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Miserable By Sister In Law

Hello,

My brother married the most evil witch I have ever met.  When they first started dating, I really liked her a lot.  I soon found out with my very own ears that she was cheating on my brother.  I struggled with this for a while because I didn't want to cause any problems, but eventually out of love and concern for my brother (we have always been extremely close- we are each other's only siblings) I told him.  They got into a huge fight and almost broke up over it.  Somehow, she convinced my brother to believe her lies.  She basically made it out to be MY FAULT!  My brother has always been a little on the spineless side since birth.  He fell for it.  Suddenly, I was her target.  She said nasty things about me to people, she convinced my brother to cut off contact with me and my parents for the most part (aside from Christmas), who had nothing to do with it.  I continued to send him birthday cards and gifts, but also continued to get nothing for MY birthday in return.  This soon spread to my 6 year old daughter, his only neice.  She now doesnt even get so much as a phone call. 

Well, she made it a point to get pregnant within two weeks of marrying my brother.  She refused to let me talk to my brother when I called there several times, at one point picking up the phone and screaming, "HE DOESNT WANT TO TALK TO YOU, *****!!!!!!!!!!"  I am now very upset with my brother for allowing her to dictate things and treat his own family this way.  He does not put a stop to it, he just alienates me further.  She finally spoke to me on the phone, telling me that I no longer had a brother.  Quoted from her, "Just because a strand of DNA makes him related to you does not make him YOUR BROTHER, ANYMORE!!!"

She basically told me I no longer have a brother anymore.  My brother is going along with this to make her happy.  She has since spent so much money (most of it eating out and expensive restaraunts 3 times a day because she refuses to cook, she doesnt even boil water).  She quit her job immediately after moving in with him and told everyone that she was living an absolute fairy tale life not having to work.  My brother doesn't make good money and can't afford this.  He is now in debt up to his eyeballs and has creditors calling and just recently lost his house to foreclosure. 

She has gone on the internet with her friends posting bulletins to mutual friends about ME.  Made up lies about how many men she thinks I've been with (according to the bulletin, all of them in the world except 2).  Told people how I can't hold a job (yet I own my own small business which she didn't mention).  How nobody likes me and what a terrible person she thinks I am. 

She has made my life hell because I have lost my only sibling due to her dictation and his willingness to go along with whatever she wants.  My neice has lost her uncle just because she's my daughter.  I am now not getting along with my parents who have chosen to remain neutral (basically, welcoming her with open arms, hugs, kisses, the whole nine yards into their home) despite firsthand proof of what she does to me.  Nobody has my back, and she is the one attacking me. 

How do you get a sister in law to disappear????

 

BeckySue BeckySue 31-35, F 40 Responses Aug 13, 2008

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This is an old post hit I need to vent! I have dealt with two sister in laws who are bffs and I'm the baby and only girl! We are all in our 20s and 30s and these women are evil! They treat my son, me and my mom like crap and I have taken it for years! I was in the military and recently returned and it got so much worse since I've been back! I bit my tongue for too long and finally told them how I felt! Now my brothers won't let me see my nieces whom I am very close with and spend many hours at school activities for them! My brothers have disowned me and won't let te kids see my Mom either! I am so fed up!

Nice to see i'm not alone. Boy do i hate my sister in law. My brother confided in me that he caught his wife cheating (twice with the same guy). I was destroyed and felt horrible for my brother.

If that was her only offense, i could forgive. However, she rarely accompanied the family on vacations, always went off on vacations with her 'friend' and she busts my brother's balls constantly. I have sent money to help with bills, came to their house to help with the kids, I have helped every way possible. My father would drive 3 hours to help watch the kids so she could run off on vacation without my brother.

But, after learning about her affairs, i started putting all the lies she has told our family over the years. Not only has she lied to my brother, but she has lied to our family for a long time.

My brother never told her that i knew of her affairs. So I did alienate her (i thought i was doing good not to strangle her).

When my father got sick, i was helping my parents and my brother barely helped at all. When I was texting my brother asking to help with dad, she started texting me back (under his name) saying she hoped i died soon, how i didn't have any friends and how i couldn't stay married. (I do have lots of friends and in a happy 2nd marriage). So I let her know I new about her affairs. (She then had the nerve to ask me why I hated her?)

Now, somehow she has convinced my brother everything is my fault. Nice, huh? I have done nothing but help my brother's family and after finding out she has lied for so many years to my family, I don't want to be around her. But she still convinces my brother I'm the evil person.

here's a good one, on one of the few vacations she did attend with the family, my mother gave her $100.00 for her birthday. Guess what she did with the money? She got a bus ticket away from the family to go back to be with her lover.

but still, somehow i'm the bad evil person.

My heart goes out to everyone that has a brother married to a selfish woman. I don't have any advice for anyone....because i don't know what to do myself.

IF IT DOESN'T KILL YOU WILL MAKE Y OU STRONGER! Please follow the best advise ever I'm going to give you; I'm a guy and I'm in the other side of the COIN with my sister in law; but this is my advise; FIND A WAY TO FORGIVE THE BT*** I know it is crazy but that is the only way of Wining; why? very simple: while you still don't like her; she feels she has the power; but ones you don't care any more of anything and YES ANYTHING: she will show who she really is and your brother will understand; POWER TO YOU GIRL; a powerful thought that I can share for you to repeat " she is nobody and doesn't affect my life any more"

I think you dod the right thing by telling him about her cheating. Otherwise what, let it slide and have her cheating while their married? The few comments Ive seen saying stay out of his business, glad they're not my family. Those people basically saying turn a blind eye and let him live his life and steer clear, those are the words of a coward. If a family member came to me with proof of an adulterist wife, i'd be crushed but thankful.

First of all before any one accuses me of seeing qualities about my SIL in myself first let me say I'm not a cheater and secondly I hate my SIL and have been in this exact SAME place except the difference between you and I is I kept my mouth shut. I caught my SIL "Sexting" to a former bf that she had and this former BF and her use to be in "love". She brushed it off as not being any different than looking at **** magazines for guys but the difference is when your sexting you are actively participating in it not just looking at a dirty picture and highly different when you've "LOVED" the guy. It's taken my a great deal of discipline not to get involved in it.


However if you read the comments there is a familiar pattern. EVERYONE who has ratted out an affair no longer has a brother and there family is in turmoil so who won? Sure as h*** not you! I'm not trying to take her side but you did start the war with her by digging your nose in her business. Then you also tried to get your parents to gang up on her because you stated that they don't get involved in it. THey are married and know the quickest way to destroy a family is by picking sides against someone somebody chooses to love. Your big bro is a grown man. He doesn't need little sis controlling his life. What made you walk on water to deem her mistake any worse or less than mistakes of your own that you have made in your own life. You can say "I never cheated" but you tried to break up a marriage which is pretty f'd up! You can claim you were looking out for him all you wanted but the fact is once you found out you excluded all of your own sins in life that you have done and casted judgement on her (Sorry not trying to sound religious because I'm not).

You put a scarlet letter on her back and tried to make her the black sheep of the family. Of course she's going to extract revenge on you. There are battles to pick with people and then there are those to ignore. Ever think that your brother might resent you a little bit for shedding light on something bad and not just letting him have ignorant bliss? He's an adult who has a right to make his OWN choices! You don't have to like her but you should respect her. Just apologize to her for airing her dirty laundry to the family and see if her crap calms down! No matter how you slice it and dice it and trying to break up some ones marriage shows a lot of true colors and isn't love or protection.

I'm sorry to rehash such an old post, and I'm sorry to bring this up. There is no way you should keep quiet if you know your sibling's spouse is being unfaithful. It's not about winning or losing. How do you bring up the topic of condoms and regular testing for STDs if you are not going to open your mouth about infidelity? When people get married, the thought of getting blood work done on a regular basis is an absolutely foreign concept. Why would they need to use protection against diseases, or tests for disease unless their mate was stepping out?
I would rather lose the relationship with my sibling over me blabbing about his beloved wife's affairs than lose him to a disease that has no cure, and that he had no idea he was even at risk for.
As long as my sibling is healthy and alive there is hope to mend the relationship. If my sibling contracts Hepatitis, HIV or HSV2 and finds out that I knew his wife was putting him at risk and kept quiet about it, there is no hope of ever repairing our relationship.

I totally can relate. I have the WORST SIL that I could ever fear to have. She married my husband's brother, but he and I were close as siblings. I actually have known him longer than I've known my husband. Before he met her, we all used to go out together to see movies, eat, hang out, etc. As soon as she showed up, he disappeared. At first, I figured, well it's new love, he wants his time with her. But even when she came around, she had to have him all to herself. So they'd sit in the movie theater in a totally different row way ahead of us, or she'd have him prisoner to the couch while she "slept" on his shoulder, totally alienating him from having anything to do with anything else. Then, she did the ultimate, low-down dirty thing: she "got" pregnant. Right away, they were arranging a shotgun wedding, looking for houses to rent, etc. I still stayed there, supporting both of them, and trying to overlook these facts to accept this new woman into our family. She was very sweet to my then two year old son, but that was obviously the beginning. Over the course of a year, her shiny fa├žade melted away to reveal a petty, moody, selfish, jealous, critical and condescending person. No matter how much I tried to befriend her and keep the waters calm, she was always talking smack about me behind my back, criticizing me and sizing me up. I assumed that this was because she was jealous of me, what with her having no good looks to speak of. I knew that she targeted my BIL because she was not a citizen of the U.S., she was here on a visa, and he was her ticket to stay here. Her wrath was spread to the entire family. She was rude and pissy to my mother in law, and anytime she was around for family events, she would isolate herself to the couch, not talk to anyone with a frown on her face, and be rushing my BIL to hurry up so they can go. Anytime that I would do something with my other brother in law, to whom I am also very close, like go to the beach or a carnival, I would get a phone call from that side of the family of how I had offended her and excluded her from the family by not inviting her. But here's the thing: SHE would never call me; she'd always send her hubby as her barking dog and the rest of us were terrorized by her, in fear of upsetting her. Well recently, I had had enough. We were having some serious issues in my family, and I had been receiving a lot of support from everyone--everyone except them. I was PISSED. I felt disregarded and disrespected. So I essentially gave them the silent treatment, cutting off all ties from them. When we would see each other, I would say hello and isolate myself away from them. They tried to "fix" the situation but all I was getting was a bunch of excuses and didn't want to hear any of it. Oh, and by fix it, they sent me text messages. How cowardly. Anyhow, the whole issue blew up at a family gathering where I was accused of telling their child something disrespectful, which I did not do. Neither parent was there to witness the supposed incident, only my SIL's mother, who was none too happy with me and therefore biased. On the other hand, no one--and I mean NO ONE--in the family believed the accusation, including my brother in law, at first, because they know my character and that that is not in my nature. I tried to address the accusation, which was never actually brought to my attention until my husband told me that they were arguing in the kitchen about it, (rather than approach me). In the end, an argument ensued and all hell broke loose where I told her that I had had enough of putting up with her terrorizing, talking bad about me and smiling in my face, and effectively alienating a son and two grandchildren from their blood. I left in an attempt to prevent the argument from heating up further after she lunged at me, attempting to smack me in the face, which she fully denies of course. And she has now decided to punish my mother in law by refusing to bring her children to see their grandmother, I guess as a way of getting back at me. What I can say is, ever since I have not had to endure her CRAP, my life has been that much less complicated, and that's the way I like it. It is different since my BIL is not my blood, but I get it how a woman can totally grab a guy who is weak for the female anatomy (and let's face it, that's what it all boils down to; these women control their men with sex) and change him completely to turn against the people who truly care for him. there's nothing else to be done, in my opinion, and I reckon that the next time I see them, IF I ever do, will be at someone's funeral because I have no intention of continually being a door mat, and neither should you.

I don't know but when u find out let me know so I can add an inlaw or two my damn self

I am so sad and angry for you. I sympathize because I know exactly how you feel. After waiting for my brother to come home from Iraq for ten years I lost him to a Russian ***** who lives off of welfare and uses his PTSD to make him an extension of her welfare life. He allows her to say and do horrible things to my mother and myself. I will never have a relationship with him again, I fear. But take comfort in that he knows he screwed up and will repent later in life.

Hi after reading your story as the third year anniversary of my brothers death is near. Obviously I will never get over him being gone. I am reminded how sil was such an evil horrible person. Don't kid yourself your brother needs you even if he won't speak to you. I thinkif I would do something different, I would make plans on my own with him and not incorporate her. But that is hard. Your brother has to be a willing party and that may not be so easy for him. The ridicule and backlash she can cause him could be bad. My brother died of a broken heart. Literally. There was no physical or medical problems. Take steps to overcome her barriers. Use the support around and don't get caddy or gossipy. It may take a long time to get there. Better to be a long time than never. Sincerely still grieving.

BeckySue your story sounds very similar to mine. My brother and I are no longer speaking. I basically told him I was dead to him. I said I would no longer accept their abuse. In order for my brother and I to see one another or talk his controlling wife always had be in the picture. She continued to throw up things from the past. Always saying things to put me down and make herself look better. She constantly flirted with my now husband. Pointed out similarities about she and my husband. She would one up me every chance she had. It was miserable. I do love my brother and I told him but I do not love that awful woman. I pray for them. I am trying to get over it and forgive because God commands we forgive those that trespass against us. Your story helped me. I hate my sister-in-law also. But, God doesn't want us to hate....so I continue to try and pray and I vent.

Please seek some counseling and stay out of someone else's relationship even if its your brother
What a shame that you are hurting your brother and his wife who could be very happy in love
I have a sister in law just like you . I gave her a million chances to be nice after sometime I decided
To stop talking to her and soon so did my husband . Now she out of our lives and doesn't see the kids
Due to her own toxic feelings which she grew on her own just for the same reasons you described
Think twice about what your doing you may loose more than you think Dennyinthecityny

you can go on the tor network and search the online black market for a personal assassin. they only cost $10,000 for US hits.

What ever ended up happening? I'm going through the same situation, its bad. My whole family is ruined because of this nut job. I'm having a hard time for sure. Is there light at the end of the tunnel- considering this post is 4 years old?

"How do you get a sister in law to disappear????" - When you find out, please let me know.

This sounds similar to my husband's SIL. They are in huge debt and recently had to voluntarily surrender both of their cars, meanwhile she goes out to expensive meals all the time, gets her hair and nails done weekly, takes the kids to a fancy downtown salon for their haircuts (they're 5), goes on vacations without her husband and kids, etc and then complained to ME that it was my BIL who was wasting away their money. They would be out on the streets if it wasn't for her parents constantly giving her money. She opened a secret bank account to squirrel away money from my BIL and told me about it (because I was babysitting her kids while she did it). When they separated for a few months, I finally told him about the bank account and the "talk" she had with me about how she could snap her fingers and have her ex-fiancee leave his wife for her and that he worships the ground she walks on and thought about leaving my BIL because of that. All he did was say, "well, I'm sorry you feel that way." WTF? I was bawling telling him that stuff, because I had been holding on to it for so long with massive guilt, not knowing what to do about it and here he just brushes it off like I made it up. For me, I'm sorry he feels it's OK for his c-u-next-Tuesday wife to drive a wedge between him and his brother and ATTEMPT to drive one between me and their parents while she treats him like crap.

These women are horrible people. I don't wish death on them, but I do wish they could be shipped off to ***** Island to be miserable people together and leave the rest of us out of it.

Wow and i thought i was the only one....i can relate to your problem 100%.. i have a similar problem that has affected my life...My sil was actually a friend of mine before she married my brother,,she had a long time crush on him which now i understand why she was my friend in the first place.. He was successful in his career...drove a porche and was doing well for himself...my brother and i are whats left since our mother & father passed away..After my father passed she took the opportunity to call him and the rest is history..i was living with my brother after my father passed as i was still a young girl...she came over allot and i looked at her as gaining a sister was really happy about that as i always wanted a sister.When my brother announced he was marrying her i was very happy for him i helped all i can with the wedding even went out 2am in the morning to the drugstore to get some hairpins when her hairdresser said she might not make it..after the honeymoon my brother asked me to leave in a indirect way and so i did i moved overseas to my fathers vacation home..i was heartbroken and lost and really didn't understand ..every year he would send me tickets to go back and see him ..but then he started telling me that his wife thinks i go back to do shopping and thats all..he would tell me the horrible things she would say about me ..and i think in a way he started to believe all of it...and he began stop telling me to visit would make excuses saying they were busy trying to have a child as she had a 1% chance of having a baby..I was there for both births to help after all it was my brother and i had to be there even though i was soo hurt..she was snippy at me and couldn't even look me in the eyes and right then and there i understood she was not as clean hearted as one would think...it was obvious she didn't want me there..she only wanted her big greedy family around her and him...to make a long story short i had lost my job recently and was severely depressed so my brother asked me to go stay with him till i get on my feet again..i was happy that i was going to see him..happy he was doing well and living well and now has two beautiful kids..i get to see my niece and nephew again..i was so happy..until she called him on our way from the airport and i hear the disgusting phone call ..how in the morning he should take me to work with him and she doesn't want me in the house..it broke my heart she basically alienated me and treated me like crap like i was below her..anytime my brother and i would laugh there would be a fight between them...and one day she said what i never thought anyone could say...she told him to choose between her and the kids or me..that i would be the cause of them getting a divorce..my only crime was being his sister..trying to be part of his life... .i fell on the floor from the pain and disbelief and picked myself up real fast packing my bags and leaving...it was in the worst time in my life...and here i thought family was there to help not beat you down...i think its something that will bite her in the *** one day as i believe in Karma...i don't think i will ever forgive something like this as it has destroyed our relationship for eternity..in my brothers eyes i am a troublemaker & horrible person...i guess he never really knew me, he only calls me now when he is having problems with her and i am there to listen but i have nothing to say...i still wish him all the happiness in the world...but i will never forgive...more power to all those who suffer from stupid greedy & selfish Sils in their lives,,,xx

Your sister in law sounds horrible, but hopefully your brother will realise this at some point. Im getting married in less than a week and until this point my SIL was very helpful and supportive. My fiance and I do alot for her and one day she asked for our help for something but we couldnt do it as our best man told us last minute he couldnt attend and we had to sort out a replacement. She had a tantrum and is not speaking to either of us all because we didnt come running when she clicked her fingers. Shes now bad mouthing us to everyone who will listen and its stress we could do without. Her behaviour is not a suprise as every so often she will pull a stunt like this. If she wasnt my fiance's sister I would have stopped having anything to do with her along time ago.

I really can't stand mine either. She is a stupid witch with a effd up family and continues to spread her demonic hatred onto me. I'm 40 and tried endless times to befriend her decided to just get rid of her mean spirited heart. I will keep our outings quick one day she will face the value of the mirror and look at her inside SHE'S VERY CRUEL!!!!!!!

I imagine that hurts a lot. Actually, I know it does. Some women like your sister in law and my late brothers wife are only in it for themselves. They do not look at the whole picture and they do not have empathy for other people nor do they feel badly when their behavior alienates their spouse from his family. In fact, this is what they are after a lot of the time. Because they are insecure with the love they have, they feel like even a normal sibling relationship is a threat to the love from their husband and will try to destroy it. They serve themselves and only themselves without ever counting the cost to the people around them. They are not capable of forming real loving relationships because it's contrary to their need to use and abuse others. Your brother is a victim of her and his own choices. He has made his choice to stay with her and be further abused . Sooner or later he will see her for what she is and then he will reform his relationship with you. Resist the urge at that time to say, "I tried to tell you." or even to tell him how the situation hurt you personally...trust me, he'll already know and feel awful about it. As long as you combat her and he is forced to stand up for her against you, he will never be able to step back and see her for what she is....so just leave the whole situation alone and let time and her hatefulness do her in.

Pinkfloydangel....that is completely the correct thing.....I believe you are so right. He was abused in his life as I was....our father was an alcoholic and abusive. So, we both have been in very controlling and abusive marriages. I was trying to have a semblance of a normal and loving relationship with my brother. I could never stand her. She was always a B...and controlling toward my brother and was horrible to my mother. So, what you said...is the complete truth. I decided to stay away from him....and if he chooses to see her for what she is....fine. But if not...nothing I can do but pray for him. You are so true in that he chose her and his life....nothing I can do....and he and my relationship was definitely threatening to her. Thank you for your post it was honest and very very truthful.

I hear you. I do not think that I would beable to sit there and watch someone bring my brother down. I think I would do anything to help him realize what a witch he had married, and help him to realize what she is doing to him and the family. Maybe, she is just very jealous that he might have more love and affection with your family then he does for her.....

Definitely it`s not your fault. The only mistake was telling your brother because love is blind. The people here that attack you is because they see their sister in law on you.<br />
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I`ve seen details on your comment and i thing she is what you say she is.<br />
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What to do then? Stay away from a marriage is a good thing, my opinion is that you should have kept your relationship with your brother minimizing the contact your his wife. Talking with others about the affair is not a good idea because all you say always get his way to the person you talked about.<br />
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May be some things are bad and you have to live with that while they last.

Okay so seeing all these people saying it's none of your business all i have to say is Stfu to them. It is your business when she's doing this to you! Don't take it. No you are not jealous they have obviously not been in that situation. My sister in law Changed once they got their house. Although she was always the bitchy type now it's gotten worse. She started telljng my brother i was trying to seduce her brother who is 20 (year older than me).. Saying i was using her brother or whatnot. When in reality we were just friends. She then this thanksgiving ignored me gave me no reason then said it was bc she heard me say i called her a ***** that kisses my *** bc she supposedly does whatever i want. Which now i wish i had said. My brother tried to get us to talk but convinently right when we were going to talk she ended up sobbing to him that she feels like I hate her (even though i Always wanted to be like her and helped out whenever with them) and that my mother doesn't love her. Even though my mother defended her countless times when my brother would be argueing wth her and they lived with us. My mom even kicked out my brother once and let Her stay when they were argueing.. She also did the fb thing at first I stayed quiet but I have an attitude the same as hers if not worse but i took it for a year and so when the talking it out was suppose to happen she sobbed and said all of the bullshit and come december she ignored me still does. But what really set me off is the disrespect to my mother. I can take it and ill kick her *** for it but NEVER mess with my mother. Oh and i forgot to mention When my SISTER was having problems with my bro in law she talked **** about my sister and my sister took it. Then when my nephew was born my sis made my bro and sis in law the godparents after that she changed her tune with my sis acting super nice to her (now) but still never actually greeting my bro in law. Ever since. The december talk my bro in law and dad have both not talked to her like before bc my dad says if she wants to act like that she can be disowned considerig im 19 and shes 26. She cried on new years bc of my dad no longer liking her but she gets what she deserves anyone who says otherwise is full of ****. My brother can keep her we were never close so don't tell me I'm jealous. I may not be close to him but he is family. I know he was close to my mother and my mother is hurt by it and my mother means the world to me so if she doesn't change her tune with my mom i'll change it for her.

please live you'r life. live him to live his own life. don't contradict to the reality. that is none of u'r damn business. you sisters are always like this. u miss the element of life part always against a life of you'r brothers.

Judging your husband's sister is so easy...call her jealous, controlling etc....why do us women not understand another's feeling at all? You are the new person in his life....why do you want him to forget his birth family and just be yours completely? Treating them like your ATMs and stopping them from fulfilling their other duties...husbands must listen to you, your father , your mother and whoever else ..but for your happiness forget their own parents , sisters !!!

i absolutely hate my sister in law she is soo controlling. because my brother is such a nice guy he is soo guliable, persuaded and blinded by engrossing love. my actual sister is getting married however i am younger so i am not married yet; so my sister and my sister in law are getting married around the same time. she has even taken control of my sister's wedding doing the stuff i am meant to do. she has an opinion on everything, she butts in on conversations and is at my house like 24/7. i dont even want to be her friend shes just gets all up in my family and is being too close i feel like i am being replaced. i wish she never existed!!!!!!!

My husband's sister has tormented me for 20 years - on and off. She saw how vulnerable I was with parents living far away and decided to pick on me. She mocked me at my shower with the other sister in law, openly and publicly makes fun of me in front of his entire family and everyone ignores her. At first I felt sorry for her because she appeared neglected and was clearly suffering. Now after so many years I am just tired and want peace. My husband defends her and tell me that I am "manipulating" his relationship with me and that I am full of drama. He swears at me and tells me I am a lunatic. Im confused. Maybe I should leave him. All the swearing gets me depressed and dont want to go to work or get out of bed. He is so loyal to his family above me and all else including his kids. He went to see his parents after Christmas and then went to her house. He came home and said that he had a lasagna from her house... Its almost like he wants to ignore my feelings and rub it in that he will do what he wants... I guess it means that he does not love me. I prefer to not know that he went to her house. Of course I understand that its his sister and his family was gathered there after he saw his parents. But does he need to rub it in? I am so hurt.

i have the same problem but worse mine is a mexian biopolar disorder sister in law . Who uses her kids to call my mom who is very passive and afraid of her , she uses them to try to get a car and then uses him to find out where my parents bank accounts are and even calls my daugther to tell her that she deserves my parents money when they die. My brother fights with her but wont leave her because of the kids he says and this woman keeps attacking my parents. My dad cuts her off so she wont talk to him but my mom is upset all the time . This women has negelect her kids, hit them and doesnt cook for them . My brother is also a spinless person , but he puts up with it for 25 years now and now the kids are turning out messed up because of it. One starts to shake his legs and now he is moving back and forth front and back. The other one is angry and shows signs of aggression. She even goes to parents house and trys to get furniture she wants and stole her kids money out of bank that my parents left for the kids . She has the kids work doing yards and takes the money away from them to spend drinking. Now how is that for a bad sister in law.

That is a horrible sister in law. She has been so blatantly awful to all of you. Mine is a very passive aggressive person and is ruining my marriage... Because its not easy to detect. She is crafty and careful about what she does and if I ever have a reaction, my husband and his family think I am a lunatic. The oldest trick in the book.

I hope things have gotten a little better by now. Sadly if your brother chooses to be with her and deal with all her craziness then you cant do too much about it. Keep your child away from that crazy woman! And maybe write your brother a letter or email telling him how much you miss him and don't want to fight. You simply want to see him and hear from him time to time. And you would also like to see his children because you want to be close with him.<br />
She will always be mad at you for almost breaking up their relationship (by telling him the truth). Sadly your brother did not leave her. Eventually they will probably divorce or he may realize she is nutty and decide to reconnect with you. You need to let him know you are always here for him and that you always want to see him again, no matter how much time has passed. Just leave the ball in his court. Make it clear you WANT to see him and his kids and that you will be waiting for the day he contacts you again.

to rlxiu, are you my psycho SIL? You sound exactly like her with your egocentric remarks about your husbands sister "not being pretty and being flat chested". Maybe you aren't her, but possibly being in a similar situation, on the other end, I can tell you that my brother is telling me things about his wife. She locks herself in the bathroom and cuts herself. She constantly degrades everyone. The only reason she has 300 friends on facebook is so that she can "see how fat everyone got since high school". This is ridiculous. She spends every dime that they have, plus what they don't have. Bills are not important to her. She cries to my brother when her car payment is past due by like $900. Her son even said that "mom bought five pairs of shoes and then didn't have money to buy snacks for us kids." It's the truth. $200 hair cuts and $50 spray tans are what she NEEDS to survive. She doesn't care if her kids need new school uniforms. She spit on my sister, called my family trash (I'm assuming because we don't buy all of the things that we can't afford.....I live within my pay check) She jumped out of a moving vehicle (oh how I would have loved to see her mess up her so called pretty little face) kicked her OWN MOTHER out of a vehicle along the highway, while the kids were with her and told her mother to find her own way home. She told me that if she wanted to get rid of my brother she would inject him in the vein with an air bubble (Shes a nurse.....although an *** wiping nurse). Mrs. Manipulative has found out how to manipulate my brother into hating his own family. When you say how could your husband be spineless.....it could be because you are a manipulative little witch. He might be afraid that if he leaves you, you will put antifreeze in his coffee. At this point I no longer care. When she finally leaves him, broke, with no ego and no friends and family, I don't know who will be there for him or even her....her own family hates her. I know one thing for sure, she will NEVER be happy. So rlxiu, or anyone like you, you may want to think about Karma. What goes around comes around. The person you call ugly and flat chested today could very easily be you tomorrow. You don't know if you will get cancer, you could lose your breasts or your hair. The truth might be unraveled about your psychotic state of mind. You never know. I hate my my SIL and I found out that you can block her phone number from contacting you. AMEN! She is out of my life for good. We all know what happened to the wicked witch, I can only hope the same for someone with such a negative attitude. There are two sides to every story. I am not perfect, but I in now way try to manipulate someone into liking me, or try to buy someone's love. Paying for someone's way to hang out with you does not earn you respect.

It is ok to hate someone that comes in a family and takes it all away , just deal with it and move on . I hate my sister in law and always will ...

Never ok, could you just be a tad insecure?

WOW ejs you are a kid! It's called growing up and getting married! Deal with it!

OMG I hate my sis in law also she has caused so many problems for me in my family. I have 2 sister in laws from hell. That talk about me behind my back. Now they have both become friends with each other. Everytime I go over to see my niece and nephew I have to hear how they are great friends in an almost threatening tone of voice it is terrible. I have no idea why they hate me so much I was nothing but nice to the both of them. My brothers say nothing the both of them. But call me on the side and are still nice to me. They must have deep insecurities the both of them that is all I can think of. I call the one with the children to see my niece and nephew and she doesn't respond back to me. She really doesn't want me close to her children I know that. She hasn't said it but I feel it. Everytime I call I never get a response. It is almost like she wants me gone. <br />
The other sister in law makes up stories about my family and they both discuss us. I hate them both and for the life of me don't understand why I have become their target. I have been nothing but nice and accomadating. But no more. I am slowly starting to tell it like it is. I have had it.

i know how you all feel. i hate my sister in law she is always threatening or cursing some one. she has caused so many problems in my marriage because my husband still wants to see his brother. i dont want her in my life at all but my husband wont tell her to stay away because of hurting his brothers feelings, mine are not important. she left her husband for another man for 1 week 2yrs ago but came back when she realised she would have to get off her backside and support herself.! when that happened my husband accused me of plotting with her,and didn't speak to me for a week. i only ever spoke to her for his sake, she is vulgar and crude beyond belief i hate her so much and she is now causing trouble again. her disfunctional son who is pretty much like her decided he was coming to live with us when i told him to clear off, she said on facebook thaqt she is going to curse anyone up upsets her children. he has also caused problems in our marriage he was thrown out of his girlfriends parents house, he lives with them and i said then he wasn't staying with us. my husbabnd went to stay on our boat with him for a few days leaving me and our children alone at home. it caused so much ntrouble that my husband walked out on me for a week when i was struggling with the death of my father. how do i get these venomous people out of my life.

I F***ing hate my sister-in-law she is the most bitchest female dog in the world. She made my brother hate my family and she doesn't even care about my brother.<br />
She is extremely stupid! ask her about whats 500-500 her brain will explode. <br />
She says bullshit and talks **** about my family to our relatives and sometimes even about her husband!!!

the same has happended to me my sister in law is an evil lady she has caused me night of tears and grief and lost me my best friend and family she is evil as she has done and said things to turn people against me real wicked stuff and she and I are the only ones who know she has snigged to me several times, thing is she was a sucess in making me out to be the bad person which is not true i lost all, and she is the adultress and evil jellous lady she will reap what she sows i hope

This resembles my own problems so much. I have been dealing with these issues for almost a year now and Im sorry to say that it's probably won't get better I have tried to talk to my brother and even apologized for however i hurt him but he just said that i and my parents are just out to get his wife. which is ridiculous. Im hoping that one day he will look back and realized that we love him unconditionally and that we will always be here for him! just keep up the faith!

Hi ! I know how you feel. The only thing I can tell you is not to take what she says to heart . You see my brother got married 6 months ago... didn't tell anyone until it was done . He only knew this woman for 3 weeks and really didn't know a thing about her . She is older than him but not much wiser .... At first came the sweetness ...which I saw right through. She lied to our parents about her back ground ( school , what type of trouble she had been in and such ) . The only thing I could do is do a back ground check on her . So, the lies have started to unfold. No schooling , no jobs only a walfare queen. She also has a 27 year old son she has moved in with them. At first she thought she was going to make her way into my parents home. I put a stop to that ! My brother though can not see what she is. I have not told him what she is yet ! I think it is best to let him find out for himself...though she will not even talk to me ( a god sent ~~~~~) she is still trying to move in on my parents. I keep going over and over with my parents on what she is ! As for my brother ....we've had one fight over the matter . I told him watch your back and when she's gone I will still be here . You see only half of marriages last . This is her third . And when the sex runs out for him ( which it will ) ..... he shall see her for what she really is . A lazy .... over aged .....fat slob . I still don't see what he see's in her but it's better to let him learn on his own , than for me to tell him. The same for your brother. One day it will happen....you see once a cheater ......always a cheater !

Hi BeckySue, <br />
You need to remember that your brother loves you. The reason your sister-in-law is cruel to you is because she is jealous of his relationship with you. She sounds like a very insecure, jealous and immature person, especially since she is actively doing things to hurt you. <br />
<br />
Your sister-in-law also sounds like she has a bad temper. Your brother may be letting her treat you poorly because he is trying to stay safe from her temper. He does have to live with her after all.<br />
<br />
I have a similar situation. My sister-in-law complained often before the marriage that she was afraid that she was not as good a friend of my brother as she was. She told him that she was jealous of me. <br />
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But like the others who responded to you, I convinced myself that he loved her, and that I should stay out of the way. I encouraged him to stop defending me to her because it led to huge fights. They almost broke up when she told him that he could have his brother but not his sister in her wedding. Yes, it was her wedding. And yes, she does have a special instinctive talent for finding ways to put a wedge between people. <br />
<br />
During my deluded phase, I was new to facebook and 'friended' her. She rejected me, but used the opportunity to look at my friends list and pick some of my friends to "friend". When I asked my brother why she did this, was it something that I did accidentally to hurt her, he had no idea what she had been doing behind his back. In fact, every time my brother got her to do something such as speak to out mother, she would find something nasty to do to me on facebook. I really do dislike facebook now. My friends have blocked her because they are appalled at her manipulations.<br />
<br />
My parents paid for the expensive wedding that she demanded. At the wedding she would not speak to them. After the wedding she forbid my brother from speaking to his mother ever again because my mother asked her not to ask the wedding guests to pay her money to dance with her. <br />
<br />
I helped throw a wedding shower for her when none of her friends would help. I lavished attention and love and gifts on them.<br />
<br />
My brother finally admitted that they had to go into counseling right away. The effect of this counseling is that he now pretends that what she wants is what he wants. He loves to spend the holidays with his family, but he is giving into her demands that only the woman has the right to spend time with her family. She has told him that men are not normal if they keep a relationship with any of their family. <br />
<br />
Now my sister-in-law is working on getting my mother to like her again and made my brother cancel their plans to have dinner on Christmas Eve at my home at the last minute after I had already made plans for them. If they had told me ahead of time, then I could have made other plans for Christmas Eve. My brother has been a kind and thoughtful person for over 35 years. And suddenly he is thoughtless, unkind and extremely defensive.<br />
<br />
I understand that he is afraid of her temper. I understand that he wants to make his marriage work even if it means giving up his family, his free will, his personality and his self-esteem. I understand that when she screams at him, he feels hurt and sad. She rules with her temper. <br />
<br />
I understand that I have to let go of my brother. He has to make his own mistakes. And I even know from speaking with other people that this is a mistake that may last for the rest of our lives. In a way, I hope that it does because if he ever wakes up from his dream of having a family and realizes how much of himself he has sacrificed to pacify her insecurity and her temper, then he will be crushed. It will be best if he never wakes up, never realizes that she has crushed his spirit.<br />
<br />
But watching her crush his beautiful, kind and loving spirit is breaking my heart. Watching her turn him against his own family is sad beyond words. She has the instincts to try to isolate him from the people who love him most in this world. As she gets him more and more isolated, he becomes more vulnerable to her anger and manipulations. He begins to internalize her convoluted thinking, and he seems more and more like a shell of a human being.<br />
<br />
It is very much like watching someone die. I have lost people I love to both slow and sudden death. The grief, the letting go, watching the person slowly detach from life, all of it is happening before my eyes.<br />
<br />
But I just keep reminding myself to let go. To let him make his own mistakes. If I try to help him, then she will attack him harder, and if she finds out that I on any level offer him emotional support then she will prevent him from having a relationship with me. <br />
<br />
She is in the cat bird seat, and loving every minute of it. She enjoyed breaking my parents hearts by rejecting them at the wedding and forbidding all contact after the wedding. She is seizing power as fast and as greedily as any alpha female would do. She rewards him for obedience and punishes him for independence. <br />
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I never understood before why so many men are unhappy in their marriages and refer to wives as prison wardens and marriage as losing their cojones. But now I get it. Women use every thing in their arsenal, sex, emotion, anger, everything, to dominate men in marriage. I see so many unhappy men, isolated from their families. <br />
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Sadly, it works the other way also. There are men who seek dominance in their marriages and use their own tools to get it. I don't know which is worse the emotional abuse or the physical abuse. <br />
<br />
And we wonder why so many marriages fail. But ii have a sense that my brother will never let his marriage fail no matter what happens. I only pray that she does not turn on him one day, the way she has turned on his family. I love him enough to let him go. But I pray she will show him more mercy than she shows others. I don't think I can ever forgive her for turning my happy successful brother into a tentative, anxious, defensive person. It's very hard to watch someone you love have their spirit crushed. Very hard. But you will ruin your own life if you don't find some way to disengage from the sad process.<br />
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Remember, ultimately, you have to take care of yourself. If you lose your family, then you have to try to build another family, cobble it together from friends and relatives. Let people know that you need them. You may find new relationships to distract you from the loss of your family.<br />
<br />
At least that's what I tell myself. If I engage with this women and fight for my brothers spirit to live on, then I will only lose more in the end.<br />
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Good luck to you and to all those who are dealing with loss during the holidays. It's a tough time for all.

Hi Becky Sue, <br />
<br />
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. My brother is married to a woman whom I have now grown to dislike. I never had much in common with her and our personalities are different, but c'est la vie and all that. People are different, and I didn't marry her, but fine. <br />
<br />
Other commenters are stating that your brother's marriage is not your business and I agree with that. However, it sounds like she is intentionally and proactively doing childish things to YOU. Those things are indeed very much your business. <br />
<br />
One commenter noted that your brother's "putting her needs before yours proves that he loves her very much and that he is happy." It proves no such thing. He could be taking the path of least resistance, and feel very much caught in the middle. <br />
<br />
How your bro wants to handle his wife (and I do mean handle) is his choice. How you let her treat you is your call, not his. Seriously, people treat you the way you LET THEM treat you. Just remember that.

The girl who commented above me made a good point. I know this , because I have been in the situation. When I married my husband, his sister was so jealous that I took priority over her. She would try to convince him to take her out to eat/movies instead of me, and leave me at home...try to cause a break up, and now a divorce. She has made my life a living hell. I have done nothing but love her brother. Your brother obviously proposed because he was in love with her ,and she made him happy. If you truly love your brother, then you would want thier marriage to prosper, you would want to be kind to the woman he loves. You need to understand that he made a commitment to her. As a married couple, your brother and his wife should be EACH OTHER"S FIRST PRIORITY. As his sister, you should not come above her. Marriage is designed that way because putting each other first is the only way to make it work.

It would be nice if these needy dam SIL's would know their place and stay the hell out of their brothers life...like I wish mine would .

i know how ****** that is...for your sis in law to try to drive a wedge between you and your husband...getting him to bring her out instead of you etc

is she married? or dating anyone?

mine's not, she's single, sad, and sucks...my sis in law has hinted to ME to apply for a divorce a few times (because she tried getting her brother to divorce me, saying she would "stand by him all the way" and give him "love and support" but five years on and two kids later, we've never been happier

when we have family gatherings and my hubby asks me to accompany him to the nearby store to grab something she always stands up first coz she thinks he's asked her not me and a few times i've been so embarrassed for her i've pretended that yes he did ask her to go along with him (because everybody knows a man would rather go out with his sister and not his wife, yeah)

she told me to my face that i'm lucky to have married a backboneless spineless man (her brother) because if her brother had had more spine he would never have married me because he never loved me and never would...

I know that your not going to like reading this but if you want to ever have a relationship with your brother you are going to have to treat his wife with kindness and respect. When two people get married, it is normal and healthy for their marriage to take priority over all other relationships. Your parents are remaining neutral because they understand that they cannot have a relationship with their son if they are going to diss his wife, you are learning this lesson. Futhermore, what goes on in their marriage is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. The fact that your brother is married to her and doing his duty as a good husband by putting her needs before yours proves that he loves her very much and that he is happy. If you love him and want him to be happy then you should be supportive of his relationship with his wife who obviously makes him very happy and content. Personally, I think that you are jealous of the love that he has for her. You said it yourself that you used to be so close, well again it is normal and healthy for him to be closest to the female that is his wife. It is unhelathy the way you are obsessing over her and their relationship, don't you have your own intimate relationship to focus on? You need to make amends with your brothers wife and pray that she forgives you because if not you can know that YOU are responsible for nolonger having a relationship with your "only sibling" because YOU broke the cardinal rule of the neccesity of being respectful towards a person's mate. If you love your brother as you claim, you will follow in your parents foot steps.

Your advice is way out of line. I think you must be one of those nasty sister in laws. If you really think that it is OK for this woman to slander the sister and to not treat her with respect, then you are evil and messed up yourself.

I think respect is a 2 way street,if you want respect you most be willing to give it,.one thing she says she has prove that sil was cheating because she heard it,..but how do you really know that what she heard was in fact what she claims? And was she spaying on her? I think that when it comes to telling someone about someone cheating on them ,you have two choices,tell and what ever comes out of it is the persons choice ,not you problem ,or mine your business.

Versy what part of this story did you miss? SHE started it by trying to break up a marriage. You honestly must be a troll. Yes she ousted a chicks bad behavior but what is worse cheating on some one or breaking up a marriage? Whose to say they couldn't work threw it if she would back the f*** off and let them live their lives?

I know where you're coming from - I think its the spinelessness of those around you who allow this bully to come in and dictate that really rots the soul. Manipulative, scheming, neurotic, self obsessed hags these 'SIL beings' are.