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Evil Backstabbing Vindictive and Nasty Sister-in-law

Two of my sister-in-laws...my husbands sisters, have always hated me.  On the surface is because of how we met...online (same way I met him).  I logged inas a pseudonym, not trusting the internet in those days, just seeking friendship.  Well, when the 'real me' came out they felt betrayed.  I just found out now that at least one, undoubtedly two, and possibly a third SIL have decided to let my teenage stepdaughter know the 'truth', and have given her made up stuff too.  My stepdaughter refuses to talk about it.  Now these same sisters of eastwick have done stuff in the past, to the point where I banned them from the house.  But always left it such that the kids and my husband could keep in contact. Now the gloves are off.  I really want them out of my life...permanently.  My husband doesn't seem to realize that having ANY communication with them validates their perceived 'right' to mess up my life.  Help?

goingtowalk goingtowalk 41-45 4 Responses Sep 23, 2008

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I'm sick of people saying that you have to keep peace with your in-laws for your husbands sake. I say delete them out of your life and if your husband loves you, he will MAN UP and tell his family that they are not allowed to treat his wife this way. Good luck.

moving away from them and where they can find us worked for us

Great comments by liabijoux! <br />
<br />
I have much the same situation that started with my husband's evil sister who resented and envied me from the day I met her (she was divorced with 3 children). As their mutual cousin said to me, "Of course she hates you -- you stole her brother." Over the past 30 years, it has been perpetuated by the actions of her enabling children and my even more cowardly husband. Steps I took to deal with the situation: <br />
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The sister-in-law is banned from my house<br />
<br />
My husband and I entered counseling<br />
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I began building a strong netowrk of friends and extended family upon whom I can rely, because I can guarantee that your in-laws will give you nothing but grief<br />
<br />
I bought, read and forced my husband to read an excellent book, "Toxic In-Laws," by Susan Forward, PhD, which I highly recommend because it has practical suggestions for helping spineless husbands like yours and mine develop a backbone. <br />
<br />
If you can, as liabijoux suggested, move, then MOVE -- and the sooner, the better.<br />
<br />
I wish you much luck and even more strength and courage. You'll need all three in large quantities.

"Well, when the 'real me' came out they felt betrayed." They did? LOL That's ridiculous! How you met your husband is none of their business! If they truly loved their brother they would be respectful towards you; when they disrespect you they are also disrespecting him. It sounds like they are miserable people and trying to make others miserable as well. I'm also questioning your husbands judgment as well as his commitment to your marriage; how could he stay in contact with them when they are so cruel to you (the most important person in his life) They are his sisiters - he is the one that shoudl be telling them to treat you better, and if they can't then he should discontinue his relationship with them immediatly. By him continuing to see them and "paly nice" with them he is inadvertantly saying, "You can disrespect my wife and treat her like crap and I'll still have a relationship with you." This is ridiculous and on his part. The main problem you have is not them, it is with your husband, who should be defending you and laying down the law. If his friends treated you that way would he remain in contact with them? Well I'm sorry but it is no different with family; people NEED to have personal boundaries and refuse to accept bad treatment from ANYONE. There is no exscuse and should be no tolerance for abuse. Your first responsibility in life is to protect yourself. And your husband should be doing his best to protect you as well (which he is not). At this point if I were you, I would absoloutly have NOTHING to do with them and I would STOP CARING about the bs they are spreading. Don't ever defend yourself from them or what they say. They are sick and twisted and you should avoid thinking about them or talking about them completely (except of course to set your husband straight) Is there anyway that you can move away from them, and I mean FAR away? Seriously, nobody deserves to be treated this way. Stay strong, and refuse to be pulled into their misery.