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Be The Bigger Person?

When my husband and I met I was thrilled to find out he had two sisters.  I myself have no sisters and I was very hopeful I would become good friends with these girls.  We are all three close in age.  The two of them and their mom (my mother in law) are all best friends and I just figured in time I would be part of that circle as well.  I was very outgoing and friendly towards them.  I invited them over to our house, parties, etc.  It has just become very clear they really don't want to have anything to do with me in spite of the effort I have made over the last few years.  Now my husband and I have a little girl.  They want to spend time with my daughter but make it clear they don't want me around with her.  They want to babysit her, pick her up and take her places, etc.  My husband even talked with his mom and told her my feelings were hurt and that I have really tried to make an effort at establishing a relationship with these people.

So at this point I have completely given up on these girls.  I think they are bitchy and rude and I am done with them.  Do I write them off and quit attending family functions or do i be the bigger person?  My one sister in law is having a baby shower soon and I am torn.  She still hasn't told my husband or I that she's pregnant!   I am sure I will be invited because they will want to see my daughter.

italia815 italia815 26-30, F 17 Responses May 5, 2010

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I would write them off, and keep my child at a distance as well... U wiuldnt let people like that help raise my child!!!

***-for-tat

I'm sure they will expect a gift... I'm in the same boat and I'm sure you will be invited through the mother in law they will never go to the trouble of a formal invite from themselves after all it's only an obligation to invite you!!! Extended family is the pits they never really like you they are all fake in a group and will stab you in the back at any moment RUN!!!!! I understand though I cry over not being invited, included or just ignored and my husband always says the same thing "what do you care you don't even like them!" He is right but it still hurts! Good Luck!!! It only gets worse!!!

TROLL^^^^ keep is writing long paragraphs hoping they wont be found... odd how he/she changes their story at every comment they write

Keep them as far away as possible Toxic people are just that! They have no right to bully and mistreat anyone. So don't offer them any opportunties to continue! If they do not act like " family" why interact at all. Having contact at all is a loose loose situation.

The best thing to do when it comes to in laws is just to ignore them. They can say what they want about you, live your life to please yourself and the people that really matter to you.

Sweety they will never change'. I met my husband when i was 16 years old am 48 now and after all these years and they still show dislike towards me and my children. These are four grown woman. my husband is the baby out of seven and he's 47 years old. there's the one sister yvette who;s the leader if she dosen't want to deal with you none will including his mother. I too thought i would gain sisters. I have none but i was so young and wonderfull that i thought they would love me the way they loved each other!!! Boy was i wrong over the years they have been so evil to me!!! long story short . I gave birth and none of them came to see my son he' s 26 now. Including his mother i felt so bad for my husband. of course they said our child was not his!! joke on them they look like twins.and so many times ive reach out to them and they've been nothing but *******.Their excuse i tTOOK their baby bother away from them and their all jealous haha how lame!!! Ive build my life without them in it. i have friends and my own family. Our 10 years old little girl who i love is my joy and my great son . They know who they are but these people chose to be strangers to my childrens and to me.so it's the 2011 and they still trying to break us up with their crazy lies. The older they get the more they try to play their games!!! Thank god my husband see them for what their about. Their lost they could have had loving ,caring always wants to be there for you inlaw me!!! So my husband and i have move on. we give our love and to my family and ours friends. Their lost!!!!!!! MOVE ON HONEY THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE !!!!!!!!!!

So what did you end up doing and how did you decide to handle this situation since you posted this story over a year ago? I'll post what I would have posted then: I don't think that continuing to try to be close to them equates as being the better person anyway. I am sure you have other people in your life who love you, so you don't really need them and they are obviously not worthy of you anyway, if they can't appreciate you for who you are. I have a bunch of sisters but we have always welcomed someone new married into the family, as if they were family already, so I can't understand their attitude towards you. But I really don't think you need that from them.<br />
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I've reached out on both sides in my family, meaning to someone new who marries into my family, as well as trying to be very, very nice to my MIL and SIL. Some people are just ignorant and unfeeling and if they do not appreciate me then that is fine, I will go on to live my life and they are the ones missing out (particularly his family, who would and could be spending more time with him, thanks to me - why wouldn't someone want that?? lol).

I am a sister to a brother with a niece. My sister in law, in my eyes, is extremely lazy and not what my family expected of my brother. She stays home all day, but yet the house looks like she lives in ghetto and does drugs all day. I have to go and take my niece so that she is fed and bathed, meanwhile, safe while my brother works. I get very irrate when thinking of her. Today, I stop by, she s sitting on the couch watching her daily law an order and all other shows that the G D cable box has to offer, while my 11 month old niece sits in this chair not able to move, dirty, and claps and cries for me when I walk in. Stef, I mean *****, we ll call her will say the same as you. She s the victim in this situation. She s tried to be nice to me. She s tried this and that. But she s stole from me, my mom, my dad, and we stayed quite. My brother now says to me, "I shouldve listened to you, why didnt you stop this" (I tried), but now my brother ask me to come get his daughter, to do all these things while he works so he knows that she is safe. Maybe your husband feels this way about you, along with the sisters and will not leave because no one knows if the baby will be safe or not. Im not judging you in anyway, but before a woman marries any man you need to really look and make sure its not a Cinderalla story....

I am a sister to a brother with a niece. My sister in law, in my eyes, is extremely lazy and not what my family expected of my brother. She stays home all day, but yet the house looks like she lives in ghetto and does drugs all day. I have to go and take my niece so that she is fed and bathed, meanwhile, safe while my brother works. I get very irrate when thinking of her. Today, I stop by, she s sitting on the couch watching her daily law an order and all other shows that the G D cable box has to offer, while my 11 month old niece sits in this chair not able to move, dirty, and claps and cries for me when I walk in. Stef, I mean *****, we ll call her will say the same as you. She s the victim in this situation. She s tried to be nice to me. She s tried this and that. But she s stole from me, my mom, my dad, and we stayed quite. My brother now says to me, "I shouldve listened to you, why didnt you stop this" (I tried), but now my brother ask me to come get his daughter, to do all these things while he works so he knows that she is safe. Maybe your husband feels this way about you, along with the sisters and will not leave because no one knows if the baby will be safe or not. Im not judging you in anyway, but before a woman marries any man you need to really look and make sure its not a Cinderalla story....

Youre a nice auntie, my SIL never do such a thing. Even when Im busy she never feeds them or bath them. All she did is to look after herself only.

I feel like I could have writen this myself. I tried for years with my sister-in-laws and it got me no where. My husband also tried talking to them. Letting them know I felt like they were going out of their way to keep me an outsider. The batted their eyes and said they had no clue what he was talking about. Later I was accused of starting problems and crying cause I was not the center of attention. I never wanted to be the center of attention, I just wanted to be a part of the family. I finally stood up for myself and told them all where they could stick it. My husband has been right by my side and I feel so much better about the situation! <br />
I hope you are able to work through this, or just stop worrying about it because they will never be what you want them to be. The sound just like my SIL's and they are only happy when they have someone to leave out and talk about. More than likely they are jealous of you. I would distance myself if I were you. I would keep my daughter away as mush as possible but don't keep her away completely, keep it to holidays, birthdays etc. I would NOT attend the baby-shower (make an excuse), but I would send a nice gift. If for some reason she doesn't invite you to the shower, you should still send a nice gift. In your heart you will feel better about being the better person. You can't let go until you stop letting them hurt you.

How would you feel if someone kept your blood relative from you?

Um, no one is doing that. Please read what people actually write before posting replies!

Keep the child away, except on special occasions?! Really? What if you were in the middle of such as a child and you loved both, even though there is hate between the two? Thats not fair..

If they don't treat you with respect, they won't treat your daughter very well either. My ILs all have tried to get close to our child meanwhile have been horrible to me.I gave them chances to spend time with him, but never alone. I simply did not trust them. Sure enough......they were only trying to get close to try and undermine our family, NOT to be closer. I say follow your instincts and whatever you think is best for your family, do.

Just because they do not like her does not tell at all what their blood relative will be treated like. Im sure they ll adore her...whats wrong with you woman?!

What is wrong with YOU? What kind of a reply is that to post to someone???

You stated because they treat her bad, means they ll treat the child bad?! How do you know that to be true? Im sorry, but blood is always thicker than water!

I hate my sister in law, but I love her daughter, my niece, more than life itself and do not look at her nor judge her because I do not like her mother.

You cannot have the relationship with the niece without the relationship with her mother. You will never have the relationship with your niece until you have peace with her mother and that is fact..... As she gets older, she will grow to resent you.

2 More Responses

Well my sil is nothing but a crisis giving pain in the /4#@ I am happy not to see her, yet hub is real close to her. yuk that is my issue....<br />
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You are obviously Italian are your in laws also or are they just plain white bread folks. Some certain people don't get along and are judging, I hope they come around for all your sake soon. I know I am also Italian and my hub is real Southwestern so the cultrual differences can be challenging. Take Care<br />
B

Obviously Italian? How so?

The original writer had the title Italia so I went with it..?? :)

feel for you. I have two sister so my husbands sister was no big deal but still wanted to be accepted. Well forget that. First they are hispanic and I am not. Strike one. I have two kids from a pervious marrage stricke two and I won't let her boss me around. She was the only girl with three brothers so she can do no wrong. She is 8 years older than my husband, has never been married and has no kids but she instist she has the answers to all child related problems as well as relationship advice and has made it all to clear that when she is talking to my husband I am not supposed to comment or have an opion even with the conversation has everything to do with me and will even start talking spanish in front of me with him. I love my husband but had I know his family better i might have changed my mind.

She is a racist!!! Funny how Hispanic can be the first to cry racist but the first to be one......

My advice is too cut them loose and live your own life. I guess the only problem is, if your husband is close to these two sisters. Sister are really manipulating and brothers tend to believe their crap. I have made it quite clear to my sister in law that she is to live her life, and we are to live ours and I am happy as she rarely comes over and when she calls we just make up excuses that we are going out. She knows damn well we are not but still tries to weezle her way in via her brother. If they are toxic, cut them loose I say as they bring no goodness to your or your childs life.

How did you get your husband to see the clairity of his sister I really don't think there is any hope for mine. I so agree with the manipulation statement and the brother believes lil sis allll the time!!! I so hope she gets a better job and supports herself more than maybe she won't be such a pain in the butt....ahhh I feel for all we always have to have a fly in the oitment.

The relationship between any siblings is the strongest relationship of anyone s lifetime. Shame on you all for trying to replace your husbands sister. Why not embrace the help and use it. You all sound like vindictive and jealous people...

Are you kidding?? I have 3 sister in laws and 2 were still single at the age of 50. For years (married 20+years) they have tried to get between my husband and I. In the beginning, he just kind of brushed it off... NOW.... WOW, TOOK A WHILE BUT HE IS NOT HAVING ANY OF IT.. He had to see it for himself. Don't get mad, let him see the ******* for himself. No one wants to replace their husbands sister, the sister's just need to know their place and it is not in my marriage!~! Cut the ties with the sister in law... Trust me, he will be o.k. with it, especially if there is peace in your home after that!!!:) The wife will always be #1!!! (That is if you have a real man):)

I am going through the same thing with my two sisters in law. One is extremely manipulative and the other one worships the ground she walks on. My poor husband doesn't want to deal with their crap anymore, but his elderly mother (who is just as manipulative as the daughters) is still alive and he doesn't want to hurt her. To make matters worse (okay this sounds awful) my husband had to save the the manipulative sister's life by giving her a bone marrow transplant!!! The irony! She's done nothing but stab him in the back for years! Now that she's in remission, she's up to her old tricks. She called the other night and wanted to "talk"...just to stir up crap again! What to do??

and you...you re jealous that the man you love actually loves another woman other than you. You re lashing out, but are probably all the things that you say your sister in laws are. As a matter of fact, isnt it to be said that men do marry women like their mothers and sisters? By the way you talk about the sisters, you sound just as bitchy. Leave if you dont like it...

I can really feel from where you are coming? I went through the same experience. I have two sisters in law just as urs we v the same age I started the same way( friendly-loving-caring...<br />
You don't need to be the bigger person you need to think about your well-being.you come first. CUT with them .As for your daughter try your best to fill the gaps( don't give them the chance to replace you)this has serious results in futur!!!! Good luck

I can really feel from where you are coming? I went through the same experience. I have two sisters in law just as urs we v the same age I started the same way( friendly-loving-caring...<br />
You don't need to be the bigger person you need to think about your well-being.you come first. CUT with them .As for your daughter try your best to fill the gaps( don't give them the chance to replace you)this has serious results in futur!!!! Good luck

Maybe, she s not a good mother and someone has to replace her or the child is not taken care of.