It's Not Hate (on My End Anyway), See *~ At End For Tips For World(family) Peace

My fiance's mother and sister have hated me from the beginning. They behaved well enough at first but I could tell something was off. I felt that I had to be reading the situation wrong, for months I thought it was just my low self-esteem telling me they didn't like me. I'm shy with new people, unlike her. And since I didn't immediately try to be her best friend, she decided I hated her. Because I wasn't willing to go along with a last minute plan on a day I was sick and already had plans with my fiance, she got pissed for months. It took months of crazy for my fiance (then boyfriend) to realize it was all them and I was doing nothing wrong.

I should mention all the "horrible" things his mom and sis think I've done. His sister thinks I'm controlling him, also known as he's finally thinking for himself. I'm horrible because instead of screaming at him for wanting to finish his degree, I encouraged him. Same with when he was trying for his now-current, way better job. And these are both things that he had told me when we first were dating that he wanted to do. They nitpick crazy things constantly. It doesn't matter how hard I try with them. Then they went all out crazy once, trying to break us up, and I'm done. I am civil but I'm done trying.

As far as my future sister-in-law is concerned, I have "ruined" things with her brother. After all I "stole" him away. She's plain creepy with how she treats her brother like her boyfriend. It bothered him a lot, but he had been so beaten down by his family when he didn't do want his sister wanted (like go to the movies with her when he had plans with other people), that he stopped fighting it til we met. He's had girls break up with him because of her. Her own friends admit she acts like a jealous ex. Like she will go on and on that there's no way my boobs are that big (they are, its genetics, get over it). And she gets visibly upset if someone tells my fiance that his girlfriend/fiance is beautiful or whatever after meeting me (which is just politeness, really, you could replace is beautiful with any positive adjective and its all about being nice).

In the end, all the screaming, manipulations, acting out, and general emotional abuse along with the overall disrespectful and horrible treatment of me and our relationship, just ended up pushing my fiance right out the door. Between his mom and sis, they've pretty much destroyed any chance of having a good relationship with my fiance and I, and any future kids of ours. With the way things are, if we had kids now, I wouldn't want them alone with his family. Even if they get better now it'll take years to rebuild any trust. And despite never meeting them, just from being around to hear about, and witness the affect of their behaviors on me and my fiance, my family (extended included), while they love my fiance, they do not like his family at all and have expressed that they hope to never meet them because they never want to have to say anything to them.

But despite all this, no matter what his sister says, I do not hate her. I hate how she treats her brother, but I will never hate her. In the beginning, I thought she was fine, not the type of personality I like to hang out with too much, but I didn't mind talking to her. I actually thought I had some good conversations with her. And now it's just dislike. And despite all the emotional abuse and controlling behaviors that were there prior to us dating, I still feel guilty that I'm a reason he's no longer close with his family, even though I know intellectually that its them not me and he would've been treated badly regardless. But he still loves his family and I love him and I don't wish ill of anybody. So I will always hope that his sister and mother can realize that they pushed him away, I didn't steal him. Because they just aren't emotionally healthy right now and its destroying them.

*~The above, by the way, is a step-by-step guide in how not to act, no matter how much you don't like who your brother is with. Always be the bigger person (I mean be polite, not be smug). Not yelling helps a lot, so does being even just civil, and please, save your comments about bad things you think she's done for if there ever is something actually serious enough to warrant major concern.
For example: DON'T point out to your brother that you noticed his new girlfriend didn't say hello the first time she met your other brother, you know when he was walking from his bedroom to the bathroom in his boxers. DO point out to your brother that you noticed his new girlfriend snorting coke off your other brother's chest in the bathroom last Saturday when he brought her over for dinner to meet the family.
jneil jneil
Sep 20, 2012