Really EVIL, Nasty, Manipulative And Rude SIL! HELP! What can I do?!?!

Husband and I have been together for almost 3 years, married almost 2 years. My hubby is kind and gentle and we love each other very much. His sister decided to hate me as soon as we started to become serious. Stopped talking to both of us after telling him that if he stayed with me we would divorce (for no reason). I have done nothing to her. The only thing is that I ״took away" her brother and so ruined everyone's life. She is 31 single and lives in a tiny apartment with her parents. She doesn't do anything around the house and tells everyone she's the queen. Since our son was born she started doing us a ״favor״ and talked to us for a few months and then again started ignoring us and our son. She is constantly bad mouthing me to my inlaws and they seem scared of her so I have no relationship practically with them and they criticize our decisions (such as no tv) because it bothers the stupid SIL. We have tried to be nice, tried to talk to her, bought her gifts for her bday. She doesn't even call my husband on his! I don't want to waste my energy hating her. I can't stay away from her cause she won't leave her parents. I don't know what to do anymore and how to deal with it. I also don't want my son to grow up in the presence of a family member who sometimes says hi and mostly ignores him and his parents. HELP!? What can I do except for pray for a miracle? I'm pretty sure she has a personality disorder. The parents seem to understand there is a prob with but let her get away with absolutely everything. We have to keep trying to talk to her and deal with her ( my husband is the good son and pleaser...)but she can act any way she chooses. He tried to call her and be direct about the situation and she won't answer. We really really haven't done anything except starting our own family. She is full of hate. Ahhhhhh!!
Bme2 Bme2
36-40, F
3 Responses Jan 10, 2013

sounds like my sil
I've been with my hubby nearly 6 years married for 5 it won't get better you just learn New ways ti deal with it and she learns New ways ti irritate you

I'm starting to wish I knew how to really irritate her!! She deserves it!

Read my story. Learn from my mistakes.

You can't do anything to get this woman to like you. And he can't talk reason into her.
What you both need to do is just let her go for now. Build your daily lives together, grow strong as a couple. If she truly cares about her brother and wants him happy, she will eventually warm up.

If not, then He is going to have to accept that his sister has issues that aren't his to deal with. That she's not who he thought she was, and if she's going to be mean and cruel to the two of us, it's going to hurt, but she's going to have to be placed on the back burner.

Sometimes when sisters like this get far too emotionally dependent or have an unnatural fixation with being the ONLY lady in their brother's lives, there is no
room for anyone else. Sure, it's cool to pretend to like a girlfriend, she's no threat.
But when rings get tossed in the mix and the girlfriend marries him, it's permanent and it's a threat to her status in his life.

Sadly, these ladies are toxic to their brothers. And good men won't tolerate their sisters interferring in their marital happiness. Your spouse comes before all of your relatives at the end of the day.

If I were you, like I said, just let it go. Don't attempt anymore communication with her. For one, it feeds the 'beast'. For two, it will most likely make her feel like a cornered animal and she will blow up at both of you, with you being the main target of hate speech. Vicious cycle I know all to well.

You attempted to fix this, she wasn't biting. Just let her tap dance away. If she values her brother, she'd act differently. It's just plain jealousy of what you stand for.

i guess she doesn't value her brother at all and she is too consumed with hatred to change anything. She is now just doing her best trying to "split" everyone apart. I am almost 100% sure she has borderline personality disorder...but other then me and my husband- the other family members are in denial...

Absolutely. Because if she actually valued your husband, and was a normal sister, she wouldn't be doing all this passive aggressive BS! It's crazy and
you are well within your rights to negate her toxicity around your child, particularly when the only things she does when she's with your one yr old is to use the interaction with her nephew to get at you guys.

I have put up my own boundaries to my husband, should he decide to build bridges with his sister: She can not have my sons if she's adamant that she wants nothing to do with me. She can have a relationship with her brother, but when it comes to her toxicity, there is no way that she is going to use my children in her games nor drag them into her drama.

It's sad, because the last thing I want is for her to not be an aunt to her nephews. However, she has been poisoning her own two children against their uncle, telling them everything, or rather her version of being the victim, and has already attempted to use 'contacting' one of my sons as part of her drama.

I have boundaries: He can talk to her and have a relationship with her however he wants to. She can not talk to my children until I, as the
mother and the woman that she has done the most damage to, feels
that she is stable enough and safe for them. Right now? Nah, I can defo
see her pressuring my sons into saying bad things about me, as she has done in the past, so that she can continue her hate fest.

Not my children. Not my marriage. Toodle Loo. Bye Bye.

She doesn't speak to my husband at all right now. Was your husband totally understanding about your decision regarding your children? I'm worried about the pressure his parents are put in on him... Hope is his strong enough to deal with it... Ahhhhh I can't stand the whole situation!

The only thing is that I ״took away" her brother and so ruined everyone's life. She is 31 single and lives in a tiny apartment with her parents

In perspective why is everyone allowing her to be the controlling miserable whacked ***** she is...............someone needs to put her in her place..Why do the parents act afarid...I WOULD toss her butt out.

Exactly! No one puts her in her place and I think she doesn't talk to my husband because he tries to tell his parents to do just that+ kick her out of the house.
They won't tell her to leave and instead of putting her in her place- tell us that we have to be nice to her! We are stronger than her.........
This is a never ending problem. She is just awful! She will prob also stay there and stay single and miserable until she is old. It's sad but she is such a b****! I have never met a person like this in my life- and she ends up being my SIL!
Her mother is plain stupid for going along w her crap but they are very codependent so she is probably scared to lose her...
The situation sucks cause I can't see any changes happening anytime soon...

so. Sorry for your situation Do you hv a family that is decent Maybe
See them more if possble. Until your in laws come out of deniel over their daughtershead problems AND STOP enabling her this embeds the codependence.
I understand for my husbands family was sort of parrell to that scenario. His mom was a total enabler which didn't help him in the long run. His sister she llives by herself witth a bunch of pets and hoards she's whacked but thankfully keeps more to herself.
I hope for your and husbands sake the parents open their eyes up