My Sil Is the Devil Recarnated

My sis-in-law sucessfully managed to marry my brother .  My brother is totally whipped and smitten by her petite figure and big breast.  She is book smart and have a good paying job.  Both my parents and I did not like her and we fought hard with my brother about it.  Eventually, my brother got depressed over us not liking her at all.  My parents started to feel guilty about his depression  so they caved in.  He is younger than me by 2 years and does not have a dominate personality, though he can be very stubborn in his own way.

 

They have been married for a little over 3 months now.  She makes no effort to get to know me at all.  I have attempted several times to hang out with her by either going shopping or to the movies, but she always comes up with some lame excuse.  I addressed this to my brother, but he claims I'm making drama.  His marriage to this selfish woman has nearly ruined my friendship/relationship with my only sibling. 

Below is an email that she wrote to me about 1.5 weeks before the wedding:

==============================================  hey [dclady]....hope you had a great weekend! there seems to be some misunderstanding about table arrangements. originally, i had just wanted jay and i to be on the stage for dinner, our own little sweathearts table (usually i hate being the center of attention, but for some reason this is really important to me). then, your parents said they wanted to sit on the stage too. so, i said ok. i understand, it's their first kids wedding, so naturally they want to be up there. i found out last week that your mom expects you to sit up on stage also. honestly, that's not what i had intended. my sister and vik are sitting with the rest of our family in the main seating area and i thought you would be doing the same. if you really want to sit on the stage with your parents, then that's fine, but my sister and vik will not be. it's not my intention to hurt your feelings, or anyone elses. it's just that my wedding day only happens once and this means a lot to me. please let me know what you decide. so much wedding stuf to deal with...i'm just tired and cannot wait to go to hawaii, when all of this is over! :) you'll completely understand what i mean when your day comes...i suggest destination wedding. that's what me and my parents were hoping for for this one, but since your family wants a big one, we agreed.   oh yea, also, i've been working on seating arrangements and have included jay's friends at a table with a few of my friends. we're trying to set one of his friends up with one of my friends :) so, jay told me that two of your friends are coming and they both have a guest. is this true? just found it a little odd cuz i didn't invite any of my friends to my sister's wedding. but, let me know the whitie head count so i can include them at tables with some of my friends. that way your friends aren't stuck at a table with aunties and uncles :) don't worry, my friends are cool so they'll have a good time. thanks.

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This is just the tip of the ice burg.  What hurts the most is that my brother is so blinded and whipped that he doesn't see how insulting she is to me.  Hey, I'm just his only sibling and sister after all! 

 

dclady dclady
31-35
7 Responses Feb 10, 2009

First things, I really do hope everything turns out for the best. Seriously. I hope you guys get to live happily ever after having bbqs all time together and any of your future kids get to have an awesome relationship with their aunt, uncle, and future cousins.

Second, for your own sake (this goes for anyone who thinks they are not the crazy one), take a good long honest look at yourself. Maybe your the crazy one, maybe you are both a bit crazy.

Third, doesn't matter who's the crazy one, you screwed up by fighting with your brother over her when she was just his girlfriend. If they were headed towards eventual break up, congrats, you probably pushed them together. If they were headed towards marriage, you hurt any future relationship with your brother and possible nieces/nephews.

At this point, just be there to support your brother. Don't complain to him about his wife or trash talk about her to others. Be civil to her. This is key if you want your brother to ever trust you and feel comfortable coming to you if a legitimate problem happens. If he thinks you'll say I told you so and lecture him, he won't come to you for help if for example, she turns out to be a drug abusing psychopath, an alcoholic who makes babies cry, a dalmatian-fur-coat-wearing blackmarket organ seller, or you know just not compatible with him. Alternatively, you find out you were wrong about her and have the earlier mentioned happily ever after.

Btw, I'm sorry but you sound like my crazy future sister-in-law. She's got a weird thing with my boobs too. We're born with them, and if you weren't, get over it. It's like holding eye color or skin color over someone. It's genetic.

Also, I give points to that the bride who wrote that e-mail for still making an effort at that point. I'm done trying, it the emotional stress caused by the were causing physical problems, and that was before we were engaged.

I'm posting my own experience in this section because it was getting waaaay too long.
If curious, see http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Hate-My-Sister-In-Law/2587485

contrary to what the others are writing she sounds like a freaking control freak who is selfish and unwilling to give you any importance in her new life. im sorry to say this but thats what it seems like from her email, no amount of 'no offence' or 'i dont mean to hurt your feelings' or 'one day you'll realise' justify the fact that she is putting you on the sidelines. <br />
but on the up side, when it is your wedding you can so totally do the same to her too :) no offence in tended of course.

you're kidding, right? this woman obviously feels that her brother should put HER before his wife - by the way, you do know that legally, a man's next of kin is not "sister" but "spouse," right? she has obviously tried to get her brother to not marry his wife, and has not been able to come up with a sound reason for this, absolutely no respect for her brother's wife = absolutely no respect for her brother and his ability to make decisions for his own life. i feel sorry for her sister in law, i also feel sorry for yours

by the way, you do know that legally, a man's next of kin is not "sister" but "spouse," right? these words resonate with me so well....your statement here is the reason my SIL was such a ***** at my wedding, when my hub called her of course to tell her she was a complete snot face *** about it. The reason for her immature, narcissistic behavior....realizing she is not the next of kin any longer and I AM....Talk about your selfish and twisted which sounds like what dclady got for a SIL also ...so sorry

aradia11

I agree with the comments. Brides can be alot meaner than that and I feel kinda bad for your sister in law. Almost always a wedding ceremony is more important to the woman than the man-and it seems like your sister in law did not get the wedding she wanted but the one your family (parents) wanted. My wife and I married way too young and we had a shot gun wedding lol. Last year-we renewed our vowes and I tried to make the wedding exactly what she wanted and we could afford. Her family and mine wanted a church wedding but my wife always wanted to get married on the beach at sunset. The lakefront was a special place for us-because we always went there early on in our relationship for romatic walks and picnics. . My wife also wanted a small wedding w. our kids and dogs involved-which we did to the dismay of family members on both sides (who wanted us to invite relatives from God knows where or 2nd cousins etc) Honestly-one's wedding is a time in their life they should be selfish and get what they want. Also-weddings are expensive and aside from a date (depending on how old u are)-normally you do not invite your own friends to someone else's wedding.<br />
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A wedding can be a stressful time-so hopefully u will come to get along better with your sister in law in years to come!<br />
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I am also not trying to gang up on u-but if you never planned a wedding you might not understand how so often many relatives decide to give you their input on what you should do-even if you never asked. I'd start new with your sister in law-and hopefully u can get along.

Oh Oh - I have to agree with the others - your sil sounds reasonable - I would never invite my friends to my brothers wedding unless of course they were his friends too - then he could just invite them himself. I just went to a wedding on the weekend that had a sweetheart table and it was a good idea - keeps the focus on the bride and groom I liked it - sorry - You need to be grateful that you don't have my sister in laws - they are freakin' out of their freakin' minds - they are threatening to kick the crap outta me and telling me that I'm blabbin all my husbands business around and they are ALWAYS yelling - ALWAYS - My Fin head hurts!

Hi. I don't want you to feel like others are ganging up on you, but I too agree with the sentiments of the others. i actually think your s-i-l seemed nice enough to explain to you her desires for her wedding, specifically writing she expects that to be her one and only wedding. <br />
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Look at it this way, she could tried to uninivite you to her wedding, or worse! Moreover, I think it was really kind of her to allow your parents at her table, especially since down deep she really wanted it to be only her and her new groom. <br />
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When my s-i-l got married, she had the nerve to ask my husband to remove his wedding ring and pretend to be single (I didn't attend) because she didn't want her "thunder" stolen. We had eloped a month earlier and had kept it very quiet and low key so as to not steal any of her limelight. My husband's family was trying to get him to dance with other women at the wedding in hopes he would meet "a nice girl!"

I have to agree with the first 2 comments, for a bride she seems really nice. have you seen bridezilla? It seem like the reason she make excuses not to hang out with you is because you've been so hard on her. Your brther has made his choice and it seems like you rack it up to him not being aggessive. If you keep making trouble for her you surely will lose your brother. You have to support your brother and the woman he loves.

Honestly, she seems very mature by letting you know exactly how she feels. I would love a SIL like that (I have a sil who is passive aggressive & spreads rumors. It kinda is her wedding & obviously it sounds more like your brother doesn't have the balls to tell his own family because he gets the backlash?

I really didn't see much wrong with her email. I am having difficulty with my future sil also...but her words are 20 times more rude than that. I think it is reasonable for her to decide seating for her own wedding. Are you inviting your friends to your brothers wedding without his permission? Now that seems a little rude.