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My sister in law doesn't like me

Before you read this, I know the group name is "I Hate My Sister in Law" but I do not hate her at all, this is about how she hates me.

My sister in law hates me because I am a nice and happy person!  She also doesn't like that I talk too much.  I have known for a while that she hates me, but recently I found out how much she hates me.  It is ridiculous to hate someone for smiling and talking too much.  I don't do anything bad and I do lots of good things for people - Many people have told me that I am one of the nicest people that they ever met.  This all started when I got engaged to her brother (she's older, so now I think it pissed her off that she did not get married first.)  She's been mean to me for a few years now, and I am still super nice to her.  I have done so much for her, it is unbelievable.  The first huge fight that I had with my husband was because she was treating me like crap - he thought it was in my head at that time.  Now he agrees with me and believes me - ever since then, he started paying attention to how she treats me.  The sad thing is that I am the only person in her life that she treats this badly.  I still wish for her to be happy and do not understand how she could wish so much hurt and sadness for me.  I recently found out how much she hates me and it hurt me so bad that my stomach hurt for several days from the stress and then I got sick since my immune system was down from all of the stress.  Several people have told me that she is jealous of me (for several reasons - getting married first and doing very well in my life.)  Her parents know she hates me and have tried working with her to not hate me.  She has improved in front of them, but now she is secretly mean to me (so that they do not know she is being mean to me anymore since I talked to her folks about the issue.)  I have put up with so much - she literally ignored me like I was not even in the room (would not look at me) for almost a month, she excludes me from any gatherings that she can, she is nicer to strangers than to me, and to top it all off she is close friends with someone that had done horrible things to a child - who is awaiting trial for the death penalty.  She literally hates me because I talk too much - since when is that a worse thing than what her friend did?  The worst part, I still wish her health and happiness even though she probably wishes I would die or divorce her brother.  I also still want her to like me and not hate me anymore.  This website is a true blessing, I can finally vent with people going through the same thing.

For more background:  I have never ever done anything mean to her and have not put her down like she does me and my family.  I have done so many good things for her and I was so stupid because I thought she was actually starting to like me again - wrong, my husband was right to tell me to stop hanging out with her because she was only using me.  I have also been trying to talk as little about myself as possible in front of her and have let her go on and on about herself - but I still notice that she gets mad if I bring up how my day was or how things have been in my life.  She is rude and and most people think it is cute because "that's just her personality."  Ugh, it's sad to know that being nice to somebody can make them hate you.  What is wrong with this world?

nicefriendly nicefriendly 22-25, F 96 Responses Mar 16, 2010

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I've been with my fiancé for 4 years now. Engaged for 1. A few months after we met, my other half moved in with me and he didn't have a job or a car and I basically paid all the bills and I was totally fine w/ that. A few months later, he landed a great job and we moved. For a year I did not work because we lived in a town w/ only 800 people, so jobs were scarce and we just lived off of barely anything (which is something I had to do prior before him moving in with me, I was very independent) . After a year, we moved w/ his sister and brother in law and she was pregnant. She was really nice to me and I tried really hard for her to get to know me and I thought she liked me. We had never planned on staying long term and found an apartment an hour away, she seemed to be upset about this for some reason. When we moved, I got a part time job and my fiancé was furloughed from work, we barely survived, but we made it fine. When he started working again, I quit my job and we moved into a really nice house to rent, and we've been here for over a year and I've just done photography as a hobby but haven't done much else. This seems to infuriate his sister. She's a teacher and always had help from her parents, she basically had things handed to her, a car, a free place to stay while she went to college. I on the other hand, have struggled and never had any help, and have almost been homeless. I've had to deal with a lot. Even though I've had issues with people in the past, I've tried to get along with her and get my fiancés sister to try and get to know me but to no avail, she refuses to see me in a different light, she has her mind already made about who I am and says I'm using her brother. It's beyond ridiculous. She claims her family feels the same way but her parents are always so nice to me, and I really adore them, so the thought of them talking bad about me, really hurts. I'm always on edge whenever I'm around his family, because I feel like they don't like me, even though they are nice to me to my face. When me and my fiancé got engaged last year, my fiancé told his sister via text because they had a falling out over me, and her response was "wow" it was so rude and hurtful. This Christmas too, I do photography and she never once asked me to take photos of her and her family. The candid shots I did take, I sent them to her and she never even posted them on her Facebook. She also gave me a bracelet for Christmas, it was for a 5 year old, it was borderline embarrassing and I almost wish that she would have just refrained from getting me anything. My fiancé spent over $300 on her family and she gives me a child's bracelet? It wasn't even about the gift itself, I just felt mortified and her husband kept snapping photos of me (I hate my photo being taken) and I even asked him nicely not to take anymore and he just continued to do it. I don't know what her deal is. Ive tried really hard, even to the point where I stopped trying. Just because I don't work, doesn't mean I'm a terrible person. I would go to the moon and back for my fiancé, he's done so much for me and I'm so appreciative of it, but she seems to think otherwise and has this "perception" of me. I don't even ask my fiancé to buy me anything, he pays the bills but I don't take advantage of him. I truly love him and it makes me sad that his family feels this way about me.

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My boyfriend of 7 months still lives with his parents. He’s 26 and I’m 23. His younger brother (21) and brother’s girlfriend (20) also live at the same house with his parents. At first, his brother’s girlfriend was cordial and nice to me although I rarely saw her. She worked at a nearby restaurant and would give me free coffees and smile at me whenever I came in. I had my own apartment and my boyfriend often worked until 10 or 11 pm, so I rarely saw her even when I did come over. My landlords unexpectedly raised my rent, so I moved in with MY parents just for a couple of months while trying to find a new place. This mixed with a change in my boyfriend’s schedules made it so I was around the family and his brother’s gf far more often. That’s when I first started to note some animosity from her. At some point during this time, she rudely called me out for the fact that several of my hairs were on the bathroom floor—a problem that I’ve had for years because of my long, curly brown hair—so I quickly vacuumed the bathroom, apologized and began to be pretty self-conscious and aware of the problem.
After I vacuumed and had been trying to make sure there were zero hairs of mine ever in the bathroom, I tried to follow up with her to see if the problem had gotten any better, and this is when a sort of silent treatment began. I directly asked her if the problem had been solved, but…no answer. Just straight up silence. It was weird but knowing that my heart was in a good place and that I’d done everything in my power to fix the small problem, I tried to stop stressing out about it. After about 6 or 7 months of dating my boyfriend, things began to get pretty serious. He’d always mentioned that he wanted a Rottweiler puppy so that it could learn the mannerisms of his older Rottweiler who would most likely pass away soon. After consulting his parents and getting their approval, I bought a 8 week old puppy for him for Christmas. After getting the puppy, she was noticeably more nice to me for about 2 weeks, but then began to treat me worse than ever before. Literally, no matter what I said to her or how nice I acted, she’d just be silent to me. She’d send me aggressive texts about the puppy like “We can’t watch her all day, so if you could get back ASAP, that’d be great” despite the fact that she knew I worked 9-5 every day. I explained to her MULTIPLE times that we never expected them to watch the puppy and that we’d purchased an extremely large cage for her to go in so that they didn’t need to watch her. As with any puppy, potty training was a huge struggle, but my boyfriend and I ALWAYS cleaned up any messes or accidents she had. I tried to be vocal about the fact that they should tell me if the puppy EVER inconvenienced them so that I could compensate for whatever damage she’d done. The whole family fell in love with the dog, however, and my boyfriend’s parents often offered to watch her while we went out to a movie and other activities. We never asked for any financial help from anyone.
As the months went by, I could literally feel the hatred she had for me, and I began to literally be afraid of being left alone with her because she seemed to only verbally attack me when it was only us. I tried talking to my boyfriend’s parents about it, and a few times, they actually overheard/saw the mean things she said and did to me. I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible of the fact that I’m a new element in this family equation, and I’ve never, ever attempted to outdo her or be mean to her. The other day, things came to an apex when everyone except her and I were home alone. The washer/dryer are unfortunately IN my boyfriend’s room, so while I was in there watching the puppy, she came in to put a load of laundry in. The puppy always ran out if we left the bedroom door open, so I said kindly, “Hey, I know this is awkward, but I have to shut the door so the puppy doesn’t run out.” To which she responded, “I don’t mean to sound like a *****, but if you could just not talk to me, that’d be great.” I asked if I’d done anything in particular to upset her, but she just said another really mean comment and stormed out of the room.
This was the last straw for me, so after months of keeping my mouth shut, I went upstairs and confronted her in front of my boyfriend’s mom. I told her I was tired of her pretending to be nice to me in front of them, but then turning around and being super mean when we were alone. I demanded to know why she didn’t like me and begged for things I could work on/do to fix anything I’d done that was bothering her. With my boyfriend’s mom mediating, she was forced to give me a few answers—well, kind of answers… She literally said she disliked every single thing about me, and compared hating me to how much she hated her family who’d basically abandoned her and told me she’s never disliked anyone as much as me. She named the bathroom cleanliness issue and the puppy as reasons for not liking me, but I felt like she really had no good reason for the amount of hatred she had. Trying to be understanding and accommodating, I committed to cleaning the bathroom really well once a week, but in the end, she said that there was NOTHING I could do to fix things between us.
I’ve never had this type of hatred from someone for reasons that they can’t explain. I realize not everyone in life is going to like you but hate you for no reason? That doesn’t seem right. I don’t feel comfortable over there now and I don’t know what to do. I can’t figure out why this is happening or why she hates me. I’d appreciate advice from anyone about this.

Yes, I know this situation myself. In my case she influences the in-law parents as well so that the whole bunch is having a drama queen fit over what she says happened. I am ignored. So I stopped trying now. Why hit your head so much on a brick wall? Sometimes God remove people from your life for a reason, so don't go running after them, this is my motto now. All that matters is my husband and his kid, that's it. They are my family.

My sister in law hates me, too. She wrote a bunch of horribly mean emails about me to my husband (her brother), so I decided to animated them...

I can relate. Oh how I can relate. My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. It's always been a roller coaster of emotions with his sister. I at first honestly wanted us to be close. Have a good relationship. But hey, wish in one hand and s*it in the other right? We got married rather quickly and even tho I didn't know her very well, I wanted to put her in my wedding as a sign of our families uniting. It was important for me. Well shortly after the wedding she got divorced and went in a downward spiral. And out of nowhere got real nasty with me. Over nothing? She also started hanging out with my best friend, who's relationship was also in the dumps, they clicked and for whatever reason turned on me. Talking crap, saying I'm jealous of both of them, which was kinda laughable. They were the jealous ones because I'm happily married and they were single and miserable. I was getting upset rightfully because of the situation that was happening. I mean I thought grade school was over! They started a drug binge and then started messing around with each other. That's when things really got weird. And of course this upset my husband and only made more upset and mad to see this happening. But then again, I was just jealous... I mean get real... Anywho long story short cuz there really is too much to type, they had a falling out and then my SIL came to me apologizing for everything. For the family, I told her that's fine and I forgive you.. but I can't forget what transpired. I don't trust her after the fact. She claims to have changed but even after it was all said and done she still treats me as if me and my children do not matter. My husband just tells me that he's used to her being a b*tch. Well I'm sorry. . I can't accept that and won't be treated as less especially my children just because she has self esteem issues or whatever issue she has with me. It's always awkward at family gatherings. I always ju at feel left out. Ugh... I don't know if there's any way to fix this. I can't help but not trust the girl. Because she's clearly showed me her true colors. But it would be nice to have family gatherings without the tension. Any advice?

You didn’t specify the age of this girl (woman?), but everything I’m reading here seem to lead back to simultaneous immaturity and dissatisfaction with her own life. The reckless behavior (drug binge and hooking up with your BFF) only further this conclusion. She’s obviously going through a really hard time with a divorce and everything, and you’re a constant reminder of the marriage that did work out—one that isn’t hers. I think it’s completely fine that you don’t trust her, but I really respect the fact that you accepted her apology so graciously. Given the information I know, I’d advise:

1. Try sitting her down and just flat out ask her what the problem is and how you can fix it. Let her know you’re there for her if she ever needs to talk about anything.
2. This is so cliché, but kill her with kindness. Honestly, you don’t even really need to interact with her at family functions, but if you do cross paths, just be cordial and a lady (which it sounds like you’re already good at ).
3. Try talking to your mother-in-law? Maybe let her know you just really want the whole family to be close and ask for her advice. It may even help to have her mediate a conversation between the two of you.

I’m sorry I don’t have better advice. This sucks. Just keep being a good person. I always felt like as long as I knew deep down that my heart was kind and my intentions were good that I had nothing to worry about.

thank you! Ive actually tried sitting her down getting a face to face convo but shes avoiding me like the plague. Her and her significant other are having a commitment ceremony and surprise surprise... Im not invited. But my husband and children are. I think she is afraid im going to punch her in the face lol. Which im not going to lie, sounds nice, but im not that type of animal. :)

"That's Just her personality", is code for she is Narcissistic and we are afraid to stand up to her!

Hi i have just recently got married About in January my husband is biggest of me about 10 year .he is very nice person .but his mom & My sister in law are very danger ,i hate sister & law is married and also she have 1 child also and she is come at my home every week and stay my house in wek 5 days ,and i m working she is a teacher nd she wake up 5 :30 am nd her school time is 7 Am so she go at 6 : 30 and i am going at my house about 7 : 30 and i have some home work just like Food making ,Washing Clothes etc and she 's take bathing time about 1 hour and she doesn t help me. and more and clothes drop for wash and i am very late for job beacause my time is left nd i forget all this in morning.but at evening she s came and eating food she is does not take hr plate and go for rest.she doesnt help me , so i have quarling with my Hubby Nd my Mother in law nd i am desisded when she s came at my home i am go at my mom house.please say me what i am do. i am very tired.

Hi I have just recently got married to my husband but his stepsister is using every opportunity to put us both down. My husband's father doesn't help and the stepmother used to be a ***** to me herself. Nobody stops my husband's stepsister, and each time we say what she has done, we are told to not make a big deal and just to get over it. I have started wishing her very bad things in my head whereas before I would never ever dare to think mean things. I am even thinking of not going round to my father in law anymore even if this would upset my husband. I seriously don't know what to do and it is making me both physically and psychologically sick.

How much exposure do you have to the members of this family? Like, how often do you have to deal with them/see them?

I wish I knew why my sil hates me. My husband also thinks it's in my head. But I know she does everytime a say something she has a combative response, especially when I talk about my children. "Oh I do it this way or dont do that thats not good for them" Shes a know it all. I don't want to dislike her but I have 2 sils, she is the same age as me and the other is older ( and very sweet). I just want her to like me. I often feel like im not good enough, in this case she has the white picket fence where as we live in an apt. I did get married before her but she got engaged before me which im sure pissed her off. Anyway I just want us to have a relationship. We are catholic so im stuck with this family forever mind as well build a relationship with her. Don't know what to do...

As simple as it is, this sentence really sums up the issue a majority of us on this forum have: “I just want her to like me.” It’s so frustrating to literally feel as though you’ve done nothing to someone and to get hatred in return. When people dislike me, my initial reaction is always to analyze every interaction I’ve had with that person to try and figure out where things may have gone sour. Sometimes this process can leave you more frustrated, however, and it’s important to remember that in life, you’re just going to rub a few people the wrong way—no matter what you do.

When dealing with a similar situation as you’re dealing with now (except my SIL literally told me she hated everything about me to my face), I realized that there may not be anything I could ever do to fix things between her and I. Despite that fact, however, I continued to be cordial, smile, be polite and I even gave her a few nice Christmas presents. The logic behind this was that as long as I stayed true to my character and continued to be a kind, good person, there would be literally no fault for me to bear. It even kind of becomes a game because they want to hate you so bad, but they can’t.

Not sure if your SIL could be won over with just a few Christmas gifts, but it worked for me. Maybe try finding out a few things she really enjoys to do and try and get interested in those things with her. If you can find some common ground SOMEWHERE, that’d be a great start. Good luck!

My SIL is always rude to me, she constantly puts me down because we're built differently. I'm a year older than her, I'm small and petite. I weigh about 125-130 pounds. My SIL is shorter than me and she weighs a lot more than I do. She is constantly saying things like I should go eat a cheeseburger and that I don't have an ***. She says I'm a miserable *****, I'm really nothing but a happy person. Her brother hates her, she's so immature that she blocked me on Facebook because I supposedly disrespected her. Sorry, she has to give respect to get. She's hated me since day 1 but I won't dare confront her, because she would go cry to her mother or aunt and I won't disrespect them like that.

I am the same as you too.. to be honest I wouldn't know what to do either. I'm nice respectful and everything my Sil want whatever clothes or shoes I get it for them and yet after all I was called a ***** and being teased of how stupid I am. Being this nice and no respect back. Each time my Sil goes somewhere they told me to babysit yet I do but when it comes to me he'll no take your kids they super naughty **** this **** that.. I've put up with this and done being nice.. I hate the fact that my husband Nv backs me up and always on their sides. I wanted a divorce with him but how can I when I have no parents to run too... Im just so sad that I have no one to be on my side but to cry every night and pretend to laugh during the day.. I am confused too if someone can help me understand myself it will be great tooo

Honey, my SIL has not liked me for 43 years. She is so horrible to me I refuse to be around her. BE YOURSELF. TALK ALL YOU WANT. I have had people tell me I talk too much. Well, they walked in a door where I was talking. They know how to walk out. They get one chance with me. After that, I avoid, avoid, avoid, :)

I can completely relate. More then you could even imagine... Down to the stomach aches and not being able to sleep. I'm learning to accept it and it is very difficult.

good luck!

Hi I don't mean to be hurtful but after reading that I don't know how much I'd like you if I had to listen to you often. I'm sorry it's great that you're happy but being around someone who talks too much can be very annoying. I think that approaching her and telling her how you feel can help. I don't think she hates you, sounds like you annoy her and she is rude to you because of it. Maybe if you guys talk you can figure out what bothers her about you and you can tell her what she does that bothers you and you both can work at not doing those things. Just start conversation with how you want to have a better relationship with her and you'd like to talk about it. Keep tone of voice low and don't lose your cool so not too much finger pointing and getting defensive. Good luck!

With respect, I woud not change who I am so YOU woud like me.

Hello, I can relate to you. I know this is an old post, but just last night, I made my fiance of 5 years confront her. I can no longer tolerate her behavior. My sister-in-law confirmed that she just never liked me from day 1. She said she will never look my way, she will never associate herself with me. I want to just want to make things less uncomfortable, and resolve this issue. There is no issue. I feel she is either 1) Racist or 2) Jealous because I am also always smiling and happy, but I somehow let her take that away from me.

She didn't like you from day one so she never gave you a chance or got to know you. If you making her brother happy isn't good enough reason for her to at the least be respectful toward you then she isn't a great person. You have done nothing wrong and shouldn't let her take away your smile. I say keep smiling and don't let her think for a second that her attitude affects yours. Be friendly and yourself, kill her with kindness but don't kiss her ***.

Oh and please don't let her come between you and your bf. confront her yourself or don't tell him at all if it's started arguments between the two of you plus when you have him talk to her its as if your trying to put them against each other and this makes her not like you more.

Oh and I have to say every time I say something she switches it around in her head..what I said and that's not the way I meant it!

Me and my husband been married for almost 8 years and he sister does not like me..I did not do anything too her..I am nice too her too me it seems she's jealous and just rude..and she makes fun of me.. I ignore her and act like she's not getting to me..but she really is..I'm trying not to give her the satisfaction..I think djrd jealous of our marriage.. But my husband and I aren't going too let no one come between our marriage not even his b**** sister.. I can tell her a lot of mean and rude things that are true about her but I don't! Me and her brother are happy and successful. That's why I think she acts this way she loves to put me down.. It hurts me but I try not to let it get to me...but its hard,because I just want to slap the crap out of her..ugh! I hat my sister in-law! What should I do!?

You need to live and not make her a part of your conscious life. In other words, life is about creating boundaries that you keep the good ones in and the ones that hurt you out. Be cordial when you have to be around her but not overly friendly. Stop complaining to your husband and his family about the treatment since she is thriving on the negative attention you are getting. Remember you are not alone and many women have these issues especially with the in laws and sister in laws especially when they are your husbands sister.. Stay as far as you can from her when you have to be in her company because you cannot change who she is . Good

I hate my sister in law and am happy to say so. She is a manipulative ***** who won't let me see her son. I truly haven't done anything to warrant her nastiness she just likes to keep her son to herself. She won't let my Mum come and see him either and my Dad goes around there and does up her house and does all this work for him and she never goes to see him or do anything for him. She is sitting pretty with a house that my brother has bought pretty much and she has the whole family on strings like puppets. When I ask if I can come and see her she says "Oh yes I'll let you know, I'm really busy." She has no job and takes her son to events twice a week so I'm not sure what makes her so busy? She only lets her family have anything to do with her son and has completely stone walled us. She's also really cold with my partner and he is really angry with us. I feel like he's taking his anger out on us because she is so cold. I've never seen them hold hands, hug or show any live to each other. God I really do hate her. I just want a relationship with my beautiful nephew and she just won't give me a chance even though she lives five minutes away from my house. She even walks down my street and never comes to visit me. It hurts a lot!

I mean her partner.. her partner... my brother. I am happy she doesn't show my partner any affection.

They are just so sick... Mine hates me even when I have an arranged marriage wid my husband... She comes every week to my house... the day she comes and two days after my in laws dont speak wid me. She also does this to her brother. She is responsible for his breaking his affair just to get her done. (The ex was a real nice girl) . That is her personality ... saddist.. She loves to screw other people's lives...Now i just ignore her whenever she comes. Even after 5 years of my marriage she does not leave a single chance to make my husband go against me. Its just that he knows how selfish she is.... How bad can one be , so that your own brother hates you?

i am in a deep ****. i dont know what to do . my sister in law is separated from her husband and presently living with us . she is making my life hell.i tried helping her reconcile with her husband. but now she said to my husband that i am conspiring against her . she tried to hit me and i stopped her that made her more husband also started shouting at me. i hate her the most in this world. plz guys tell me what to do

I can so relate to you except that i have 2 sils that hate me for no reason at all and the worst part is, one lives with me and my husband because she is divorced. They also blame me for the divorce saying i performed witchcraft on my sils marriage which is ridiculous and hurts me every time i think about it. Dont they realise i am the one suffering from her divorce more than her because she lives with me now and taunts me and meddles in my life every chance she gets. Sometimes i wish i never married my husband just so i didnt have to put up with his sisters. You are not alone dear.

Omg the entire time I was reading this i was thinking that I write this Lol this is exactly what I'm going through with my sister in law. I have no clue why she hate me and I don't know what to do. I been married to her brother for 7 years now and she still doesn't like me. Do u have any suggestions please help

I have been married 7 years too.Dun worry , ur fate is in God's hand not hers.I think its their insecurities...they are afraid you take their brother totally and they might loose connection.

So, there has been a few developments:

-I confronted her in front of my mother in law, and I used her as a mediator to open the dialogue between both of us. She pretty much just said she hated every single thing about me, but for some reason it helped me get over it to just hear it from her.
-I made it clear that I wanted a relationship and that I’d meet her more than half way to make peace in the family.
-I acknowledged a few of her points and said I’d work on improving on some of the things that bothered her.
-I kept being kind and cordial, but I left her alone and stopped trying to get along with her so hard.
-I gave her a few cute Christmas presents. Oddly enough, this seemed to fix things between us. I think she realized I was a good person because even after all the terrible things she said to me, I still showed love and kindness.

Good luck. This situation sucks.

Your sister in law is overstepping your personal boundaries.
Do not allow her to treat you like this do not engage her or give her any more of your time and effort. I no longer have any contact with my SIL who I refer to as the BEAST FROM HELL. She is no longer considered a part of our family. Families are like FUDGE some are sweet and some are just full of nuts!

Yup both my sis in law are from hell...same genes ... same mental sickness.told them of one by the phone...the other one to two(sil and her hen pecked hubby who actually suggested hubby and me divorce).They love to hurt me while my hubby is away...hoping I would turn to my husband later to talk about them .Then those women would deny and cause hubby to think I am lying.This was what their parents did to me.I would never trust them.So I told them I was sick of their low life games and that I could tell them off by myself without my hubby's support. Now sils are angry cause they cannot tell hubby I told them of cause then hubby would ask what happened. ..they r not going to tell wat caused my anger since they have been playing the denying game...oooo "I#m the good sil and I wld never hurt your wife" game.

They can't actually say " Oh I rummage your wife's stuff and read personal letters and documents and Diploma with her transcript s" or "I did not do anything. ..your wife told me off out of the blue without a cause"So now they have to swallow the anger and cannot get it out of their system.

I challenged them to complain to hubby so its my turn to play the denying game.Of course, I am not going to do what they did and be them..not going to stood that low...just wanted them to see wat a low life they r.This happened last year September. ..they have not complained to my hubby I told them of, scared they might actually expose themselves.

My sis in law rummage through my lingerie, read my letters and documents...She also gives condescending remarks.

Oh no! she is invading your privacy which is horrible. I am sorry, if you don't live with her then please try to cut down her visits. Then if she asks about it let her know that she has no right to invade your privacy. I really feel for you, at least this doesn't happen with me.

My story is bit different, my step sis in law (who has not talked to me and my husband for the past 7 years, didn't congratulated us on my sons' birth) just forged my signatures on legal documents few months back. The signatures were accepted by the DMV, my father in law told me the same day (sort of in a proud voice how my step sis in law was able to forge my signatures, how smart is she). I was really upset but there was nothing I could do because if I had taken a legal action then my father in law would have to be involved, so I stayed quiet for the sake of my kids as they need their grandfather around them. Yes, the grandfather who refuses to celebrate his birthday, father's day, xmass day or any other holidays with us because he has to be around his ex and her daughter. He even forces his daughter (my husband's sister) to celebrate holidays with them saying they are his family. He tried forcing us as well but I refused because I can't stand his ex wife who has the habit of nagging and passing negative comments. Father in law's ex never liked my husband which is why she refused to attend my wedding. There a lot of things, I can keep going and make a huge list about it but I will stop here as I don't like to talk about them.

To make my life bit easier, I tried a new therapy to stay happy. I joined the gym, I spend some time there after work and burn off my negative energy before going home to my kids :)

I did tell her off.I wish there is no festive days so we dun have to get together.I am surrounded by sils.I am the only daughter and hubby is the only son.Luckily my brother's wife is nicer than hubby's sisters. She told me not to give them a reaction cause that's what they want
.Let them get frustrated instead. One of them said this is her younger brother's house and claimed that as an older sis she has the right.I ignored and tried to walk away but she kept stepping in my way until her husband come in to the room to know what happen. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT HER PARENTS WHO HAS BEEN IN THAT ROOM ALL ALONG lied FOR HER SO HER HUSBAND WON'T Scold her.This is the kind of games they love to play.Can you imagine if that was my husband who walked in instead of her husband.They tried making their parents move in with us to get more control over me but mil refused.My nicer sis in law(bro wife) said hubby sis will in turn give up and hopefully hubby will be impressed by my patience.Its not easy being sandwiched in the middle like him and men...they do have pride.They may not be able to see what is painful and choose to deny even though its there.As an Asian wife these are what we sometimes go through. Can't believe this is happening still in modern Sing....e city.

If I were you I rather not spend holidays or celebrate anything with them .Good riddance.Btw what you did is a good move to feel better.Just concentrate on your kids and work.At least you don't have to see them as often as other people in your position.

One of my sisters in law and l used to be close. But now she hates me because her daughter asked her why couldnt she be more like me? I am not the kind of person that act like lm better than anyone else.. lm a nice person and kinda quiet.. but l used to feel like l could have. fun around her and my other sister in law... that one l still get along with. But this sister in law now makes me feel awkward around other family members.. weird thing is.... her daughter used to never speak to me... but now she says hey how you doing in a way that is not sincere... l dont think her daughter really likes me either... lm not stupid... l miss the fun... but now l cant reach my oldest son unless l go around them... and the rest of them says that just her ways. She is verbally and physically abusive to everyone.. she has a substance abuse problem... which l do not... l never judge her.. now l stay away.. but l miss the. Other family members. Im lonely where l live.. l dont want to go where lm not wanted. But my son don't understand.

Let me just say that I totally understand the position of the main story here. She tries to be like able and is nice to her sister in law despite the fact that she is badly treated by her sister in law. I take exception with the commenter who suggests that by expecting the woman's sister in law to like her in return, that she is somehow not all that nice after all. That is just ridiculous.

The problem with in laws is that we don't get to choose them, they didn't choose us. Yet now we have to have a relationship with them due to the fact that a family member has married that person.
In my case I make an effort to be kind and considerate, like a normal human being I/we expect kindness in return for kindness. If a friend abuses our feelings in the way in-laws do, they would soon cease to be our friends. Having to endure subtle abuse and contempt from people whom we treat with kindness and generosity is stressful and causes pangs of distress, feelings of inadequacy, particularly around holidays when we are brought together with these individuals. It's almost like having a snotty snob from junior high school suddenly foisted into your family. You try to make friends with them, but at every opportunity they rebuff and demean you. For that reason I pretty much have given up on my brother and his petty and mean spirited wife.

My sister in law hates me too. My brother married her 30 years ago. I myself stayed home never married and took care of my parents, mostly my Mom who had many unfortunate ailments. My Mom passed away three years ago. I live alone, never bother them, I always buy nice gifts for each of them and their children, often spending a great deal on my sister in law, not to buy her affection, but to show her somehow that I do like her and want her to be happy. It never helps. Once several years ago I spent weeks making a stained glass lamp for her, stayed up days before Christmas to finish it in time. I eagerly waited to see her reaction, and was somewhat let down, it clearly wasn't to her liking. Nevertheless I always tried to get her a nice present for her birthday/Christmas. When my Mom and I went on a bus trip to Chicago, we asked her to come along.
Just recently she and her husband (my brother) went to Chicago on a shopping trip with their kids. I heard by accident that My Sister in law brought her brother and other sister in law. No one in my brother's family ever thinks to ask me along for even as much as a movie. They treated my Mom and Dad much the same way. I shouldn't be surprised.
My other brother says I try too hard, that it annoys her somehow. But if I don't pay her enough attention to her my brother will tell me that Chris (her name) felt ignored. I just can't win.

I miss my Mom and Dad. They, like I, tried hard to please this woman, we all failed. She just didn't want a relationship with them and doesn't want a relationship with me

Frankly The way they treat me if they totally forgot I was related to them, that would be fine with me, all they do is hurt my feelings, whenever I am around them.