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My Sister, The Narcissist

I am a compassionate, loving, positive-thinking, and open-minded person. I have always loved everyone - really. I was born "sunshiny" (my friends and family tell me this often).   So for me to even feel hatred is brand new experience. I am in my 40's so it took 4 decades for me to actually hate someone at all... and sadly, that "someone" is my own sister.  My sister is 2.5 years older than I am.  She is a bully and always has been. As a child though, I didn't realize just how much she was terrorizing the whole family. We are the only two children...  We have a mother who is afraid of confrontation, and thus spent much time saying things such as "don't let her get you down", "she doesn't really mean it", and "let's keep from arguing - just be the bigger person and drop it, OK?". I actually obeyed and found ways to let it all just roll off my back.  As adults, I attempted nine times to have a friendship with my sister - (ALL of the effort was on my part). She reciprocated for a while, so I thought we were getting better.  However, she would discontinue it after a little while, and I would have to try to open those lines of communication and friendship again and again. I know now that her friendliness toward me was fake though (because she recently told me so). What has happened now though - the thing she did that finally broke my "camels back" - was how she reacted to my going down to our parents home to take care of them.  During the year I was in my parents' city, my father passed away. Surprisingly, this is not what she holds against me (as far as I can tell) - and I promise you he died of old age and complications from his many ailments. My father was a stoke vicitim of 12 years, paralysed, unable to speak, severly diabetic, etc. For those 12 years, my mother was his caregiver. I lived 380 miles away and my sister lived 7 miles from them. She NEVER gave my mother even one day off. She never learned how to care for my dad (in case my mom got sick or something) - in other words, she was no help to them. When I went down to help them 3 years ago, it was because my mother called me and asked me to. So of course, I went to help. What I found when I got there though, was that Mom was losing her short-term memory. This was not OK since she was the only caregiver for my dad (she even had begun to forget whether or not she had given him insulin!), so I resigned from my county job and stayed with them - for a year. Since my sister's daughter lived there also - I had no bedroom, and slept on the floor of the den. I still didn't complain though, because it was so nice to have my niece's company during that time.
After losing my dad, I helped my mom fix up the house, put it on the market, sell the house, and pack up 56 years of stuff. Then I found her a retirement complex in my city that she liked - and she lived there for a year. I have been her caregiver ever since... while her Dementia progesses.
Bottom Line:  My sister has accused me of stealing mom's money, accused me of "living like a Queen" at mom's expense, and wrote the most hateful, mean, and hurtful emails to both me and mom. Once she saw that Mom was going to stay with me, she called the Dept. of Children and Families and reported me as "abusing" my mother with Financial Exploitation.  We were investigated, and the file was closed due to a "total lack of evidence".  Since Mom has been with me now for over three years, my sister has visited twice. Once to ask for power of attorney over mom, which mom refused because she is not that ill yet, and can still make her own decisions; the second visit was to accuse me of stealing (again) and brought a bunch of copies of things she'd printed out from mom's bank account (checking). I answered all of those accusations with facts. So she yelled that "It is obvious Mom has been coached" and that she (my sister) "was ambushed".  I take care of my mom 24/7, and she now lives in my home with me (the dementia has progressed some, and she had begun missing medicine doses or getting confused about them), so I moved her in my house to watch over that more carefully.  My sister has only called three times in the 9 months that mom has lived with me, and all three times my sister started big arguments with my mom - accusing her of being "easily snowed" and "not knwoing what she was doing", leaving my mom crying at the time of hanging up. My sister has never once come to see mom at my house... and has NEVER offered to give me a break of any kind, even though in the beginning I asked her to come and help many times (and my sister said that "obviously, we will tag-team this". Next, my sister convinced her daughter of these lies, and now I have lost my relationship with my niece as well. For all this, I have given up the sanctuary/peace of my home, my job, my retirement input (because I am now unemployed), lost my health insurance, and live as a caregiver fulltime. My sister can only see that my mother helps with the bills (its ALL about money with my greedy sister).  However, what my Mom pays is half of what I used to earn at my job... and dmy mother is fortunate to have a good retirement income.
By the way, it should be noted that before I moved mom up here, my sister's children (ages 20 and 22 at the time) were living with our mom and dad completely free of any charges (rent, electric, food, phone, etc). I thought this was kind of my mother to do, and never once had a problem with it... UNTIL, my sister's son started being a drunken drug addict.  He stole from my parents, argued and verbally abused my mom-- he actually drove my mother to the point of obtaining a restraining order against him.  Still my sister did not even go down there to help - not until I called her and demanded that she take him away from our parents! Now she blames me for making her have to leave her job (for one day) and go to Miami for what she refers to as "an unnecessary inconvenience", and "a waste of gas and time", and that it was "not as bad as I had made it out to be". Ugghh.
I do wonder how my sister can be so ungrateful, so unwilling to help out, and so hateful, when I am doing what I think is my family responsibility - one that she yet to even offer to our mother. Since I studied a lot about personallities and social problems in college, I now know that my sister is passive-aggresive and suffers from extreme low self-esteem; conditions which now have turned into full-fledged narcissim. Her exaggerated sense of self-importance is appauling!  Well... Thanks for listening. I am interested in hearing opinions on my story.
jscarbo124 jscarbo124 46-50, F 163 Responses Jun 22, 2010

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Sounds like your sister could be my sisters twin, and maybe I'm yours. I too have spent years careing for my parents, firstly my mum twice a week for years before she had to live in hospital until she passed away, then years later for my Dad after he had a stroke, my sister refused to help care for my mum saying mum had never been nice to her as a child so why should she help her now, then after my fathers stroke she used the excuse I was rude to her during a conversation to stop seeing Dad. It's all about money! my sister has accused me of taking some of my fathers money and even took legal action - it never got to court as my solicitor said she doesn't have any evidence so it is unlikely she will ever get a court hearing. She was always hurtful and mean when I was growing up, not just to me but my siblings too, and my mum also never wanted any confruntations so was always asking us kids to 'let it go' when she did and said stuff (including physical violence). Also the same as you, my sister was always argueing and would stop talking to me (or our siblings) for years at a time, always me trying to 'patch' things up and have a sisterly relationship with her. My father passed away very recently, the nursing home told her anyone who wanted to see Dad should come in and se him sooner rather than later - she never let me know, no attempt was made to get in touch, she robbed me of a chance to say good-bye, it was my cousin that phoned me the day after my Dad passed to tell me how sorry she was, she got a shock when she realised she was the one giving me in information, me and my daughter were not included in the funeral procession and there were no photo's of me on the wall at the wake, when I was saying my goodbye's to family at the wake she spat 'you've forgotten to say good-bye to me, that's okay I'll see you in court'. I'm 50 and my sister is three and a half years older than me, she is the eldest. She has always been a bully and has managed to convince my brother not to talk to me either - fractured our family - our children no longer speak to each other, cousin against cousin, brother against brother. She is unhappy, doesn't have any friends, and rules her children with an iron fist. Dispite the pain she has caused my daughter is happy and getting married soon - I love her fiance and am very happy, I have friends and I do have family - cousins, aunts and uncles who do not believe her alegations that I mistreated Dad and took his money, I work hard careing for kids and I suspect like you have never become bitter and twisted like our sisters. Stay strong, she is your cross to bare - carry that cross as Jesus did. I'm sure I will recall your letter and it will give me solance that I am not the only one going through this. xx

I am in a similar situation. I'm 27 and my sister is 34. My sister has always beat on me physically and mentally. She hates me because she hates my ***** donor. Like it is somehow my fault that our mom met this guy, married him, moved to another country and had me. I was always told to just "be the bigger person" "don't let her get to you" and my favorite "just ignore her and she'll leave you alone."
Now my mother has lost her job, due to medical issues, and my husband and I have done the best we could to help pay her bills. We struggle from pay check to pay check as it is. My sister gets almost $10,000 a month on child support for both of her kids on top of the $500,000 she got in a law suit. Her new husband is worth over $1 million and she got called me at work to tell me either mom moves in with me or she's out on the street. So now my mother lives with me and my husband and things are so tight here. We had to get a bigger apartment and we have no help. My sister calls my mom, she has me and my husband blocked, all the time and tells her how much she is a dissappointment to her. The last conversation my sister and I had, she told me that she hopes and prays that I will soon die of AIDs so she will never have to think about me again. She has turned my niece against me and won't let me nephew talk to me. She won't even let her kids see my mom because she lives with us and doesn't want her kids to "catch anything". To be clear, I have do not have HIV or AIDS.
Now, my mom and husband have gotten along well in the past. But now she is living with us I am torn between trying to keep the peace between the two. They each have certain ways to do things and if it's not done their way, then there is so much tension. They don't fight, they just get attitudes with me because I don't want to side with either of them. It's to the point that I just move out on my own and let them deal with it, but I can't. It's has stressed me out the point to where I have lost 60 lbs in 2 months! I'm losing hope that anything with will get better.

Wow my sister is the exact same.

That was a good story, your sister sounds like an angel compared to mine.At least she doesnt call your bosses or coworkers and ruin your life as much as mine, even stalking me and video taping me when I'm in PJs or in bathroom,and SHE HATES POLICE yet threatens to call them on her 8 year old child who is being kept from her father and child services thinks she is a good parent and human being.Its all who you know I guess?

Maybe you can help me then. I'm 18 years old, and my sister is 16. We're 20 months apart, and we hate one another. Everyone says it's just what sisters do you'll grow up, and learn how you were really best friends this whole time. Well not once have my sister and I ever gotten along. We go out of our ways just so we won't have to see the other one, we say the nastiest things to one another that any mother would be ashamed of. I've tried several times to make her realize that someday we will be the only thing each other has, and she still makes no attempt to change. We're two completely different people; I'm more controlling, I like a clean, neat place and she leaves dirty underwear from two weeks ago laying on the floor....in which we share. She has a no-care attitude of everything will be fine (thinking in the present, not what the outcome will be in the future). I'm more likely to over think my decisions, just because I don't want to see a bad outcome of any situation. I was telling my boyfriend just the other night that I didn't think I could have so much hate in my heart for someone that was supposed to mean so much to me. At this point I don't know what to do. If something doesn't change before I move out for college we may lose each other forever.

I thought I was reading about my own life. My sister is exactly the same. The only difference is that she had stage 2 breast cancer 7 years ago from which she is 100% recovered but she still uses this to manipulate my mother. When my Dad was dying in the hospital she convinced my mother not to call any of us (I have two brothers) saying we couldn't handle it. She wanted to control everything including my mother and exclude us from being with our father when he died. Then after she did that she accused us of not being there and she had to do everything. She has since coached my mother to appoint her the ONLY power of attorney. She does not work, lives with my Mom as do her two children (one just left for college) and she is abusive verbally to my mother, as is one of her children (the girl of course) . However, my mother lets her do it! My father was VERY controlling and she is exactly like him. My mother is just repeating the pattern of being controlled and now abused. My Mom plays both ends to the middle and complains about her to anyone who will ask. But, if you repsond, she defends her. When I tell her to appoint me Power of Attorney she accues me of wanting to control her money. BTW-She is not wealthy. I am married and have a very high family income-about 20x+ anything my parents ever had. So, I want nothing from her other than to help her-BUT she won't let me and continues to be controlled by MY narricistic and controlling older sister. I am at my wit's end. I was VERY close to my Mom growing up and my sister was not. She is very aggressive and hard, while I am more caring and feminine. I was always considered the beautiful one and she was always the "ugly" sporty one with acne while I had beautiful skin etc... I think she has come to deeply hate me because I got very well educated and married well and she had kids young and divorced. She has even poisoned her kids against me saying I was the "spoiled" and favoured one. She played the victim. She has refused to allow her kids to like me and whenever we are around them her kids criticize me relentlessly as she did while I was growing up. It is very dysfunctional. Currently I want to help my Mom sell her house and downsize and my Mom will say she want to do that. Then in front of my aunt she starts shouting that I want to control the selling of her house. Ummm no I am trying to help her. I don't even want to do it. But, I have bought and sold many houses (my own and flipping) so I can easily help her. My Mom is always trying to play the victim and cuase turmoil. They live in a small town about 6 hours from the large city I live in and everytime I go there I think-why bother? My mother is getting older and she's getting a little memory loss and I am afriad that if anything happens to her I will not be able to help her as long as my sister has medical and financial power of attorney. I honestly do not need the stress. If my mom doesn't make a move and change the power of attorney I am going to just have to sit back and watch my sister ruin and abuse my Mom. My mother comes from a POOR family and was ignored and mistreated. She has internalized this and unconsciously is repeating this abuse by letting people treat her poorly. I don't know how else to help her. I am afriad of my mom's future and angry that she just cannot stop playing the victim. I cannot tolerate my Mom's lies either. She's getting a little demensia too and thinks everyone is out ot get her. She is also getting weird and paranoid about money. It is a dog's breakfast and I stay away in Vancouver and don't bother with them. I would steer my Mom is the right direction in terms of selling and geting to a great retirement home. We have told her we will supplement it etc... But, she is determined to let my evil sister control it all. Also, my Mom is jealous of me too I think as I am married to a loving person who adores me and she never had that. Of course my life is not perfect (no one's is) but they see it as such and I am left outside feeling guilty and not knowing how or IF to help.

I'm so sorry for your story! I have a N sister as well, and have read a lot on the topic. Realistically, our sisters are not going to change. About a year ago we had a big family blow-up over an incident where my dad needed legal help and I helped him get it. She was crazy-furious because she did not have the opportunity to get involved, even though there was no need for her input, and in fact it was not practical to involve her. Long story! Those events caused me to look back at all the turmoil she has ever created and it struck me- she is the definition of N. It's really pretty creepy but enlightening to read all these things you know to be true! My attempts at apology were met with a ranting manifesto email full of half-truths, misinterpretations, and outright lies. This cycle has repeated itself many times over the years but she is really dug in now. I've read that eventually she will need more N fuel, and will re-enter the scene but until then I feel lucky to not have to have her in my life. It's beyond exhausting! I hope you find peace in taking the road you chose. Please do not sacrifice your whole future, you've got to carve out some happiness and a life for yourself outside of your caregiver role. Your niece sounds like an adult; perhaps you can try and keep in contact with her by sending the occasional email? At least everyone will know that YOU are trying to keep the door open. But I wouldn't make a daily project out of it, just occasionally.

I Take care of my baby sister with lupus.She has turned me
into her slave and verbally abuses me.We live in a nice
low income housing and will not let me work for fear her rent might go up,To top things off she calls me the devil and has told me she wants to commit suicide.My family used to have a lot of money and she was the youngest and spoiled.I am 56 and do not have insurance.She is saving her SSI money to buy a $2500.00 bed.Great Life!

Hi I just found your page while I was googling some information to put in an email to my mother. My sister is almost 3 years older then me. She was adopted at 6 weeks old because my mom couldn't get pregnant but after she got pregnant with me & then my brother. My sister was jealous the moment my mother told her she was pregnant with me. We did not get along growing up. She was mean. She got pregnant at 17 on purpose & has been married 3 times. The third time she married the best man from her second wedding. He had a son who she abused mercifully. I got really close with my niece when she was little but my sister put a stop to that. We got along when she had her son because I adored him. I babysat all of the time, even overnight & got up for midnight feedings. When I had my daughter her & my niece were so jealous of the attention she got. They would whisper things about her when she was around & roll their eyes at her. This is before she even turned 2. I invited them over for my husbands birthday & I had bought him tickets to a concert & he asked if someone could watch the kids so he could go to the concert with me. Do you know what she said? She said that SHE would go to the concert with him! Then I said no, will you watch the kids so I can go & she flat out refused! She never watched my kids not once. When I told my mother how angry I was my mother got mad at me. One day she she wrote on Facebook that she was sick & I never asked her what was wrong because if you are putting it in Facebook you can't be that sick. The next week I walked in my parents house & she was sitting there & wouldn't look or talk to me & then wrote something on Facebook about me. When my brother & I told my mother she didn't believe me! She accused me of not talking to her & then said don't I feel sorry for her because she was adopted. What?? Since then we don't talk & I am thrilled about that except my niece has seen my daughter on occasion & when no one is looking sticks her tongue out at my daughter. My daughter is 9 & my niece is 31! When my daughter said something to my mother my mother just said no she didn't. I am so hurt by my family. Not by my sister because I know what she is. Even my mother has admitted she is a narcissist but has still been manipulated by her. I do not know how to handle it anymore. I have been trying to write my mother an email but it is hard. I did write my sister an email telling her what a narcissist she is & reminding her that I know all of her dirty little secrets. All of her drug use & having guys take turns with her all while her kids were around.

I despise my sister too. No, despise doesn't quite cut it. LOATHE would be a better word for how I feel about my sister.
She has bullied me my whole life and Iam now we are young adults and she still bullies me, pushes me around, tries to control me and dictate how I should do everything. She can't seem to handle the fact that I am different from her and have different experiences and knowledge on things. She believes she knows EVERYTHING and that Iam always wrong, even if I have blatant facts to prove her wrong she still insists shes right. She tells me exactly how I should live my life and if I choose to do something different, I'm 'dumb' or 'misguided' or 'close minded'

She's all about saving the environment and goes to the extreme of trying to force everyone else to be like her. In the space of the four days I was just forced to spend with her I have been in trouble for: getting a plastic bag at the supermarket because I'm killing turtles, bringing napkins to the dinner table because I'm killing trees, using the air con when its hot because I'm contributing to global warming, flushing the toilet after I pee because I'm wasting water, putting the dishwasher on when it wasn't full enough to her standards, doing the washing on a rainy day, sitting on her side of the couch, not shutting the door when I had a smoke outside, not turning the exhaust fan on when I use my hair spray, drinking diet soft drinks, listening to my music because I have 'bad taste', and yes, can you believe it, choosing not to take illegal drugs. She is absolutely PATHETIC and petty. She loves getting into fights over petty things and I'm sure she gets joy from beating everyone down and trying to control everyone around her. Some people have told me that she does that because of her own anxieties but I don't give a rats ***. She has NO excuse for the way she pushes me around and acts like the Queen.

Totally hate the *****. Hope she never becomes a mother and if she ever manages to snag a long term bf I feel very very sorry for him.

Diddo, amazing how parallel my case is. Wow. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

i have many narcissists in my family , also my in -laws , we have a baby, i am worried that she can grow narcissist too.... how can i be sure my bby will grow normal? it would brake my heart :/

Well, you have emails & letters. These will undoubtably contain conflicting statements, logical fallacies & cognitive dissodence.

You can further expose her flimsy arguments by asking for some substantiation either logically, philosophically, or factually to verify any … claims like "ambushing" her on a visit. You can site the definition of an ambush from the dictionary, then ask her to tell you how this applies so that you may understand & maybe apologize?
Often kooks will say "I define (word of choice here) in this manner so to me it means bla bla bla." This is the the moment to let it be known that English is your language of your choice & the collective predetermined definitions that most people use is the foundation of your communication.

The beautiful part is you only deal with her when she comes around, she has to be & live that way 24/7. Sounds fun.

Gosh, your story sounds much like mine, only my sister visited my Mom, knowing she was starting to lose her memory and whose husband was a jerk, but for some reason like my younger sister and her husband (I suppose because she knew how to manipulate them). My sister at the time, lived in Nebraska, but fed them a line that they were going to move back and they were going to buy a house close to them and would take care of them. Convinced Mom to change her will and make her the Executrix, from me, who worked in an attorney's office and could do the probate for nothing... would not charge a cent on my part or anything.
My older sister and I tried several times to get help for my mother and her dementia, but her husband would not allow it. He wanted to be in charge and told us so. He would pull tricks on Mom to make her mind even worse. He did not want me to ever tell Mom about him trying to molest my daughter. Finally, one day he dropped dead. My older sister and I tried to convince our Mom to move in with one of us, but she would have nothing to do with that. We finally got someone to come in 3 days a week and she hated that... then one day she got a kidney infection and ended up in the hospital (first time in 50+ years). When she left the hospital, we were told that she either had round the clock care, or she had to be placed in a home. Mom just didn't understand at all.
Knowing my youngest sister who lived 20 minutes from Mom and participated very little in any of the arrangements told me and my older sister (who lives 7 hours away) that we would have to find somewhere halfway between me and the younger (narcissistic sister). I wanted to place Mom close to me, because I knew I'd be the one taking care of her. At this point the only way she could come live with me would be if I hired a sitter during the day, as I still worked and living in an old farm house, there is a step up or down to practically every room. My older sister was worried that Mom might fall. So, we placed her 25 miles from me and 25 miles from the younger sister.
As predicted, I would go once or twice a week to see Mom and the younger sister, maybe once every 6 to 8 weeks unless Mom was in the hospital and then she was jolly on the spot thinking she might die and she could take over.
Then there was the go around with younger sister wanting to auction Mom's house and contents. The house wouldn't have brought anything the way it was. And she wanted her "buddy" to do the auctioning. My older sister and I figured she was wanting to buy it for her daughter for little of nothing. We weren't stupid. I use to work in real estate. So, I quit my job to work on Mom's house to get it ready to sell. Everyone was suppose to pitch in.
We had a tag sale to dispose of Mom's personal property. Prior to that the three sisters sat down and we were to make a list of 5 things we wanted that belonged to Mom and DAD (not her second husband), that would be a reminder of them. My older sister and I picked out things like glasses and mixing bowls, that sort of stuff... not the youngest sister. She picked out things that would bring money at the sale, like vintage Coke items, a ring in a celluloid box that didn't even belong to Mom during that time... expensive stuff with the exception of a picture. One of the items my older sister wanted was a set of green glasses Mom used at Christmas. We never found them. Younger sister never said a word. About a year later she let it slip by saying she had found some red glasses that were just like Mom's green ones and how pretty her Christmas table was with every other place setting red and green. (Mystery solved as to where they went)
Anyway, my older sister and I purchased what we wanted at the tag sale. The younger sister just came up and took what she wanted. We know this because some of the items we were going to buy disappeared and she was the one with the key. The guy conducting the sale was willing to clean out the rest of the items and sell on consignment, but no, younger sister said her auction buddy would sell the rest at his auction house. I told her he would need to get the stuff asap as we needed to get busy on the house to get it ready to sell. Six weeks later I show up to start to work and everything is still there. I called her and told her he needed to get the stuff out so we could get to work. I would be back in two weeks. (let me make a little point here... during the tag sale my younger sister was standing beside me and my husband when one of the tag people came up and asked about selling the washer and dryer... I told them NO, THEY STAY WITH THE HOUSE)... younger sister standing right there. Well, two weeks later, I show up, walk in and what's missing... washer and dryer and about 20 other items and all the rest of the stuff is still there! I spent an entire summer working on that house boxing up stuff, hauling off stuff to a different auction house, rented a U-Haul, the biggest they had, a dumpster, the biggest we could get and my older sister came when she could and we cleaned out the house. I couldn't get the old washer and dryer back from that jerk and younger sister said she didn't know... the hell she didn't know. Said I could bring my stuff to her house and wash them. Like I was going to drive 30 minutes to her house to do laundry. I went and bought a washer and dryer.
She would come up and spy on me all the time, and have her in-laws spy on me as to what I was doing, but little sister never lifted a finger to help. According to her, spending all that money and time was a waste. I had a $10,000 budget. I ended up using another $2200 of my own money, probably more. After 4 and a half months, I listed the house for what younger sister said it would never bring on a Friday and it sold on Tuesday for the asking price and then it was why didn't you list it for more.
Every time Mom would go in the hospital she would be ready to take over and run things. I know her and the only reason she had Mom change that will was so she could take a fee (and it will be a nice fee thanks to me taking care of Mom's accounts for the past three years). Will I get reimbursed for any of my work... no. Will she get compensated for signing her name... yes.
This from a woman who disowned her oldest daughter 20+ years ago when her oldest daughter turned her step-father (my younger sister's current husband) in for molestation. She blamed her daughter, not the husband. Did she care that her child was molested, no. He did the same to her middle child. Did she care... no. But as it turns out, that daughter is also narcissistic and even better at it than her mother. Both know how to lie and get what they want. With them it is all about the money and the control.
My sister will be my best buddy for a while if my older sister ****** her off, right now she is speaking to the older sister and not me. She has been like this for a long time. She can never get along with both of us at the same time because she is always trying to play one of us against the other. We are on to her and it doesn't work.
The younger sister is now trying to undermine the older sister who is POA for our uncle. She now visits him and is trying to worm her way into getting him to change his will to make her executrix by telling him that my older sister is too busy and not well and all kinds of crap. She is good...

you have done what you could.forgive her and dont keep any hate in your heart.since u did what u could you r free.if she doesnt want a good relationship with u its her problem.just Pray :)

Just ignore her and carry on with your life.

Resentment is giving someone space in your head rent-free.
"Divorce" is not only for married couples. Since I have "divorced" my sister, my life is so much better. She is dead to me so she no longer has any power to affect anything in my life.

narcissism is the result of an abusive upbringing. often one child is idealized by the abusive parent and the other one is denigrated. thus they develop different methods to  get narcissistic supply - for example by helping people. Narcissists create a false self (superman-like) "compassionate, loving, positive-thinking, and open-minded".
"I have always loved everyone - really. I was born "sunshiny" (my friends and family tell me this often)"
Nobody loves everybody. Sounds pretty exaggerated. Sounds as if it is very important to you the people tell you so.

The idealized child and the denigrated child both are instrumentalized and treated like objects.

if your sister is narcissistic you are likely also narcissistic.

That is soooo not true, Maya. In multi-child households, narcissistic parents usually choose one child as their "mini-me," and the other becomes the family scapegoat. The scapegoated child is generally the one that is the least like the narcissistic parent, and therefore the least likely to end up being a narcissist.

That isn't to say that the scapegoated child doesn't pick up narcissistic behaviors-they usually do, because that's all they've ever seen. But they aren't narcissists. They have empathy, and can choose to behave in non-narcissistic ways. Usually, once they identify the problems in their family, they can get therapy and go on to live normal, sane, productive, emotionally fulfilling lives.

listen clapping cannot be there without the other hand ,so try to find out from your own self ,where is the fault lies in you.try to be compassionate ,humble and act with wisdom with the sense of acceptance,tolrence and coexistence with your younger sister

I also have a dirtbag sister. My solution? Severed all ties in 1996. I have honor, worth and value and I do not allow people like that in my life. Tomorrow is not promised to any
of us,do not waste time nor energy on the likes of her. Forget her and get on with your life. You wil be glad you did.

You do have a sister who I believe as a behaviour problem where it came to the point that she was the only one who in her opinion should be treated the best.
I know she as said she hates you and in time she will regret saying that when she feels all alone in the world.
Its good that you now look after your mum where you live.
Because at least she can have a more peaceful time.
Rather than all the stress from your sister.
But as I stated she as behaviour problems just like my daughters son did.
Luckily he got help and no long as any bad behaviour problem.
That is the help your sister needs.
But I cannot see her admitting that she needs help.
The word hate is because of her behaviour problem-so I don't believe she really hates you.
She seems to hate her own life-and she can only blame her self for that for not getting help for herself.
Sorry to hear about your dad-but being psychic which you may or may not believe in.
I can tell you your dad is watching over you and your mum-and will in a way try to help your sister.
If you ever want to talk I will be on Sunday and every day after on and off.
And I can feel your mum felt a lot happier when she moved with you.
Your sister-its like an illness where her behaviour became natural to her.
But in the future she will be the one to apologise.
I wish you all well and I am in the UK.
But genuine and a good listener.
Take care and I hope your mum will live a long time yet.

I used to feel so guilty about not loving my sister. I remember being so excited when my parents brought her home from the hospital. I had really prayed for a little sister.

Yet, she did things even as a little kid that angered me so much. She was just plain weird. I tried, but I never could love her. I still don't. I keep her at arm's length and thankfully, she lives over 400 miles away.

Keeping her this way has saved my sanity and my blood pressure. If you can, please do the same. If not, ignore her as much as you can. Most of all, stay strong! Your mom needs you.

Its horrible when constantly attacked by your own family and you should be proud of the graceful way you have handled it. I'm the last person to suggest involving attorneys, but elder law attorneys tend to be very committed to helping seniors--they are very used to dealing with predatory family members and heading them off at the pass.

With all my sympathy and respect, my friend...the world's full of *****, and your sister's one of them. So's her son, from the sound of it. You and your mother don't need either of them in your lives, so my advice is don't have them if you can help it. And once again, all my respect.

Btw...just out of curiosity, do you have kids of your own? Because maybe they could help you and your mother out?

Jesus christ! And this sister of yours HAS CHILDREN OF HER OWN?! Please, for the sake of peace of mind, were they too abused? The way her son turned out seems to be evidence that they were...

Hello. Thank you for writing this out. I hope that in doing so, it has taken some of the awful stress and pressure off you - even if just a little bit. I totally get what you're saying; and having been in a situation myself of being forced to face that just because someone is a brother/sister; doesn't automatically mean that they are good people. I used to make the mistake of assuming that and I found by the time I reached adulthood that it was not going to change; there was never even a spark of recognition on the part of one member in my family of the severe distress caused; or of the vile behaviour that was at the bottom of so much heartache. No matter how it comes to you, I wish you every success and happiness for all your kind-hearted actions; and being there for your dear mother.

I totally sympathise or should I say, empathise with what you say. Your sister sounds like mine. It is hard, you wonder why good can be denigrated and bad can blithely sail as accepted. My sister lied to her children, her husband and my husband. Got a job answering his phone in the office because she phoned him on his mobile during the day when she knew I was at work and couldn't know or prevent her plot. She got the job, my husband felt he couldn't then say 'no' to her and she turned him against me. Years ago now, but when she had done that, it was too late when he realised and regretted it. Sorry to take over your story. So I do understand and I hope things work out for you. As far as I can see, they have a hard time matching up to someone they themselves see as better and take steps to ruin it, thereby rising above by default. Seems like that to me. It is a harsh way of strengthening yourself against the hard cold world, but at least you have the better personality she can only wish for. Take pleasure from animals, turn your face to the sun and her shadow will fall behind you, as they say. Best wishes

I am 62 and my sister was 57 10 days ago. We have been fighting each other since we were young. She latched onto Gloria Steinam and the women's liberation movement when it began. I was 18 and she was 13. From the beginning I was a male chauvinist pig. We have not talked to each other for about 40 years. There was a gap of about 5 years when she married. My brother-in-law was able to get us together. Since he died in 1981 she has gone her seperate ways.

I am an avid Feminist, and I know that the movement really needs some serious shaping up. But what really ****** me off about your story is the fact that she sounds like she tries to "own her own oppression". She knows nothing about how to be a feminist. It is not about creating female dominance, it is about ending male dominance. She doesn't realize she alienates potential supporters of the movement with her hostility. That goes for any movement. That's why as a half-black person who black identifies and was raised black, I still cannot stand "black nationalism". It does nothing to help our cause.

I am severely sorry that she doesn't understand even the basics of leftist politics. She should be ashamed of herself, she does nothing to help the feminist cause. She only hinders it and as a result, she only hurts women, not helps them.

But I'm just making presumptions, maybe I'm wrong, I don't know what she's necessarily done for the movement...but I'm just saying she sounds like she's only been hurting it, and that her treatment of men as a result of her beliefs, regardless of whether that man may or may not be a feminist himself, is a big weakness of hers. It shouldn't matter if you're a man or not. What DOES matter is how you, as a man, have treated other women. This reminds me of something that Bob Avakian, chairman of the Revolutionary Communist Party said: "If your religion compels you to fight injustice, then we should fight side by side." And a COMMUNIST said this. And that's something she doesn't get. I would seriously recommend you, when the time is right, telling her off and being real about it. Do some serious analysis of the situation and then tell her exactly what she's doing wrong and telling her what a REAL feminist would do (and that for 40 years now she's made this big mistake). But as you probably know much better than I do, this probably comes with the risk of further aggitating the situation. But think about it! She's going at this the same way she did when she was 13! You could arguably say SHE'S APPROACHING THIS WITH THE MENTALITY OF A 13 YEAR OLD!

And if a communist and a christian can fight side by side, I don't see why she must continue being hostile towards you for being man. She is doing to you exactly what she is trying to fight against: the mistreatment of one gender towards another. In fact you could say that she's being sexist towards you, and that she's giving you a reason to be a "Masculinist" eerrr whatever you would call it! In other words, she's being a hypocrit. A serious, serious hypocrit. And if you want to be a part of a revolutionary movement YOU CANNOT BE A HYPOCRIT!

Reading these stories remind me of when I began to work in the welfare department and had to read cases of child abuse. I had to go for counselling to learn such horrible things go on in families but more importantly I learned how lucky I was to have been born to parents who were just alcoholics and abused drugs and did not abuse me as these children were abused. I lived so someone took care of me. Thank you, imperfect parents.

Reading these make me feel glad I am independent and my own mother died after also being independent in her life. She even left me about $7.000 which I split with my children so they could use it for college.

I so hope my own children continue to be independent and not fight over the little money I have if I become incompetent. I do not expect my children to give up the life I worked so hard to assure they have. If I am unable to care for myself, I want to die if possible and if not, I will spend my last days in a nursing home. Simple.. No drama.

Somehow this looks like a life of selfishness leads to a more peaceful life. No guilt trips for my children please.

My older brother hates me and has hated me since we were small children. Our parents created the situation after we attempted to run away together. One of my last "happy" childhood memories of he and I was falling asleep with him holding me. We got abruptly awoken, asked WHY we had tried to run away. He got beaten and accused of all sorts of wrong doing...I was sent to bed with a mild spanking and got to hear what they did to him. That was the tone of our childhood. Dad brought home treats gave them to me and encouraged me not to share with my older brother. I got treated like a Princess and he got beaten every time I tripped and fell. I REMEMBER my early childhood...he does not remember what they did. So, I tend to put up with his anger and hatred of me more than I should. I asked him once why he hated me and it came down to me being "Born." My birth signaled the change from him being the loved spoiled favorite to me being that.

We grew up with people calling him a "Devil" and me an "Angel." I actually think in his heart he's a bit kinder than me. I have a cold heart toward most people and always have...bizarrely he is one of the exceptions. When our Mom died I discovered HE was a lot more important to me than any money we received. He kept conning me out of cash with absurd "trades" and I just let him. He managed to spend about every penny...I started thinking up ways to make sure he keeps some. I pulled his leather couch our diapers were changed on out of a dumpster because I KNOW when he settles down again he's going to be upset they got trashed. I'll probably end up having them repaired before returning them. His girlfriend's steal everything they can get from him and he loves and adores everyone of them. He hates me for doing nice stuff!

It's improved since our parents died...and I shout and holler back at him just as mean as he shouts and hollers at me! He was completely proud the one time I SNAPPED as a youth and started retaliating back at him for being picked on. Told EVERYONE the story as pleased as punch that his little sister chased him around the house with a broom. It's pretty messed up. As messed up as this is, the volatile relationship has helped me deal with the meanest, rudest, most terrible people successfully. Mean Mother-in-law always doing and saying super mean stuff right when you're trying to impress someone? What would my brother do? Ok let's tone it down some..."Wow, those are about the most hideous pants I've ever seen in my life! You should really throw those in the trash. Underneath all that ugly clothing you're still kind of attractive for your age...you should really let me take you shopping and HELP you pick out something more current!" And "Please, just let me cut those terrible pants up! We can use them for cleaning rags!"

I needed the help being "mean" and my brother helps with that.

Your title is what really caught my eye. Like you I was never hateful, and I enjoyed an enemy free childhood. My Mom recently died of cancer and I cared for both my mom and dad during the past 6 months of my moms life, and I now live with dad. Dad had been diagnosed with alzheimers so I came over to their house to fix dinner, help with mom, and watch every single la kings game without fail. My sister hated my mom and never came to the house with her partner and kids. What Caroline would do is drive to the Rose Bowl on Christmas day to visit with dad for one hour. Caroline would come down from SF to celebrate Christmas with her partners parents, and then spend one hour with dad. Mom absolutely hated that dad would drive less than a mile to the rose bowl to see Caroline. For 15 years this was her relationship with our family. When mom passed away in the hospital, my brother Pete made it in time. Caroline arrived an hour too late. 18 hours after moms death, my sister enters my moms room for the first time in 15 years and in 3 hours she had all of moms belongings in trash bags. As dad walked out the door with my brother Pete to work out funeral and reception arrangements, he says to my sister and me, "dont mess with moms stuff. Those are my memories." One reason for Carolines hatred of my mom is that she smoked. I could not make this up if I tried. She grabs a box of huge trash bags and starts filling each bag with moms belongings. She has one hand on her nose due to the smoke and the other chucking stuff in the bags. When I walked in there I could not believe my eyes. I told her to stop and she said," It's all trash John." The devil himself was in charge of moms belongings. Her intent was to eliminate moms memory, and to throw everything away saying you cant even donate because of the smoke. Mom was very high end. She had the most expensive lotions, full bottles of alleve, advil, tylenol, high end bandages, band aids, new clothes, new shoes, ben gay, endless stuff that any normal person would love to get their hands on. She would not stop and I was completely rattled. Poor mom looking down on this. I then realized that Caroline had put moms purse which was under the bathroom sink in one of trash bags. When I told her that the purse contained all of moms gold, jewelry, and important documents, she snapped at me and said," nobody has been under that sink in 15 years." Shaking, I call her a mother fudging Customer and I left. That night she had the nerve of texting over something nasty and a huge calm came over me and I wrote her my goodbye letter. This was one year ago. She tells me I need psychiatric help, and after witnessing that, she is right. I dont understand how someone does that. There is no two sides to this story. What I share with you is the absolute truth. When dad came home he said what are all those bags in the living room? "Well dad, Caroline managed to bag up all of moms belongings in three hours." Dad would ask every day what those bags were and I had to explain.
One week later Caroline called dad to see if Salvation Army had come to pick up all the garbage bags. Well, dad wanted to sort through the trash bags on his time, when he was ready. I canceled the pick up and Caroline was livid, I mean livid, that I canceled that appointment. She is back in SF and she is pissed off.??????????????She is mad!!!??????because we canceled Salvation Army??????????. People ask me," do you think she felt bad?" My only response is if she is upset about the salvation army, then she does not feel bad. When dad was finally ready to go through moms stuff, he teared up as he opened a bag and found earings, newspapers, bills, trash gold, cash, cigarette butts. This is something I will never understand. She is lucky dad has short term memory loss, otherwise she would be out, no questions asked. Chapters two and three are just as unbelievable. My dad worshipped the ground my mom walked on. Our family really likes Carolines partner, unfortunately we have never spent much time with her. I'm sure when she was driving down to the funeral she must have been thinking,' I sure hope at least a few people show up to funeral.' Then she must have asked herself if maybe Carolines picture of mom was wrong considering 300 people attended the funeral and even more at her reception. I HATE MY SISTER. Thanks, John

Reading your story was like looking into a mirror. I am going through the same exact situation, except for some minor differences. It's amazing how comparable your life is to my life dealing with care and siblings. The common denominator is that my sister is also insecure and suffers from low self esteem. I also studied human anatomy and behavior science.
What caught my attention was when you said you were answering to your sisters stealing accusations from the bank receipts she questioned you on. I too had to sit across and justify what was being spent. After,r i felt so disrespected and ungrateful. I like you always did what was right by my father rather than to satisfy my sisters thoughts. I turned the other cheek for years as i would be bashed and lied about to my family. Enough was enough, she will never change, so i went on the offensive and the only way it was going to stop is if my father would stand up to her and put her in her place.
Caring for your sick and elderly parent 24/7 is one of the hardest things i have ever experienced. They don't have a class for it, and unless you have done it, it is impossible for some one to understand the sacrifice your giving. They dont see how you cant just leave for a few hours, you cant go on vacation, you cant have intimacy the way you should want it, etc. Its the small things that others dont see that we do 24/7 that have the biggest impact. The most important thing that you are doing what know one sees is that your there. Its not how many times you fed, bathed, washed, cleaned, drove, made appointments, gave meds, and a ton of other duties performed, its your presence that gives your mother the sense and security that someone cares and will be there no matter what. You gave your mother extra years on her life, years that will be lived comfortably.
No one deserves to be alone, except for those who show hatred and are selfish. Karma is real, it's not for you or I to administer, it never forgets and always delivers. So you continue to do what your doing and shine you will. Our sisters time will come they will meet Karma soon enough. The longer the wait the worse it will be.

I have a Narcissistic twin sister who has extorted my Dad, my Mom, myself and several of my friends. She has invaded my places of employment and my employers as well. This condition is so devastating. There is no feeling there at all.

WOW I am going through Almost the same thing with my sister (SATAN) She was my best friend, but since my mother got sick with dementia-brain cancer-diabeaties-etc we have been at WAR with eachother,, My mother passed in September of 2013 , 2 months prior she remove my mother from Cameron Glen nursing and Rehab home (against my mother and doctors wishes and medical advice, (all to take her out to where my sister lives and FORGE a new TRUST making herself(instead of me) the TUSTEE and EXECUTOR) it was all done with her friend and neighbor which is a NOTARY REPUBLIC ( I have been fighting this with Attorneys for approximetly 11 months Now, it's only getting worse, the attorneys fees are in aceess of $37000.00 and growing, the new amemded Trust -Will was PROVEN Forged by an FBI handwriting Specialist, back in November of 2013, but my sister,her best friend, the Notary, (who is only after money a payoff), and my sister best friends mother are all keeping the same story,, my life has been a living NIGHTMARE. I was my mother property manager for 30 some year's and her Caregiver for 6 month prior to her death,, I seem to be getting NOWHERE, We need Help, someone who cares and give's a DAM, Im sorry your going through this, and I will say a Prayer for you..<br />
My mothers Estate is worth over 1 million dollars and all of her art work is worth (to me) 20 times that.. she was a Famous artist.. Sure wish we could help eachother?<br />
Sincerly OMF

What makes this a night-mare is that we feel so alone with this because telling anyone about it is too un-believable The narc is sooo good at building her stings. my Twin is an alcoholic and compulsive gambler as well. My Mom had dementia and my sister literally tapped her out of her life savings. I asked my brother to get power of attorney 3 years before she passed and my sister never visited Mom in her last 3 years of life. She would not even stay with me and Mom on her death bed. She has been harassing me constantly with ugly emails to the point of me having to block her (as well as on my Facebook). Now she has resorted to snail-mail. I give her no reaction or response ever. I am terrified of her. My niece (her oldest daughter and my godchild has suffered greatly as well). We cannot allow my sister to know we are in contact in any way or there will be punishment. My niece did not know about my sisters treatments toward me until just a few months ago when her father died. Thankfully we have each other now to release some of the pain. Darn...this is so difficult to write about. I hate to use this phrase but "she has been my anti-Christ" for so many years. My night-Mares. I am not a fighter and I stay away from her but she refuses to leave me alone. I am a very sensitive and an emotional person but very organized and she admits to me that I am easy prey for her. she said "you **** me off because you manage so much better than me on less income than me". This is the only direct response I was ever able to get from asking her why she hates me so much.

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Hi. I have asimilar problem and i feel for you. My sister has traumatised the family since she was 21, when she came home from a weekend away with her boyfriend, pregnant. She lived in our home with her child and dangled the child in front of my parents. They gave in to all of her whims, otherwise she threatened to go. She lived rent free, uni was paid and life was unbearable for me and younger sister. Our parents punished us instead of the perpetrator. We were not allowed to have friends and so we both left home, prematurely. My mother seperated from my dad becasue she wanted to help my sister, when my sister finally got a good job. My mother figured she'd have a baby to look after, while my sister paid for the house. They were an item. Suddenly i was ignored. They had secrets between thjem. I was shocked when i opened my mother's drawer to get a hairbrush out for her when i noticed pictures of my cousins and aunt. I was never shown these and i apparantly wasn't entitled to see them. My life is atotal vacuum from when i was seventeen to my 50s. No family. My mother always treated e as ablacksheep and basically turned every last person in my family against me. She physically abused me (slapping, assault) when i was small and i guess she didn't want to deal with it . She chose to disown me. Now that she is dead my sister has taken over. 4 years ago i was trying to help my sister clean her house nsd i touched a piece of paper. She broke down (she's bipolar), called her husband to come home and get rid of me. He did. He assautled me and broke my collarbone. She wasn't int he house becasue she fled to her local church for 'guidance' becasue i touched a piece of paper. The police was called and they were asking me to press charges. They were rushing me, i was traumatised and then she begged me to drop charges becasue 'it was her fault, he didn't mean it'. I caved in after they threatend me and my child. The only person in the house that was a witness was his mother and the police told me that they may make up stories . i had no choice but to drop charges to protect my child. Since all that, my mother has passed and she left most thing sfor my daughter in her will. My sister has all the things and refuses to cooperate in my having them. She is controlling me and has not yet gotten her husband to open up about what he did to me..i have no closure whatsoever, only more bullying. The police won't allow me to reopen the case as they said he has prepared himself legally and they wouldn't win. I feel sick to the stomach and can't move forward. My collarbone has a bump in it where the break was and i am reminded everyday baout their abuse. They on the other hand, are moving forward quite happily. I don't really know what to do.

I know this sounds easier said than done, but you must remove them from your life. You really don't have a need for her in your life. She is extremely destructive and toxic. Create boundaries. I know how you feel. My sister is extremely destructive, as well.

Your story is almost identical to mine, and my sisters, however theres 2 of them, twins from hell. Cain and Abel. Jacob and Easaw. You ask how your sister could be that way, narcsisstic and all. Well, she learned it growing up from one of your parents, this didnt all of a sudden happen. Shes always been allowed to be controlling, probably never noticed it until now, she feels threatened. Unless an extremely traumatic event takes place, she will never give up that evil, entitled, toxic stance. Ive seen both sisters experience severe trials, and unfortunately, theyve become worse, bitter not better. I feel for you to some degree, but i need to ask why you havent done your own research. Its never healthy to care for family members. If you analyze it, you probably felt obligated, maybe your mom is self absorbed. Why guve up everything, when hiring a part caregiver would be in place. I did what you did. When my parents passed, i felt i had regressed significantly. Asking for paid help doesnt make you bad, your preserving the life God gave you. Family dynamics are so incredibly toxic. If you subconciously trying to get something from mom, you will also feel hurt and used. Only you can evaluate this situation accurately. Im reading your request for respect. I feel no disrespect towards you, but im convinced that honesty can set people free. Theres grey area here. Unless our families are like tv sitcoms, youll be messing with unnecessary hardship. I know personally, im still working on my issues from family of origin. Once you see and experience the things youre forced to look at, like your sister, youll feel much better when ownership is in place, leaving your sister, the bully to her own devices.

Wow - sounds horribly familiar ! I am my Mom's full time caregiver, and have been accused of all SORTs of malfeasance - which can be easily refuted - just hang in there - "what Goes around - COMES around" !!

I can completely relate to every word you've written. I too have similar problems with siblings. My older sister is very similar in personality to yours - in fact - it is as if you had just described her to a T. In my case, I have more or less given up on ever having any sort of relationship with her, as each time I have tried to work things out, she has never made any attempt to do the same. She also treats my mum really badly, only contacting her when she needs something. For Mother's Day, she did not send a card, a text - nothing. For the sake of my sanity, I've severed all contact with her and, for the first time in my life, I feel as though a millstone has been removed from around my neck.

I have severed all with her as well but she won't let go of me. She stalks me and harasses me by communicating with my children and friends. I have not been able to share this with my family and friends because they are all very happy and stable. I do not want them to be concerned.
I have writing a book for the past 15 years that my children can find after I am gone. It's the hardest thing to write because I can't see the text through the tears. I am relieved to have found this group that I can express myself privately to. You gave me a chuckle when you named your twin siblings "Cain & Abel". Thanks for the read :-)

I can totally relate to your story...my story has different logistics, but the underlying causes are the same...some degree of mental illness, greed, jealousy, and people willing to betray even their own mothers in order to get what they narcissistically feel they deserve.

I too have the same problem but I am the older sister and my sister the "baby" with a brother in between us. We both live with our mother, I pay more rent and help with what I can. Our dad, who died three years ago of Colon Cancer, spoiled my sister horribly and because of that she thinks she is Queen Bee over the house, even over our mother. She manipulates her and makes sure that I get the short end of the stick in everything. Recently her friend was put in the rehab hospital for Anorexia recovery and my sister offered to take care of her puppy while she is away. Of course this meant that I had to take the puppy on, no real burden I love animals, but her dog gets run of the house and everything is Jade's (the puppy) fault and her dog cannot "learn" (in other words she is lazy and refuses to teach) to tolerate Jade. She tells me I MUST carry Jade every where. Jade is growing and I have a bad back due to an extra Vertebrae I was born with. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. Everything that goes on in the house is my fault some how. I am getting tired of being abused and voiced it but she once again manipulates our mother into siding with her. I advice to go to a councilor. I am taking that step myself to deal with the unnecessary stress that she adds to my life. I am a learning disable person with Aspergers that has a hard time finding and keeping a job due to the lack of the outside community understanding, which anybody with problems can understand. I hope this helped you.

I have the same sistuation with my sister.My Mom lives next door in the same apt building.I live abt an hour and 20 min.I am the younger than my sister by 12 yrs.I had asked her to get my mother some food she says she dont go out for her which is (bs).My sister daughter lives 10 min and was going to help me my sister got mad.now i lost ties with her. It jus makes me sick by sister lives by her self and cant ck on my Mom to see if she ok before she goes to work and dont work on Fridays I miseed all my personal days from work and also have a 10 yr old to take care of,but when my sister needs helps she wnat every one at her side.Its called parent neglect on her side and from me taking care of my Mom its pulling me down,thank for listing to me

I also have a sister who "doesn't work" and she also like you tries to control everyone and I am thinking of moving out, but that does not solve the problem for my parents who are also on her side... I do everything she asks and yet I get treated the worst by her. I think part of the treatment is due to the fact that I'm adopted and she is part of the family. Just like two days ago I am walking home and she decides to stop me, and we did get into a heated argument and she tells me to get out of her car. Then I continue walking home and drives across a busy road and into a neighbor's grass and says "get in I'll drive you home" and I kindly refused and she drove off in a huff. Hours later she was still angry over the whole incident, she came to my room to confront me and starts slamming and punching things. I honestly don't know what I did to make her act like that.

I don't know know what my sister has, but she shows signs of Borderline Personality and narcissism and she has my mother completely fooled and under her control. My mother doesn't see what's going on (even though it's obvious to everyone else). My sister doesn't work, doesn't drive, and has everyone do everything for her. Even without working, she's managed to live a very comfortable lifestyle by using others to get what she wants. My mother supports her and does everything for her to the point that my mother has nothing left in her retirement savings. As my mother is getting older, my sister seems to be taking advantage of her even more. I have and always will be the scapegoat of the family due to the elaborate, untrue stories that my sister fabricates about me to get what she wants. My mother is falling for her manipulation even when I'm able to prove that my sister is lying and/or using my mother, she's still in complete denial. Maybe my mother knows she is responsible for my sister's psychological disorders, but as adults, we are responsible for overcoming our disorders. My sister is in her mid 30's and still acting like a teenager and mom gives her everything she wants. I don't know what to do to protect my mom from this emotional manipulation and verbal abuse. I'm at my wits end with this dysfunction that my sister is causing our entire family. It's easy for me to just walk away from my sister, but my mother won't walk away that easy. How do I convince my mother that she is being abused and how can I keep my sister away from her?

Your mother is enabling her and this is why your sister is like this. My sister is the same. She has controlled the entire family. Has already raised a bully son and is now rasing her other son to be the same. Both from different men..go figure. The family **** and my mother adored her becasue she was earning good money with education that my parents paid for, denying it me and my younger sister. It's reallyt he parent's fault. My parents rewarded the person who did the bad behaviour and the rest of us were bumped out of the nest. Her and her baby (wehich he still is) took over the entire house and over my parents' minds..their fault. Ask your mother to stop enabling her.

You are so right. My mother has passed but "yes" she did enabled my sister because she was Naive to her narc condition. My sister was easily able to use Mom and she hates me because she knows that I have always been wise to her stings. I would warn my Mom prior to the stings and after Mom would say, don't worry I won't give her the money. Then after giving her the money she would say "well...she's my daughter and I don't want her to lose her job". That's how she would threaten Mom. these stings were $10,000.00, $5,000.00 and $3,000.00 a crack. How sad is that? Then when My brother and I legally put a stop to it my sister never visited my mother again for her remaining three years of life. I went and got Mom and looked after her free of charge to the day she died. My sister showed up at the funeral acting like the grieving daughter. And went off to a "pity party" with her friends at the nearest bar.

OMG...my sister continuously fabricates untrue stories about me as well..even telling her children sickening comments such as their own father may have fathered my children. They don't believe that for one minute. They know of her narcissistic condition. My sister has even severed relations between her own children and continues to torture her eldest daughter who lives just blocks away while the others were smart enough to move to another province.

Unfortunately, narcissistic people don't change, they get worse as they age. They know their bad behaviours and resent themselves for it which is where the personality disorder kicks in. They suffer severely from lack of self respect and (denial) while hiding their heads in the ground like an ostrich who thinks you can't see his *** above the ground. Trust me...they will not change...I am 74 and. This started in our teens.

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I have three of them and I hate them all. I have been taking care of our parents for the past 8 years as my mother had a stroke. My father is her main carer but found it hard so i bought a house together so I could help him. My father and I had a falling out because he thought I wasn't going to look after my mum so he could go to football my sisters took him straight to lawyers to get house from me. They have never taken care of
their mother or their father and I have for 8 years now I have lost my parents too as we are going to court.

I so understand. I have three of them/sisters too. Two of them support the NPD sister. So sick!! I have done everything possible to be kind/nice/supportive to the NPD sister, and the other two. The NPD one is almost 70 years old now. She is never going to change, and does not want to. Mom tossed her outta the house in her late teens-- she was and is a terror to be around. She uses christianity as her place to hide-- slept around with every guy in high school she could. Caused trauma for us two younger sisters. When do these people ever get a clue?? How can they live with their actions??? SO non-christian. And, the family of this grown sister, ( and her hubby) have NO CLUE what she is really like.

Sending you love. OMG, sweetie. Good for you. I found your story by Googling "abusive sister now has kids", read your story, then realized this is the Experience Project & I had already posted about my hurtful, hateful, abusive sister. I am so sorry you've had to deal with this. Losing a sister, even one who is terrible, still feels like a family member has died. I so understand you giving her multiple chances while she continued to treat you like crap. All you wanted was to be treated equally and with love. Wish I could give you a hug. We have so much in common. I moved in with my grandparents to take care of them and my sister accused me of financial abuse as well. NOT. Where are those narcissistic people when family needs them? I get you so much. So much. Huge hugs. I've got 2 awesome sisters and 1 narcissistic one. You are welcome to join the good ones. x

Hi Sisteragain, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing to me. I understand what you have gone though too. Loved reading about your good attitude. Very impressive. You're awesome. Thank you for your kindness.

My sister is the same, displays symptoms of psychopathy, got rid of her 5 years ago when she moved out, best day of my life. Now she is back with us and pregnant claiming she can't smell paint fumes because it harm the baby. She is obviously making it up so she can use us. I had a cold recently and she kept going out the room like I had a terrible infectious disease it was amazing, she's stopped doing that now. She picks up on every single thing a person does wrong, corrects you and talks down plus has a lack of insight to oneself. She doesn't laugh much at comedies unless it's someone being picked on. She likes to groom people and now she does it by rubbing her belly. She has little redeeming features to her personality. Very thick skinned. She wants my dad to write a will so she knows her money is in place, she doesn't like my mum and dad spending money we now think that's because she has her eye on the inheritance. I wish she hadn't been born.

Hi
I've just missed out on my inheritance because my sister had a new will prepared only three days before my mother died from cancer, my mum was not even able to sign the will. To cut a long story short, my sister felt that she was entitled to over 300,000 pounds because she wiped her ar... her words not mine.

Anyway that's that, but what I'm even more messed up about happened when I was 24 years old and how a narcissistic father decided it was time I went into business..so I did.

He brought a closed down business, corner shop that I ran for the next three years, started at 8am and finished at 10pm 7 days a week, no holidays except for one day a year, Christmas day. After three years he said it was now a good time for me to buy him out of the business...so I did. He was my guarantor with the bank in order for the bank to loan me so much money over and above its value. Being as young and trusting along with now stupid, I ended up paying him 3 x the going valuation . House prices at the time were increasing at a rate of about 10 or 12% per year and yes I had a small house. When my overdraft reached 32,000 pounds which he had guaranteed for me , it meant selling my home so I could pay off the as much as possible and transfer the debt to a new home mortgage.

I could say so much more about how this has impacted on the last 20 years of my life, but I'm trying not to because I really don't want to ruin the next 20 years....

don't really know why I'm writing this, maybe its because I'm finally coming to terms with it and now my life isn't about benefiting a narcissist, its finally mine.

I totally understand. I have a sister the same way. And to make things worse she is an alcoholic and has two young sons. And is putting her family threw hell. Today she attempted her third. Fake suicide attempt...to get attention from her husband. She wanted to go to the store and he was sleeping...he works nights...she lost her right to drive from a DUI....so she went ballistic and swallowed a bunch of Benadryl...the only reason I stay in touch is for the kids.

I know this was written in 2010 but after reading this it's very much a serious matter, there are five siblings In my family, and your story sounds exactly like mine! Our younger siblings have ripped us off my parents off, they are passed now but, the fact of the matter is, they can't do this to our mom and dad anymore because they are no longer here on this earth, so now they are dimeaning the siblings still threatening, still lying, till this very day about the rest of us who have helped sell dads house, it's been draining for us to live every day on what are they going to lie about next;(
We no longer speak it's been a year since dad passed , one will call and be rude, yell, say they want money or they will make up a lie about us send us to jail!! It's been very difficult for us to walk out of our home and be confronted by others who don't see their evil side and simply are not afraid to tell us off to our face so hurtful I quit my job bc they had called my job and told them I sold drugs! I worked there for 17 years I was questioned that alone hurt me so bad! We have cut off all communication with them, but what's hard is there is absolutely no body that tells them they need help! What do I do? They feel and think that bc they can't steal from mom and dad any longer , they are attacking us now I'm drained and so very stressed out bc of this !!

How must it feel? I have no idea? Please let's try to explain our selves better so we can get somewhere! You explain and them I can explain! I need help to you know! I'm so scared n tired of waking up to the same thing as well :(

I'm not sure what you meant by , "you explain ourselves better, and you explain them and them I can explain!" Is what you said in reply to mine!
To me that didn't make any sense to me!
I thought I explained mine perfectly...

I was talking about my siblings they have gotten worse as the years have gone by, we are in our 40's now and they lie, cheat, cause problems for the rest of us who don't even live near them! There is five of us, and we all live out of state except for two, me and my baby brother! Him and I talk , we do things together have fun you know .... What I wake up to is my wonderful son and awesome husband who has dealt with my other two siblings hatred for the rest of us!! Which is not fair! I wished LOVE FOR US SIBLINGS WAS PERFECT AND RESPECTFUL BUT ITS NOT!!! my older sister has been through so much and yet they attack her, abuse her, and just won't stop it breaks my heart!! They lie about the rest of us and I'm just drained!!

Mdevore, thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry you are hurting. This world can be so tough. I'm glad you have two guys in your life to be with you. I hope you take time for yourself when you can. I know that drained feeling and don't wish it upon anyone. I wish everyone would love each other too.

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Unfortunately, I understand your situation all too well. I'm sorry for you, and pray for the best for you and your mom. Hopefully, you've gotten POA an Health Surrogacy of your mom, but take it from me and experience, if your mom is able, have her assign you as a Volunatary Plenary Guardian. POA, and Health Surrogate are not always enough. My story is not exact as my sister and I had a good relationship until 2 weeks before filing for guardianship of my mom. Fortunately, my niece is completely against what her mother has done, and remains close to me and is supportive. She is like a daughter to me, and I am the mother she lost as a result of her mother's actions. I ask you to please visit justiceforelsie.org to learn more of my situation. I'm trying to educate everyone I can on what can happen, and what steps you need to take to prevent the turmoil I, and especially my mom has been through. We are still currently fighting this horrific ordeal.
Again, my best to you. PLEASE take my advice, and safeguard your mother from what has happened to mine.

Dear Dharmacher, I was so stricken by your story (and website). I am so sorry about Elsie. What a beautiful woman she is. I thank you, truly, for putting up that website in an attempt to alert people to just one of the sytemic problems we have with our elderly loved ones. My heart goes out to you.

Yes Severe Narcassistic Personality Disorder, My sister is exactly the same. Mind you I was younger and discovered that since I was divorcing one and found out what these Narcassists are I soon discovered the similartities when I was 27 & my mom 47 had me as her POA and had a series of strokes. Same thing my sister stole my moms birth certiicates and all of her personal things, check book etc I needed to keep track of everything and my moms car was repossessed. She filed to get benefts for her and then I was able to gather the necessary info again to file, we lost 6 mos waitting for the first case that was all wrongto get denied and then we had to refile and wait again for many months before one penny came in. Meanwhile Im supporting my mom and her house etc and my little brothers. She was so jealous (its a competetition always or they want something, if someone is of any use monetary they will fight you for it) she also lied at hospitals when our mother was in there in comas and such, that I had to keep moving my mom and finallying blocking her from being a visitor and letting them know she comes in there lying that I forged my moms poa documents (which I had never seen before) and my moms boyfriend had and supplied to hospitals. Then it was that we were stealing money from her (What money? my mom had nothing but debt!) . Then she was speaking badly about our mother laying there hospital to all of her religous friends visiting making them not want to associate or help our mother! And what I find odd, that these Jeovahs witness 'friends' should nto be judging, should nto even be associating w my sister because my sister baptized herself as one, yet breaks all their rules, celebrates every holiday and pretends to be one of them in front of them. But she would long ago been disfellowshipped or whatever, so why take gossip about your 'friend' from a jilted child at a hosital? They should not not be judging, nor gossiping, and my mom wasnt there defend her own name. It's all very hypocritical taking info from this master manipulator. But that shows ther character too, because I would not listen to someone speaking bad about their mother, especially in that context while shes there in the hospital recovering from a Massive stroke leanring to eat walk etc all again, it really shows their character too. Anyway I stayed out of it all as much as I could it was a very stressful time, and this is when you see your true friends (even in your family by who is there). I am very happy I learned about Buddhism and about how we plant our seeds of karma. For each action we do say, etc (which now I only plant the seed and share w you also), 10 times it comes back to them from other people. So you dont have to worry. Your sister will have her own karma from many sources. Just wish her well on her journey. Dont send out hate and have it come back to you. Your a beautiful lovng person and your parents are so lucky to have had you there. Only you have the precious moments and memories to stay with you and dont let any negative person have to power over you to make you send out at attract back hatred or any other negative thing. We are all on our own journey and this is hers. And you are more concious and elevated beautiful soul. God bless you

Wow Awakeningorchid, you have quite a story. Thank you for sharing it with me. You are good to take care of your Mom. I'm sorry you have been hurt by some that you love. I know that feeling and it stings. Your story is sad. It is one of jealousy, avarice, and disdain. I wish you love in your journey . Your words, near the end of your message, are so comforting and true. You are right. My sister will have karma come back at her at some point - as will I. I also agree that my hating is no good. I don't hate my sister anymore, but I certianly don't talk with her either. I love what you wrote. Thank you so much. God bless you too.

I hate my both of my brothers they are practicing alcoholics that have systemically abused every woman that has crossed their path(though they are no prizes). My stupid biological mother believes that its not their fault though she knows, genetically they where inclined to drink and abuse as that was the course and ending in divorce from their father. She is in such denial and writes it off as a mothers love-Bullshit! Needless to say none of us are speaking. I have written them all off and out of my life. I consider interactions with them much too demanding as well as damaging. Of course, they play the victim role. How can I victimize you if I haven't been in your life for over 7+ years. They are all crazy, my guess- borderline.,in addition to their alcoholism. No, I don't feel sorry for them because there is help available-via support groups and therapy. I am just pissed off and tired of the abuse and what is has done to the family. I was adopted at birth as my mother was too young to manage the responsibility of a family. My father is a great guy and has been in my life since he found out about my existence (something my mother kept a secret for 15 years) I am glad he did not marry her she is not right has had one divorce and currently in a rocky marriage. The triangulation and manipulation that comes from these people is unimaginable! Drama-When my "Mother" that adopted and raised me passed away, my mother told me that my siblings where just upset because their father left them nothing. Especially the sons. Well lets consider that they argued drank and used his home to run a-muck while he was alive. So what did they expect! Please explain to me how a woman that raised their bastard sister and they only knew in passing owed them a damned dime? Crazy, constantly jealous and envious of anyone that does not fall for the manipulation. Their sick women are the worst. One who used to be a friend of mine, actually had slept with one of the brothers then married the other and lied on me saying I was jealous of her marriage to my brother and that's why I did not want to attend the ceremony! By the way she too has been married twice and in her first marriage she slept with the brother, dated the father and then married his son. Go figure! I knew that the marriage was built of ego and lies, so I did not want to get caught in the middle of the drama and have not spoken to them or the family since. They ended up in divorce court-imagine that! My mother still thinks that this is just another sign of women who do not know how to love her prized sons! Really they are all sick and No Woman In Their Right Mind would ever waist their time! Continue to stay away from your sister all she will do is bring you down. But a funny thing with people like her-They thrive on Power and Attention. Once you pay them no attention and give them the power they fall and fail! Then they try to play the victim role and escape the consequence of their actions by blaming others. Trust your instinct. Get an attorney. Take out a restraining order and move on with your life and treasure the life of your mother. Your sister is a looser and far to immature to appropriately handle such a delicate and demanding situation, like the care of your mother. Thank God you are of good character and she can rest well under your care and supervision! God Bless

Wow! Myselfmyfree, your story is just shocking. But you know what strikes me the most out of all of it?? Your calm cool nature and excellent attitude. My hat is off to you. I think your brothers are fools for drinking their lives away and think that you are pretty awesome. God bless you too and thank you for writing.

It took me until age 59 to learn about NPD.....and have been dealing with a sister that is clearly a textbook narcissist. She and I have been involved in family business for 18 years and since my mother's recent passing, she has gone into a full blown power struggle with her NPD, malignant self love, need for attention, need to control me and need to be admired or recognized by the family. Try settling an estate with a Narcissist! Narcissists have a need to make themselves feel important and powerful....and anyone who stands in their way....is road kill. This has become her stage! The lies and actions I've witnessed by her is unbelievable. I have been the brunt of all hostility, hate and viciousness as she tries to take control and make all decisions. If I tried reason or to prove or explain myself against her lies, she then would "one up" and retaliate with more extreme behavior. (just like they say) Very extreme behavior. The emails became harsher, more vindictive and downright unbelievable. Her twisting of facts to provoke and blame me on any occasion became her favorite game....and she copies all family to put me in bad light constantly. ( whining mostly) The emails of lies and twisted facts had gotten to the point where she made my head spin. If I tried to calmly defend myself and correct her, it only served to fuel her and there was never an end unless she had the last word. I grew tired trying to defend myself and learned more of her pattern and this personality disorder. (the NPD) Everything I read on this subject was exactly what I was trying to deal with or correct her, the twisting of facts, provoking me, blaming me, never taking responsibility for her own actions. I now know, you cannot reason with a narcissist. You have to walk away. I have witnessed her 'snap' and know when she is about to spew! At one point, she went into a rage blasting me for petty things that happened years ago....for being 'taller than she'......stating 'and you're ugly, too'......??? it was really quite pathetic and sad....but very telling in her disorder. And to think, she was the 'beauty queen', cheerleader and pageant girl growing up! (see the need for attention here?) But when she's around others, her false side comes through and acts so sickening sweet and cheerful (puts on her beauty queen smile) and is quite the performer, a true Jekyl and Hyde. I can no longer be alone with her for any meetings, as it would turn ugly and she would later twist events and lie to others about what really happened. I have learned to have a witness with me at all times when I have to meet with her. It keeps her 'in check' as she has to keep her beauty queen smile on around others! NPD abuse is brutal. It's unbelievable how cruel people with this can be. To try to reason with the abuse....is a sick merry go round!! They will suck the life out of you and bring you down, which is entirely their game and purpose. They can only feel better about themselves when they can hurt you and feel power over you. It takes practice to control your reactions around them and takes lots of understanding of the disorder to keep from going crazy. I will smile and look down on my 'short sister'...who is not only 'short', but small.....so very small. She shows no empathy. (can't really, as she has NPD). I will not be a target for her in which to aim. When this is all settled, I will continue to enjoy my height, my good looks, my success and my view of her from my rear view mirror! (and even that's too close for comfort!) Don't make me put it in reverse!!!!!

Dear H8NPD (cool username btw), it sounds like our stories are almost the same. It is hard to believe how cruel people can be. You sound like you are really handling it. WTG. Oh my heart aches for the pain you have felt... but I love your resilient attitude. You go ahead and smile down on your short sister! Thank you very much for sharing this with me. It has really inspired me.

Again - WOW - I could have written about half of Your story, H8 ! Good one ! I'm in similar situation, and have learned - that - I can NOT change how THEY feel (there's 2 of'm!) and I can't change how THEY Think ~ just LET it GO and watch my back!

I can relate to the pain I read in all of these discussions. I have a different set of problems but to me they are my own living hell of a life . It is so sad , my life. I have no friends I give and give and people take and take. All I want is to be liked or loved but that doesn't seem to be in my future. I don't know why, when I am kind friendly caring but no one seems to reciprocate. Sometimes I'll just be glad when this life is over. What is it about me that people don't like? I will say it has mostly been females. I haven't really had problems with males. I'm a 61 year old woman, that has no relationship with my 10 nieces my 4 sisters in laws my numerous female cousins , life long female family "friends" but do have some contact with my brothers, my one son very close and other son ,semi so, my daughter who is 37 is however, my best friend next to my husband of 21 years. So yes I have some good in my life but the people who I have reached out to sooo many times and they just ignore me year after year is staggeringly heartbreaking. I cannot understand it. So many of these women don't even know each other. Then of course, my 10 nieces go along with what their two mothers tell them I suppose. Life is heartbreaking, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone, we can all walk the path in life of grief , I guess it's just how we choose to display what we are made of that counts.

Believe you just described my sister she is a narcissistic person herself she would never help my mother so I move my elderly mother to my home for a one year almost and my sister would not help she only made matters worse by demanding I put her in a retirement home stricter of her license and investigated her having game and possession she also made me feel like my mother was nothing but the devil she was always negative towards me growing up with her she always did everything to hurt my feelings I to try to make her my friend and the only way she became my friend at certain points in time in our adult life was when I Patal credit card bills and gave her money that's the only time she really had much to do with me she only used me for material things and then when she didn't want me around for other than material things she only used me for just a moment that she wanted rid of me have a cousin who described her as we are all her dog that she plays with and then when she gets bored she put the back up on the shelf that is the best description best way to describe my sister she is rude she is mean and hurtful and yet when you retaliate just a smidge she will make it out there you are just such a bad awful human being to treat her such a terrible way when nothing was ever done wrong to her it's just it's was a defending process of all The heartless things she had done to me this is typical of my sister to dish it out but not take it she had nothing to do with my mother for three years she split the family and half and then all of a sudden since she decided not to talk to me yet again she has now made my mother her best friend which is good because they are in North Carolina and I'm in Florida she hated her daughter-in-law wanted her leave her son and get a divorce she was saying the worst things about her daughter-in-law children even up to her face telling her that her children are from hell and she wished for them to never come to her house again now that I took for my niece in law her daughter-in-law to call and her drunken friend that she hangs out with constantly I am hated because I defended the enemy which is not the enemy she's a lovely beautiful woman and her and my nephew are having a child together so my sister does it look like a complete *** now she has tried to turn the tables and make me look like I did something wrong so that she doesn't look like worse than what she already looks like so I except taken the brunt of her scorn on behalf of my niece in law and my nephew who went through hell as well of course

Reading this is like looking into my own future with my sister. I'm basically googling how to break up with her because, even though I've kept trying to treat her respectfully, she (as a 20 year old) has in the past two weeks called our only surviving grandmother an *******, both of our parents ********, and calls me 'stinky' because I shower every other day. I was kicked out of my own home today because she expected the house to herself and apparently that is reason enough to scream at me and my parents (she and I are both home for the holidays) until I leave. It's hurting all of our relationships and I can't give anything else to this situation with her. I can't love her more than I care for my own happiness. She's asking too much.

So, I wonder, was it like this for you both when you were younger? The part about...

"My sister has only called three times in the 9 months that mom has lived with me, and all three times my sister started big arguments with my mom - accusing her of being "easily snowed" and "not knwoing what she was doing", leaving my mom crying at the time of hanging up. "

Well, that excerpt sounds just like her. She resents me for being close with my parents, but doesn't recognize that it's because I put in quality time with them that doesn't involve material possessions, and that I don't hurt them physically or emotionally.

So, were you like this as kids?

Dear Katecma, it sounds like we have the same sister. I admire you for helping your mom and know how hard that job is. I am so sorry to hear about your mother's feelings being hurt (and I know you are hurting too). You are stong too though... and I love that! To answer your question, we were not like this as kids - but only becasue I did not recognize it!! My sister has always been a bully, I was just in denial. So I actually thought that I had a good childhood and a loving sister until this decade. Truth is, a person with NPD cannot love. I just didn't know it really. My mom spent a lot of time teaching me how to "turn the other cheek". Its pretty laughable at this point. However, I'm really over it. I understand it all now. :) BTW, You are soooo good for taking care of your mother. I respect your opinion and actions. Thank you very much for writing your story here.

My sister was my best friend for a long time - especially after she divorced. I could not imagine my life without her. Then two things happened that remind me of some of the comments above. First, our mother died and dad was alone. Although i live 6,000 miles away and have a family of my own, I spent more time with dad than she did, even though she was just a four hour drive away. For a year, dad was slowly dying and needed round the clock care, but it was never convenient for her to spend any time on that, evn after she retired. One of our two brothers gave a tremendous amount of care, and also took on the power of attorney and hired caretakers and saw to paying them. He did a great job. I spent nearly three months with my dad in his last year. I live far, so I would travel and stay with him. My brother, who as closer, was there every weekend. My sister found about 3 days. The other thing that changed for her is that she hooked up with a high school sweetheart on Facebook and married him. Though she's over 65, she started acting like a teenager. This hot love affair takes precedence over everything and everyone else, even a dying parent. I also feel totally replaced in her affections - twice I asked her if we could take a trip together, just the two of us - something we have often enjoyed in the past. Both times she said no she didn't want to see the places I suggested, then proceeded to go there with her new husband. That hurt. The hardest thing has been since dad's death - I had to bully her into attending the ceremony, which conflicted with travel plans she'd already made with hubby. But she made it, and the four siblings discovered that the terms of my dad's will (having divided up assets in lots of various worth) left over half of his estate to her. He helped her out of a lot of jams in her life, and she couldn't be bothered to visit him when he was dying - but my brother who is a busy person with a family spent so much time with dad, and was the one the emergency room called, and had to take responsibility for so much - he got left a quarter of the amount she did. She is not interested in totting up all the assets and dividing by four - an equal share for all. When I mentioned how bad our brother feels because of all the time and energy he spent on dad when she was MOA she just said "I probably should have gone to see him. But I didn't". Lessons learned: if you leave specific bequests in a will, EXPLAIN what you mean by it, because folks who end up with a pittance when they've been devoted are going to be hurt. Second: I hope I will eventually stop being mad a my sister, but that 14-year old girl who wrote the comment just above reminded me that some women/girls, sisters or not, will always choose a man over every other relationship.

Sounds like she's enthralled by her new husband rather than being an NPD. As for the will, well, the father is allowed to leave his assets to whoever he sees fit. :/ Maybe he wanted to "bail her out" from the grave. At least she didn't get it all.

wow, this is almost my story but mine just got a little more complicated recently. I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but you are not alone. I was caring for my father for over seven years, full time, 24/7 with no help from either sister or brother. I couldn't work while caring for him, as he was a full time job... I had to quit my job, but by no means was it a free ride as you know. Then once my father fell in the kitchen and was in a recovery center, I was dumb enough to call both sisters and let them know. Within a day, one sister shows up and tries to get him to sign over POA, and the other sister drove cross country to kidnap him from the center, and cleaned out the bank account and got him to sign over all of his money to her even though he's not lucid due to Alzheimer's disease. This sister then told lies about me, to be able to keep her money for her drugs, and said that she had to "save him" from me, that was stealing from him and abusing him. ALL LIES and she has nothing to substantiate her claims because it never happened. I have never hated anyone in my life either, and I hate her so much it hurts. I'm devastated by what she's done and now, she won't even let me talk to my own father and I don't have the money to hire a lawyer and fight her, even though I am the rightful POA. How can someone be so evil? I don't know, but as you said about your sister, my sister has been this way since we were children and she has also destroyed our family as well. We had all disowned her years ago, even my father, and now she's getting over 4300 a month to spend on her drugs, and there's nothing I can do about it. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here girl.

Call family services and tell them to investigate to make sure your Dad is cared for ...these us one in every county..no need to hire an attorney as it is free

My older Sister undermines me all the time. She was always the responsible and the brightest one in the family and our parents know that. However when our parents are not around she talks to me as if i'm a huge failure. I just wanted things to be fair like when you make a deal with me own up to it. But i'm always left hanging and she pretends that no such deal ever was made. She'd always tell me that my life is a dead end, i will never be successful and i was useless. She always makes sure that she was 1 step ahead of me or the bigger advantage is on her side. She's a Board Passer and i'm not. I really tried to make up to for it so in less than a month a got a job as for her she quit her job cause accdg to her the Management is unfair to her. My line of work is not really my field but for the sake of not giving my parents financial burden I proactively told them that i'm going to pay for my Fees for the Boards review center. My sister thinks very little of my job ever since but i never let it get into me. The most recent incident happened just last night when i was clearing up the deal that she never really committed. And the she told me you're useless, you will never be successful, and your life is a dead end when i took my mobile phone from her which she never returned to me cause i was really going to explode after hearing her undermining me. She even outed me in front of my cousin and dad. I told her i'd rather be this way than be like you. I really don't know why she hates my guts so bad that she had to do all those things to me. As far as i know i didn't give her any reason to treat me that way, like i was not her flesh and blood. I wish someone could read this and shed some light cause whats happening inside our home is affecting my perception of good and bad as she was always the right one in our parent's eyes and i was the black sheep for fighting back.

Don't let anyone make you feel less of a person..sounds like your sister is very jealous of you

She's an abusive person who thinks she's entitled to abuse. It stems from her own issues and not anything you did. People like her will find a reason and there's no "winning" with them.

Hi,
Your sister sounds like a person who has tried hard to be happy and for some reason, the way she sees the world has led her to not be happy. Sounds like she knows your buttons too, as any sibling would haha.
It's tough having some dictator bearing down on your every move as if you affect them so pronouncedly that you must be under constant surveillance.
Maybe try thinking about it this way: she's so grossly unhappy that she wants to make you unhappy. Misery does love company.

Staying strong with what you value will guide your next choices; think of her as some Dennis Rodman or Daffy Duck, a clown to make you laugh along the way to attaining what you desire.

Your perception is yours, let her influence be slight, and try to help her IF she is willing to help herself. This task is tough and only do so if you are truly strong enough to bear some of her burden.

Strangely, it sounds like she motivated you in a way to do good by getting a job, almost like you follow your own path based off her mistakes.

Or do what we all do and find her buttons and play pranks on her too :).

My situation is somewhat similar. I have just one sister. I am 7 years younger and she resented that I was born since she was an only child until then. I was devoted to my parents. My father became ill. My mother did nothing for him. I left my job and took the bull by the horns. I got my mother to hire an elder care attorney, got my father his veterans benefits, had a trust fund done for my sister and I, hired someone to live at my parents' house to care for my father, etc. My sister kept trying to get the power of attorney from me. She was NEVER there for my parents and actually hated them and me (especially me). She has always been a source of trouble and knew how to manipulate my parents to get her way. In a nut shell, my father died, my mother went to visit my sister and I never saw my mother again. I found out from neighbors of my mother's that her house was for sale. I never got to see the house again. My sister took everything, told my mother I was stealing from her and basically manipulated my mother into giving her power of attorney. My sister doesn't give a dam about my mother, she wants all of the money. She accused me and my mother's lawyer of having my mother sign documents that she didn't know she was signing, that the lawyer was really for me and that I tried steal all of the interitance money. This is EXACTLY what she has done. She shut her land line off so I couldn't call my mother. I would have told her the truth, but my parents, for some reason, always let her get away with these kinds of things. I have had threatening phone calls and emails from my sister recently because she wanted me to take care of my mother while she went on vacation (after not hearing from her two and a half years) with her boyfriend, on my mother's dime and by the way she is married. She is an extreme bully, a pathological lier, no conscience, etc. She knows that I know she made all of this up. I have copies of all of the legal documents, which she read. Her only concern was conviencing my mother that I did all of this. I want to do something about it, but my husband and friends seem to think I should just ignore it all. I was also told if I came to my mother's funeral I would be thrown out. This woman is crazy and abusive and I wish I could do something. Any suggestions?

Social services free of charge

I totally get it and I expect something similar when my mom and dad pass away. It's going to be a circus because my siblings(Yes, Plural) will make sure it is and undoubted will make sure they tell enough lies about me. My plan at this point is probably to just let them have whatever they want, take it all, stay as far away from it as I can, and deal with the "See, she never cared or she'd be involved in this," tactics. It was truly truly the end of any hope of any kind of relationship with my sister, after a LIFE LONG battle to protect myself(and then my kids) from her when I finally left my emotionally(and borderline physically) abusive ex-fiance and father of my children. Instead of calling/texting/emailing me, "Sorry to hear," or something of that nature, even if she was getting great joy from my failed relationship, she emails my ex and tells him, "Sorry to hear you broke up. You are still my favorite brother in law. ;)" To which he replied, "Thanks. You're my favorite sister in law. " With a emoticon rose. Now...apart from, What the hell? You send him a condolense message but not your own sister? But what the Bleep was with that winkie thing? And his rose was his classic flirt signal. That *****...If I ever see her again, I will knock every tooth she has left down her nasty, STD laden throat!

I am with you on this. I don't have much contact with my sisters. Emotionally, mentally, it is safer for me. I find that when my husband and I get sucked into their drama our relationship suffers as does my relationship with my son.
To become healthy I had to distance myself. Although both of them would say I am attention seeking, their narcissim is something that has made things the way it is. I expect that after my Mom passes they will not have anything to do with me. Unless of course I can do something for them or they want something from me.
My husband, several years back, forbade the drunken phone calls from sister #1. One of these calls occured when my mother was moving, and the yelling got louder and louder and all I could do was sob into the phone and my husband (my hero) got on the phone and told sister #1, "Do not ever contact my wife again when you are drunk or on drugs. You are not allowed to upset her like this again." The phone calls stopped , then started up again....we then got rid of the land line. Finally we have a cell phone system that allows texting. SO that is all I do with sisters #1 & #2 when I absolutely have to. Talking is useless- darned if I do and darned if I don't so I don't bother any more.
The sad thing is, I don't really understand what I did. There is a large age difference, 16 (#1)and 14 (#2) years....and not liking someone because they were born is so hard for me to understand. I didn't do anything wrong. When I was younger I wanted to get along with them so badly. I would have done anything to fit in. Now, as an adult, the old saying, "Don't push a loyal person to the point where they walk away." is the only thing that seems to fit.
Recently, I heard my ex-bro-in-law passed away (sis #1). I texted sis #1 that I was sorry for him and asked about the arragements. The sis #2 told me to "give (the other one)
space as this was hard on her." ????? After asking multiple people it has been determined that I asked a normal question. I then had the audacity to request that sis #1 wait until I got off work before mentioning the b-i-l's passing to Mom so she would have someone to talk to after. Sis #1 didn't tell her at all. I got to tell Mom about the son-in-law....I just wanted to be there for Mom. I did not want the role of telling her. I liked him, he was always nice to me, my husband and son.....but this was not my role.
I reported that I did it and had back up for Mom in place and then got thanked by sister #2 and took a while to respond to that. I wanted to tell her to _______- off but I didn't. Neither of them are worth that. Besides that would be similar to the narcissic behavior they complain about with me....although I have not been labeled a narcissist except by them. Neither are pyschological professionals so I don't believe their diagnosis has merit.

Thanks for all the feedback. I stood w=up to her and told her a few things she didn't like. we are staying in touch but not like before. I don't share too much information and try to keep it light. I refuse to allow her to talk down to me without a confrontation. I do not give in to her. And , she doesn't know it yet, but I'm not going away with her. Even if it means losing money on my canceled airline trip. She is obviously in allot of pain and angry at herself.but no one should be subjected to her abuse. I am not the shy and timid child she knew when we were growing up.Do you qualify to be diagnosed with Narcissism?thanks for you feedback

Um, apparently, the bright, "SHINY" people have been put on this Earth by aliens who cloned the SAME AWFUL sister for them to have to live with, because I SWEAR, your sister is MY sister. I LAUGHED when i read your sad story (and, yes, it's sad when someone is that hideous to a family member) because it was so familiar, it was comical. I am sorry for your pain. I laugh, because if i don't, I will WEEP.

I deal with my toxic sister this way: Now that both our parents are gone, and I have seen how she's pretended to love me, but talked smack about me to her daughers for decades. it's so bad, two of her three daughters think I am THE worst Aunt, ever (evidence to the contrary, as I doted over them, and spoiled them rotten). It doesn't matter who I was to them or what I did for them. They are so enmeshed with their Mom and so in need of her approval (because her WRATH is way scary) that to side with me would be the ultimate unforgiveable offense. don't blame them, but it does make me sad. One of her daughters and I are very close, because she was abused by her, too and GETS it. I have nothing to do with her. I have NO contact with her. It's sad, but it was necessary.

She is the oldest and the bully. If she was Daddy's #1, then there WAS NO #2, folks. Are you feeling me? I had the unfortunate fate of having the nerve to be born in to HER world. Oh, and I was also the "pretty and talented one, whom my Dad bragged about, so that made her hate me even more. As an adult, I married awesome, handsome, man, who made a GREAT living and is a wonderful father, and she married a ********* whom she subjected her children to, over and over, again. She left him, only because I am sure the finger would have been pointed at her, had she stayed. She didn't press charges. Oh no. She let him walk the streets, instead of turning him in to the authorities, and getting her daughters therapy. He made an OK living and she wasn't about to go on welfare with her three little kids. (PS....my parents would NEVER have let that happen, as they were quite well off and adored their grandkids.) She wanted him to PAY HER WELL, and she made him "her financial bit#h. "The worst part, was when all his vile evil was revealed, my parents went along with this plan. I was a teenager at the time, and was THREATENED with bodily harm if I ever spoke of it, but I seemed to be the ONLY one concerned about this freak possibly harming other children. This was the 80's. They still swept his shame under the rug as if it were their own. I still feel disgust over it.

YEARS later, when her daughter (the one of her three that I am really close to, because she knows how sick her Mom is, and doesn't believe what she says about me) I answered all her questions about her Dad and also apologized for not protecting her better...for not...going against my sister's plan. So, when my sister found out about me exposing HER part in my niece's nightmare, she went BEZERK! I didn't care. I had stood up to her bullying ways, years before and told her to kiss my A$$. I told her to face her own SH&T and own it- that I am no longer the least bit intimidated by her. (By the way, if she lifted a hand to me now? I believe I could take her.)

I was a pretty "bitter pill" for her to swallow. Hating me for being born was easy, but my success and lighthearted and loving nature really brought out a MURDEROUS side to her. I am certain that, IF she could have gotten away with it, she would have murdered me as a child. She certainly beat the crap out of me, enough times, punched me in the abdomen, and even tried smothering me with a couple times. the weird part, is she seems to be a devoted grandmother and has always been good to the kids in our family. She adored my son, but she will never know him, just as I will never know my niece's children, now. SHE has taken a toxic dump on our family, and it has affected the generations, now. I tell my son it's not HIS fault. It's bad blood between his aunt and me. I WANTED to reconcile, but she finds reasons to pick fights and stay angry all the time. I just can't do it, anymore.

I am relieved to be rid of her, and I have chosen friends in my life to love as sisters. It IS embarrassing to say, "Well, i have 2 sisters and one is a complete psycho and we don't talk." People wonder and have asked, "What in the world did you DO to make her HATE you so much?" I think that's a fair question, and I have actually asked it. I said, "PLEASE tell me what I did to you, that you find me SO intolerable. I mean, I realize families bicker and get on each other's nerves, but...so what? " She claims I am just this "annoying bit$h." She has no- THING against me. She just hates. It's her reptilian alien cloned brain, or cold blooded nature, I guess. I can't even reconcile how we could have come from the same loins. She is cut off from me, forever. It's a sad thing, but sometimes people are just too toxic and evil to be around them. I forgive her, and want nothing to do with her. It didn't have to be this way, but she couldn't meet me even half way.

I feel exactly them same..their loss...

I understand how being the caregiver for your parents can take it's toll financially on you. I live 5minutes away from my parents. My Dad is 83 with full-blown Parkinson's Disease. My Grandmother is 95 and doesn't see or hear anymore. My Mom is 76. still quite strong, but under tremendous stress, overworked and exhausted. I am the only child that lives in the vicinity. I have taken over all the appointments for my Dad and Grandmother. I stay at their home whenever possible so my Mom can get breaks. I take her to movies, dinner and anywhere else I can so she can get away from the house. It is exhausting for me to have my own home and business while trying to keep up with them. I work way less hours now and my business has been in a slow decline over the last 3 years. Any suggestion I give my Mom falls on deaf ears, I ask my siblings to speak with her and they don't want to get involved. This last month I have decided to get my business back on track and not enable my Mother's bad behavior of not getting the help she really need. I have been too accessible. I have neglected, myself, business and husband for what? My Mother truly does have options that she is not willing to exercise. I don't believe it's a good idea to give up your life for them, even though I commend you for it. I believe I lost 3 or more years of my earning life running after them and will probably end up in the same situation as you with my siblings acusing me of stealing from my parents.

I also have a sister from hell. She is older and is getting worse . I stand up to her unlike when I was younger. She is a bully and I hate how she treats her grandchildren. She yells at them and talks down to them in front of others and doesn't blink an eye. She is guiltless and ruthless. Lately, I have been staying away from calling her and she from me. I 'm supposed to go away with her and now I'm having my doubts. Please advise.

Why hang around someone who is so awful? I concluded I would NEVER invite my sister to a dinner party, if she weren't family. THAT was my test for whether or not I would EVER take a trip with her. Even a family reunion is out of the question.

I share your pain as I too have experienced similar circumstances.
See he for what she us and accept it.
Just because your blood relatives makes no difference. She is what she is.

Your story was

JScarbo I thought I was reading about my Sister. Crikey, they are so alike. I am a sunny person always laughing. Your Mom is the same as mine, will not confront my Sister over her behaviour. My Sister would be 'friends' whilst she plotted another nasty situation for me. My Sis went so far as to put a fake profile of me on a sex site with my Facebook picture! I haven't spoken to her in 2 years. I don't speak to my family anymore either, my Father lends £6,000 every month to her -she pays it back and then within a week it's borrowed again. I am unemployed and he wouldn't lend me anything not a penny. Such is her toxicity she has turned my half brother and half Sister against me. My Mum wouldn't make a stand against them for all their behaviour, she said she didn't want them to stop speaking to her-yet they only come round when they want something, so infrequent maybe three times a year tops. I was always helping them cleaning ,decorating, running errands etc. They have now made my nasty Sisters' Husband Executor of their will and will not change it. He's shady and gone bankrupt to the tune of £5million.

Isn't that always the way? The parents are non confrontational, because they've seen her wrath, too! My parents let my sister set the tone for EVERYTHING. OMG, our life was one nightmare over Karen's drama, after another. My parents made my bro their executor, and SHE insisted he turn it over to her. He did. At least she did right by us. She's tolerable as long as she is "the big hero" in a situation. But if you aren't down and out and needing her to run your life? If you're better off than her? She hates you, to the core. I pray protection over your inheritance.

You know in your heart what is right and that you have only acted in the best manner towards your parents and in their best interest at your own physical and emotional expense. Do not give any power to your evil and spiteful and jealous sister. She is living in her self created hell on earth and pity should be the only thing you give her. More power to you. I admire you.

Oh and Jscarbo124, no need to explain yourself to a person like Hildur. We do enough of that trying to defend ourselves from the narcissists in our lives.
Xxx

Hildur, people like you that have no idea should keep your opinions to yourself. I took care of both my parents and I have a partner that works and now I am in financial trouble, the cost is huge even if they do help a little. So personally I think unless you have lived through it, keep your stupid, no knowledge opinion to yourself.

I would like to add to my last post. Its Incomprehensible the acts of a sibling, its truly disgusting. I have experiences over all my life of what kind of inhuman sister I had. Heartless, GREEDY, socio path as well as phyco and paranoid schizophrenic. A mastermind to play her games that can cost a person there life only to gain $ for her. It is heart wrenching. These facts of my older sister her actions and her game play to fear her sister to others is to cover her actions as to all she did to her sister and my parents well over 40 years of my life and theirs.

Sounds like my sister!

Sounds like my ex sister as a similar story There needs to be laws against this kind of stuff to protect innocent victims of such people. Its like being raped all over again in a different context. Its traumatizing and scares are left for life to the victim. Its one of the most horrible acts that and older sister can do to her family. The worst part of it is that they are narcissists and mentally sick to do such acts with no remorse. They are the worst of people.

I have a sister that has to make everything about her. I was always pretty close with my Mother. We spent alot of time together thru the years. we would ask my sister to join us, but she was always too busy. After awhile we figured if she wasn't busy, she would call her mother and maybe do something with us, but she didn't. So I accompanied my mother to family events thru the years and went to lunch and other things that a Mother and Daughter should do together. My sister has always made me out to be a B##ch. I know I'm the better person, so I just let it go. My Mother passed away a few years back, and my sister tells everyone how we never included her in anything. She lies so much that she believes what she's saying. I will be getting married in a couple months and I asked her if she would like to be a bridesmaid. The bachlorette party will take place out of state and I asked her if she wanted to go. She agreed, but has been complaining of money issues ever since. She asked me what we would be doing the weekend and I told her what knew and to call the maide of honor to find out the details. This will be my 2nd marriage, but the first one took place 14 years ago, and was a vegas wedding. My Sister decided she also wanted to get married the same weekend in Vegas to her 2nd husband. (does this sound like a competition)? Anyway, now that I have decided that I want to do it right the 2nd time with the right person, she's going out of her way to make this about her. You see she has told me that she has to miss going on her annual camping trip that falls on the same weekend of the Bachlorette weekend trip and that she will also have give up going on a Carribian cruise for her 50th Birthday that is "9" days after the wedding. So that she can be there for me! So there's a huge fight to convince herself that I'm the problem and not her! The Moral of this story is, if you have a Whack Job for a sister, she will always be a Whack Job and she will never think of anyone but herself!

Unfortunately you're sister is a miserable person who wants everyone to give her all the attention. I know how you feel , because I have a sister just like that. You'll never be the good guy to her. She's threatened by you. It's a lost cause. Go on with your life and make Yourself happy. People like her will drag you down. you can't make everyone happy in life. Especially ungreatful siblings that need alot of therapy.

I have a 30 years old sister an im 20 , she was the best in the house till 24 but from that year till now shes so angry she talks so badly and loudly with our parents and me she always yell and she thinks shes right, i loved her but with this yelling thing i started hating her she make my mother cry every single day with yelling at them, she went for studing dentistry to foreign country now she has finished it,and will com back to our country and parents house and im really scared of living with her in the same house cuz she always yell , my parents did the bests for her and she acted normal and good when she needed money and after takinv money from parents she becam devil,again wants money became good and... I dont know what to do i think shes mad because she didnt get married she talks to her friends so nicely but to us yelling yelling yelling till she gets what she wants, can someone give me some advise please im so worried of my parents they are 50 60 years old they dont deserve to have child like this.

<p>Hildur, I had to resign from my job and move 380 miles away from my home and family. I cared for my mother for 4 years, 24 hours a day. Do you think I should have lost my home too? My DCF investigator said that what I charged was one of the lowest amounts he had ever seen for 24-hour care. Yes. Caregivers cost money. What I charged was only 25% of what the local company charges. I believe you have no idea what it takes to care for someone for four years. </p>

You're taking your mother's money to care for her? I think your sister might be onto something...

I'm sitting here crying..... Knowing that you all feel the same pain as I do. So many broken hearts, so many wounded souls. All due to someone we loved. I adored her, she was my baby sister. I feel guilty about how I now feel about her. She often tells mum I have changed and she wants her old sister back! Mum honestly believes the problem is me. She taunts me till she sucks the life out of me, till I am so depressed and screwed up that I can't function. Then she tells my mum I am bi polar. Well as you probably guessed... Mum believes that. She tried to convince my partner and kids of that too, and she basically convinced me. But my partner and kids assure me that I'm not. I so often find myself analysing the things she says about me, trying to figure out if the problem is me, looking for reassurance that I am still the good soul I once thought I was. I'm in for a long haul of trying to heal from all of this. I am so lost and confused.
Thinking of you all xxx

Brokenhearted, what I just read brought tears to my eyes. I can feel your anguish. I have come to this sight to help me deal with my frustration with my little sister. She is pure evil and now I live near her because I had this fantasy of a loving sisterly bond. I havent lived anywhere near her for 15 years. We have been fine for 10 of those years, id even say great. I have been here now for 3 months and I am living a nightmare. She has been physically violent with me. Her husband has shared all sorts of terrible stories with me of things shes done to him. She has now poisoned her daughter against me as well. She has incredible rage inside her.
I feel better knowing I'm not alone. I hated myself for hating her.

Reading stories like this is so helpful. You become so confused when you have siblings like this. You are vulnerable through your kindness and dare I say, gullibility in wanting to see the best in others. I made thousands of excuses for my toxic sibling, because I loved her, she's my sister, why wouldn't I love her. I forgave and overlooked so many awful destructive behaviours that I became almost crazy trying to figure out, what I was doing to create such destructive behaviour towards me. It affected every area of my life. I had no defences, I accepted appalling behaviour from a partner and a friend, because to me, that was normal. I just did not want to turn my back on my family until I felt certain I had done nothing to provoke that behaviour. It took me until I was 60 yrs old to finally see them objectively. After living thousands of miles away and returning home, I'd had enough emotional distance to identify that my siblings are not normal. They are vindictive, poisonous, they behaved pretty much as your sibling in this story, except, they also stole from me, stole my identity, behaved aggressively and violently when confronted, and turned the story around in a very skillful way to make it appear they were the victim not me. At a time of real crisis in my life, I could no longer make any excuses for them, it was too apparent. I cut my ties despite still feeling a fondness and love for them, I had to put them at a distance for my own peace of mind and happiness. I don't hate them anymore, I pity them, they lost support, love, kindness and most of all peace of mind and happiness in their own lives. I wish them well, but am not interested in whether their life is good or bad, because if I were to hear they were unwell or in crisis and offered support, I would come out of it further wounded. I will not sacrifice my own happiness and emotional wellbeing for such bitter and unbalanced people. I wish you all the very best and am truly sorry for the pain you were subjected to, you did not deserve it.

I know exactly how you feel! Only add 2 brothers and 4 lawsuits later. I had DCF investigate me, 3 different attorney's file suit against me because of my brother. I had to go to the extreme of having everyone trespassed from my parents home. They would pick fights with my dad and almost knocked my daughter down when they broke through the door. My brother even stole a ring that my dad wanted my nephew to have. I hate to say it but I got my revenge, I SOLD everything and divided it 4 ways! They wanted to pick through boxes in the driveway. I declined as power of attorney and called an auctioneer. I lost money as well but it was worth it. My dealings with the ungrateful snots was over! Only one sibling has ever apologized to me. We are rebuilding that relationship. Your sister is self centered and needs to be taken over someone's knee! Shame on her. The caregiver usually gets the short end of the stick. The bright side, it does get better. Best of luck!

Hi DedicatedDaughter, thank you for sharing your story with me. Wow! you really went through some ugliness. I\'m sorry you had to go through that. You called in an auctioneer... WTG. Thank you for your well-wishing. Best of luck to you too!

I know how you feel and I am so sorry for your pain. I am 44 years old and my younger sister is a narcissist, I am her victim and my mother is her defender. I too was once her defender and her partner was her victim. I contributed to making another human being feel the way I do. I was convinced by her lies, just as my mother is convinced by her lies about me. I too looked after my parents, for more than 20 years I did what I could for them at home, then dad got really sick and I moved them into my home for 18 months. My sister controls my mother, so while they were living with me she controlled me. Nothing was ever good enough for mum, it didn't matter how much I did and how little she did ( little meaning nothing ) she was always the wonderful one. I too left my job to take care of them. I became house bound and friendless. I not only sacrificed my own life but I sacrificed the lives of my children and partner. I began to constantly argue with my partner and we almost broke up. I realised years ago not to give my sister info about my life because she used that info to take me down, so the less she knew the safer I was. For that 18 months mum gave her every detail of my life, I kept asking mum not to tell her anything, but she continued to give her the details. My whole life was falling apart. I got sicker and sicker and so depressed I was finding it difficult to take care of dad. I couldn't live with mum anymore, so they moved into a retirement village close to my sister (that was my sisters and my mums decision). Well they got what they wanted, but what about dad? Well dad is suffering from a broken heart and sits in his chair waiting to die! He sees right through both of them and what they do, his heart breaks for me as my heart breaks for him. He cry's all the time. Mum was in hospital for nearly two weeks and dad stayed with me, we so enjoyed each others company. He didn't cry once, until she came out of hospital 3 days ago ( I did offer to look after her in my home for a few weeks, but again my sister took control of that one). Dad was supposed to go home 3 days ago but he is still here with me ( bless him). I have to take him home today and that's going to kill me. My sister has phoned him everyday since being with me, telling him she will pick him up (like I am neglecting him) and the last 3 days like I am holding him hostage. Every time she calls he starts to cry, then she asks him what I said or did to make him cry, they are making him cry not me. Anyway after so many years of being abused and degraded I'm cutting her out of my life. As far as mum is concerned this is all my fault. I am going to see a councillor in the next few weeks, I want to be the old bubbly, confident me again but I'm going to need help with that. I also need a strategy on how to keep dad in my life without letting mum get to me. Anyway I could go on forever (if I keep writing I will have a book). Know that I feel for you and thanks for listening. xxx

I know how you feel. Hopefully things have gotten better since your entry. I too, am in my early forties and the second of 4 girls. I used to say about my older toxic sister that i love her but I hate her. Now I think I just hate her. I struggle to find one positive word to describe her because there's always a "ya, but" attached to it. I feel guilty about my feelings too, and that I have no right to feel them. But what makes her more hate inspiring is when I feel she has turned our youngest sister, but still an adult too, against me. I thought she was smart enough to recognize that the eldest is truly toxic, but sadly I find the sassy charismatic youngest has lost her precious self. Ugh, so much to tell. I guess I was looking for another soul with similar feelings. I know how frustrating and infuriating it is. I even started thinking this year how nice it must be in a way for my daughter to be an only child so she will never suffer this crap!

I hate my sister I am 14 and she is 15 she loves her boyfriend on who she met online a lot more than me leaving me alone for hours upon hours making me feel unwanted unloved unappreciated etc we used to be the best of friends but know I don't even know

Try and keep your head up. I know teens hear this alot, but you're 14 and you have a ton of life ahead of you and your own life to live. If she wants to keep her head stuck up a guys rear, that's her loss. One day she will miss the relationship she had with you, you just have to continue forward and move on. I wish my sister missed me like that, but because she is so focused on guys, she now has 2 kids and I have no idea where her life is headed. It breaks my heart because I love her dearly, but I can't let her decisions be the focus of my life.

Just know you are loved and cherish your friends and family around you that do care and do listen.

If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me. Keep your head up.

My younger sister is like this. She is 19 and every part of me fears that our relationship will reach this point. Of course our background is different from yours, while my mother is the same as your mom (telling me not to let her get me down and she doesnt mean it), my mother is also a narcissist.

My sister is about to have her second child, probably within the week and she just spent the past week with me and I witnessed, unintentionally, the kind of mother she is to her 13 month old son. It breaks my heart and I do not look forward to the coming years. All I know to do is to maintain a good relationship with my nephews and hopefully have some sort of influence in their life.

Thank you for writing this, reading your story has helped me wrap my mind around mine more clearly.

My goodness, good to know that I am not alone - sad to see others go through the same pain. My sister is 6 years older and I lived a life of torture, lack of empathy and support for most of my life with her. We have not spoken for nearly 5 years. My parents unfortunately, were not much better than my sister in that regards and have denied the fact that she needs help in becoming a normal healthy person in society. My sister has alienated my parents from me and my family and blames me for her failed marriage. I am still on great terms with my brother-in-law and my niece and nephew and all his family thankfully, so our kids all get to grow up together. What I find astounding is how my sister does not allow people to speak to one another. She disallows my parents any contact with anybody that can possible reason with them and discuss my sister's sorry world of lies, deception and pain. This assures the fact that the truth is never fully discussed and that she is never ever "found out". Chalk full of lies, she feeds these animated stories to my parents on a daily basis and because of whatever it is she has convinced them of, they have disowned me and my three kids. I wish that people understood the path of destruction individuals like these cause the world over. They are the types of people that tear and shred peoples lives and then walk away smirking at the triumph of causing that same pain. Truly, these are very sick people - I have learned to stay away for my family's and my sake. Stay healthy and enjoy life!!!

Hi CaraLinda13, I am so sorry you had to grow up living with a narcissist. Yes they are quite devious and controlling. It is truly sad that she has damaged your relationship with your parents. I\'m really sorry to hear that. I wanted to congratulate you on your conviction to stay away. That is what is working best for me too. I thank you for your well-wishes. I wish you health and happiness too! Thanks for sharing your story with me. ~jscarbo124

I lived with two narcissistic siblings so I get the double wammy of insults, the lying, cheating, taken advantage of ! and to others I'm looked upon as the evil one because of them! We are in our 40's now and them two siblings live together and still promote hate to the rest of us! Now both our parents are gone and it's been heart wrenching that those two heartless siblings only wanted dads money and tried to get all of ours in the process.... So believe me I totally get what you are going through all I ever ask is why GOD? Why does it take us to see the abnormality of their behavior , and is there a CURE? We have cut ties with them there is five of us and I only stay in communication with two of my other siblings....my older sis and baby brother! If that's not bad enough both my older bro and second to youngest sis who are the blood sucking siblings were popular, king and queen in high school, a brother that's been to prison for stealing money from a friend, he was in all four sports, and she played basketball in college and also head coach for a school in Hawaii ! they both carry degrees in teaching and yet still find ways to make it evil for the rest of us, and we don't live in the same state! What's sad is it must really drain them to be so consumed with all their strategies that they come up with just to attack us in ways that have effected my job, my life, and I can talk for my two normal siblings that it's effected them too!! I could go on and on but it would take forever so .... I'm glad I read your story it's awesome to find others that are similar to us with some of the same problems we are having, uh?;)

Thank you so much for helping me realize that I am not the only one going through this. Although our stories are somewhat different, in the end, it is a hurtful thing that many just can't understand. There is no explaining to others the misery and mental illness of a spiteful, hateful, sister, that lashes out and tries to ruin lives, mine and that of my children, specifically.
I would love to chat with you, as your article was written a few years ago, and I wonder if things have changed and how. I would like to think that there is some light at the end of this tunnel. I am 50 and my sister is 49. These issues continue to grow each year, no matter how anyone tries to make things better. She hates me with such a passion, it is unreal, and scary at times.