Earth is calling my SIL

Here we go - a short story of complete lack of understanding, someone who speak before she thinks, someone who doesn't understand responsibilities and how caring and giving people around my SIL actually are without her being grateful. 

My SIL 34 and still lives at home with her mom and is pretty much dependent on her mother's financial support. Instead of being grateful for her mother's support and hospitality, she complains and makes fun of her. She has close to 85.000 dollar student debt. One day she came home crying after a meeting with her bank. The bank wanted its money back or at least have her make a plan for returning her loan - somehow that came as a surprise to her! So far, she has never had a full-time job and all the responsibilities that comes along with a job (I repeat 34 years old!). I like to believe that people should show a sense of responsibility and have the ability to make tough decisions that are good for them in the long run - such as paying off your debt and show other people and yourself that your life is going in a certain direction. Now, she is of course complaining how hard it is for her to find a job... She basically has no resume or job experience to fall back on (and guess who gets to hear her complaining about this!)

What is also frustrating is my wife's reaction when I express my frustrations. My wife easily gets defensive and takes my SIL's side. I think my wife is being waaay to nice to my SIL. I do and don't understand my wife's unconditional love for her sister. I usually evaluate people for who they are and what values they have instead of being "blinded" by a "title" like a sister, brother etc. If a person acts like an idiot, I don't care what or who they are - a title should never be enough to defend them or justify their actions.  

One of my SIL's boyfriends/FWB or whatever he is recently decided to break up with her. She has been with him for about three years. From the beginning on the agreement was that their relationship was "just for fun, no strings attached, it ends when it ends etc". Well well well, the BF/FWB suddenly decided to end it (good for him) and she is now devastated... I want to give her a kind reminder that she set up relationship based on ... no commitment. Why it now seems so hard for her to let go of her "relationship" is beyond me. What is even more absurd to me is that we have a weekend trip coming up soon where the BF/FWB is also coming. Why on earth is that a good idea and why does she not cancel the trip?? So we can rip up old wounds, to see if the ex BF/FWB is still interested in her...? WHAT? The "relationship" is over - get on with your life!

Recently I've listened to her rant about the break up and how hard it's been on her. One thing that stands out in all her explanations is that: "it can't have anything to do with me, I didn't do anything wrong, I don't need to change the way I am, he is immature etc". I have never seen a relationship where one part (she) is so dominating and the other part (he) gladly accepts the situation. She has never mentioned the fact that it could perhaps have something to do with her. She is pushing all the blame on the ex BF/FWB and goes through all her memories of their relationship with a constant statement of "it's his fault". It is highly amusing to listen to her because of her complete lack of understanding and failure to make the right conclusions.  

Minnesota1983 Minnesota1983
31-35, M
2 Responses May 6, 2012

Thanks Betina. Glad I'm not the only one. One of my points is that no one, regardless of who/what they are, should ever be beyond criticism. People should be judged by their behavior, ethics, personality and how they treat other people. <br />
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I reach a dead end every time my wife pulls out the "but-she-is-my-sister-card". At that point in time, nothing I say or do can convince my wife of the opposite statement and my wife won't listen - even the most obvious facts or examples can make my wife change her mind (argh!). It's too easy to reject all reasoning by saying the "but-she-is-my-sister" - and it is way too easy to have the final say in a discussion too.

I do and don't understand my wife's unconditional love for her sister (I usually evaluate people for who they are and what values they have instead of being "blinded" by a "title" like a sister, brother etc.) <br />
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I could so relate to this statement!! My husband thinks his younger HALF sister is a Goddess. I don't get barely any recognition! <br />
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People need to quit catering to her babying her and make her get out and work and do for herself<br />
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Your SIL is extremely immature and has an enabling mother and sister.. If she has had THAT MUCH SCHOOLING 85000 in debt worth...She should had a PHD!!!!!! She should be able to do something, she just doesn't want to because she knows mommy will take care of her. I can understand how it is not being able to talk to your wife about this. She doesn't want to see her sis FOR WHAT SHE TRULY IS.........THEREFORE her sister can manipulate and take advantage for she knows how to get them by their heartstrings....<br />
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