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I Need Some Advice...

My name is May, and I was so happy to find this site, and know I am not alone!  I will try to make my story brief,,,
My brother is the only family that I have, and we are super close.  Our mother passed in 2004, and he came to live with me.  He and his girlfriend, Marissa  had been dating for about a month, but when he was hurt in the accident that took our mother, he and Becky got really close, and have been together ever since,  Our family's have known each other forever, and my brother has had a crush on her since they were children.  They are 30, and 27 now.  My problem with Marissa is that watching her grow up, she has always been selfish, rude, and pouty when she didn't get her way, and she never grew out of it!  If she gets upset about something, she will ignore everyone (even if there is a big group of friends together, at the beach or Disneyland) until she gets over it, which is usually a few hours.  Once she is over being upset, she acts like nothing is wrong, and I am the only one pissed off at her behavior, everyone else says "That's just how she is."  WHY should we have to tolerate it?  I confronted her when she was acting like a jerk once, and we didn't talk for a year and a half.  She wouldn't talk to me, I should say.  That situation was hard on my brother, trying to make sure we never ran into one another, but she was 25 at the time!  I didn't confront her in a mean way, I asked her why she had to take out her anger on everyone, when she is mad at someone at work? 
They are getting married early next year, and I HATE her.  I can't say I really hate many things, but she is one of them. 
* a few months after my mom passed, she would come over to see my brother, walk into my house and say nothing, she would completely ignore me.  After two months of treating me like this, she wrote me a letter, saying that she was really miserable at work, and she was sorry for taking it out on me.  My mother had just passed!  I was grieving, and she was such a witch.

* When she has a sucky day at work, or is having family problems, she comes to MY home, where my brother lives, and cries on my couch, but won't talk to anyone.  I have to hide in my room, in my own house!

*  She gets really angry if my brother agrees with me about anything-like if she says the sky is red, and we say it's blue, she gets pissed at my brother for "taking her side."

My problem now...Her sisters is my best friend, and I wanted to plan a party with her to celebrate her turning 30.  She hasn't answered any of my calls or texts, she had a get together at her house Saturday, my brother wanted me to come, so I do, I get there, I say "hi" to her twice, and she looks at me and keeps talking to her friend.  I have asked my brother not to say anything to her, he was upset to see her behave like that, but says he knows she is a witch, "But I love her."  I don't feel like I should have to kiss her butt to keep the peace, but I don't want to have this problem/weirdness between us.  I am honestly afraid that she is going to turn my brother against me, I know he won't let it purposely happen, but I am afraid of what she could do to ruin the relationship with the only family I have.  So, should I ask to talk to her, to find out what I did to upset her, or should I stop kissing her but as I have been doing for years, and let it play out?



Maybelle99 Maybelle99 31-35, F 2 Responses Jul 19, 2010

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My name is Amy - I am an associate producer with a production company in NYC. I was just reading your post and I wanted to let you know I am currently casting a new show for A&E about people having issues with their in-laws. After reading your post, I think your family might benefit from our series. If you love your in-laws but want to learn to adapt to each other’s way of life- and become closer, this is the show for you! Families on this show will have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work with a professional relationship expert to help your family understand each others way of life. I would love to hear more about your situation... Please shoot me an email at amy.cummings@leftfieldpictures.com or call me! 212 564 2607 ex: 2339 Thanks and good luck with the fam! Amy

Having a bitchy sil is a handful. I think you should set things straight and talk to her. Ask her what her problem against you is? What have you ever done to ignore you and not treat you like you deserve to be treated. She knows she has your brother in her control, and that is why she doesn't care if she gets along with you or not. Trust me, she will try everything to turn your brother against you. Sadly, that is what has happened to me, so don't let this happen to you. If is very painful and frustrating. You don't have to like her just because she is your brother's wife and your brother must understand that. Also, just try being 'polite' hypocrite if this means keeping peace with your brother. I wish you the best of luck, just know that you are not alone. Hope this helps at least a little bit.