My sister in law doesn't like me

Before you read this, I know the group name is "I Hate My Sister in Law" but I do not hate her at all, this is about how she hates me.

My sister in law hates me because I am a nice and happy person!  She also doesn't like that I talk too much.  I have known for a while that she hates me, but recently I found out how much she hates me.  It is ridiculous to hate someone for smiling and talking too much.  I don't do anything bad and I do lots of good things for people - Many people have told me that I am one of the nicest people that they ever met.  This all started when I got engaged to her brother (she's older, so now I think it pissed her off that she did not get married first.)  She's been mean to me for a few years now, and I am still super nice to her.  I have done so much for her, it is unbelievable.  The first huge fight that I had with my husband was because she was treating me like crap - he thought it was in my head at that time.  Now he agrees with me and believes me - ever since then, he started paying attention to how she treats me.  The sad thing is that I am the only person in her life that she treats this badly.  I still wish for her to be happy and do not understand how she could wish so much hurt and sadness for me.  I recently found out how much she hates me and it hurt me so bad that my stomach hurt for several days from the stress and then I got sick since my immune system was down from all of the stress.  Several people have told me that she is jealous of me (for several reasons - getting married first and doing very well in my life.)  Her parents know she hates me and have tried working with her to not hate me.  She has improved in front of them, but now she is secretly mean to me (so that they do not know she is being mean to me anymore since I talked to her folks about the issue.)  I have put up with so much - she literally ignored me like I was not even in the room (would not look at me) for almost a month, she excludes me from any gatherings that she can, she is nicer to strangers than to me, and to top it all off she is close friends with someone that had done horrible things to a child - who is awaiting trial for the death penalty.  She literally hates me because I talk too much - since when is that a worse thing than what her friend did?  The worst part, I still wish her health and happiness even though she probably wishes I would die or divorce her brother.  I also still want her to like me and not hate me anymore.  This website is a true blessing, I can finally vent with people going through the same thing.

For more background:  I have never ever done anything mean to her and have not put her down like she does me and my family.  I have done so many good things for her and I was so stupid because I thought she was actually starting to like me again - wrong, my husband was right to tell me to stop hanging out with her because she was only using me.  I have also been trying to talk as little about myself as possible in front of her and have let her go on and on about herself - but I still notice that she gets mad if I bring up how my day was or how things have been in my life.  She is rude and and most people think it is cute because "that's just her personality."  Ugh, it's sad to know that being nice to somebody can make them hate you.  What is wrong with this world?

nicefriendly nicefriendly
22-25, F
105 Responses Mar 16, 2010

I feel very sorry for you. I'm also at my whits end with my sister in law. She has done so much damage to our marriage from being nasty u can't believe it.
One year my husband had a heart attack she came over my house in Easter where my daughter in law and son were and also my husbands biological mother. She starts in in my dil telling her she has no manners that she's like white trash. She's in tears and then my sil starts in on my mil telling her at the age of 82 that she is a horrible person and that she probably caused my husbands heart attack. My husband came home 4 days later and my sil started telling him about Easter and she gave him another heart attack and I ended up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown my husband couldn't come see me because he was too weak. So I was all alone. That was 4 years ago.
Now we are on vacation in Florida and she has a place down here also with her husband for the winter
My sil and her husband were fighting and going to get a divorce so my husband said lets bring his sister down here for a break. So we take her out to dinner one night and she orders chicken and I order a different kind of chicken dish. She comes f... Unglued and starts screaming at me how dare I have the nerve to order the same thing as her. I've finally learned to stand up for myself so I told her rather yelling that she needs help mentally then we get home and she's screaming and she hits me so I call her husband and tell him he has to come and get her. I locked my door that night afraid she would knife me. She left the next day but not before she stole my medication. Now I'm trying to settle down and not fall apart again

It time to go no contact with this abusive person... detach from them completely. I moved 1000 miles to loose the toxic individuals in my life. It helped a lot until my half sister moved close by and brought her father my step father who has emotionally abused me since I was 3. I had to go no contact with him. It was not easy but worth it. We as a family had to go no contact with my husband's older sister because she she is an overt Narcissist who chose my husband stroke recovery visit as a chance to emotionally abuse and demean me right in front of her brother who could understand everything that was going on but had no words to communicate. People like this are hiding behind their lies and false selves they choose targets or " people" to get their Narcissistic supply needs met at everyone else cost. If you try to expose them for what they really are they will try to destroy you. You cannot defeat them they are capable of so much evil and pain towards anyone who does not play their games. You must lean to keep them out of your life give them no details of your life to use against you or anyone you love. Also remember do not let them see you as a vulnerable sensitive person because they will only take advantage of you and your weaknesses. To understand them just think of them as emotional vampires who pray on people who do not support their facades. They can be charming to others and can make you appear to be the one who is crazy because they know how to push your buttons and make you feel like you are out of control. Then they tell others in your circle that you are the one who is doing everything. If you react to this set up you will be seen as the problem and they are the victim.

Some very good quotes I have found about this:

Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. It is something deep inside you says something is not right about a person or situation, Trust it!

Start ignoring people who threaten your joy!
Ignore them.
Say nothing.
Don't invite any parts of them into your life.

To those who abuse: The sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours.
To those who protect the perpetrators: Blaming the victims only masks the evil within,
making you as guilty as those who abuse. Stand up for the innocent or go down with the rest!

When you finally escape the hold your abuser has on your mind you get a whole new outlook on life. There's an overwhelming sense of freedom you get while finding yourself again. You'll want to do things you haven't been able to do for a while. It's like being set free from prison. And sometimes being alone never felt this good.

I will not try to convince them to love me, to respect me, to commit to me. I deserve better than that; GOODBYE.

Lastly, The beginning of the end of broken for me was when I realized my OWN VALUE without letting anyone else define it or define me anymore. I no longer honor the opinion of the very people who defined me as invalid and discounted me in the first place. I no longer give my energy or my power to those people who only want to use me or keep me underneath them, defining me as less than them so that they can feel better about themselves! Quote from Darlene

Now you will have the power to love yourself and be free from those who are unhealthy and have no boundaries and choose to manipulate. I choose to detach and not care about what these dysfunctional people say and think when it comes to me. I choose ME!

Toxic people cannot harm you if you fail to show up and play the game any longer!

Take care of you first and the rest will fall in place.

I have an way older sister in law. There's a big age difference in me and my hubby. She always gets what she wants. At the cost of the family but no one says a thing because she will cause a scene. But one of these days I'm going to. She doesn't send me card for my b-day any more. She doesn't ever want to get together any more. And she is so controlling!! She treats me like one of her kids friends whom she doesn't like. Not like her brothers wife. And she doesn't treat her brother very well either. I'm beginning to find out how much she truly don't like me the longer we are married. Hope your story ends peacefully!!

My brother in law's new wife hates me. She ignores me unless I go up to her and say hi first, and then the rest of the gathering she doesn't talk to me. I bought her aquamarine (her birthstone) earrings to welcome her in the family. I was trying to show goodwill in hope for us to bond. I was so excited to have a sister. It didn't work, she still ignores me. She never sent a thank you card for the wedding shower and wedding gifts my husband I have her. I made the place cards at her wedding. That is the only time she came to me to talk is have me do her placecards because I'm an artist. When I had questions about how to proceed and decisions to make regarding her choices for the cards she rarely answered my texts. So, I'd do my best to make a good choice and finished them up. She was thankful, but she doesn't talk to me. Now she's going to have a baby. I can't have kids and wish I could. I am so sad and jealous. My parents in law love her and I'm old news (I've been married to their son for 15 years). My parents are both dead, and I've always loved my inlaws in their place. But now I'm old news and can't make them grandparents. I'm very sad, and I pray everyday that I can get over my feelings and love my sister in law. I want to be a good auntie, but I'm afraid I'll be left out and only invited to things as a token. I was completely ignored at her wedding shower. Her friends barely said hi to me. I held my head high and kept smiling through the day. But I was ignored. At the wedding one of her friends gave me dirty looks and made a rude comment about the color of my dress. It was purplish blue. I thought it was a safe color for a wedding. In my heart I wanted to wear a hot little red number with 3" heels. But out of respect I wore the purplish blue with 1/2" heels (sister in law is shorter than me, so I didn't want to upstage her).
Thank you for listening.

I know exactly how you feel. Reading about your sister in law is just like reading about mine. It's not you that has the problem, it's her, and if she wants to be that sad and pathetic, let her get in with it.

I think your sister in-law is jealous of you. She loves the way you smile and talk, but her imperfections in smiling and talking that makes her hate you.

I understand this situation my sister-in-law has turned my brother against me and yelled and said horrible things over the phone. I am the nicest person there is and have never done anything wrong to warrant this. My brother said I should apologize even though she screamed at my for an hour on the phone. I should of hung up but I had held my tongue for so long that I just lost it. I have hearing challenges and learning disabilities. They are both doctors and I only have a bachelor degree in education. My sister-in-law lives the best life and I have had to struggle but still have a great family and friends that support everything I do. I don't want to lose my brother and have my family torn apart by this situation. I feel even I apologized it would still make the situation worse?!

I'm having the same issue too. My bother kinda really hates me now and somehow my sister-in-law became the center of attention and is the sad victim accusing me of treating her bad and doing many things to hurt her when I did nothing all at. Luckily no one else in the family believes in her because other family members don't really like her in the first place and knows what kind of person she is. Some of my friends says that she might just be jealous of you because it seems like your more close to your mum then her with mum. Others says that she might have serious mental issues. I mean she even made a big argument on my mum's b day dinner which made mum so upset. And guess what? My brother even hates my mum now. I'm so mad about it because my brother always think her wife is good when literally she is not even good at all. She never helped mum out with house choirs, always stays in her room and doesn't socializes with us when her husband is at work. Never greets us when she sees us at home. I just don't understand why my brother thinks she is the best when she doesn't even know what respect means. I'm glad they moved out so we can have some peace at home. Having her at move is a total disaster. Every time when she's pissed off from childcare work, she will have a miserable, mad face during dinner. Every dinner is like eating in hell.

And like you my brother says he refuses to talk to us unless i bow down and apologise for what I have done...seriously wth??!!! I asked them what I have done and my sister-in-law always refuses to tell me whats happening. Seriously, I don't even know what's going on. And hence, I don't even know what I've done because seriously I'm pretty sure I always treat her good and I never did anything to her to hurt her. Maybe there was a mistake or whatever. I just don't know. My big brother says she's probably just making things up to make everyone show attention to her. Or she is just jealous of me and wants to make everybody hate me.

I chose to ignore whatever they say and continue to live a happy life and don't let your sister in law affect you in anyways because it is not worth being upset for someone who never treated you the way you deserves to be treaten.

My sister in law completely disregards her mother's health, relying on my mil for 2-3 days of weekly childcare, plus days she wants her mother around while she runs errands. It forces my mil to have to cancel doctors appointments and to babysit when she's not in the best of health, having had two serious falls, high blood pressure, back and Hip pain, and Crohn's disease which she just got a major surgery for. I've brought this up
With my sil, but she just says thank you for your concern, high blood pressure is no big deal, and continues to call the shots. Well, no my mil is your mother, and you need to regard her with respect and be sensitive to her needs and schedule, not the other way around. All the while, when she goes on fun outings, her brother (my husband) and I are never invited. When she comes to pick up her mother at our house, she doesn't even mention to us she'll be there. It's like my husband and I are ghosts! I'm going to be telling her how I feel in an email today, along with telling her mom today that I can't devote anymore time and energy towards caring about her health if she and my sil want to continue ignoring her health concerns. If my concerns aren't regarded, I need to move on. I am annoyed that my sil, who always says she's an introvert and only hangs out with an "exclusive set of friends" (I'm an introvert too. That's not a license to be rude), hasn't been able to see the help I could have offered and have been offering these past 4 years I've moved in and married her brother. But I'm ready to move on and be cordial. The door is always open for her to come around, but I'm not going to have any expectations of her embracing me into the family or caring to ask about her mother's condition, since I live with my mil and know how she's really feeling. I need to accept this situation, but right now I think it's just ridiculous and she's just plain selfish, being her aggressive self- which is not the same as assertiveness. She's so aggressive, I'm working with my husband to gain some of his assertiveness back- since he's told me he never had a say or attention in anything when his sister was around!

Add a sister in law does'nt like me an i dont know why she hates me like this

This sounds exactly like my sister in law! She has hated me for 28 years of my 33 year marriage! I am always the joke. Her and my husbands brother, which is her husband...have both ignored me. Recently, my oldest daughter was hospitalized with 4 blood clots in the brain! Not one get well wish was sent! Made me realize that they are not important anymore!

I've been with my fiancé for 4 years now. Engaged for 1. A few months after we met, my other half moved in with me and he didn't have a job or a car and I basically paid all the bills and I was totally fine w/ that. A few months later, he landed a great job and we moved. For a year I did not work because we lived in a town w/ only 800 people, so jobs were scarce and we just lived off of barely anything (which is something I had to do prior before him moving in with me, I was very independent) . After a year, we moved w/ his sister and brother in law and she was pregnant. She was really nice to me and I tried really hard for her to get to know me and I thought she liked me. We had never planned on staying long term and found an apartment an hour away, she seemed to be upset about this for some reason. When we moved, I got a part time job and my fiancé was furloughed from work, we barely survived, but we made it fine. When he started working again, I quit my job and we moved into a really nice house to rent, and we've been here for over a year and I've just done photography as a hobby but haven't done much else. This seems to infuriate his sister. She's a teacher and always had help from her parents, she basically had things handed to her, a car, a free place to stay while she went to college. I on the other hand, have struggled and never had any help, and have almost been homeless. I've had to deal with a lot. Even though I've had issues with people in the past, I've tried to get along with her and get my fiancés sister to try and get to know me but to no avail, she refuses to see me in a different light, she has her mind already made about who I am and says I'm using her brother. It's beyond ridiculous. She claims her family feels the same way but her parents are always so nice to me, and I really adore them, so the thought of them talking bad about me, really hurts. I'm always on edge whenever I'm around his family, because I feel like they don't like me, even though they are nice to me to my face. When me and my fiancé got engaged last year, my fiancé told his sister via text because they had a falling out over me, and her response was "wow" it was so rude and hurtful. This Christmas too, I do photography and she never once asked me to take photos of her and her family. The candid shots I did take, I sent them to her and she never even posted them on her Facebook. She also gave me a bracelet for Christmas, it was for a 5 year old, it was borderline embarrassing and I almost wish that she would have just refrained from getting me anything. My fiancé spent over $300 on her family and she gives me a child's bracelet? It wasn't even about the gift itself, I just felt mortified and her husband kept snapping photos of me (I hate my photo being taken) and I even asked him nicely not to take anymore and he just continued to do it. I don't know what her deal is. Ive tried really hard, even to the point where I stopped trying. Just because I don't work, doesn't mean I'm a terrible person. I would go to the moon and back for my fiancé, he's done so much for me and I'm so appreciative of it, but she seems to think otherwise and has this "perception" of me. I don't even ask my fiancé to buy me anything, he pays the bills but I don't take advantage of him. I truly love him and it makes me sad that his family feels this way about me.

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My boyfriend of 7 months still lives with his parents. He’s 26 and I’m 23. His younger brother (21) and brother’s girlfriend (20) also live at the same house with his parents. At first, his brother’s girlfriend was cordial and nice to me although I rarely saw her. She worked at a nearby restaurant and would give me free coffees and smile at me whenever I came in. I had my own apartment and my boyfriend often worked until 10 or 11 pm, so I rarely saw her even when I did come over. My landlords unexpectedly raised my rent, so I moved in with MY parents just for a couple of months while trying to find a new place. This mixed with a change in my boyfriend’s schedules made it so I was around the family and his brother’s gf far more often. That’s when I first started to note some animosity from her. At some point during this time, she rudely called me out for the fact that several of my hairs were on the bathroom floor—a problem that I’ve had for years because of my long, curly brown hair—so I quickly vacuumed the bathroom, apologized and began to be pretty self-conscious and aware of the problem.
After I vacuumed and had been trying to make sure there were zero hairs of mine ever in the bathroom, I tried to follow up with her to see if the problem had gotten any better, and this is when a sort of silent treatment began. I directly asked her if the problem had been solved, but…no answer. Just straight up silence. It was weird but knowing that my heart was in a good place and that I’d done everything in my power to fix the small problem, I tried to stop stressing out about it. After about 6 or 7 months of dating my boyfriend, things began to get pretty serious. He’d always mentioned that he wanted a Rottweiler puppy so that it could learn the mannerisms of his older Rottweiler who would most likely pass away soon. After consulting his parents and getting their approval, I bought a 8 week old puppy for him for Christmas. After getting the puppy, she was noticeably more nice to me for about 2 weeks, but then began to treat me worse than ever before. Literally, no matter what I said to her or how nice I acted, she’d just be silent to me. She’d send me aggressive texts about the puppy like “We can’t watch her all day, so if you could get back ASAP, that’d be great” despite the fact that she knew I worked 9-5 every day. I explained to her MULTIPLE times that we never expected them to watch the puppy and that we’d purchased an extremely large cage for her to go in so that they didn’t need to watch her. As with any puppy, potty training was a huge struggle, but my boyfriend and I ALWAYS cleaned up any messes or accidents she had. I tried to be vocal about the fact that they should tell me if the puppy EVER inconvenienced them so that I could compensate for whatever damage she’d done. The whole family fell in love with the dog, however, and my boyfriend’s parents often offered to watch her while we went out to a movie and other activities. We never asked for any financial help from anyone.
As the months went by, I could literally feel the hatred she had for me, and I began to literally be afraid of being left alone with her because she seemed to only verbally attack me when it was only us. I tried talking to my boyfriend’s parents about it, and a few times, they actually overheard/saw the mean things she said and did to me. I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible of the fact that I’m a new element in this family equation, and I’ve never, ever attempted to outdo her or be mean to her. The other day, things came to an apex when everyone except her and I were home alone. The washer/dryer are unfortunately IN my boyfriend’s room, so while I was in there watching the puppy, she came in to put a load of laundry in. The puppy always ran out if we left the bedroom door open, so I said kindly, “Hey, I know this is awkward, but I have to shut the door so the puppy doesn’t run out.” To which she responded, “I don’t mean to sound like a *****, but if you could just not talk to me, that’d be great.” I asked if I’d done anything in particular to upset her, but she just said another really mean comment and stormed out of the room.
This was the last straw for me, so after months of keeping my mouth shut, I went upstairs and confronted her in front of my boyfriend’s mom. I told her I was tired of her pretending to be nice to me in front of them, but then turning around and being super mean when we were alone. I demanded to know why she didn’t like me and begged for things I could work on/do to fix anything I’d done that was bothering her. With my boyfriend’s mom mediating, she was forced to give me a few answers—well, kind of answers… She literally said she disliked every single thing about me, and compared hating me to how much she hated her family who’d basically abandoned her and told me she’s never disliked anyone as much as me. She named the bathroom cleanliness issue and the puppy as reasons for not liking me, but I felt like she really had no good reason for the amount of hatred she had. Trying to be understanding and accommodating, I committed to cleaning the bathroom really well once a week, but in the end, she said that there was NOTHING I could do to fix things between us.
I’ve never had this type of hatred from someone for reasons that they can’t explain. I realize not everyone in life is going to like you but hate you for no reason? That doesn’t seem right. I don’t feel comfortable over there now and I don’t know what to do. I can’t figure out why this is happening or why she hates me. I’d appreciate advice from anyone about this.

Yes, I know this situation myself. In my case she influences the in-law parents as well so that the whole bunch is having a drama queen fit over what she says happened. I am ignored. So I stopped trying now. Why hit your head so much on a brick wall? Sometimes God remove people from your life for a reason, so don't go running after them, this is my motto now. All that matters is my husband and his kid, that's it. They are my family.

My sister in law hates me, too. She wrote a bunch of horribly mean emails about me to my husband (her brother), so I decided to animated them...

I can relate. Oh how I can relate. My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. It's always been a roller coaster of emotions with his sister. I at first honestly wanted us to be close. Have a good relationship. But hey, wish in one hand and s*it in the other right? We got married rather quickly and even tho I didn't know her very well, I wanted to put her in my wedding as a sign of our families uniting. It was important for me. Well shortly after the wedding she got divorced and went in a downward spiral. And out of nowhere got real nasty with me. Over nothing? She also started hanging out with my best friend, who's relationship was also in the dumps, they clicked and for whatever reason turned on me. Talking crap, saying I'm jealous of both of them, which was kinda laughable. They were the jealous ones because I'm happily married and they were single and miserable. I was getting upset rightfully because of the situation that was happening. I mean I thought grade school was over! They started a drug binge and then started messing around with each other. That's when things really got weird. And of course this upset my husband and only made more upset and mad to see this happening. But then again, I was just jealous... I mean get real... Anywho long story short cuz there really is too much to type, they had a falling out and then my SIL came to me apologizing for everything. For the family, I told her that's fine and I forgive you.. but I can't forget what transpired. I don't trust her after the fact. She claims to have changed but even after it was all said and done she still treats me as if me and my children do not matter. My husband just tells me that he's used to her being a b*tch. Well I'm sorry. . I can't accept that and won't be treated as less especially my children just because she has self esteem issues or whatever issue she has with me. It's always awkward at family gatherings. I always ju at feel left out. Ugh... I don't know if there's any way to fix this. I can't help but not trust the girl. Because she's clearly showed me her true colors. But it would be nice to have family gatherings without the tension. Any advice?

You didn’t specify the age of this girl (woman?), but everything I’m reading here seem to lead back to simultaneous immaturity and dissatisfaction with her own life. The reckless behavior (drug binge and hooking up with your BFF) only further this conclusion. She’s obviously going through a really hard time with a divorce and everything, and you’re a constant reminder of the marriage that did work out—one that isn’t hers. I think it’s completely fine that you don’t trust her, but I really respect the fact that you accepted her apology so graciously. Given the information I know, I’d advise:

1. Try sitting her down and just flat out ask her what the problem is and how you can fix it. Let her know you’re there for her if she ever needs to talk about anything.
2. This is so cliché, but kill her with kindness. Honestly, you don’t even really need to interact with her at family functions, but if you do cross paths, just be cordial and a lady (which it sounds like you’re already good at ).
3. Try talking to your mother-in-law? Maybe let her know you just really want the whole family to be close and ask for her advice. It may even help to have her mediate a conversation between the two of you.

I’m sorry I don’t have better advice. This sucks. Just keep being a good person. I always felt like as long as I knew deep down that my heart was kind and my intentions were good that I had nothing to worry about.

thank you! Ive actually tried sitting her down getting a face to face convo but shes avoiding me like the plague. Her and her significant other are having a commitment ceremony and surprise surprise... Im not invited. But my husband and children are. I think she is afraid im going to punch her in the face lol. Which im not going to lie, sounds nice, but im not that type of animal. :)

"That's Just her personality", is code for she is Narcissistic and we are afraid to stand up to her!

Hi i have just recently got married About in January my husband is biggest of me about 10 year .he is very nice person .but his mom & My sister in law are very danger ,i hate sister & law is married and also she have 1 child also and she is come at my home every week and stay my house in wek 5 days ,and i m working she is a teacher nd she wake up 5 :30 am nd her school time is 7 Am so she go at 6 : 30 and i am going at my house about 7 : 30 and i have some home work just like Food making ,Washing Clothes etc and she 's take bathing time about 1 hour and she doesn t help me. and more and clothes drop for wash and i am very late for job beacause my time is left nd i forget all this in morning.but at evening she s came and eating food she is does not take hr plate and go for rest.she doesnt help me , so i have quarling with my Hubby Nd my Mother in law nd i am desisded when she s came at my home i am go at my mom house.please say me what i am do. i am very tired.

Hi I have just recently got married to my husband but his stepsister is using every opportunity to put us both down. My husband's father doesn't help and the stepmother used to be a ***** to me herself. Nobody stops my husband's stepsister, and each time we say what she has done, we are told to not make a big deal and just to get over it. I have started wishing her very bad things in my head whereas before I would never ever dare to think mean things. I am even thinking of not going round to my father in law anymore even if this would upset my husband. I seriously don't know what to do and it is making me both physically and psychologically sick.

How much exposure do you have to the members of this family? Like, how often do you have to deal with them/see them?

I wish I knew why my sil hates me. My husband also thinks it's in my head. But I know she does everytime a say something she has a combative response, especially when I talk about my children. "Oh I do it this way or dont do that thats not good for them" Shes a know it all. I don't want to dislike her but I have 2 sils, she is the same age as me and the other is older ( and very sweet). I just want her to like me. I often feel like im not good enough, in this case she has the white picket fence where as we live in an apt. I did get married before her but she got engaged before me which im sure pissed her off. Anyway I just want us to have a relationship. We are catholic so im stuck with this family forever mind as well build a relationship with her. Don't know what to do...

As simple as it is, this sentence really sums up the issue a majority of us on this forum have: “I just want her to like me.” It’s so frustrating to literally feel as though you’ve done nothing to someone and to get hatred in return. When people dislike me, my initial reaction is always to analyze every interaction I’ve had with that person to try and figure out where things may have gone sour. Sometimes this process can leave you more frustrated, however, and it’s important to remember that in life, you’re just going to rub a few people the wrong way—no matter what you do.

When dealing with a similar situation as you’re dealing with now (except my SIL literally told me she hated everything about me to my face), I realized that there may not be anything I could ever do to fix things between her and I. Despite that fact, however, I continued to be cordial, smile, be polite and I even gave her a few nice Christmas presents. The logic behind this was that as long as I stayed true to my character and continued to be a kind, good person, there would be literally no fault for me to bear. It even kind of becomes a game because they want to hate you so bad, but they can’t.

Not sure if your SIL could be won over with just a few Christmas gifts, but it worked for me. Maybe try finding out a few things she really enjoys to do and try and get interested in those things with her. If you can find some common ground SOMEWHERE, that’d be a great start. Good luck!

My SIL is always rude to me, she constantly puts me down because we're built differently. I'm a year older than her, I'm small and petite. I weigh about 125-130 pounds. My SIL is shorter than me and she weighs a lot more than I do. She is constantly saying things like I should go eat a cheeseburger and that I don't have an ***. She says I'm a miserable *****, I'm really nothing but a happy person. Her brother hates her, she's so immature that she blocked me on Facebook because I supposedly disrespected her. Sorry, she has to give respect to get. She's hated me since day 1 but I won't dare confront her, because she would go cry to her mother or aunt and I won't disrespect them like that.

I am the same as you too.. to be honest I wouldn't know what to do either. I'm nice respectful and everything my Sil want whatever clothes or shoes I get it for them and yet after all I was called a ***** and being teased of how stupid I am. Being this nice and no respect back. Each time my Sil goes somewhere they told me to babysit yet I do but when it comes to me he'll no take your kids they super naughty **** this **** that.. I've put up with this and done being nice.. I hate the fact that my husband Nv backs me up and always on their sides. I wanted a divorce with him but how can I when I have no parents to run too... Im just so sad that I have no one to be on my side but to cry every night and pretend to laugh during the day.. I am confused too if someone can help me understand myself it will be great tooo

Honey, my SIL has not liked me for 43 years. She is so horrible to me I refuse to be around her. BE YOURSELF. TALK ALL YOU WANT. I have had people tell me I talk too much. Well, they walked in a door where I was talking. They know how to walk out. They get one chance with me. After that, I avoid, avoid, avoid, :)

I can completely relate. More then you could even imagine... Down to the stomach aches and not being able to sleep. I'm learning to accept it and it is very difficult.

good luck!

Hi I don't mean to be hurtful but after reading that I don't know how much I'd like you if I had to listen to you often. I'm sorry it's great that you're happy but being around someone who talks too much can be very annoying. I think that approaching her and telling her how you feel can help. I don't think she hates you, sounds like you annoy her and she is rude to you because of it. Maybe if you guys talk you can figure out what bothers her about you and you can tell her what she does that bothers you and you both can work at not doing those things. Just start conversation with how you want to have a better relationship with her and you'd like to talk about it. Keep tone of voice low and don't lose your cool so not too much finger pointing and getting defensive. Good luck!

With respect, I woud not change who I am so YOU woud like me.

Hello, I can relate to you. I know this is an old post, but just last night, I made my fiance of 5 years confront her. I can no longer tolerate her behavior. My sister-in-law confirmed that she just never liked me from day 1. She said she will never look my way, she will never associate herself with me. I want to just want to make things less uncomfortable, and resolve this issue. There is no issue. I feel she is either 1) Racist or 2) Jealous because I am also always smiling and happy, but I somehow let her take that away from me.

She didn't like you from day one so she never gave you a chance or got to know you. If you making her brother happy isn't good enough reason for her to at the least be respectful toward you then she isn't a great person. You have done nothing wrong and shouldn't let her take away your smile. I say keep smiling and don't let her think for a second that her attitude affects yours. Be friendly and yourself, kill her with kindness but don't kiss her ***.

Oh and please don't let her come between you and your bf. confront her yourself or don't tell him at all if it's started arguments between the two of you plus when you have him talk to her its as if your trying to put them against each other and this makes her not like you more.

Oh and I have to say every time I say something she switches it around in her head..what I said and that's not the way I meant it!

Me and my husband been married for almost 8 years and he sister does not like me..I did not do anything too her..I am nice too her too me it seems she's jealous and just rude..and she makes fun of me.. I ignore her and act like she's not getting to me..but she really is..I'm trying not to give her the satisfaction..I think djrd jealous of our marriage.. But my husband and I aren't going too let no one come between our marriage not even his b**** sister.. I can tell her a lot of mean and rude things that are true about her but I don't! Me and her brother are happy and successful. That's why I think she acts this way she loves to put me down.. It hurts me but I try not to let it get to me...but its hard,because I just want to slap the crap out of her..ugh! I hat my sister in-law! What should I do!?

You need to live and not make her a part of your conscious life. In other words, life is about creating boundaries that you keep the good ones in and the ones that hurt you out. Be cordial when you have to be around her but not overly friendly. Stop complaining to your husband and his family about the treatment since she is thriving on the negative attention you are getting. Remember you are not alone and many women have these issues especially with the in laws and sister in laws especially when they are your husbands sister.. Stay as far as you can from her when you have to be in her company because you cannot change who she is . Good

I hate my sister in law and am happy to say so. She is a manipulative ***** who won't let me see her son. I truly haven't done anything to warrant her nastiness she just likes to keep her son to herself. She won't let my Mum come and see him either and my Dad goes around there and does up her house and does all this work for him and she never goes to see him or do anything for him. She is sitting pretty with a house that my brother has bought pretty much and she has the whole family on strings like puppets. When I ask if I can come and see her she says "Oh yes I'll let you know, I'm really busy." She has no job and takes her son to events twice a week so I'm not sure what makes her so busy? She only lets her family have anything to do with her son and has completely stone walled us. She's also really cold with my partner and he is really angry with us. I feel like he's taking his anger out on us because she is so cold. I've never seen them hold hands, hug or show any live to each other. God I really do hate her. I just want a relationship with my beautiful nephew and she just won't give me a chance even though she lives five minutes away from my house. She even walks down my street and never comes to visit me. It hurts a lot!

I mean her partner.. her partner... my brother. I am happy she doesn't show my partner any affection.

They are just so sick... Mine hates me even when I have an arranged marriage wid my husband... She comes every week to my house... the day she comes and two days after my in laws dont speak wid me. She also does this to her brother. She is responsible for his breaking his affair just to get her done. (The ex was a real nice girl) . That is her personality ... saddist.. She loves to screw other people's lives...Now i just ignore her whenever she comes. Even after 5 years of my marriage she does not leave a single chance to make my husband go against me. Its just that he knows how selfish she is.... How bad can one be , so that your own brother hates you?

i am in a deep ****. i dont know what to do . my sister in law is separated from her husband and presently living with us . she is making my life hell.i tried helping her reconcile with her husband. but now she said to my husband that i am conspiring against her . she tried to hit me and i stopped her that made her more husband also started shouting at me. i hate her the most in this world. plz guys tell me what to do

I can so relate to you except that i have 2 sils that hate me for no reason at all and the worst part is, one lives with me and my husband because she is divorced. They also blame me for the divorce saying i performed witchcraft on my sils marriage which is ridiculous and hurts me every time i think about it. Dont they realise i am the one suffering from her divorce more than her because she lives with me now and taunts me and meddles in my life every chance she gets. Sometimes i wish i never married my husband just so i didnt have to put up with his sisters. You are not alone dear.

Omg the entire time I was reading this i was thinking that I write this Lol this is exactly what I'm going through with my sister in law. I have no clue why she hate me and I don't know what to do. I been married to her brother for 7 years now and she still doesn't like me. Do u have any suggestions please help

I have been married 7 years too.Dun worry , ur fate is in God's hand not hers.I think its their insecurities...they are afraid you take their brother totally and they might loose connection.

So, there has been a few developments:

-I confronted her in front of my mother in law, and I used her as a mediator to open the dialogue between both of us. She pretty much just said she hated every single thing about me, but for some reason it helped me get over it to just hear it from her.
-I made it clear that I wanted a relationship and that I’d meet her more than half way to make peace in the family.
-I acknowledged a few of her points and said I’d work on improving on some of the things that bothered her.
-I kept being kind and cordial, but I left her alone and stopped trying to get along with her so hard.
-I gave her a few cute Christmas presents. Oddly enough, this seemed to fix things between us. I think she realized I was a good person because even after all the terrible things she said to me, I still showed love and kindness.

Good luck. This situation sucks.

Your sister in law is overstepping your personal boundaries.
Do not allow her to treat you like this do not engage her or give her any more of your time and effort. I no longer have any contact with my SIL who I refer to as the BEAST FROM HELL. She is no longer considered a part of our family. Families are like FUDGE some are sweet and some are just full of nuts!

Yup both my sis in law are from hell...same genes ... same mental sickness.told them of one by the phone...the other one to two(sil and her hen pecked hubby who actually suggested hubby and me divorce).They love to hurt me while my hubby is away...hoping I would turn to my husband later to talk about them .Then those women would deny and cause hubby to think I am lying.This was what their parents did to me.I would never trust them.So I told them I was sick of their low life games and that I could tell them off by myself without my hubby's support. Now sils are angry cause they cannot tell hubby I told them of cause then hubby would ask what happened. ..they r not going to tell wat caused my anger since they have been playing the denying game...oooo "I#m the good sil and I wld never hurt your wife" game.

They can't actually say " Oh I rummage your wife's stuff and read personal letters and documents and Diploma with her transcript s" or "I did not do anything. ..your wife told me off out of the blue without a cause"So now they have to swallow the anger and cannot get it out of their system.

I challenged them to complain to hubby so its my turn to play the denying game.Of course, I am not going to do what they did and be them..not going to stood that low...just wanted them to see wat a low life they r.This happened last year September. ..they have not complained to my hubby I told them of, scared they might actually expose themselves.

My sis in law rummage through my lingerie, read my letters and documents...She also gives condescending remarks.

Oh no! she is invading your privacy which is horrible. I am sorry, if you don't live with her then please try to cut down her visits. Then if she asks about it let her know that she has no right to invade your privacy. I really feel for you, at least this doesn't happen with me.

My story is bit different, my step sis in law (who has not talked to me and my husband for the past 7 years, didn't congratulated us on my sons' birth) just forged my signatures on legal documents few months back. The signatures were accepted by the DMV, my father in law told me the same day (sort of in a proud voice how my step sis in law was able to forge my signatures, how smart is she). I was really upset but there was nothing I could do because if I had taken a legal action then my father in law would have to be involved, so I stayed quiet for the sake of my kids as they need their grandfather around them. Yes, the grandfather who refuses to celebrate his birthday, father's day, xmass day or any other holidays with us because he has to be around his ex and her daughter. He even forces his daughter (my husband's sister) to celebrate holidays with them saying they are his family. He tried forcing us as well but I refused because I can't stand his ex wife who has the habit of nagging and passing negative comments. Father in law's ex never liked my husband which is why she refused to attend my wedding. There a lot of things, I can keep going and make a huge list about it but I will stop here as I don't like to talk about them.

To make my life bit easier, I tried a new therapy to stay happy. I joined the gym, I spend some time there after work and burn off my negative energy before going home to my kids :)

I did tell her off.I wish there is no festive days so we dun have to get together.I am surrounded by sils.I am the only daughter and hubby is the only son.Luckily my brother's wife is nicer than hubby's sisters. She told me not to give them a reaction cause that's what they want
.Let them get frustrated instead. One of them said this is her younger brother's house and claimed that as an older sis she has the right.I ignored and tried to walk away but she kept stepping in my way until her husband come in to the room to know what happen. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT HER PARENTS WHO HAS BEEN IN THAT ROOM ALL ALONG lied FOR HER SO HER HUSBAND WON'T Scold her.This is the kind of games they love to play.Can you imagine if that was my husband who walked in instead of her husband.They tried making their parents move in with us to get more control over me but mil refused.My nicer sis in law(bro wife) said hubby sis will in turn give up and hopefully hubby will be impressed by my patience.Its not easy being sandwiched in the middle like him and men...they do have pride.They may not be able to see what is painful and choose to deny even though its there.As an Asian wife these are what we sometimes go through. Can't believe this is happening still in modern Sing....e city.

If I were you I rather not spend holidays or celebrate anything with them .Good riddance.Btw what you did is a good move to feel better.Just concentrate on your kids and work.At least you don't have to see them as often as other people in your position.

One of my sisters in law and l used to be close. But now she hates me because her daughter asked her why couldnt she be more like me? I am not the kind of person that act like lm better than anyone else.. lm a nice person and kinda quiet.. but l used to feel like l could have. fun around her and my other sister in law... that one l still get along with. But this sister in law now makes me feel awkward around other family members.. weird thing is.... her daughter used to never speak to me... but now she says hey how you doing in a way that is not sincere... l dont think her daughter really likes me either... lm not stupid... l miss the fun... but now l cant reach my oldest son unless l go around them... and the rest of them says that just her ways. She is verbally and physically abusive to everyone.. she has a substance abuse problem... which l do not... l never judge her.. now l stay away.. but l miss the. Other family members. Im lonely where l live.. l dont want to go where lm not wanted. But my son don't understand.

Let me just say that I totally understand the position of the main story here. She tries to be like able and is nice to her sister in law despite the fact that she is badly treated by her sister in law. I take exception with the commenter who suggests that by expecting the woman's sister in law to like her in return, that she is somehow not all that nice after all. That is just ridiculous.

The problem with in laws is that we don't get to choose them, they didn't choose us. Yet now we have to have a relationship with them due to the fact that a family member has married that person.
In my case I make an effort to be kind and considerate, like a normal human being I/we expect kindness in return for kindness. If a friend abuses our feelings in the way in-laws do, they would soon cease to be our friends. Having to endure subtle abuse and contempt from people whom we treat with kindness and generosity is stressful and causes pangs of distress, feelings of inadequacy, particularly around holidays when we are brought together with these individuals. It's almost like having a snotty snob from junior high school suddenly foisted into your family. You try to make friends with them, but at every opportunity they rebuff and demean you. For that reason I pretty much have given up on my brother and his petty and mean spirited wife.

My sister in law hates me too. My brother married her 30 years ago. I myself stayed home never married and took care of my parents, mostly my Mom who had many unfortunate ailments. My Mom passed away three years ago. I live alone, never bother them, I always buy nice gifts for each of them and their children, often spending a great deal on my sister in law, not to buy her affection, but to show her somehow that I do like her and want her to be happy. It never helps. Once several years ago I spent weeks making a stained glass lamp for her, stayed up days before Christmas to finish it in time. I eagerly waited to see her reaction, and was somewhat let down, it clearly wasn't to her liking. Nevertheless I always tried to get her a nice present for her birthday/Christmas. When my Mom and I went on a bus trip to Chicago, we asked her to come along.
Just recently she and her husband (my brother) went to Chicago on a shopping trip with their kids. I heard by accident that My Sister in law brought her brother and other sister in law. No one in my brother's family ever thinks to ask me along for even as much as a movie. They treated my Mom and Dad much the same way. I shouldn't be surprised.
My other brother says I try too hard, that it annoys her somehow. But if I don't pay her enough attention to her my brother will tell me that Chris (her name) felt ignored. I just can't win.

I miss my Mom and Dad. They, like I, tried hard to please this woman, we all failed. She just didn't want a relationship with them and doesn't want a relationship with me

Frankly The way they treat me if they totally forgot I was related to them, that would be fine with me, all they do is hurt my feelings, whenever I am around them.

I totally get that! I've been with my guy for 8yrs and my mans the youngest of his brother and sister. His sister is always rude and has tried several times to break us up. So one day I had enough and just stopped talking to her and when she would talk I would leave the room. Then she had their mother confront me and I told her look I only treat people how they treat me and if she has a problem with me she's a grown women and she can address it to me. Then a few days passed and I caught her alone at my inlaws house and I told her that we needed to have a talk. I could tell immediately that she was going to have an attitude so I began and ask her why she felt that it was right to have her mom confront me about an issue she was having with me and what's been the deal with her not liking me. She said she just didn't like the way I treat her brother or the way I look. I then told her that I don't judge her relationship with her guy or get involved and of her brother had a problem with me he wouldn't be with me and that this conversation wasn't to change her opinion of me but that she needs to respect me because my husband is her brother and my daughter is her niece and we are all a part of this family weather she likes it or not! So next time she has an issue with me for her not to say things about me behind my back or to try to be shady to me. If she wants to be respected and acknowledged than she well need to do the same bc it's a two way street! ....( So I would say just stand up for your self because no one else is going to do it for you and you don't deserve to feel like this all the time when you are now part of that family as well. So don't be afraid because ultimately if anything aggressive happens she well be seen for her true colors eventually! You can do it! 👍

At least she doesn't lie and twist the story around to make you look bad instead.

My sils love playing those kind of games.Do somethings then lie about it and leave you to argue with hubby. Cause seeing husband and wife arguing satisfies them.

Don't lose your dignity and self respect trying to make your SIL love and appreciate you, because they are just not capable of loving anyone but themselves!

My Sister in law is so stuck up... Its not even funny. My husband's family are crazy I could sit here all day long and you would be saying omg by the time I might be nearly finished lol. No lie. She never likes to talk to me and then when she tries I have to be a open dictionary with her and her husband ,then I start to stumble with my words and I have never done that with no body else. Then they look at one another and laugh and carry on with all of our problems or being stuck up. I stumble because all they do is mock and put us down. They are very rude and not nice to be around at all. They judge, mock, think they know everything, they think because they have money that they have right to treat us like dog poo. So year after year I have been playing with all of the children in the family because all of his family want to talk about non social topics. They have even gone as far to say that they are the chosen ones with out joking around and has told the world this too. No one in the world wants to talk about what they want to talk about every thing they are doing right and all your failures and how they can teach you because in their eyes you have made a mistake if you lost a job or if you can't afford catering at every family gathering. My husband and I live like the average american it kind of looks like the TV show Everybody Loves Raymond that's how we live and that's how we act too. The list is endless, I must say they are very sad to be around although we don't allow them to effect our life's because God did not part the red sea just for them. God did not say I am going to come back to earth just for them two and nobody else. They do not walk water nor do they dance on it as well. Although they act like God has done that for them. Yet they have all these nice things but the lady does not know how to cook to save her life and I have never ever said a word about that or how she treats people. We just go home and we get together with a bunch of friends that are like our family and just laugh about our crazy families. It is every time that my husband has a family gathering his family goes crazy.

She is a b#↑#h!

Wow I thought I had it sister in law is so awkward towards me I've gotten to the point where its normal to ignore her. Recently I thought I should just apologize for any of my words towards her and make things better, so I did. It seemed to go well. I put together a girls night out with another sis in law and her sister and my awkward sister in law and again it was weird. Then next thing I know she's posting pics of a bday outing with my husbands brown n wife and her sister. Now she doesn't have to invite me, but the three brothers and there wives always go out and had for my bday. My feelings were hurt and was told it was a spur of the moment thing but then told my sis in laws sis was begged and dragged to go. Hmmmmm. Well so I say back to before. We see eachother 4 other times and awkward and ignoring again. Then she texts me we need to talk, really? I so want to be over this and move on, but she's always there!!!!!

Believe me my sister. In law is just like this to a t, she is a complete *****, she told my husband to divorce me when i was pregnant with our second child she is even worse than your sis in law and her family supports her coz she recently got divorced herself and moved in with us, I have been married for 7 years and she always hated me she was jealous because i had a good kind personality and everyone generally likes me whereas she doesn't have any friends because she hates everyone I literally gave her everything i had clothes, jewellery, but it didn't make her happy she even took my vitamins and when I said no to her she went ballistic, she tried to end my marriage 7 years ago, but it didn't work,then she got married afterword and it only lasted 5months, now she recently got married again and was still living at myhouse with her new hubby. but shes recently moved out but pops over whenever she wants coz she has my house keys!!!

Girl get those house keys back! Get the respect you deserve and if u don\'t want to ask for the keys back then just change the locks yourself and say yea door knobs were sucky! There\'s no need for her to have keys to your home! And shouldn\'t just be a giver the nicer you are to someone like that the more power they think they have over you. She needs to give respect to get it! Hope things get better for you.

My sils want us to divorce too.Ignore them.

Get your keys back

Ohhh she sounds almost exactly like mine! Only mine almost always ignores me and if I try to speak to her will not look at me. She doesn't speak to my husband either but thinks she can play with our 1 year old son. I feel for you and know exactly what you are going through- I don't understand why you need her to like you? I just want mine to act like a decent and normal human being- I don't care if she hates me cause I have given her no reason to be this way. Anyway- I will pray for us....

I agree with you . Actually it does not matter if they don't want to be related just dun go ard hurting.Just go good riddance.

i can TOTALLY relate. after the devastation of hurricane sandy at the jersey shore,my roomate, my fiance and i allowed his parents, 23 year old sister, dog and cat to stay with us until they the evacuation was over. lets not forget that we(my roomate, my fiance and i ) are renting in my rooomates fathers home its a 3 bedroom ranch. we decided to move our 9 month old in our room and give his parents the babies room, my sister in law we gave her own space in the living room downstairs. they came 10/29/12. 2 weeks later, their daughter TAKES my car without permission and crashes it, i was nice, i didnt press charges. her parents allowed her to leave 10 mins after she got back with my car to go out with her friends. she has been treating like crap calling me names being so disrespectful, rude, and not thankful that me my fiance and my roomate allowed them in our home while in time of need like they did for us. her parents dont say anything you her about the way she talks to me. she disgusting,we found dishes, clothes, garbage all over the downstairs basement and we also found out shes been using drugs, we tell her parents about it and they dont disapline her. i cant even look at her. she had the nerve to tell my roommate that he made them feel uncomfortable, he put a wedge in between them and their son, pas a piece of **** and he has done no good deed. my roommate has put up with her behavior, their parents lack of disapline and laziness for over 3 months. they were living their rent free and slopped themselves on the couch 21 out of the 24 hours of the day. they were very dirty in our house didnt care that we wanted our house clean. they all made us feel like we were living with them and had to listen to their rules.. it all came to an end they finally left and they made their son feel bad that our room mate made them feel uncomfortable, and they werent welcome. they dont seem to see the bigger part of it drugs- my sone is 9 months old he could have put that in his mouth,or my roomates father came over and saw it we would all be out on the street, its not our home- we are renting it from a friend whos father moved out, they are not on the lease. we bent over backwards for them to stay in our place my roomate said only 3 weeks they statyed for 3 months. and the fact that we all werent respected in our home hurts really bad.

This is only a short comment here it is I feel for you: )

Well I think the way you react to her, by staying friendly, proves how strong and kind you are. You do great, because she is just looking for a reaction from you, waiting till you break or become angry with her. Inside you probably are angry, but you still manage to stay calm. I admire that very much, you are showing you prove to be the better person. And if she would succeed in breaking you, or making you angry, then she would win and she would have a reason to make you bad to others. So this reaction is great, but be careful and don't let her get to you, keep getting support from your husband. So good thinking girl, thumbs up!

This is in reply to B3thany. Obviously b3thany didn't read the part that states "please respond with authenticity, support, and respect" underneath the box to post. Or she did and just ignored it. It also seems she is making up what she thinks the original poster is saying by assuming poster is oblivious to the world, when it was stated that she knows why SIL hates her. B3thany's entire post looks like an assumption. Wanting to be treated with respect does not make someone mean or not nice. But Bethany apparently thinks that a SIL who is close friends with someone facing trial for the death penalty for doing horrible things to a child is completely OK? Someone that did bad things to a kid and is facing death penalty obviously means the child was murdered. So does B3thany think that that is the more interesting person that SIL is allowed to be nice to versus a nice person? The original poster does not state that her SIL treats her with civility and the poster just wants to be treated better... where does it say she wants her SIL to go the extra mile? Also, the original poster states that other people tell her she is one of the nicest people... so without B3thany creating a fake background for the original poster to validate her rude post, we can assume that the original poster isn't making it up (the being nice part). I work in a field that deals with counseling and it does look like the original poster acted respectfully by trying to make SIL like her... trying to talk as little about yourself and focusing on what the other person says is actually something that many respected professionals recommend in all aspects of handling people in your life (I've read it in a book, read it in Cosmo and other similar magazines explaining how to make friends with women and in another article on how to get a guy to want to go out with you, even a business and psychology courses explain this technique for being an active listener.)

Do not ever be rude to someone's post on a support group site. It seems that B3thany is trolling and just trying to criticize others to please some messed up desire to tear down others. I've seen this with people who have experienced bad things (everyone should be aware of the Cycle of Abuse.) If this is some sort of way to force misery onto others, please seek professional help. It's not normal to attack people seeking comfort in a support group.

You think you are a nice person, and perhaps that is precisely why your s-i-l hates you. People who think and describe themselves as nice, friendly, warm and "don't understand why ANYONE in the world would hate them" can be very irritating to people who don't value those characteristics. Not saying your s-i-l is a great, moral specter but she has the right to not like you, to get along with other people who she finds interesting over you, and to just treat you within the simple bounds of civility. Just b/c you're a "nice" person who goes out -of-their-way for others doesn't mean she's obligated to do the same for you. The fact that you think she's obligated tells me that you aren't as nice as all that.

@B3thany You sound like the typical SIL that we all can\'t stand. The ones who think its ok to not like someone just for no reason. The kind of SIL that doesn\'t appreciate the fact that there new SIL is nice to them and is a good person! As to where they could be mean, rude and just plain ugly back! Treating someone disrespectfully because you feel you have that right is horrible. And shows that you have no morals or true value in yourself and obviously need to seek attention to boost your confidence by tearing other ppl down. Its not that you are obligated to like someone but if you are offending someone in your family or someone who is new to your family you should want to change that! For the importance of family being the ones who love you and who you can ultimately depend on. It\'s just dumb and immature to not like someone because you do care to.. And if your that SIL then you need to grow up!

I totally understand u. my SIL is a *****. i swear she is so mean and she drives me crazy every sec of the day. my husband and I have been married for 2 years now and we live with his family. His family has two big problems his mom and his sister. i totally hate them both they are so f*** b***. she doesnt miss a chance to make me feel miserable. all the other members of his family love me very much, especailly his g-ma and his dad. i think they are jelouse of me and the attention they give me. his sister always want to be the center of attention and when she feels like shi isnt being she starts being anoying and a big pain in the a***. im really peacefull person and i swear i never used to swear before, but this two are making me feel so miserable that i swear in my mind everytime they do something to me. i usually dont respond to them and let them look bad when they talk bad to me but sometimes i get so upset and i just feel like screaming/crying/wanting to run away. i used to be such a happy positive person and i used to wake up with a big smile in my face and make everyone around me happy as well. but her bad attitude and mood has affected my good humor. everytime i wake up she is around the house ,,,justa talking ****. she totally ruins my day before even starting it. her mom of course backs he up. i swear i feel like punch them in the face and tell them to shut those mouth up.
they always complain about the house works ,,,they never are good enough... well coming from someone who used to check other peoples garbidge for clothes is quite funny ,,,isnt it?? i think it ecause they still feel the dirt in thei skin. for gods sake ,,,,go and check the garbidge....people should have some dignity,,, i would rather die than go and do such a low gesture.
and now they talk to me about how clean they are, and how other people keep their houses. ohhh common.
---- another problem that i have with my SIL is the noise. aparently i make noise around the house for her. Welll you f****b*** if u sit down all day and watch tv of course u dont make noise cuz iam the one cleaning around. But when she wakes up in the morning even the neighbours know u r awake....she talks so laud, and slams the doors and everything she can making noise, cuz thats how she is ,,she is mad first thing in the morning.
----She is so mean to everyone, not just me. To her brother as well, but he lets it go most of the time and doesnt argue back. Which is a bad thing for me, because when she turns back at me I cant reply back cuz somehow she manages it for me to look bad.
---She calles me all kind of things,,,stupid, disrespectfull (cuz i dont get up and kiss her ugly face when she comes from work )and the last one she said to me was " Its so funny. how u told your husband u were sick last night, I wanted to laught but i hold it back" I was really feeling sick and she found it funny???!!!
----she just cant stand the fact im going to school and she isnt. She has been applying for years now to get into the school without wining. of course u cant win u ***** needs a tough asss... u need to work you *** off like i doo, and not watch tv and get fat all day. Im doing so good in school that it ****** her and her mother off so much, i have school and a husband and i manage the house and im still a A+ honor student... TAKE THAT you idiot.

most of the time i let things go too ,like my husband and i try to put a smile in my face (which is really hard to do so,,,and i feel sick with myself for doing it) but sometimes i think why not give her back exactly wwhat she and her mother desrve. right now i dont have kids but preety soon i will, and im sure they will start picking up on them,,,and im sure i will not stand to that. if they ever say something to my kinds i will pack my bags and go back home.I left everything for him and came after him and agreed to live with his family because i have parents my self and i thought about the humanistic gesture but even though I care about my husband i cant stand living with them like this. i swear i cry everynight cuz of them. i wanted a happy life besides him not the hell im ling in right now.

UGH - I definitely understand a lot of what you're going through... I just posted in this page.. I couldn't even get everything out... it's just confusing to me how people get a pass because "that's just their personality" -- mine gets a pass because she admits she's a b!tch... i don't know about you, but just because you can identify yourself as a douchebag doesn't make you any less of one...

does anyone have the same sort of issues but with the husbands SIL hating you?

Well, I am a male, and I live with my brother, and his family. I take care of his children, and him and my sister in law, and pretty much everything else. I mean IBaby sit clean house, chop wood , work on vehicles, cut grass, wash clothes,Anything and everything. And I do notWant to "do" my sister in law, I just wantTo be her friend, but she won't have any of it! And she pretty much treats me like crap.and I just don't understand.What should I do?

Well maybe she is grateful for the help but she probably prefers her privacy.Some romantic whatsoever in every part of the house without you around.

The theme here is Jealuous Sister in Laws. The husband Sister make the" Mean Mother in Law!" a thing of the past, it is now their task to make their Brothers wife crazy. Crazy is as Crazy does. Stay away and don't initiate any contract. Don't give them anything to use against you. if they know nothing they can't do so much damage. I for one plan to keep my SIL away from my entire family for good. After 40 years of this madness my husband agrees she is not worth our effort or time. It took a really nasty display by her to end a toxic relationship for ever! I feel free again

The theme here is Jealuous Sister in Laws. The husband Sister make the" Mean Mother in Law!" a thing of the past, it is now their task to make their Brothers wife crazy. Crazy is as Crazy does. Stay away and don't initiate any contract. Don't give them anything to use against you. if they know nothing they can't do so much damage. I for one plan to keep my SIL away from my entire family for good. After 40 years of this madness my husband agrees she is not worth our effort or time. It took a really nasty display by her to end a toxic relationship for ever! I feel free again

The theme here is Jealuous Sister in Laws. The husband Sister make the" Mean Mother in Law!" a thing of the past, it is now their task to make their Brothers wife crazy. Crazy is as Crazy does. Stay away and don't initiate any contract. Don't give them anything to use against you. if they know nothing they can't do so much damage. I for one plan to keep my SIL away from my entire family for good. After 40 years of this madness my husband agrees she is not worth our effort or time. It took a really nasty display by her to end a toxic relationship for ever! I feel free again

I have a SIL that married my husbands brother. We used to be friends in school and she is how I met my husband. I thought we would maintain a civil relationship or a real relationship for that matter, but i was sadly mislead. My BIL just sits back and allows her to play dominant family in the family, and anytime we all have to get together my Mother in law always caters to my SIL and her bitter feelings towards me. My MIL will advise me to keep a distance with her and to not talk to her. This has been ongoing since my husband and i started dating years ago. When she officially became my SIL, my husband and i didnt even receive an invite to the wedding. We were informed via MIL that we could go to just the 5min wedding ceremony and that she said we couldnt stay for the reception. But we stayed anyway because we were going there to support his brother. ALAS! I was blamed for her having a HORRIBLE night!! i stayed away from her the entire time, i refused to drink and just kept a distance and talked with random family about anything but them. My MIL says to give her X-amount of years to grow up and to get over the drama that she is creating (along with her best friend that fuels the fire EVERYDAY- via internet sites) but im sure that i dont have the patience to keep putting up with it, And with our first son on the way and the amount of white flags i throw around to try and make a stronger relationship with her for my son's future, the amount of drama just keeps growing. She never tells me when there is a problem, same with her friend, they pass the info along through mutual friends or through my husbands family.....What a horrible way to go about solving a problem. With all the attempts i have tryed to make in person, she blatantly lies to my face, acts like my friend again and then a week down the line, shes p*ssed at me for waking up and breathing it tired, fed up and over it. My husband knows that i dont go looking for trouble but i try to fix it, but im not "super mom" he says and not everything is going to work out for me. He literally hates her for how she treats me and that his brother wont stop her since he doesnt see it. Ugh...>DEEP BREATHS.....

In good company here. My SIL hated me at first for what seemed like all the reasons stated here. What seems a little different is that her parents (my on-laws) have witnessed how she treated me and turned a blind eye. She knew I wouldn't anything to her in the company of her parents. So, the parents enabled her and just watched as she walked all over me. After years of my husband and I being in therapy, she has now found a nice hubby to mold. So she seems happy and less focused on making my life miserable. The unfortunate thing is the aftermath that is left: that she nearly destroyed my relationship with my hubby and their parents. Now I essentially hate her for the princess she is; she seemed to get just what she wanted in life (often through the financial help of her parents) and I have a hard time dealing with this because Karma is working opposite. I like to think that what goes around comes around but this didn't happen with her.

It will get back to her.Ppl can't get away with things like that. If she did not get it now she will get it in the after life. Either way she get back...sometimes through her kids or someone close to her.Dun mean to curse but that has always been that way.

At least your in law did not lie to others to make their daughter look good and you look bad. YOU ARE IN A BETTER Situation than others.Maybe its best not to have so many involved. More problems.

My dad did not accept brother's wife years ago.I was13-14 yrs wen it happened.I could not really help much then .My dad said then, I am a kid that talks nonsense. My dad was stubborn.Mum could not change his mind.Now these things are happening to me 10 -15 years later.

I have a sister in law that hates me because I have a degree as an RN and I am a pretty happy, easy going person. I try so hard to make her like me and it does not look like that is going to happen. She is sooo nice to me in front of my brother and sooo mean when we are alone. I have been told she is jealous of me because I am not fat, like her and I have a college degree and she does not. If the tables were turned, I would be so happy for her and her accomplishments. I don't get it....

Holy moly all I can say is I am SO GLAD I found this page! It completely sucks that people have to act this way. So, so sad. Yes I am here because I'm the victim, but I refuse to be the victim anymore. It is total BS that we have to go through all this, so I am just going to continue to be kind and STAY AWAY as much as possible, to avoid dealing with new drama. I suggest everyone here do the same thing, because it is NOT going to change. Good luck to all of you (and me) and let's try to focus on the good in our lives. This **** is seriously ridiculous. Oh, and by the way, it ALL comes down to these women feeling JEALOUS. They feel THREATENED by us, and they don't know how to deal with these feelings. It all comes down to jealousy and people not being able to get a handle on it and deal with their own feelings of low self-worth.

You are so right!

Yup they think we're taking their bro away.

Dear Nicelyfreindly person,.. Bless u and bless ur heart! I have a sister in law who continuously does the same thing to me & is very rude (but that's her personality)! I turly never ur feeling,..& from this day after 11years I still dOnt understand her! My mom loves her to death, they go shopping to gether& im the talk of the day in their agenda,..(i dt undertand)!! I just learn how much of a better person I am & God protects me from the negitive human being away from me!! Thank u God for protecting me.

I have many in laws and they just don't like me. They pretend and then they put me down thinking I am not smart enough to realize it. I have tried to be friendly and lately their latest game is they will ask me a question and then quickly walk out of the room before I can open my mouth to respond leaving me there alone. I have let them make me feel inferior for a long time so I thought if we moved 80 miles away that it would help but we still occasionally see each other. I tried to stick up for myself once but my sister in law told everyone in the meeting room that every since I married into the family that the family has suffered. It really hurt. How can I feel empowered.

Wow!! Mine do the same thing! They ask me a question and right when I am in mid response they walk away! Sometimes I laugh loudly just to let them know that I am aware of what they are doing, sometimes I will do the same in return. Most of the time I just ignore them.

The other favorite thing they do is ask about my side of the family. The sound sincere at first, it's amazing they get me to fall for it. When the get what they think is a juicy tidbit they mock my family. My FIL asked about a very much loved nephew and his wife recently. I explained that they we were (and still are) very saddened that they were divorcing. His response was, and I quote "What the F***## kind of disease is going on in your family" I responded with a smile and said " I am not sure, but I have some thoughts about the disease that is in his family." and laughing asked him if he would like to hear my thoughts on it. The more I am direct about the BS the less they try to it. But mostly I try to avoid any contact with them. Which oddly enough makes them mad. When I am around I am ignored, treated like garbage, or insulted. When I stay away the get mad. So either way I am in the dog house but at least when I stay away I don't have to listen to the garbage.

I fell for that to .Just tell them politely your family wants to keep things confidential and you have already promised.

hmm funny how it is mostly the brother's sister causing the trouble. Sorry but if the shoe fits please wear it. My sister-in-law is demonic she hates everything about me and feels she has power over me with everyone. Because of her toxic ashamed insecurities she has basically disowned me through my own family. Seems like everything was going right for me before she starts her I'm better than you crap. She is a liar,sociopath, and out right verbal, emotional and inherited user. The only two people I care for is her two children other than that SHE SUCKS!!!!!!!

My sister in law has always hated me. I can never do anything right. The only time I ever get any "love" is when I buy her kids things or groceries. Then I gave my brother my car because I'm moving to Europe, and idiot me didn't realize it was going to go to my sister in law who didn't even thank me! She's driving my precious car now--for free!!!! I totally suck. Trying to love her is llike trying to love a telephone pole!

I have it worse I got my brothers fiancé constantly driving me insane and I got my fiancé's sister driving me insane I can't believe that me being brought up with being the only girl with four brother to haves g four sister five sister inlaws that drive me all mad, my brothers fiancé who is my age gets Sooo jelOus and angry when I go out with my friends or cousins she is always backstabbing my mother and me to my cousins and friends my fiancées sister backs tabs me I my fiancé. My brothers wife try's to control me my other brothers fiance always backstabs my brother to me so I got it left right and center

Don't the same identical is happening to me, I mean this time it my brothers fiancé we always argue she makes me feel like ****, but I stopped her by doing that by give her the same attitude she was giving me now she is always trying to get close to me And I will not until I know it's 100% legit

to doessomebodyusealltheusernames<br />
<br />
Is there someone on every site who has to go off and editorialize on a writer's response? How does this help? It's a way for Whoever Anonymous to get off. I wish they would stay off helpful sites.

OMG!!I didnt knw most of the people are in dis situation..I just found out recently that my SIL hates me so much that she even uses muti to destroy me..she wants my head down because she wanted his brother to marry some other gal in their niegbohood..She controls him like a small boy..Im always giving her a smile and happy when she visits us..Little did I knw that she comes to our place to put muti and somthing on our food.But Im saying"God is so Great"..I will do everything with Jesus who gives me power..I wont stop smiling and showing her respect..

I have been married for 23 years and my sister in law is a pain. Really dont know how this came about. When my mother in law looked after my daughter when I went back to work the sister in law really resented her being in the house. When I picked her up the sister in law used to disappear into the kitchen or go upstairs. But the thing that really irriates me is that my husband for many years has said to me its all in my mind. Visiting the in laws when she is there is a nightmare. Its the most uncomfortable thing I have butterflies in the stomach until I can get in the car and go home again. A few years ago when she asked us what we were doing for new year, she went beserk when my husband informed her we were going away with a gang to spend it in Madrid. The names she called us isnt worth mentioning. The up shot is she got out of it by saying she was drunk. Using this excuse a bit too much in my opion.

You sound incredibly smug.

My sister in law is a lovely person and married to my eldest brother. Somewhere along the way we both have a major issue with each other. Where i can get over an issue she holds a grudge. She refuses to bring her children to my house as thinks her children will be bored. She automatically says no to any suggestion of going away together, but then goes away with other familys. She also has never forgiven me for saying no to her wanting to gatecrash a sisters getaway for a week as told her she was welcome but it was a child free holiday. If we say no we are busy she tells her children their aunty and cousins dont love you and thinks its funny. As i am 10 years older than her she never misses an opportunity to talk over me or belittle me in front of my family. I also have a challenged child and i have caught her talking nasty to her when she having a bad day and my children has been brought up to respect their elders. The issue what ever it is, is between us adults and should never be taken out on the children. Sometimes i swear she has a split personality but she is quick in her put downs and it leaves me mortified by her spitefullness. Being accommadating to the lack of respect with no resolutions in the future. It saddens me that i have moments that i let loose not in a nice way to my sisters and mother who then tell me off for being a *****. Even my brother said that i should know his wife is stubborn and i should be the better person. We grew up always being told to be the better person and end up full of resentment. Funny its always seems that the sisters of brothers are the witches but in our family the inlaws including my husband have never shown up to our family do's without spoiling the enjoyment for us in some way, but we go to their family functions and support them. Life is tough enough without personality clashes. Sad thing once the parents pass on the family will fall apart with our brothers but not with us sisters. If we dont instigate get togethers they wont. It saddens me but i have issues of my own to deal with and the lack of support from friends and the ones you consider close has driven me to cut out all toxic situations and now i have no one and it is so loney as my husband is self absorbed with his work and his parents. I also dont visit my my parents as much as i used to but i do talk with my mother and sisters everyday. It seems that i must be the sister in law from hell as both my brothers wife and my husbands sister never miss an oportunity to criticize my parenting skills or my opinions. Its not like i am any competition as i am the obese daggy one and they are slim/well groomed and well to do. Oh well! So much more i can say but life is a challenge and all i can say, karma is a *****.

Wishful, what you wrote I can relate to in how women/wives/sisters are often in this unsolvable antagonistic situation. I never thought that when my brother married, late in life... that this would become the end of my relationship with him. I'm not entirely sure that is how it is going to be, but I believe it is the only likely outcome. I bet you aren't the sister-in-law from hell. I wish you the best. Thankfully, my sister will always be my sister... I'm rather 'slow' in not realizing the existence of the brothers' wives club. I mistakenly thought my sister-in-law was "like a 'sister'" and "friend"... was very wrong. Feeling loss and sadness among other things upon reflection. Maybe Karma has a sister that's nicer :)

I have a sister in law who lived with me for free and yet she talked about me to her family and friends. When i found out we asked her to leave and since then she has been accusing me of doing bad things to her. <br />
Recently she filed a police case against me stating that i was trying to run her off the road, stalking her and parking my car in front of her house.<br />
I am totally fed up with her behaviour so i filed a restrainig order and she was served with court papers. She called my husband who by the way is always on her side and believed everythign she says......<br />
I made it clear to my husband that I would not drop the charges as she deserves it and if she blames me now for this kind of stuff what will she do tomrorrow? My husband came back with drop it or he will serve me divorce papers!! Told him he could serve the papers cause I am doen with his sister runing my marriage for the last 3 years!!

I too have a sister in law that hates my guts. My brother and I are very close, and I think thats what really gets her. He loves me and my two sons, and shows it all the time. It really angers her to see him giving us attention. She speaks to my children with a horrible attitude, so I stopped her from seeing them all together. She has moved him far away from us several times, so we can not simply drive to see him. The irony is that she hates where she's living, even though she picked the spot, but says to him "if you are happy, then we will stay". It doesn't matter to her that she is miserable as long as my brother is happy. Martyr seems to be the only name I can give her. She hates her family and has told them that. So she has isolated herself from her own family, and really, what does that say about a person. Jealousy plays a very big part in hating someone. And from what I understand from my brother, she makes an enemy every where she goes. With all that anger inside, she needs to have somewhere to let it out. When you are extremely miserable, you have to find something or someone to let it out on. So I am glad that I don't have to talk to her or see her anymore, when my brother visits, he leaves her at home, which is the best for everyone. When I call him, I only call his cell so I don't have to deal with her answering the phone. I always thought that we could come to some sort of middle ground, but I was wrong. So my advice to you, is to just stay away from her, she will never change, and you should not have to deal with her crap.

i am in same situation !!! I am so tired !!! i will lwt you know my story later , but i deeply understand her feeling ;((

i don't hate her. but she was not is not and will never be my friend or some one i would choose for a buddy. i met her at work in school and then i took a part time after school guess what she worked there too. so we kind of became "friends" at work only. we never really connected, i am educated, i am soft spoken, i am very feminine, i don't wear big jewelry, i don't speak slang i don't say s h i t every single minute or whatz up?<br />
she is all the opposite. she is from new york and from the areas where they speak like that, she acts african american though she is white hispanic don't get me wrong i have many african american friends and i attend an african american club for ladies but one thing is being it another one is to imitate. every time there is a day for my husband and me to be together she plans something or she calls with a problem or she makes up something and she interrupts our plans, one day when we were dating she invited me to a movie and she took me to a disgusting movie about ghosts having sex and it was dirty and filthy she knew i didn't watch such thing she did it to push my buttons. i am a very happy person though i divorce my first husband i have a wonderful son who has a wonderful family and it is going well for him well she is also divorce her son became a father at 17 now he is older but he did not go to college due to becoming a father too early she baby sits the grandchild everyday and night she doesn't have a life, she doesn't go anywhere, i married her brother and every time we are have plans or is a holiday she makes up something before asking him if he has any plans? she just do it and invites him 'cause i am not going to go any way. if he says no . then she speaks soft like a baby 'oh darling ok i understand but you know it is mother's day and you never know but it is alright" putting guilt on him well i let her know i discover her game, yes i yelled at her and told her off the many times she interrupts our plans,. of course now means if we were apart before now we are even more apart. did i do wrong?

You can't reason with mean people! They do not change!!! so the best thing to do is Distance them from you and your life. It is unfortunate when relatives are so destructive that they cause so much pain. It is up to you how much contact they have to continue doing so. Loving their brother is no reason to allow abuse of any kind. Do not fight back, it will do no good , be polite and Most Of All Do Not engage them in any way! I moved 1000 miles away to keep it at a distance. A life changing illness allowed my SIL a last chance to hurt and abuse me. I was not in any condition to deal with her so I quietly took the verbal insults, snooping through my entire house, hanging on my husband constanty. Her parting words were "Your screwed". She's mentally ill or why would she act like this???. I have not made any contact unless absolutley necessary. She is the one to loose here she has lost her brother and his entire family and she probably doesn't even know! So who is screwed now!

Yup do not reason with the unreasonable.

Oh Gosh I can totally relate. My SIL is a cheeky wee *****! She has her own family convinced that she is always the victim. She single handed ruined the morning of my wedding for me! She embarrassed me on numerous occassions in front of my friends & family, but she is a different person in front of her family. She has stalked her exes to the extent where they have to get orders against her(another thing her family doesnt know). She is currently using my Husbands mate to pay for her trips behind her brothers back. She told my husband after first meeting me that she didnt like me cause I talked too much..I know the real reason she doesnt like me, is cause I have cut her off from using her brother! I am not as dumb. When I was a bridesmaid in my mates wedding she came with me instead of her brother, and as the bride & groom were being introduced she came flying in the room with her dress on in-side out, drunk & swinging around poles with the brides brother! She then thought it would be a great idea to shag him in the bed beside me in the room I paid for! Which I stopped! She is a trainwreck & her family think she is a fecking saint! The morning of my wedding, she text my husbands mate to 'get her the hell out of here' after 15 minutes of arriving to my house to get ready for the day! I paid for her hair & makeup, dress, & accomodation! And that is the respect I get! Oh she really grinds my gears. We were coming back from vacation the other day & my husband informed me that she was coming back to visit, & I just started crying! She is going to ruin everything for me, & I am a bigger fool for letting her!

My sister in law hates me , to the point where she says to my brother he has to make a choice between his family or her and his kids. She is evil and a manipulator. I think she is bipolar. She even hates my son who is only 9. It's really sick that we accept this from her. She hates my parents, now only hates my mom and my dad and other brother and sister are in her good books. We never know when she is going to cut us off . I have been getting so nervous over this I break out in cold sores. It's so stressful. Her kids went from loving me and her son and mine were best friends, now her kids hate me and are not allowed to play with my son for no reason. I am the victim here and my son and feel like we have to justify to others that we didn't do anything to her. I went from being the best aunt in the world to her kids, to now they are not allowed to talk to me or see me. I am (and my whole family) constantly walking on eggshells. We never know when she is going to snap and cut us off as she has done in the past. And when she decides to come back into our lives she does, no explaination or apology and we have to accept for my brothers sake.

I need advice on how to get along with my sister in law. I have been with my husband for 17 years now and she has hated me from day one and she makes it known. One min she is nice and the next time I see her she is aweful and I am sick of it!!! I have been here for 17 years and yes my husband and me agrue, who doesnt ?? It seems like when we are agruing she knows somehow and I ask my husband and he says he doesnt say anything. I dont understand! She talks to me like I'm 5, she says aweful things to me, ignores me like Im not there. I have confronted her on several occasions and she never gives me a straight answer. I have even asked his brother, what he thought and he said, "she is protecting her brother," FROM WHAT?? Noone will really give a an answer at all. Also, my husband kindof sticks up for her and tells me im making this up. Why would i make something like this up, I have nothing to gain from this?? Im to the point where I just dont want to be around his side of the family. WHich sucks because we have kids! Im not sure what to do anymore and its really creating problems between my husband and I? I have tried and tried and completely exhausted myself trying.

My mother in law and sisters in law hate me too. I met my husband about a year and a half ago, it was love at first sight for both of us. When his father passes away feburary before last he and I grew even closer and moved in together to the father's house while it was in probate. We were going to buy it. His mother, divorced from his father for 6 years, became executor of the estate. She and both of his sisters began hating me then. We married in august and in october his mother filed paperwork to have us evicted and the house sold to someone else. She never even considered letting david and I buy the house. We moved in with my parents temporarily and right before christmas we found out that we're going to have a baby. David's mother has been spreading it around the family that the baby isn't his even though 8've never even looked at another man. His sisters and his mother refuse to have anything to do with him, me, or our children. Hiw whole family has been turned against him by these evil women. I thought family was supposed to be about love and support.

Horrible people! Lucky their son grew up to be a decent guy. Stay away from them--you are lucky, really, to have them be the ones who are refusing to see you (so your husband won't be blaming you). Stay away from toxic people. You don't need them--enjoy your new child, and your new life!

OMG this is my life in a nut shell!! I went online to try and see if people had my same problem and so it looks like many do :D not that I'm happy but so happy to not be alone! I'm 24 and my hubby is one of five kids! We married first and had a child first before everyone! The youngest being 25, 31,36, and 40!! So I tried telling myself for so long maybe it was because we did everything first but then I said no that can't be! Now I think it is! Plus I was super nice, and kissed their butts and I think that made it where they hated me more and more! They knew they made me sad and in pain and enjoyed it! Why?? I have no idea but like you said the nicer you are the more they hate you! I also talk alot! But people in my life have said that I was super nice and have an amazing heart! :( so I don't know! I know she knows she makes me cry and I almost am starting to think it feeds her to hate me and be more mean! :( I'm starting to not know what to do anymore!! People say don't let it get to you but I can not help it! Both sisters hate me and the mother!! :(

OMG this is my life in a nut shell!! I went online to try and see if people had my same problem and so it looks like many do :D not that I'm happy but so happy to not be alone! I'm 24 and my hubby is one of five kids! We married first and had a child first before everyone! The youngest being 25, 31,36, and 40!! So I tried telling myself for so long maybe it was because we did everything first but then I said no that can't be! Now I think it is! Plus I was super nice, and kissed their butts and I think that made it where they hated me more and more! They knew they made me sad and in pain and enjoyed it! Why?? I have no idea but like you said the nicer you are the more they hate you! I also talk alot! But people in my life have said that I was super nice and have an amazing heart! :( so I don't know! I know she knows she makes me cry and I almost am starting to think it feeds her to hate me and be more mean! :( I'm starting to not know what to do anymore!! People say don't let it get to you but I can not help it! Both sisters hate me and the mother!! :(

Of course it gets to you. You have feelings, and their behavior doesn't make sense to you because you are a nice person. (If you were a mean person, their behavior would make sense to you.) Because you are nice, you expose yourself to them and try hard, and they love that because then you are vulnerable: like a puppy rolling on its back and exposing its stomach. The big mistake is thinking that they are mean to you because of something about you (other than your vulnerability); they are mean to you because THEY are mean. You can feel badly, but what is important is what you do about it. Stay away from them as much as you can, and be pleasant but ignore them as much as you can when you have to see them. Stay away from toxic people, or them will poison your life!

I too have been dealing with the same situation and after my husband had two strokes her claws came out and he got to hear it first hand. Not pretty. He cannot speach so she assumed he could not understand. I have been with him 40 years now and it took that long for my husband to see her for what she really is. Narcisstic , Mentally unstable and mean!<br />
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For years his excuse for her rude an insentitve comments towards me was thats just the way she is.<br />
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No more for me she is SOL <br />
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She is not welcome back ever!

Possessive sisters-in-law must be much more common than I thought. I've been married nearly 38 years and my husband just recently realized that his sister has been mean to me since the beginning of our relationship! She is the only daughter in a family of five siblings and my husband is the eldest. She never married or had a long term relationship and I believe she thought my husband would remain single and take care of her the rest of her life. Then I came along and she resents the fact that he married me. <br />
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Luckily, she lives in another city so I don't have to deal with her very often. But her bad treatment of me (and my husband's refusal to believe that she could be so nasty) has resulted in quite a few arguments between my husband and myself. For years I lived with a deep sense of betrayal and I have to admit that it took it's toll on our marriage. <br />
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My sister-in-law is always very (falsely) nice to me when my husband is present but becomes nasty whenever she and I are alone. For example, she mails a Christmas card to him (addressed ONLY to him) every year and if I answer the phone when she calls, she immediately asks "May I speak to my brother?" <br />
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I have never been anything other than kind and pleasant to my sister-in-law and have learned, over the years, to shrug off her behaviour. She is dealing with serious emotional issues which have nothing whatsoever to do with me and I feel sorry for her. Recently, she spread false rumours about my husband and that finally got his attention. It took nearly forty years but he eventually saw her for who she really is and has stopped communicating with her. It's a sad situation and I would have preferred to be friends with my husband's only sister but it wasn't meant to be. Some people are just toxic and we have to distance ourselves from them (if possible) for our own protection and well-being.

Lordy Lordy! It is reassuring to know that this is common. My SIL destroyed my relationship with my brother about 7-8 years ago with her lies she made up as well as my relationship with my father. I have been estranged from them and my father and his new family for such a long time now. About three years ago I finally found peace and let it go. Approx 6 months ago, my brother and I made contact via email, since that time we have seen each other twice... Once in in a group situation and the other with our mother for coffee. Also two phone call and some emails. I hadnt thought about my SIL in the equation, I have just been taking it all very gingerly for what it is with zero intention or hope of it progressing my futher due to the bad history. Out of the blue my brother says its becoming a problem that his wife isnt included, what has she done to you, blah blah wanting answers to sagas that have happened such a long time ago. In my SIL's words, " You get a renewed relationship with your brother and thats just the way you like it". In other words, she cant stand it that my brother and I email occasionally, wouldnt call that a renewed relationship. What a pity, it was nice to be able to get to a point that I wouldnt feel too uncomfortable communicating with my brother or having a little of him in my life but she had to destroy that, exactly what she wanted. *****. Now I am back to how I was years ago, instead of literally feeling NOTHING for her. I HATE HER and always will.

My sister in law love her big brother so much that she asked him to choose between family or wife? She hates me because her brother poor all his love and affection towards me. I'm beautiful and have a golden heart. She's trying so hard to be nice to me but at the end she keeps telling me to divorce her brother so that she could be close to him. Sad but is true she blame me for everything and also accused me of breaking her relationship between her and her brother. She said to her brother if you didn't have your wife you wouldn't treat me this way. She is also married what's her problem of chasing her brother so weird.

well, it's good to know that I'm not the only one!! I have been married for 8 years and with my husband for almost 13 years.. My bil told lies to family and friends right from the beginning of our relationship. I'm 3 yrs older than my hubby and when we got together I was a mature woman and he an immature man..his friends were mad that I took him away from them. We were ready to share our lives together but his friends weren't, they thought I took him away and that I didn't want him to hang out with them anymore, not true, we just wanted to be together. My mil really liked me for the first 1 1/2 years and then my bil met a woman and the comparisons started. His girlfriend had lived at home until 29 yrs old and had a career, a car paid for and a huge dowry in her dad's ba<x>sement. All of a sudden I was the worst thing that ever happen to my hubby and the girlfriend was the best. The very first time I met the girlfriend she wouldn't even talk to me or look at me, she wanted nothing to do with me, I had no idea why. I soon figured it was all the things that my bil had told her. I knew he didn't care for me and the only reason that is still valid today is that I don't have a fancy career. I worked full time for a grocery store when we first met and by the time we got married 5 years later I was a vet assistant. A little more than a year after we got married I got pregnant with our first child, I was 30 when I had him. My mil started to come around once we told her that i was pregnant, she started to make more of an effort to get to know me. We now have a very close relationship and have spent some vacation time together! My bil and sil are 2 very different stories. Just this week, after 12 years, I read an email from my sil, she sent to her mother stating exactly what she thought of me. My bil got married and 6 yrs later got divorced. He had a tenant paying rent in his house and ended up knocking her up, he is 36yrs old and she was 22yrs old. She has a kid from a previous relationship, doesn't work and purposely missed the birth control pill for a few days so she could get pregnant, this all happened in the last year. My mil wants nothing to do with the new baby, she is sad and disappointed that her son is such an idiot and made such a bad choice, but she would have come around eventually. My sil in an attempt to bring everyone together threw me under the bus and went on to tell her mom what she thought of me, it wasn't pretty, all lies and speculation, and really old stuff about how my hubby and I got together. All the stuff that my bil had told her in his opinion from years earlier, my mil forwarded the email to me so I could read for myself the crap she was saying. I'm hurt and pissed off at these people, I've never done anything to this woman, I've seen her about 10 times in 12 years, she lived up North for years and now lives 800 miles away in another province but somehow still gets into our business. Her biggest beef with me is that I don't have a job, I am a stay at home mom with 3 boys, 6,5 and 2 yrs old. Even though my husband was a gas jockey and made less than $28,000 a year I am apparently a gold digger!! The problem I have is that my husband doesn 't stand up for me, he justifies his family's behaviours and although he accepts the fact that I NEVER want to see them again, he doesn't seem to want to address either of his siblings about all the lies and hurtful things they have said and done over the years. I'm really close to asking for a seperation, even though we have 3 beautiful boys to take care of. It can't be healthy to come between my hubby and his family, some of his friends also hate me because of all the lies and 'tales' they've heard about over the last 12 years.

same story here..<br />
m iving with my brother n his wife.. she realy hates me n my family..all these problems starts after my brothers marriage. i dont know what she want from us. because she alwaz act differnetly in front of my brother.but behind him she is so mean. even her family support her alot. they alwaz educate her dat jus b nice with ur husband .nobody can do nything . we tried alot to discuss with my brother but he never listen coz she is a good person in his eyes. she disrespect my paresnts ..i want to do something but dont know what??? we are realy very depressed because of her. please help me......

Move out.

I am sorry. Love is kind and gentle. If she is not, it is out of your control. Pray for her and your relationships within the family and do so with your husband. Be deligent. It does take time. We do not build good character in the easy times only the trials.There is power when you come as two to God. In time, you will be healed of the hurt and peace will be brought back in the family. If they are not seeking God, then the peace come from within. But none the less... you will be equipped to handle the ugliness. <br />
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Speaking from a hurt soul from my own sister-n-law who says things like: " you don't need a bigger house- its not like you are going to have any more children" (my husband and I have been trying for 5 years in the fertility clinic) or "when your husband comes to visit... he has more fun without you than with you" .( my husband was furious over this one) The brothers have fallen appart and yet she constantly demands an apology from me and to date .... she has never given one back. After 4 years of heartache, I have faith that even though she might not change... I can be healed and so I will change to handle her evil ways. I will pray for you, too.

She will never change--you do not have the power to change her. The best thing you can do is stay out of all the drama; avoid her whenever possible. Bullies love a victim, and they want to exercise power over you and love creating scenes (for example, demanding apologies, etc.). Stay away from toxic people--that's the only way to avoid their manipulations.