The Saga So Far...

I guess hate is a strong word.  But when the shoe fits...

At Thanksgiving of this year I got a call from my brother.  He was notifying me that he was cancelling a dinner that my sister-in-law had planned for a few friends as sort of a pre-holiday holiday.  It had been really long since everyone had gotten together, and she had been planning the event for several months.  Earlier that day, they'd been to the grocery store to pick up items for said dinner party, when upon arriving home, she stated she needed to go out for more items at one of the larger, bulk-foods stores.

While she was gone, she got a call from the hospital she works at asking her to come in immediately for a drug test.  After auditing pill counts for two months prior, they found a discrepancy and suspected her of stealing them.  After returning home, my brother basically told her to leave the home.  He sent her to her mother's house a few miles away.  He told her that she was not to come back until she was clean.  That she would not be allowed to return to their home, marriage or their children until she had gotten help.  (This had evidently happened on a smaller scale several months earlier, after outpatient treatment had seemingly helped the situation.)  He was so angry, it was heartbreaking.

I called her that evening, knowing that she would enter in-patient treatment the next day of her own accord for two weeks.  As my brother was on night-shift at his civil service job for the next month, it was up to the rest of HIS family to look after him and the two children (both under 3 years of age) basically stayed with us for two weeks.  They flourished in the environment.  They were getting attention and instruction.  They were on a schedule.  Yes, she was gone and it seemed to affect them slightly, they did better than ever expected seeing as this was the first time their mother had been away from them overnight, much less for two whole weeks.

I visited her in treatment on the second weekend she was there.  I wasn't sure what to expect, as my feelings towards her had turned from sympathy to extreme anger and resentment.  I was told by my brother that her guilt and remorse were greatly weighing on her, and that he thought treatment was helping tremendously.  When I arrived to see her looking well-kept, clean, made-up and relaxed, I started to get increasingly more angry.  I was desperatly seeking the remorse I'd been told so much about.  I couldn't find it anywhere.  I, of course, started to wonder if there even was a problem.  Or was this something made up for attention?  His anger had all but disappeared and his defense of her was sickening.  He had forgotten and absolved her of her crimes against her job, her family, her home, her life.   How could he have done such a turnaround?

So here we are a few months later.  We'd all tried very hard to put this behind us and accept her because he loves her.  But how do you do that?  When she acts like nothing happened and continues to give those children sub-par parenting?  I'm at a loss.  I don't know how to handle it.  I love my brother, and I love those kids.  But what do I do?

VirginiaSuzanne VirginiaSuzanne
26-30, F
Feb 19, 2009