And So, It Is...

I am not really sure what i am doing here. I have followed the link from digg.com and now find myself attracted to the anonymity of this website.



This post is one about lack of courage. Nothing brave is written in this post, and stupidity will be sprinkled through out. My inability to hurt someone i love, no matter how much the relationship seems to hurt me, makes me a good candidate for this group.



It all started over a year ago. The means of which i've met this person is unimportant, and not to mention, could compromise the anonymity of it all. She is in her early 30's. Likes fashion, jewelery and has moderately conservative views of the world around her. As you can see by my profile, i am in my early 20s. I consider myself a person of rather simple taste my personality reflects the sign of cancer very well, and in general, i am completely opposite of my girlfriend.



She makes my life miserable. But, i do not have the heart to hurt her feelings.



It was not always like this. In the begining, all i felt was love. Now, all i feel is sadness. She has sucked all the happiness away from me. With all the fighting. All the yelling. All the insults and the rare physical attack.



I understand, i am not perfect. I have flaws, and i am sure that i can be a real pain in the *** to deal with at times. I am sure some of fighting and yelling is my fault, i'll take the blame.



Over a year into the relationship.... she moved out of her state and moved in with me.



How could i allow this? I guess i just cannot say no.



I've made promises. Not to leave. She is thirty-something and she does not have much time left, with her biological clock ticking and all... I feel, as if i were to leave, it would be too much guilt for me to handle.



How could I take away so much precious time from her? I cannot leave now.



She contributes little to the household expenses, she does help out around the house with certain chores.



Will i ever be good enough for her? How long can i keep meeting her increasingly demanding needs?



I've realized, that to paint an accurate picture of the relationship, i would spend days writing. Describing all of the descrepencies between her and I. Describing all of the faults in the foundation which this relationship is loosely based on.
NightInRustingArmor NightInRustingArmor
22-25, M
13 Responses Oct 3, 2006

I am in the situation you are in except we don't live together and we are fairly young. I'm just not in love anymore either.

I can understand you i have faced the same problem the problem was not the time but the family. I also have the same problem cant say no but sometimes u need to be strong. He has told his entire family about me so i dont want to make him look like a joker in front of his family. I tried everything to keep the relationship working but trust me if you think it cant improve its better to end it now rather than waiting more as the situation will get worse with time.

I find that you are very selfish! You start a relationship and then you're bored with it after you have dragged the woman through the mud. Thank god you left her! You did her a huge favor!!!

Gentlemen, DO NOT BUY THE COW.<br />
<br />
That is all.

Yes, I've been there. WTF, I AM there! The odd thing is, by avoiding confrontation, you THINK you're protecting/shielding them from something. IN my case, it was MY needs/wants/expectations. Mine have taken a back seat, mainly because I put them there. Now I'm paying the price.<br />
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Good for you Night!

cheers to you..<br />
<br />
and hugs.. ^^,

I appreciate all of the comments. It's been over a year since i posted this, and i can say that i've just recently found the courage to end the relationship.<br />
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I've been able to learn many things about myself through this process. Probably the most important one is that now i am more aware of my inability to confront others. It's not that i was trying to be a martyr the entire relationship... i just felt as if i had an innate inability to confront someone, especially someone that i cared for and would hurt so much.<br />
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And now that i am more aware of my personal flaws, i can begin to work on them.

You need to get out of the relationship, quickly.<br />
No matter what sort of guilt trip, or other dirty tactics she may use to get you to stay.<br />
Why waste this life living in regret and depression, when you can find someone who was meant for you?

damn bro get the hell out of there!dont marry her.run run run!

I met a guy last year (friend of a friend) who was in the same situation. He couldn't bring himself to break his girlfriend's heart, but he couldn't stand being with her. A couple of months later, I heard that he and his girlfriend had accidentally gotten pregnant. Too bad he didn't get out when he could; he's in it for the long haul now.

It will never get any better than it is right now!! I was told that once but I didn't listen. Now I am on my 2nd ****** marraige. Look , no one can make you happy but yourself, but thay sure can make you unhappy. You do not owe the rest of your life with this woman. How will it get better? Marriage, children... That will just complicate it and cost you more money and time. GET OUT NOW... YOU OWE HER NOTHING AND YOURSELF EVERYTHING...

Ouch - that's quite a predicament. I think the only thing I can say is that, if things don't change now, when will they? <br />
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I don't mean to be harsh, but that is the beauty of this site - we are free to speak our minds :) You're in your early twenties now, but when you think about it, you're at least a quarter of a way through your life - and already in your prime. Physically and in terms of possibilities, things may never look this bright again. Do you really want to spend your brief time on earth unhappy? Unloved? What are you waiting for? <br />
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By doing what you see as the right thing, you are effectively wasting your life; working to meet her needs, while neglecting your own. It is harsh and it is hard because there were obviously strong feelings between you and her and i am sure that on some level, there still are, but you owe it to yourself and to her to make sure that you're doing the right thing with your lives, before you wake up one day and realise your three score and ten are almost up, and what have you done?<br />
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Maybe she just needs to wake up and smell the coffee? Maybe she doesn't realise what she is doing to you, and to herself? Quite likely she has some pretty heavy issues of her own; as you say, her clock is ticking and she is probably well aware of the fact. Don't let either of you waste another day sliding on a downward spiral - if you're unhappy, I'm sure she is too. Stop and talk to her, get everything out into the open. Find out where your priorities lie. What does she want? What do you want? Once it's all on the table you both have the freedom to decide what's best for you, and you can't feel guilty about that. Give her the opportunity to be totally honest with you, and be totally honest with her. It might strengthen your relationship - or it might give you both the opportunity to see that what you have isn't right for either of you, and you can move on with a clean slate and a clear head. <br />
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In any case - good luck.