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My Sister, The Narcissist

I am a compassionate, loving, positive-thinking, and open-minded person. I have always loved everyone - really. I was born "sunshiny" (my friends and family tell me this often).   So for me to even feel hatred is brand new experience. I am in my 40's so it took 4 decades for me to actually hate someone at all... and sadly, that "someone" is my own sister.  My sister is 2.5 years older than I am.  She is a bully and always has been. As a child though, I didn't realize just how much she was terrorizing the whole family. We are the only two children...  We have a mother who is afraid of confrontation, and thus spent much time saying things such as "don't let her get you down", "she doesn't really mean it", and "let's keep from arguing - just be the bigger person and drop it, OK?". I actually obeyed and found ways to let it all just roll off my back.  As adults, I attempted nine times to have a friendship with my sister - (ALL of the effort was on my part). She reciprocated for a while, so I thought we were getting better.  However, she would discontinue it after a little while, and I would have to try to open those lines of communication and friendship again and again. I know now that her friendliness toward me was fake though (because she recently told me so). What has happened now though - the thing she did that finally broke my "camels back" - was how she reacted to my going down to our parents home to take care of them.  During the year I was in my parents' city, my father passed away. Surprisingly, this is not what she holds against me (as far as I can tell) - and I promise you he died of old age and complications from his many ailments. My father was a stoke vicitim of 12 years, paralysed, unable to speak, severly diabetic, etc. For those 12 years, my mother was his caregiver. I lived 380 miles away and my sister lived 7 miles from them. She NEVER gave my mother even one day off. She never learned how to care for my dad (in case my mom got sick or something) - in other words, she was no help to them. When I went down to help them 3 years ago, it was because my mother called me and asked me to. So of course, I went to help. What I found when I got there though, was that Mom was losing her short-term memory. This was not OK since she was the only caregiver for my dad (she even had begun to forget whether or not she had given him insulin!), so I resigned from my county job and stayed with them - for a year. Since my sister's daughter lived there also - I had no bedroom, and slept on the floor of the den. I still didn't complain though, because it was so nice to have my niece's company during that time.
After losing my dad, I helped my mom fix up the house, put it on the market, sell the house, and pack up 56 years of stuff. Then I found her a retirement complex in my city that she liked - and she lived there for a year. I have been her caregiver ever since... while her Dementia progesses.
Bottom Line:  My sister has accused me of stealing mom's money, accused me of "living like a Queen" at mom's expense, and wrote the most hateful, mean, and hurtful emails to both me and mom. Once she saw that Mom was going to stay with me, she called the Dept. of Children and Families and reported me as "abusing" my mother with Financial Exploitation.  We were investigated, and the file was closed due to a "total lack of evidence".  Since Mom has been with me now for over three years, my sister has visited twice. Once to ask for power of attorney over mom, which mom refused because she is not that ill yet, and can still make her own decisions; the second visit was to accuse me of stealing (again) and brought a bunch of copies of things she'd printed out from mom's bank account (checking). I answered all of those accusations with facts. So she yelled that "It is obvious Mom has been coached" and that she (my sister) "was ambushed".  I take care of my mom 24/7, and she now lives in my home with me (the dementia has progressed some, and she had begun missing medicine doses or getting confused about them), so I moved her in my house to watch over that more carefully.  My sister has only called three times in the 9 months that mom has lived with me, and all three times my sister started big arguments with my mom - accusing her of being "easily snowed" and "not knwoing what she was doing", leaving my mom crying at the time of hanging up. My sister has never once come to see mom at my house... and has NEVER offered to give me a break of any kind, even though in the beginning I asked her to come and help many times (and my sister said that "obviously, we will tag-team this". Next, my sister convinced her daughter of these lies, and now I have lost my relationship with my niece as well. For all this, I have given up the sanctuary/peace of my home, my job, my retirement input (because I am now unemployed), lost my health insurance, and live as a caregiver fulltime. My sister can only see that my mother helps with the bills (its ALL about money with my greedy sister).  However, what my Mom pays is half of what I used to earn at my job... and dmy mother is fortunate to have a good retirement income.
By the way, it should be noted that before I moved mom up here, my sister's children (ages 20 and 22 at the time) were living with our mom and dad completely free of any charges (rent, electric, food, phone, etc). I thought this was kind of my mother to do, and never once had a problem with it... UNTIL, my sister's son started being a drunken drug addict.  He stole from my parents, argued and verbally abused my mom-- he actually drove my mother to the point of obtaining a restraining order against him.  Still my sister did not even go down there to help - not until I called her and demanded that she take him away from our parents! Now she blames me for making her have to leave her job (for one day) and go to Miami for what she refers to as "an unnecessary inconvenience", and "a waste of gas and time", and that it was "not as bad as I had made it out to be". Ugghh.
I do wonder how my sister can be so ungrateful, so unwilling to help out, and so hateful, when I am doing what I think is my family responsibility - one that she yet to even offer to our mother. Since I studied a lot about personallities and social problems in college, I now know that my sister is passive-aggresive and suffers from extreme low self-esteem; conditions which now have turned into full-fledged narcissim. Her exaggerated sense of self-importance is appauling!  Well... Thanks for listening. I am interested in hearing opinions on my story.
jscarbo124 jscarbo124 46-50, F 131 Responses Jun 22, 2010

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Your title is what really caught my eye. Like you I was never hateful, and I enjoyed an enemy free childhood. My Mom recently died of cancer and I cared for both my mom and dad during the past 6 months of my moms life, and I now live with dad. Dad had been diagnosed with alzheimers so I came over to their house to fix dinner, help with mom, and watch every single la kings game without fail. My sister hated my mom and never came to the house with her partner and kids. What Caroline would do is drive to the Rose Bowl on Christmas day to visit with dad for one hour. Caroline would come down from SF to celebrate Christmas with her partners parents, and then spend one hour with dad. Mom absolutely hated that dad would drive less than a mile to the rose bowl to see Caroline. For 15 years this was her relationship with our family. When mom passed away in the hospital, my brother Pete made it in time. Caroline arrived an hour too late. 18 hours after moms death, my sister enters my moms room for the first time in 15 years and in 3 hours she had all of moms belongings in trash bags. As dad walked out the door with my brother Pete to work out funeral and reception arrangements, he says to my sister and me, "dont mess with moms stuff. Those are my memories." One reason for Carolines hatred of my mom is that she smoked. I could not make this up if I tried. She grabs a box of huge trash bags and starts filling each bag with moms belongings. She has one hand on her nose due to the smoke and the other chucking stuff in the bags. When I walked in there I could not believe my eyes. I told her to stop and she said," It's all trash John." The devil himself was in charge of moms belongings. Her intent was to eliminate moms memory, and to throw everything away saying you cant even donate because of the smoke. Mom was very high end. She had the most expensive lotions, full bottles of alleve, advil, tylenol, high end bandages, band aids, new clothes, new shoes, ben gay, endless stuff that any normal person would love to get their hands on. She would not stop and I was completely rattled. Poor mom looking down on this. I then realized that Caroline had put moms purse which was under the bathroom sink in one of trash bags. When I told her that the purse contained all of moms gold, jewelry, and important documents, she snapped at me and said," nobody has been under that sink in 15 years." Shaking, I call her a mother fudging Customer and I left. That night she had the nerve of texting over something nasty and a huge calm came over me and I wrote her my goodbye letter. This was one year ago. She tells me I need psychiatric help, and after witnessing that, she is right. I dont understand how someone does that. There is no two sides to this story. What I share with you is the absolute truth. When dad came home he said what are all those bags in the living room? "Well dad, Caroline managed to bag up all of moms belongings in three hours." Dad would ask every day what those bags were and I had to explain.
One week later Caroline called dad to see if Salvation Army had come to pick up all the garbage bags. Well, dad wanted to sort through the trash bags on his time, when he was ready. I canceled the pick up and Caroline was livid, I mean livid, that I canceled that appointment. She is back in SF and she is pissed off.??????????????She is mad!!!??????because we canceled Salvation Army??????????. People ask me," do you think she felt bad?" My only response is if she is upset about the salvation army, then she does not feel bad. When dad was finally ready to go through moms stuff, he teared up as he opened a bag and found earings, newspapers, bills, trash gold, cash, cigarette butts. This is something I will never understand. She is lucky dad has short term memory loss, otherwise she would be out, no questions asked. Chapters two and three are just as unbelievable. My dad worshipped the ground my mom walked on. Our family really likes Carolines partner, unfortunately we have never spent much time with her. I'm sure when she was driving down to the funeral she must have been thinking,' I sure hope at least a few people show up to funeral.' Then she must have asked herself if maybe Carolines picture of mom was wrong considering 300 people attended the funeral and even more at her reception. I HATE MY SISTER. Thanks, John

Reading your story was like looking into a mirror. I am going through the same exact situation, except for some minor differences. It's amazing how comparable your life is to my life dealing with care and siblings. The common denominator is that my sister is also insecure and suffers from low self esteem. I also studied human anatomy and behavior science.
What caught my attention was when you said you were answering to your sisters stealing accusations from the bank receipts she questioned you on. I too had to sit across and justify what was being spent. After,r i felt so disrespected and ungrateful. I like you always did what was right by my father rather than to satisfy my sisters thoughts. I turned the other cheek for years as i would be bashed and lied about to my family. Enough was enough, she will never change, so i went on the offensive and the only way it was going to stop is if my father would stand up to her and put her in her place.
Caring for your sick and elderly parent 24/7 is one of the hardest things i have ever experienced. They don't have a class for it, and unless you have done it, it is impossible for some one to understand the sacrifice your giving. They dont see how you cant just leave for a few hours, you cant go on vacation, you cant have intimacy the way you should want it, etc. Its the small things that others dont see that we do 24/7 that have the biggest impact. The most important thing that you are doing what know one sees is that your there. Its not how many times you fed, bathed, washed, cleaned, drove, made appointments, gave meds, and a ton of other duties performed, its your presence that gives your mother the sense and security that someone cares and will be there no matter what. You gave your mother extra years on her life, years that will be lived comfortably.
No one deserves to be alone, except for those who show hatred and are selfish. Karma is real, it's not for you or I to administer, it never forgets and always delivers. So you continue to do what your doing and shine you will. Our sisters time will come they will meet Karma soon enough. The longer the wait the worse it will be.

I have a Narcissistic twin sister who has extorted my Dad, my Mom, myself and several of my friends. She has invaded my places of employment and my employers as well. This condition is so devastating. There is no feeling there at all.

WOW I am going through Almost the same thing with my sister (SATAN) She was my best friend, but since my mother got sick with dementia-brain cancer-diabeaties-etc we have been at WAR with eachother,, My mother passed in September of 2013 , 2 months prior she remove my mother from Cameron Glen nursing and Rehab home (against my mother and doctors wishes and medical advice, (all to take her out to where my sister lives and FORGE a new TRUST making herself(instead of me) the TUSTEE and EXECUTOR) it was all done with her friend and neighbor which is a NOTARY REPUBLIC ( I have been fighting this with Attorneys for approximetly 11 months Now, it's only getting worse, the attorneys fees are in aceess of $37000.00 and growing, the new amemded Trust -Will was PROVEN Forged by an FBI handwriting Specialist, back in November of 2013, but my sister,her best friend, the Notary, (who is only after money a payoff), and my sister best friends mother are all keeping the same story,, my life has been a living NIGHTMARE. I was my mother property manager for 30 some year's and her Caregiver for 6 month prior to her death,, I seem to be getting NOWHERE, We need Help, someone who cares and give's a DAM, Im sorry your going through this, and I will say a Prayer for you..<br />
My mothers Estate is worth over 1 million dollars and all of her art work is worth (to me) 20 times that.. she was a Famous artist.. Sure wish we could help eachother?<br />
Sincerly OMF

What makes this a night-mare is that we feel so alone with this because telling anyone about it is too un-believable The narc is sooo good at building her stings. my Twin is an alcoholic and compulsive gambler as well. My Mom had dementia and my sister literally tapped her out of her life savings. I asked my brother to get power of attorney 3 years before she passed and my sister never visited Mom in her last 3 years of life. She would not even stay with me and Mom on her death bed. She has been harassing me constantly with ugly emails to the point of me having to block her (as well as on my Facebook). Now she has resorted to snail-mail. I give her no reaction or response ever. I am terrified of her. My niece (her oldest daughter and my godchild has suffered greatly as well). We cannot allow my sister to know we are in contact in any way or there will be punishment. My niece did not know about my sisters treatments toward me until just a few months ago when her father died. Thankfully we have each other now to release some of the pain. Darn...this is so difficult to write about. I hate to use this phrase but "she has been my anti-Christ" for so many years. My night-Mares. I am not a fighter and I stay away from her but she refuses to leave me alone. I am a very sensitive and an emotional person but very organized and she admits to me that I am easy prey for her. she said "you **** me off because you manage so much better than me on less income than me". This is the only direct response I was ever able to get from asking her why she hates me so much.

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Hi. I have asimilar problem and i feel for you. My sister has traumatised the family since she was 21, when she came home from a weekend away with her boyfriend, pregnant. She lived in our home with her child and dangled the child in front of my parents. They gave in to all of her whims, otherwise she threatened to go. She lived rent free, uni was paid and life was unbearable for me and younger sister. Our parents punished us instead of the perpetrator. We were not allowed to have friends and so we both left home, prematurely. My mother seperated from my dad becasue she wanted to help my sister, when my sister finally got a good job. My mother figured she'd have a baby to look after, while my sister paid for the house. They were an item. Suddenly i was ignored. They had secrets between thjem. I was shocked when i opened my mother's drawer to get a hairbrush out for her when i noticed pictures of my cousins and aunt. I was never shown these and i apparantly wasn't entitled to see them. My life is atotal vacuum from when i was seventeen to my 50s. No family. My mother always treated e as ablacksheep and basically turned every last person in my family against me. She physically abused me (slapping, assault) when i was small and i guess she didn't want to deal with it . She chose to disown me. Now that she is dead my sister has taken over. 4 years ago i was trying to help my sister clean her house nsd i touched a piece of paper. She broke down (she's bipolar), called her husband to come home and get rid of me. He did. He assautled me and broke my collarbone. She wasn't int he house becasue she fled to her local church for 'guidance' becasue i touched a piece of paper. The police was called and they were asking me to press charges. They were rushing me, i was traumatised and then she begged me to drop charges becasue 'it was her fault, he didn't mean it'. I caved in after they threatend me and my child. The only person in the house that was a witness was his mother and the police told me that they may make up stories . i had no choice but to drop charges to protect my child. Since all that, my mother has passed and she left most thing sfor my daughter in her will. My sister has all the things and refuses to cooperate in my having them. She is controlling me and has not yet gotten her husband to open up about what he did to me..i have no closure whatsoever, only more bullying. The police won't allow me to reopen the case as they said he has prepared himself legally and they wouldn't win. I feel sick to the stomach and can't move forward. My collarbone has a bump in it where the break was and i am reminded everyday baout their abuse. They on the other hand, are moving forward quite happily. I don't really know what to do.

I know this sounds easier said than done, but you must remove them from your life. You really don't have a need for her in your life. She is extremely destructive and toxic. Create boundaries. I know how you feel. My sister is extremely destructive, as well.

Your story is almost identical to mine, and my sisters, however theres 2 of them, twins from hell. Cain and Abel. Jacob and Easaw. You ask how your sister could be that way, narcsisstic and all. Well, she learned it growing up from one of your parents, this didnt all of a sudden happen. Shes always been allowed to be controlling, probably never noticed it until now, she feels threatened. Unless an extremely traumatic event takes place, she will never give up that evil, entitled, toxic stance. Ive seen both sisters experience severe trials, and unfortunately, theyve become worse, bitter not better. I feel for you to some degree, but i need to ask why you havent done your own research. Its never healthy to care for family members. If you analyze it, you probably felt obligated, maybe your mom is self absorbed. Why guve up everything, when hiring a part caregiver would be in place. I did what you did. When my parents passed, i felt i had regressed significantly. Asking for paid help doesnt make you bad, your preserving the life God gave you. Family dynamics are so incredibly toxic. If you subconciously trying to get something from mom, you will also feel hurt and used. Only you can evaluate this situation accurately. Im reading your request for respect. I feel no disrespect towards you, but im convinced that honesty can set people free. Theres grey area here. Unless our families are like tv sitcoms, youll be messing with unnecessary hardship. I know personally, im still working on my issues from family of origin. Once you see and experience the things youre forced to look at, like your sister, youll feel much better when ownership is in place, leaving your sister, the bully to her own devices.

Wow - sounds horribly familiar ! I am my Mom's full time caregiver, and have been accused of all SORTs of malfeasance - which can be easily refuted - just hang in there - "what Goes around - COMES around" !!

I can completely relate to every word you've written. I too have similar problems with siblings. My older sister is very similar in personality to yours - in fact - it is as if you had just described her to a T. In my case, I have more or less given up on ever having any sort of relationship with her, as each time I have tried to work things out, she has never made any attempt to do the same. She also treats my mum really badly, only contacting her when she needs something. For Mother's Day, she did not send a card, a text - nothing. For the sake of my sanity, I've severed all contact with her and, for the first time in my life, I feel as though a millstone has been removed from around my neck.

I have severed all with her as well but she won't let go of me. She stalks me and harasses me by communicating with my children and friends. I have not been able to share this with my family and friends because they are all very happy and stable. I do not want them to be concerned.
I have writing a book for the past 15 years that my children can find after I am gone. It's the hardest thing to write because I can't see the text through the tears. I am relieved to have found this group that I can express myself privately to. You gave me a chuckle when you named your twin siblings "Cain & Abel". Thanks for the read :-)

I can totally relate to your story...my story has different logistics, but the underlying causes are the same...some degree of mental illness, greed, jealousy, and people willing to betray even their own mothers in order to get what they narcissistically feel they deserve.

I too have the same problem but I am the older sister and my sister the "baby" with a brother in between us. We both live with our mother, I pay more rent and help with what I can. Our dad, who died three years ago of Colon Cancer, spoiled my sister horribly and because of that she thinks she is Queen Bee over the house, even over our mother. She manipulates her and makes sure that I get the short end of the stick in everything. Recently her friend was put in the rehab hospital for Anorexia recovery and my sister offered to take care of her puppy while she is away. Of course this meant that I had to take the puppy on, no real burden I love animals, but her dog gets run of the house and everything is Jade's (the puppy) fault and her dog cannot "learn" (in other words she is lazy and refuses to teach) to tolerate Jade. She tells me I MUST carry Jade every where. Jade is growing and I have a bad back due to an extra Vertebrae I was born with. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. Everything that goes on in the house is my fault some how. I am getting tired of being abused and voiced it but she once again manipulates our mother into siding with her. I advice to go to a councilor. I am taking that step myself to deal with the unnecessary stress that she adds to my life. I am a learning disable person with Aspergers that has a hard time finding and keeping a job due to the lack of the outside community understanding, which anybody with problems can understand. I hope this helped you.

I have the same sistuation with my sister.My Mom lives next door in the same apt building.I live abt an hour and 20 min.I am the younger than my sister by 12 yrs.I had asked her to get my mother some food she says she dont go out for her which is (bs).My sister daughter lives 10 min and was going to help me my sister got mad.now i lost ties with her. It jus makes me sick by sister lives by her self and cant ck on my Mom to see if she ok before she goes to work and dont work on Fridays I miseed all my personal days from work and also have a 10 yr old to take care of,but when my sister needs helps she wnat every one at her side.Its called parent neglect on her side and from me taking care of my Mom its pulling me down,thank for listing to me

I also have a sister who "doesn't work" and she also like you tries to control everyone and I am thinking of moving out, but that does not solve the problem for my parents who are also on her side... I do everything she asks and yet I get treated the worst by her. I think part of the treatment is due to the fact that I'm adopted and she is part of the family. Just like two days ago I am walking home and she decides to stop me, and we did get into a heated argument and she tells me to get out of her car. Then I continue walking home and drives across a busy road and into a neighbor's grass and says "get in I'll drive you home" and I kindly refused and she drove off in a huff. Hours later she was still angry over the whole incident, she came to my room to confront me and starts slamming and punching things. I honestly don't know what I did to make her act like that.

I don't know know what my sister has, but she shows signs of Borderline Personality and narcissism and she has my mother completely fooled and under her control. My mother doesn't see what's going on (even though it's obvious to everyone else). My sister doesn't work, doesn't drive, and has everyone do everything for her. Even without working, she's managed to live a very comfortable lifestyle by using others to get what she wants. My mother supports her and does everything for her to the point that my mother has nothing left in her retirement savings. As my mother is getting older, my sister seems to be taking advantage of her even more. I have and always will be the scapegoat of the family due to the elaborate, untrue stories that my sister fabricates about me to get what she wants. My mother is falling for her manipulation even when I'm able to prove that my sister is lying and/or using my mother, she's still in complete denial. Maybe my mother knows she is responsible for my sister's psychological disorders, but as adults, we are responsible for overcoming our disorders. My sister is in her mid 30's and still acting like a teenager and mom gives her everything she wants. I don't know what to do to protect my mom from this emotional manipulation and verbal abuse. I'm at my wits end with this dysfunction that my sister is causing our entire family. It's easy for me to just walk away from my sister, but my mother won't walk away that easy. How do I convince my mother that she is being abused and how can I keep my sister away from her?

Your mother is enabling her and this is why your sister is like this. My sister is the same. She has controlled the entire family. Has already raised a bully son and is now rasing her other son to be the same. Both from different men..go figure. The family **** and my mother adored her becasue she was earning good money with education that my parents paid for, denying it me and my younger sister. It's reallyt he parent's fault. My parents rewarded the person who did the bad behaviour and the rest of us were bumped out of the nest. Her and her baby (wehich he still is) took over the entire house and over my parents' minds..their fault. Ask your mother to stop enabling her.

You are so right. My mother has passed but "yes" she did enabled my sister because she was Naive to her narc condition. My sister was easily able to use Mom and she hates me because she knows that I have always been wise to her stings. I would warn my Mom prior to the stings and after Mom would say, don't worry I won't give her the money. Then after giving her the money she would say "well...she's my daughter and I don't want her to lose her job". That's how she would threaten Mom. these stings were $10,000.00, $5,000.00 and $3,000.00 a crack. How sad is that? Then when My brother and I legally put a stop to it my sister never visited my mother again for her remaining three years of life. I went and got Mom and looked after her free of charge to the day she died. My sister showed up at the funeral acting like the grieving daughter. And went off to a "pity party" with her friends at the nearest bar.

OMG...my sister continuously fabricates untrue stories about me as well..even telling her children sickening comments such as their own father may have fathered my children. They don't believe that for one minute. They know of her narcissistic condition. My sister has even severed relations between her own children and continues to torture her eldest daughter who lives just blocks away while the others were smart enough to move to another province.

Unfortunately, narcissistic people don't change, they get worse as they age. They know their bad behaviours and resent themselves for it which is where the personality disorder kicks in. They suffer severely from lack of self respect and (denial) while hiding their heads in the ground like an ostrich who thinks you can't see his *** above the ground. Trust me...they will not change...I am 74 and. This started in our teens.

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I have three of them and I hate them all. I have been taking care of our parents for the past 8 years as my mother had a stroke. My father is her main carer but found it hard so i bought a house together so I could help him. My father and I had a falling out because he thought I wasn't going to look after my mum so he could go to football my sisters took him straight to lawyers to get house from me. They have never taken care of
their mother or their father and I have for 8 years now I have lost my parents too as we are going to court.

I so understand. I have three of them/sisters too. Two of them support the NPD sister. So sick!! I have done everything possible to be kind/nice/supportive to the NPD sister, and the other two. The NPD one is almost 70 years old now. She is never going to change, and does not want to. Mom tossed her outta the house in her late teens-- she was and is a terror to be around. She uses christianity as her place to hide-- slept around with every guy in high school she could. Caused trauma for us two younger sisters. When do these people ever get a clue?? How can they live with their actions??? SO non-christian. And, the family of this grown sister, ( and her hubby) have NO CLUE what she is really like.

Sending you love. OMG, sweetie. Good for you. I found your story by Googling "abusive sister now has kids", read your story, then realized this is the Experience Project & I had already posted about my hurtful, hateful, abusive sister. I am so sorry you've had to deal with this. Losing a sister, even one who is terrible, still feels like a family member has died. I so understand you giving her multiple chances while she continued to treat you like crap. All you wanted was to be treated equally and with love. Wish I could give you a hug. We have so much in common. I moved in with my grandparents to take care of them and my sister accused me of financial abuse as well. NOT. Where are those narcissistic people when family needs them? I get you so much. So much. Huge hugs. I've got 2 awesome sisters and 1 narcissistic one. You are welcome to join the good ones. x

Hi Sisteragain, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing to me. I understand what you have gone though too. Loved reading about your good attitude. Very impressive. You're awesome. Thank you for your kindness.

My sister is the same, displays symptoms of psychopathy, got rid of her 5 years ago when she moved out, best day of my life. Now she is back with us and pregnant claiming she can't smell paint fumes because it harm the baby. She is obviously making it up so she can use us. I had a cold recently and she kept going out the room like I had a terrible infectious disease it was amazing, she's stopped doing that now. She picks up on every single thing a person does wrong, corrects you and talks down plus has a lack of insight to oneself. She doesn't laugh much at comedies unless it's someone being picked on. She likes to groom people and now she does it by rubbing her belly. She has little redeeming features to her personality. Very thick skinned. She wants my dad to write a will so she knows her money is in place, she doesn't like my mum and dad spending money we now think that's because she has her eye on the inheritance. I wish she hadn't been born.

Hi
I've just missed out on my inheritance because my sister had a new will prepared only three days before my mother died from cancer, my mum was not even able to sign the will. To cut a long story short, my sister felt that she was entitled to over 300,000 pounds because she wiped her ar... her words not mine.

Anyway that's that, but what I'm even more messed up about happened when I was 24 years old and how a narcissistic father decided it was time I went into business..so I did.

He brought a closed down business, corner shop that I ran for the next three years, started at 8am and finished at 10pm 7 days a week, no holidays except for one day a year, Christmas day. After three years he said it was now a good time for me to buy him out of the business...so I did. He was my guarantor with the bank in order for the bank to loan me so much money over and above its value. Being as young and trusting along with now stupid, I ended up paying him 3 x the going valuation . House prices at the time were increasing at a rate of about 10 or 12% per year and yes I had a small house. When my overdraft reached 32,000 pounds which he had guaranteed for me , it meant selling my home so I could pay off the as much as possible and transfer the debt to a new home mortgage.

I could say so much more about how this has impacted on the last 20 years of my life, but I'm trying not to because I really don't want to ruin the next 20 years....

don't really know why I'm writing this, maybe its because I'm finally coming to terms with it and now my life isn't about benefiting a narcissist, its finally mine.

I totally understand. I have a sister the same way. And to make things worse she is an alcoholic and has two young sons. And is putting her family threw hell. Today she attempted her third. Fake suicide attempt...to get attention from her husband. She wanted to go to the store and he was sleeping...he works nights...she lost her right to drive from a DUI....so she went ballistic and swallowed a bunch of Benadryl...the only reason I stay in touch is for the kids.

I know this was written in 2010 but after reading this it's very much a serious matter, there are five siblings In my family, and your story sounds exactly like mine! Our younger siblings have ripped us off my parents off, they are passed now but, the fact of the matter is, they can't do this to our mom and dad anymore because they are no longer here on this earth, so now they are dimeaning the siblings still threatening, still lying, till this very day about the rest of us who have helped sell dads house, it's been draining for us to live every day on what are they going to lie about next;(
We no longer speak it's been a year since dad passed , one will call and be rude, yell, say they want money or they will make up a lie about us send us to jail!! It's been very difficult for us to walk out of our home and be confronted by others who don't see their evil side and simply are not afraid to tell us off to our face so hurtful I quit my job bc they had called my job and told them I sold drugs! I worked there for 17 years I was questioned that alone hurt me so bad! We have cut off all communication with them, but what's hard is there is absolutely no body that tells them they need help! What do I do? They feel and think that bc they can't steal from mom and dad any longer , they are attacking us now I'm drained and so very stressed out bc of this !!

How must it feel? I have no idea? Please let's try to explain our selves better so we can get somewhere! You explain and them I can explain! I need help to you know! I'm so scared n tired of waking up to the same thing as well :(

I'm not sure what you meant by , "you explain ourselves better, and you explain them and them I can explain!" Is what you said in reply to mine!
To me that didn't make any sense to me!
I thought I explained mine perfectly...

I was talking about my siblings they have gotten worse as the years have gone by, we are in our 40's now and they lie, cheat, cause problems for the rest of us who don't even live near them! There is five of us, and we all live out of state except for two, me and my baby brother! Him and I talk , we do things together have fun you know .... What I wake up to is my wonderful son and awesome husband who has dealt with my other two siblings hatred for the rest of us!! Which is not fair! I wished LOVE FOR US SIBLINGS WAS PERFECT AND RESPECTFUL BUT ITS NOT!!! my older sister has been through so much and yet they attack her, abuse her, and just won't stop it breaks my heart!! They lie about the rest of us and I'm just drained!!

Mdevore, thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry you are hurting. This world can be so tough. I'm glad you have two guys in your life to be with you. I hope you take time for yourself when you can. I know that drained feeling and don't wish it upon anyone. I wish everyone would love each other too.

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Unfortunately, I understand your situation all too well. I'm sorry for you, and pray for the best for you and your mom. Hopefully, you've gotten POA an Health Surrogacy of your mom, but take it from me and experience, if your mom is able, have her assign you as a Volunatary Plenary Guardian. POA, and Health Surrogate are not always enough. My story is not exact as my sister and I had a good relationship until 2 weeks before filing for guardianship of my mom. Fortunately, my niece is completely against what her mother has done, and remains close to me and is supportive. She is like a daughter to me, and I am the mother she lost as a result of her mother's actions. I ask you to please visit justiceforelsie.org to learn more of my situation. I'm trying to educate everyone I can on what can happen, and what steps you need to take to prevent the turmoil I, and especially my mom has been through. We are still currently fighting this horrific ordeal.
Again, my best to you. PLEASE take my advice, and safeguard your mother from what has happened to mine.

Dear Dharmacher, I was so stricken by your story (and website). I am so sorry about Elsie. What a beautiful woman she is. I thank you, truly, for putting up that website in an attempt to alert people to just one of the sytemic problems we have with our elderly loved ones. My heart goes out to you.

Yes Severe Narcassistic Personality Disorder, My sister is exactly the same. Mind you I was younger and discovered that since I was divorcing one and found out what these Narcassists are I soon discovered the similartities when I was 27 & my mom 47 had me as her POA and had a series of strokes. Same thing my sister stole my moms birth certiicates and all of her personal things, check book etc I needed to keep track of everything and my moms car was repossessed. She filed to get benefts for her and then I was able to gather the necessary info again to file, we lost 6 mos waitting for the first case that was all wrongto get denied and then we had to refile and wait again for many months before one penny came in. Meanwhile Im supporting my mom and her house etc and my little brothers. She was so jealous (its a competetition always or they want something, if someone is of any use monetary they will fight you for it) she also lied at hospitals when our mother was in there in comas and such, that I had to keep moving my mom and finallying blocking her from being a visitor and letting them know she comes in there lying that I forged my moms poa documents (which I had never seen before) and my moms boyfriend had and supplied to hospitals. Then it was that we were stealing money from her (What money? my mom had nothing but debt!) . Then she was speaking badly about our mother laying there hospital to all of her religous friends visiting making them not want to associate or help our mother! And what I find odd, that these Jeovahs witness 'friends' should nto be judging, should nto even be associating w my sister because my sister baptized herself as one, yet breaks all their rules, celebrates every holiday and pretends to be one of them in front of them. But she would long ago been disfellowshipped or whatever, so why take gossip about your 'friend' from a jilted child at a hosital? They should not not be judging, nor gossiping, and my mom wasnt there defend her own name. It's all very hypocritical taking info from this master manipulator. But that shows ther character too, because I would not listen to someone speaking bad about their mother, especially in that context while shes there in the hospital recovering from a Massive stroke leanring to eat walk etc all again, it really shows their character too. Anyway I stayed out of it all as much as I could it was a very stressful time, and this is when you see your true friends (even in your family by who is there). I am very happy I learned about Buddhism and about how we plant our seeds of karma. For each action we do say, etc (which now I only plant the seed and share w you also), 10 times it comes back to them from other people. So you dont have to worry. Your sister will have her own karma from many sources. Just wish her well on her journey. Dont send out hate and have it come back to you. Your a beautiful lovng person and your parents are so lucky to have had you there. Only you have the precious moments and memories to stay with you and dont let any negative person have to power over you to make you send out at attract back hatred or any other negative thing. We are all on our own journey and this is hers. And you are more concious and elevated beautiful soul. God bless you

Wow Awakeningorchid, you have quite a story. Thank you for sharing it with me. You are good to take care of your Mom. I'm sorry you have been hurt by some that you love. I know that feeling and it stings. Your story is sad. It is one of jealousy, avarice, and disdain. I wish you love in your journey . Your words, near the end of your message, are so comforting and true. You are right. My sister will have karma come back at her at some point - as will I. I also agree that my hating is no good. I don't hate my sister anymore, but I certianly don't talk with her either. I love what you wrote. Thank you so much. God bless you too.

I hate my both of my brothers they are practicing alcoholics that have systemically abused every woman that has crossed their path(though they are no prizes). My stupid biological mother believes that its not their fault though she knows, genetically they where inclined to drink and abuse as that was the course and ending in divorce from their father. She is in such denial and writes it off as a mothers love-Bullshit! Needless to say none of us are speaking. I have written them all off and out of my life. I consider interactions with them much too demanding as well as damaging. Of course, they play the victim role. How can I victimize you if I haven't been in your life for over 7+ years. They are all crazy, my guess- borderline.,in addition to their alcoholism. No, I don't feel sorry for them because there is help available-via support groups and therapy. I am just pissed off and tired of the abuse and what is has done to the family. I was adopted at birth as my mother was too young to manage the responsibility of a family. My father is a great guy and has been in my life since he found out about my existence (something my mother kept a secret for 15 years) I am glad he did not marry her she is not right has had one divorce and currently in a rocky marriage. The triangulation and manipulation that comes from these people is unimaginable! Drama-When my "Mother" that adopted and raised me passed away, my mother told me that my siblings where just upset because their father left them nothing. Especially the sons. Well lets consider that they argued drank and used his home to run a-muck while he was alive. So what did they expect! Please explain to me how a woman that raised their bastard sister and they only knew in passing owed them a damned dime? Crazy, constantly jealous and envious of anyone that does not fall for the manipulation. Their sick women are the worst. One who used to be a friend of mine, actually had slept with one of the brothers then married the other and lied on me saying I was jealous of her marriage to my brother and that's why I did not want to attend the ceremony! By the way she too has been married twice and in her first marriage she slept with the brother, dated the father and then married his son. Go figure! I knew that the marriage was built of ego and lies, so I did not want to get caught in the middle of the drama and have not spoken to them or the family since. They ended up in divorce court-imagine that! My mother still thinks that this is just another sign of women who do not know how to love her prized sons! Really they are all sick and No Woman In Their Right Mind would ever waist their time! Continue to stay away from your sister all she will do is bring you down. But a funny thing with people like her-They thrive on Power and Attention. Once you pay them no attention and give them the power they fall and fail! Then they try to play the victim role and escape the consequence of their actions by blaming others. Trust your instinct. Get an attorney. Take out a restraining order and move on with your life and treasure the life of your mother. Your sister is a looser and far to immature to appropriately handle such a delicate and demanding situation, like the care of your mother. Thank God you are of good character and she can rest well under your care and supervision! God Bless

Wow! Myselfmyfree, your story is just shocking. But you know what strikes me the most out of all of it?? Your calm cool nature and excellent attitude. My hat is off to you. I think your brothers are fools for drinking their lives away and think that you are pretty awesome. God bless you too and thank you for writing.

It took me until age 59 to learn about NPD.....and have been dealing with a sister that is clearly a textbook narcissist. She and I have been involved in family business for 18 years and since my mother's recent passing, she has gone into a full blown power struggle with her NPD, malignant self love, need for attention, need to control me and need to be admired or recognized by the family. Try settling an estate with a Narcissist! Narcissists have a need to make themselves feel important and powerful....and anyone who stands in their way....is road kill. This has become her stage! The lies and actions I've witnessed by her is unbelievable. I have been the brunt of all hostility, hate and viciousness as she tries to take control and make all decisions. If I tried reason or to prove or explain myself against her lies, she then would "one up" and retaliate with more extreme behavior. (just like they say) Very extreme behavior. The emails became harsher, more vindictive and downright unbelievable. Her twisting of facts to provoke and blame me on any occasion became her favorite game....and she copies all family to put me in bad light constantly. ( whining mostly) The emails of lies and twisted facts had gotten to the point where she made my head spin. If I tried to calmly defend myself and correct her, it only served to fuel her and there was never an end unless she had the last word. I grew tired trying to defend myself and learned more of her pattern and this personality disorder. (the NPD) Everything I read on this subject was exactly what I was trying to deal with or correct her, the twisting of facts, provoking me, blaming me, never taking responsibility for her own actions. I now know, you cannot reason with a narcissist. You have to walk away. I have witnessed her 'snap' and know when she is about to spew! At one point, she went into a rage blasting me for petty things that happened years ago....for being 'taller than she'......stating 'and you're ugly, too'......??? it was really quite pathetic and sad....but very telling in her disorder. And to think, she was the 'beauty queen', cheerleader and pageant girl growing up! (see the need for attention here?) But when she's around others, her false side comes through and acts so sickening sweet and cheerful (puts on her beauty queen smile) and is quite the performer, a true Jekyl and Hyde. I can no longer be alone with her for any meetings, as it would turn ugly and she would later twist events and lie to others about what really happened. I have learned to have a witness with me at all times when I have to meet with her. It keeps her 'in check' as she has to keep her beauty queen smile on around others! NPD abuse is brutal. It's unbelievable how cruel people with this can be. To try to reason with the abuse....is a sick merry go round!! They will suck the life out of you and bring you down, which is entirely their game and purpose. They can only feel better about themselves when they can hurt you and feel power over you. It takes practice to control your reactions around them and takes lots of understanding of the disorder to keep from going crazy. I will smile and look down on my 'short sister'...who is not only 'short', but small.....so very small. She shows no empathy. (can't really, as she has NPD). I will not be a target for her in which to aim. When this is all settled, I will continue to enjoy my height, my good looks, my success and my view of her from my rear view mirror! (and even that's too close for comfort!) Don't make me put it in reverse!!!!!

Dear H8NPD (cool username btw), it sounds like our stories are almost the same. It is hard to believe how cruel people can be. You sound like you are really handling it. WTG. Oh my heart aches for the pain you have felt... but I love your resilient attitude. You go ahead and smile down on your short sister! Thank you very much for sharing this with me. It has really inspired me.

Again - WOW - I could have written about half of Your story, H8 ! Good one ! I'm in similar situation, and have learned - that - I can NOT change how THEY feel (there's 2 of'm!) and I can't change how THEY Think ~ just LET it GO and watch my back!

I can relate to the pain I read in all of these discussions. I have a different set of problems but to me they are my own living hell of a life . It is so sad , my life. I have no friends I give and give and people take and take. All I want is to be liked or loved but that doesn't seem to be in my future. I don't know why, when I am kind friendly caring but no one seems to reciprocate. Sometimes I'll just be glad when this life is over. What is it about me that people don't like? I will say it has mostly been females. I haven't really had problems with males. I'm a 61 year old woman, that has no relationship with my 10 nieces my 4 sisters in laws my numerous female cousins , life long female family "friends" but do have some contact with my brothers, my one son very close and other son ,semi so, my daughter who is 37 is however, my best friend next to my husband of 21 years. So yes I have some good in my life but the people who I have reached out to sooo many times and they just ignore me year after year is staggeringly heartbreaking. I cannot understand it. So many of these women don't even know each other. Then of course, my 10 nieces go along with what their two mothers tell them I suppose. Life is heartbreaking, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, we can all walk the path in life of grief , I guess it's just how we choose to display what we are made of that counts.

Believe you just described my sister she is a narcissistic person herself she would never help my mother so I move my elderly mother to my home for a one year almost and my sister would not help she only made matters worse by demanding I put her in a retirement home stricter of her license and investigated her having game and possession she also made me feel like my mother was nothing but the devil she was always negative towards me growing up with her she always did everything to hurt my feelings I to try to make her my friend and the only way she became my friend at certain points in time in our adult life was when I Patal credit card bills and gave her money that's the only time she really had much to do with me she only used me for material things and then when she didn't want me around for other than material things she only used me for just a moment that she wanted rid of me have a cousin who described her as we are all her dog that she plays with and then when she gets bored she put the back up on the shelf that is the best description best way to describe my sister she is rude she is mean and hurtful and yet when you retaliate just a smidge she will make it out there you are just such a bad awful human being to treat her such a terrible way when nothing was ever done wrong to her it's just it's was a defending process of all The heartless things she had done to me this is typical of my sister to dish it out but not take it she had nothing to do with my mother for three years she split the family and half and then all of a sudden since she decided not to talk to me yet again she has now made my mother her best friend which is good because they are in North Carolina and I'm in Florida she hated her daughter-in-law wanted her leave her son and get a divorce she was saying the worst things about her daughter-in-law children even up to her face telling her that her children are from hell and she wished for them to never come to her house again now that I took for my niece in law her daughter-in-law to call and her drunken friend that she hangs out with constantly I am hated because I defended the enemy which is not the enemy she's a lovely beautiful woman and her and my nephew are having a child together so my sister does it look like a complete *** now she has tried to turn the tables and make me look like I did something wrong so that she doesn't look like worse than what she already looks like so I except taken the brunt of her scorn on behalf of my niece in law and my nephew who went through hell as well of course

Reading this is like looking into my own future with my sister. I'm basically googling how to break up with her because, even though I've kept trying to treat her respectfully, she (as a 20 year old) has in the past two weeks called our only surviving grandmother an *******, both of our parents ********, and calls me 'stinky' because I shower every other day. I was kicked out of my own home today because she expected the house to herself and apparently that is reason enough to scream at me and my parents (she and I are both home for the holidays) until I leave. It's hurting all of our relationships and I can't give anything else to this situation with her. I can't love her more than I care for my own happiness. She's asking too much.

So, I wonder, was it like this for you both when you were younger? The part about...

"My sister has only called three times in the 9 months that mom has lived with me, and all three times my sister started big arguments with my mom - accusing her of being "easily snowed" and "not knwoing what she was doing", leaving my mom crying at the time of hanging up. "

Well, that excerpt sounds just like her. She resents me for being close with my parents, but doesn't recognize that it's because I put in quality time with them that doesn't involve material possessions, and that I don't hurt them physically or emotionally.

So, were you like this as kids?

Dear Katecma, it sounds like we have the same sister. I admire you for helping your mom and know how hard that job is. I am so sorry to hear about your mother's feelings being hurt (and I know you are hurting too). You are stong too though... and I love that! To answer your question, we were not like this as kids - but only becasue I did not recognize it!! My sister has always been a bully, I was just in denial. So I actually thought that I had a good childhood and a loving sister until this decade. Truth is, a person with NPD cannot love. I just didn't know it really. My mom spent a lot of time teaching me how to "turn the other cheek". Its pretty laughable at this point. However, I'm really over it. I understand it all now. :) BTW, You are soooo good for taking care of your mother. I respect your opinion and actions. Thank you very much for writing your story here.

My sister was my best friend for a long time - especially after she divorced. I could not imagine my life without her. Then two things happened that remind me of some of the comments above. First, our mother died and dad was alone. Although i live 6,000 miles away and have a family of my own, I spent more time with dad than she did, even though she was just a four hour drive away. For a year, dad was slowly dying and needed round the clock care, but it was never convenient for her to spend any time on that, evn after she retired. One of our two brothers gave a tremendous amount of care, and also took on the power of attorney and hired caretakers and saw to paying them. He did a great job. I spent nearly three months with my dad in his last year. I live far, so I would travel and stay with him. My brother, who as closer, was there every weekend. My sister found about 3 days. The other thing that changed for her is that she hooked up with a high school sweetheart on Facebook and married him. Though she's over 65, she started acting like a teenager. This hot love affair takes precedence over everything and everyone else, even a dying parent. I also feel totally replaced in her affections - twice I asked her if we could take a trip together, just the two of us - something we have often enjoyed in the past. Both times she said no she didn't want to see the places I suggested, then proceeded to go there with her new husband. That hurt. The hardest thing has been since dad's death - I had to bully her into attending the ceremony, which conflicted with travel plans she'd already made with hubby. But she made it, and the four siblings discovered that the terms of my dad's will (having divided up assets in lots of various worth) left over half of his estate to her. He helped her out of a lot of jams in her life, and she couldn't be bothered to visit him when he was dying - but my brother who is a busy person with a family spent so much time with dad, and was the one the emergency room called, and had to take responsibility for so much - he got left a quarter of the amount she did. She is not interested in totting up all the assets and dividing by four - an equal share for all. When I mentioned how bad our brother feels because of all the time and energy he spent on dad when she was MOA she just said "I probably should have gone to see him. But I didn't". Lessons learned: if you leave specific bequests in a will, EXPLAIN what you mean by it, because folks who end up with a pittance when they've been devoted are going to be hurt. Second: I hope I will eventually stop being mad a my sister, but that 14-year old girl who wrote the comment just above reminded me that some women/girls, sisters or not, will always choose a man over every other relationship.

Sounds like she's enthralled by her new husband rather than being an NPD. As for the will, well, the father is allowed to leave his assets to whoever he sees fit. :/ Maybe he wanted to "bail her out" from the grave. At least she didn't get it all.

wow, this is almost my story but mine just got a little more complicated recently. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but you are not alone. I was caring for my father for over seven years, full time, 24/7 with no help from either sister or brother. I couldn't work while caring for him, as he was a full time job... I had to quit my job, but by no means was it a free ride as you know. Then once my father fell in the kitchen and was in a recovery center, I was dumb enough to call both sisters and let them know. Within a day, one sister shows up and tries to get him to sign over POA, and the other sister drove cross country to kidnap him from the center, and cleaned out the bank account and got him to sign over all of his money to her even though he's not lucid due to Alzheimer's disease. This sister then told lies about me, to be able to keep her money for her drugs, and said that she had to "save him" from me, that was stealing from him and abusing him. ALL LIES and she has nothing to substantiate her claims because it never happened. I have never hated anyone in my life either, and I hate her so much it hurts. I'm devastated by what she's done and now, she won't even let me talk to my own father and I don't have the money to hire a lawyer and fight her, even though I am the rightful POA. How can someone be so evil? I don't know, but as you said about your sister, my sister has been this way since we were children and she has also destroyed our family as well. We had all disowned her years ago, even my father, and now she's getting over 4300 a month to spend on her drugs, and there's nothing I can do about it. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here girl.

Call family services and tell them to investigate to make sure your Dad is cared for ...these us one in every county..no need to hire an attorney as it is free

My older Sister undermines me all the time. She was always the responsible and the brightest one in the family and our parents know that. However when our parents are not around she talks to me as if i'm a huge failure. I just wanted things to be fair like when you make a deal with me own up to it. But i'm always left hanging and she pretends that no such deal ever was made. She'd always tell me that my life is a dead end, i will never be successful and i was useless. She always makes sure that she was 1 step ahead of me or the bigger advantage is on her side. She's a Board Passer and i'm not. I really tried to make up to for it so in less than a month a got a job as for her she quit her job cause accdg to her the Management is unfair to her. My line of work is not really my field but for the sake of not giving my parents financial burden I proactively told them that i'm going to pay for my Fees for the Boards review center. My sister thinks very little of my job ever since but i never let it get into me. The most recent incident happened just last night when i was clearing up the deal that she never really committed. And the she told me you're useless, you will never be successful, and your life is a dead end when i took my mobile phone from her which she never returned to me cause i was really going to explode after hearing her undermining me. She even outed me in front of my cousin and dad. I told her i'd rather be this way than be like you. I really don't know why she hates my guts so bad that she had to do all those things to me. As far as i know i didn't give her any reason to treat me that way, like i was not her flesh and blood. I wish someone could read this and shed some light cause whats happening inside our home is affecting my perception of good and bad as she was always the right one in our parent's eyes and i was the black sheep for fighting back.

Don't let anyone make you feel less of a person..sounds like your sister is very jealous of you

She's an abusive person who thinks she's entitled to abuse. It stems from her own issues and not anything you did. People like her will find a reason and there's no "winning" with them.

Hi,
Your sister sounds like a person who has tried hard to be happy and for some reason, the way she sees the world has led her to not be happy. Sounds like she knows your buttons too, as any sibling would haha.
It's tough having some dictator bearing down on your every move as if you affect them so pronouncedly that you must be under constant surveillance.
Maybe try thinking about it this way: she's so grossly unhappy that she wants to make you unhappy. Misery does love company.

Staying strong with what you value will guide your next choices; think of her as some Dennis Rodman or Daffy Duck, a clown to make you laugh along the way to attaining what you desire.

Your perception is yours, let her influence be slight, and try to help her IF she is willing to help herself. This task is tough and only do so if you are truly strong enough to bear some of her burden.

Strangely, it sounds like she motivated you in a way to do good by getting a job, almost like you follow your own path based off her mistakes.

Or do what we all do and find her buttons and play pranks on her too :).

My situation is somewhat similar. I have just one sister. I am 7 years younger and she resented that I was born since she was an only child until then. I was devoted to my parents. My father became ill. My mother did nothing for him. I left my job and took the bull by the horns. I got my mother to hire an elder care attorney, got my father his veterans benefits, had a trust fund done for my sister and I, hired someone to live at my parents' house to care for my father, etc. My sister kept trying to get the power of attorney from me. She was NEVER there for my parents and actually hated them and me (especially me). She has always been a source of trouble and knew how to manipulate my parents to get her way. In a nut shell, my father died, my mother went to visit my sister and I never saw my mother again. I found out from neighbors of my mother's that her house was for sale. I never got to see the house again. My sister took everything, told my mother I was stealing from her and basically manipulated my mother into giving her power of attorney. My sister doesn't give a dam about my mother, she wants all of the money. She accused me and my mother's lawyer of having my mother sign documents that she didn't know she was signing, that the lawyer was really for me and that I tried steal all of the interitance money. This is EXACTLY what she has done. She shut her land line off so I couldn't call my mother. I would have told her the truth, but my parents, for some reason, always let her get away with these kinds of things. I have had threatening phone calls and emails from my sister recently because she wanted me to take care of my mother while she went on vacation (after not hearing from her two and a half years) with her boyfriend, on my mother's dime and by the way she is married. She is an extreme bully, a pathological lier, no conscience, etc. She knows that I know she made all of this up. I have copies of all of the legal documents, which she read. Her only concern was conviencing my mother that I did all of this. I want to do something about it, but my husband and friends seem to think I should just ignore it all. I was also told if I came to my mother's funeral I would be thrown out. This woman is crazy and abusive and I wish I could do something. Any suggestions?

Social services free of charge

I totally get it and I expect something similar when my mom and dad pass away. It's going to be a circus because my siblings(Yes, Plural) will make sure it is and undoubted will make sure they tell enough lies about me. My plan at this point is probably to just let them have whatever they want, take it all, stay as far away from it as I can, and deal with the "See, she never cared or she'd be involved in this," tactics. It was truly truly the end of any hope of any kind of relationship with my sister, after a LIFE LONG battle to protect myself(and then my kids) from her when I finally left my emotionally(and borderline physically) abusive ex-fiance and father of my children. Instead of calling/texting/emailing me, "Sorry to hear," or something of that nature, even if she was getting great joy from my failed relationship, she emails my ex and tells him, "Sorry to hear you broke up. You are still my favorite brother in law. ;)" To which he replied, "Thanks. You're my favorite sister in law. " With a emoticon rose. Now...apart from, What the hell? You send him a condolense message but not your own sister? But what the Bleep was with that winkie thing? And his rose was his classic flirt signal. That *****...If I ever see her again, I will knock every tooth she has left down her nasty, STD laden throat!