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My Future Sister-in-law Is Killing My Confidence

Hello all
I found this site and decided to tell my story because I've decided I need the advice and help of others because I feel like I'm going loopy. Basically the story is that I used to have a good relationship with my husband's brother's girlfriend. I thought she was nice and shared personal stories with her. When we bought our first house and got engaged I noticed a change in her behaviour, she didn't congratulate us on our house and she didn't even want to see my ring. When I would make comments about our marriage perparation she would butt in and quickly change the subject to be about her. I never minded this, I thought she might be hurt as I didn't select her as a bridesmaid as I have 2 sisters that are very dear to me. Anyway everytime we saw her after that she would complain to her boyfriend that she wants to be engaged too and he had to buy her a ring straight away. The way she would carry on was really embarrasing, I ended up feeling extremely guilty for even being engaged and planning a wedding (even though we'd been together for 8 years already). She slowly started to ignore me whenever we saw each other which was very often as the brother's are very close. This hurt me alot as well, I didn't feel welcome around her. About 6 months before our wedding she got engaged to my then fiance's brother. I ran into her in the street and congratulated her and went to hug her, she stepped back and made an excuse as to why I couldnt' hug her and then shoved her ring in my face, it was literally like a punching action. I was very obliging and said it was very beautiful and how happy I was to hear the news. Then she punched her ring in my face again??!! I was totally confused and said congratulations again and, again said how nice the ring looked. Then a month after this she calls me to meet, which was strange as she wasn't speaking to me, not even saying hello and asking how I was even after I'd asked her. So I thought maybe she wants to discuss things, but when I got there she exclaimed that she was pregnant. I was very happy for them. For the remainder of the meeting all she could talk about was how much her belly would be showing at my wedding. I was a little upset and confused about her behaviour. After this date she went back to ignoring me on other social occasions. It was really doing my head in, so I spoke to her couple of weeks before my wedding. I explained our situation and apologised if I had ever hurt her or pushed her away. She said I hadn't done anything wrong. I thought it would be all ok but she went back to the same old routine - she never even said congratulations on my wedding day and sat in the very back pew at the church. Now we are back from our honeymoon and she expects me to be happy for her pregnancy which is due very soon. I feel like I am very happy for them but I can't help feeling like I've been jipped in the happiness stakes. She didn't show me an ounce of support for my wedding, why should I be expected to do the same for her after all that's gone on? That is awful to say but I was really genuine trying to fix this problem, now I feel like a fool. I tried to ignore her behaviour but she always tries to get attention from everyone and one day she exclaimed that she wouldn't feel any labour pain because she'd be so in love with her child (that seems a little loony to me). But it's comments like this to gain attention and it just makes me think she's a screw loose. The way she treats me has hurt me deeply and it really upsets me that she can talk and laugh with other people and ignore me. We are supposed to be family and I want that relationship. I've already tried to fix it and I feel like I'd make a fool of myself. I have no confidence in front of my husband's family anymore it feels like no one wants me there. It is also straining on our relationship because my husband thinks she's never going to change anyway so just accept it. What do I do? How do I deal with this gracefully, it's keeping me up at night and I constantly think of how much she hates me.
timtamlove timtamlove 26-30 5 Responses Jul 6, 2011

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Ya know it's not your fault. I have a Narcistic B***H sister in law to. We used to have a really good relationship. We would hang out and talk. Well after I busted her sending indecent pictures(read my story) of her self to her brother in law (my fiance). Of course things went to S***. She said that she was sorry. I was willing to accept her apology because I felt that she was sincere. But after that she treats me like crap, ignores me, talks crap about me.

As I was stating before your SIL has a narcistic personality type. Mine does also and it can suck.<br />
They only see inwardly all about themselves. They are about the most egocentric, selfish people known to mankind. They can play their games etc but they are only out for THEIR best interest. My <br />
RAGWEED SIL did the same exact thing at my wedding she acted like a jealous ex wife for pity sake. Did not ever say congradulations or nothing else. Her doof brother would only defend her if I said anything. <br />
IGNORE HER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE Do not let her actions or lack of bother you in any way..stand strong and keep cool best of luck/

she never even said congratulations on my wedding day and sat in the very back pew at the church<br />
<br />
This alone tells me she is jelous...just like mine was (mine is an old hag with emotional issues who is enabled by her brother my hub YUK) As the person above said she is narcistic...wrong spelling but it fits the personality...more later<br />
<br />
B

It's not your fault. You have done all you can. She is probably jelouse (sp?) too. Find a social worker.Tell her or him your story. They hear such stories all the time.

There is no hope for your future sister in law. She is a narcistic woman who need all attention all the time. Look the word up on Wiki....you will find that the disc<x>ription matches. You are probably from a very loving family that gives everyone their chance to converse. Therfore you can't relate to such behavior. You have to ignore her or praise her all the time. Praising her all the time will eventualy wear you out because it won't be you.

I totally feel worn out! Thanks for your advice, I know she's being unfair but I still feel like it's my fault because we used to be friends. Something changed and I can't help thinking I've done something wrong. It's gotten so bad I can't even look at her face. I feel like I'm being unreasonable now going on like this.