My Sister, The NarcissistI am a compassionate, loving, positive-thinking, and open-minded person. I have always loved everyone - really. I was born "sunshiny" (my friends and family tell me this often). So for me to even feel hatred is brand new experience. I am in my 40's so it took 4 decades for me to actually hate someone at all... and sadly, that "someone" is my own sister. My sister is 2.5 years older than I am. She is a bully and always has been. As a child though, I didn't realize just how much she was terrorizing the whole family. We are the only two children... We have a mother who is afraid of confrontation, and thus spent much time saying things such as "don't let her get you down", "she doesn't really mean it", and "let's keep from arguing - just be the bigger person and drop it, OK?". I actually obeyed and found ways to let it all just roll off my back. As adults, I attempted nine times to have a friendship with my sister - (ALL of the effort was on my part). She reciprocated for a while, so I thought we were getting better. However, she would discontinue it after a little while, and I would have to try to open those lines of communication and friendship again and again. I know now that her friendliness toward me was fake though (because she recently told me so). What has happened now though - the thing she did that finally broke my "camels back" - was how she reacted to my going down to our parents home to take care of them. During the year I was in my parents' city, my father passed away. Surprisingly, this is not what she holds against me (as far as I can tell) - and I promise you he died of old age and complications from his many ailments. My father was a stoke vicitim of 12 years, paralysed, unable to speak, severly diabetic, etc. For those 12 years, my mother was his caregiver. I lived 380 miles away and my sister lived 7 miles from them. She NEVER gave my mother even one day off. She never learned how to care for my dad (in case my mom got sick or something) - in other words, she was no help to them. When I went down to help them 3 years ago, it was because my mother called me and asked me to. So of course, I went to help. What I found when I got there though, was that Mom was losing her short-term memory. This was not OK since she was the only caregiver for my dad (she even had begun to forget whether or not she had given him insulin!), so I resigned from my county job and stayed with them - for a year. Since my sister's daughter lived there also - I had no bedroom, and slept on the floor of the den. I still didn't complain though, because it was so nice to have my niece's company during that time.
After losing my dad, I helped my mom fix up the house, put it on the market, sell the house, and pack up 56 years of stuff. Then I found her a retirement complex in my city that she liked - and she lived there for a year. I have been her caregiver ever since... while her Dementia progesses.
Bottom Line: My sister has accused me of stealing mom's money, accused me of "living like a Queen" at mom's expense, and wrote the most hateful, mean, and hurtful emails to both me and mom. Once she saw that Mom was going to stay with me, she called the Dept. of Children and Families and reported me as "abusing" my mother with Financial Exploitation. We were investigated, and the file was closed due to a "total lack of evidence". Since Mom has been with me now for over three years, my sister has visited twice. Once to ask for power of attorney over mom, which mom refused because she is not that ill yet, and can still make her own decisions; the second visit was to accuse me of stealing (again) and brought a bunch of copies of things she'd printed out from mom's bank account (checking). I answered all of those accusations with facts. So she yelled that "It is obvious Mom has been coached" and that she (my sister) "was ambushed". I take care of my mom 24/7, and she now lives in my home with me (the dementia has progressed some, and she had begun missing medicine doses or getting confused about them), so I moved her in my house to watch over that more carefully. My sister has only called three times in the 9 months that mom has lived with me, and all three times my sister started big arguments with my mom - accusing her of being "easily snowed" and "not knwoing what she was doing", leaving my mom crying at the time of hanging up. My sister has never once come to see mom at my house... and has NEVER offered to give me a break of any kind, even though in the beginning I asked her to come and help many times (and my sister said that "obviously, we will tag-team this". Next, my sister convinced her daughter of these lies, and now I have lost my relationship with my niece as well. For all this, I have given up the sanctuary/peace of my home, my job, my retirement input (because I am now unemployed), lost my health insurance, and live as a caregiver fulltime. My sister can only see that my mother helps with the bills (its ALL about money with my greedy sister). However, what my Mom pays is half of what I used to earn at my job... and dmy mother is fortunate to have a good retirement income.
By the way, it should be noted that before I moved mom up here, my sister's children (ages 20 and 22 at the time) were living with our mom and dad completely free of any charges (rent, electric, food, phone, etc). I thought this was kind of my mother to do, and never once had a problem with it... UNTIL, my sister's son started being a drunken drug addict. He stole from my parents, argued and verbally abused my mom-- he actually drove my mother to the point of obtaining a restraining order against him. Still my sister did not even go down there to help - not until I called her and demanded that she take him away from our parents! Now she blames me for making her have to leave her job (for one day) and go to Miami for what she refers to as "an unnecessary inconvenience", and "a waste of gas and time", and that it was "not as bad as I had made it out to be". Ugghh.
I do wonder how my sister can be so ungrateful, so unwilling to help out, and so hateful, when I am doing what I think is my family responsibility - one that she yet to even offer to our mother. Since I studied a lot about personallities and social problems in college, I now know that my sister is passive-aggresive and suffers from extreme low self-esteem; conditions which now have turned into full-fledged narcissim. Her exaggerated sense of self-importance is appauling! Well... Thanks for listening. I am interested in hearing opinions on my story.
jscarbo124 46-50, F 121 Responses 11 Jun 22, 2010