor invited us up for more drinking, and next thing I knew there were 7 of us in her apartment drinking and shooting ****. My problem is that when she's drunk around other people, she just gets stupid. She dances with the girls and practically ignores me. Case in point, I decided to come back downstairs to our apartment. It took her 20 minutes to come down and see where I went, and when I told her I wasn't going back up there, she barely said a word and went back up to party. I can hear her distinct screaming from here. It just feels disrespectful when I'm obviously uncomfortable with the whole thing and she plays it off like it's nothing and continues to do it. I know what it's like to act young and stupid, but come the **** on. We're both in our mid-20s, and she's always after to me to get a job (I go to school full time and get a government paycheck for it while she has a career as a pharmacy technician). She's always talking about our fuure and how invested she is in it and how she's grown out of stupid things. But even so, this is how she acts. What gives?
Hipshotdisaster Hipshotdisaster
22-25, M
5 Responses Dec 23, 2012

My bf drinks... Nightly! He gets drunk and starts tripping over **** and picking fights. Im over it to. Its hard... We go to bed and he falls asleep within 3 minutes. No sex for me. No cuddling, kissing... I'm tired of it to.

Why don't you just give her space to do what she wants? You don't have to go drinking with her if you don't enjoy it--especially if she's not emotionally distressed by your lack of presence.

I am giving her space. Tomorrow I intend to confront her about it (since I just now managed to get her into bed- barely). I don't mind her going off and having fun without me, but what I have an issue with is her bringing me along to a place I don't really want to be and then leaving me hanging when I don't join the "fun". I actually enourage her to do things without me, because normally she barely lets me out of her sight. It's the disrespect that gets me. We've been engaged and living together for over a year. In this case it's more about her loyalty to me and us, being my future wife and all. It's hard to entertain her talk about babies and futures (things I want, too) when she goes and pulls a stunt like this.

When they are not themselves anymore I call that the Dr, Jekyll Mr. Hyde Syndrome. I do understand how you feel though. Maybe in time she will be on the same page with you.

Yea. I mean, I know I have my own issues and I refuse to judge, but after the whole party phase and well into the making-a-living-as-a-responsible-adult phase, why go back? Her steadfastness keeps me in line. It's hard to see why anyone would subject themselves to this kind of thing. (All this said as she's mumbling gibberish and hiccuping over the toilet, finally back in our apartment).

We all have our own demons. Everyone is different and apparently on a different time line. I hardly ever drank until after I married my second husband. With him drinking, sometimes I tried to keep up with him. That doesn't work because it isn't me. I wish you and her the very best.

You guys sound like you're trudging different paths.

I am married to a drinker. It will never change, especially if they enjoy drinking.

She's not an alcoholic, she rarely gets drunk although she does self-profess to love her alcohol. It's just the few times a year when she is drunk around immature people, she joins in entirely and then off she goes into la-la-retarded-land (sorry if I'm being insensitive). I'm all for cutting loose, but when you're not yourself anymore it's too much, ya know? I mean, I figured that out when I was 19 and stationed in South Korea (practically the capital of inebriation in the Army).

I'm not an expert but i admit you have to do what is unavoidable: confronting her, because if you don't do it now you will later regret it ,postponing something doesnt change the fact that you have to. I think you will about to learn if she cares her friendship more than you, I wish you the best