My Sister In Law Hates Me

It all started when my husband and I first started dating. His sister was very verbal about her feelings for me, and how she thought I was incredibly wrong for her brother, and had preferred his previous girlfriend (who she had become very good friends with). She would tell these feelings to people that I was close to, so of course, through the grapevine, I heard about everything she felt for me. The weird part was...we had never met, not once. She lived in the states and her and her small family rarely came to Canada to visit. I had no idea what would provoke these feelings, but I figured hey I usually make good first impressions, so maybe things will change when we finally meet.

They didn't. For the next 2 years of my husband and my dating relationship, family reunions were of her ignoring me. She never said more than a "hi, hows it going," would always walk past me when handing out hugs to the rest of her family (as well as her brothers girlfriend who he had started dating around the same time my husband and I did), and would not let me near her children. The only time she ever talked to me was when she accidentally gave her child some adult ibuprofen...and because I am a nurse that works with children she needed my input. The first time she ever talked to me (or hugged me) about myself, was when my husband and I first got engaged. I thought, maybe this would be the start of a relationship with her... I was totally wrong, that was the shortest lived conversation I had and will ever have with her. At this point, even though I was constantly trying to have a positive relationship with her, I figured she lives far enough away to not let it ruin my life.

Year 3 of my husband and my relationship (while we were planning our wedding) was spent trying to be nice to her and to develop our relationship. I put her child in my wedding party because she had said that is what she had always wanted, I stayed with and helped her when she gave birth to her second child, when she had questions about her sons health I made myself available to answer them, and I was at every celebration event they threw to celebrate her husband being done school, even though I was a full time night shift worker. Nothing worked, my husband and I almost called off the wedding because he didn't believe how she was treating me - he thought it was in my head. Working up to the actual wedding, she made my life a living hell...she refused to pay for anything for her daughter (our flower girl), the wedding theme build a bear that we bought for her, the SIL never thanked us, and she gave us all sorts of hell for us not having her as our pianist...even though she had specifically told us she didn't want to do this as her daughter was in the wedding party - when we first asked her.  Also she refused to come to any of my pre wedding events, cancelling on me days before after telling me she would bring stuff.   I wanted her daughter out of the wedding party, but my husband kept telling me to be the bigger person, so I went through with it!

We did get married, I refused to let someone so mean to me ruin my relationship with someone I loved so much. The first year of our marriage, was of the SIL hosting family gatherings (christmas, thanksgiving and easter), and not inviting us. My husband was oblivious to this as I was the 'event organizer' until I finally mentioned to him that his entire family was invited but we were left outj.. continuously. He refused to admit that his sister was excluding us because of me.. until he confronted her about it. She replied by saying that everything was my fault and pointing out every flaw she believed I had.

I knew it wasn't in my head. I had mutual friends of mine and hers as well as her extended family tell me how much she disliked me, and here were her reasonings:
1. She had lost a best friend when my husband ended his previous relationship
2. she hated that I was successful and made money
3. she hated that I had an education and was pissed that her mom talked her out of going to school - she was threatened by me because of it.
4. She believed because I worked sundays I must be evil (even though I am in the health care profession)
5. she was jealous that we had the wedding of our dreams, and that she was rushed into a small wedding. 

Finally after my husband started paying more attention, and another "missed" invitation to thanksgiving dinner, he believed me. This time he talked to her about it again saying how hurt we were, and that what she did to me influenced him. The SIL and her husband told him that I needed to see a psychiatrist as everything was in my head and I must be sick and her husband who was a preacher said that his years of learning how to read people (in the ministry profession) told him I was making everything up! I definitely must be sick and making this up even though her own family comments on how mean she is to me...!

Even though we weren't trying, my husband and I became pregnant, and at the same time my other sister in law (the nice one) became pregnant. This SIL I was very close to, and we were very excited to be pregnant together. The SIL I don't like, saw this as an opportunity to splurge on the other SIL, offering her free pictures, lots of clothes, pieces of furniture...etc...the worst part is she would offer it in front of me and pretend that I wasn't there. This was the last straw, I was hormonal, working full time nights and I couldn't take any more tears. When my daughter was born never once did she congratulate me, and she offered to throw the other SIL a shower and not me (it was the MIL that offered to do a joint) our kids were born two days apart!

Fast forward 9 months of her ignoring us! her going out of her way to get to know my husbands other brothers girlfriends, and still being oblivious as to how she is treating me. Small things like posting pictures of my daughter to facebook, at the same time my nice SIL is posting pictures of her son...the mean SIL will never like or comment on any of my pictures, but always comment on the other SIL, and she is always offering to take pictures of the other SIL's son.  I feel so excluded, and that the unfair treatment to me is being passed down to my daughter.  

The other day it was my husband and my anniversary and we had dinner planned for months with a baby sitter lined up! Last minute the SIL decided to come into town and have a BBQ for her bday. Boy did we get heck from her and the MIL for not being there, even though by the time we had come home it was 9 and our daughter was in bed! The following day we went to a family reunion, she hugged and greeted everyone except for us.  At least my husband believes what I say now, as he sees it first hand how she ignores and excludes not just me but him too. Our latest situation..we were actually invited to this years thanksgiving at the SILs house (no accidental misses invites like the previous two years). Because we are at a wedding we were unable to attend and said so as much but were wondering if they wold be willing to come out this way for dinner or even to go out for dinner as they live 2+ hours away and their entire family live by us. They responded by saying "planning for holidays need to revolve around them as they are very busy, that's why they send out invitations and if I don't want to come then don't"....I didn't even know how to respond to that, it's not like my random 12 hour nursing shifts make it exactly easy for me to up and go whenever I want to family get togethers...but sure I can see their stay at home jobs making it too busy to travel to see us! To be continued...I'm sure
vandea9 vandea9
22-25, F
3 Responses Jan 8, 2013

Your SIL sounds like a positive nightmare but at least you have your husband's support and you were able to cut her off. Mine is nice (most of the time) and tries too hard in a very clumsy way which doesn't help. When I started having issues with her, my husband downplayed it and told me to bear with it just like they did. So now I have quite a grudge. Just like Brne2, she lives with the inlaws and we can't stay away.

DO NOT ALLOW HIM "NOT TO STAND UP FOR YOU"!!. I DID THAT IT AND HAS ALMOST RUINED 29 YEARS OF MARRIAGE. IF HE CANNOT SUPPORT YOU AND STAND BY YOU, IT IGOES AGAINST YOUR WEDDING VOWS>

A MAN WHO MARRIES A WOMAN IS PROMISING TO PUT HER FIRST IN HIS LIFE AND IF THEY CANNOT DO THAT IT WILL RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE.

She sounds a lot like my SIL. She sounds jealous of you. I can understand how u feel. At least you can cut her off! Mine lives with the inlaws and my husband is very close with his parents so we cannot stay away from the *****. She ignores us and wants to play with our one year old and not talk to us!