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A Bully

For as long as I can remember my sister had always been a bully.  I am not talking about regular sibling fights where you might hit or slap one another.  She would hit, cut, and punch my mother.  She has attacked family members with knives or other objects.  Every time she did not get her way she would have these violent tantrums so my parents would give in. I hate my sister because to this she will not admit she did such things.  She will not admit she hit my mother.  It`s as if the memories were wiped clean from her mind and I am left with awful images and pain.  My parents, brother, younger sister, and myself were forever changed due to her selfishness.  She seem to always care more about her friends, even to this day, than her own family. She takes us for granted and although she is no longer violent she still is stubborn and always wants her way.  She will yell and scream and manipulate to have things her way.  She destroyed our family and parents because she always ran away or was sent to prison for assaulting other people.  Yet she accepts no responsibility for any of her actions.  It is difficult having a relationship with her even though I would really like too,  because I have an idea of the type of sister I want and it hurts to know I would never have that type of sibling relationship with her.  If any of you have advice of how to accept that she will never change or how to stop caring i would love to hear it. 
lola231 lola231 22-25, F 4 Responses Jun 30, 2011

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My love uou need to let go of yhe guilt or shame. We have the opportunity to take our own paths and she has take n the wrong one. She sounds as evil as mine. Believe me we have a lot in common. Take care if you want to emails me messages then please do through the message board here.

My older sister has always bullied me. I am in my late 50's and she is 61 and I've made a decision to NEVER SPEAK TO HER AGAIN. She doesn't realise she's the bully - she complains that I'm a victim.... yeah, I've been bashed by her when I was 4 years+ because our parents worked long hours. I was at home with her and at her mercy. She has admitted to spitting in my water every time she got me a drink, scribbling on the newly painted walls with wax crayons and blaming me - I got a huge belting and she smiled. She caught bees in a jar, shook them up and put them in a room where I was sleeping as a 3 year old, chased me around the house with a straw broom until I hid behind my bed and then she would bring the straw broom down on my head repeatedly - one time I looked up accidentally and the broom cut near my eye. She would hold my shoulder from behind and bring her knee hard up against my cocyx until I screamed in pain.<br />
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The worst part of this whole bullying life I had was when I told my mother - her answer was always, 'Oh, Karen would never do that...' and that was the end of that. I was never protected from that effing bully. She remains a bully to this day but I have the last say as I have told her that she is a piece of crap and I will never speak to her again. She has no more chance to bully me so I suppose she will just have to bully her brow beaten husband and her two children.<br />
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This is how I am protecting myself because my parents never managed this situation and I really don't know why - they are really old now and can't handle the strain of knowing that they stuffed up so badly and allowed her to become a very dominant, angry, rampant bully in our house. Oh, the cracked walls from her constant slamming of doors when she got in a mood.....<br />
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I got my own back once, and only once.... She was teasing me when I was trying on some new clothes - I ran into my bedroom and she tried to force her way in to hit me and I pushed the door on her arm. The door was nearly closed except her arm was poking through, groping to get me. Anxiously, I looked around and I saw a tailcomb. I picked it up and I stabbed her in the arm. The arm disappeared immediately. The teasing and bullying subsided for a time after that.<br />
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It's funny, I asked her one day whether she had a scar from the time I stabbed her with a tailcomb and she pretended that she didn't know what the hell I was talking about.....<br />
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I have since found friends who are more like sisters than that old *****-bully could ever be.

thx for this story it helps to see im not alone and im sry for your situation

I'm in a little different situation but my sister has always bullied me even though im bigger than her now, im almost 6 yrs younger and she's in college graduating next year and she is the better daughter since she seems to take care of everything. But even though i admit she was a good sister sometimes getting me what i wanted she has beaten me up quite a lot when i was just a bit younger a few years ago when i was in elementary and middle school. We seem to get along sometimes but she just explodes sometimes when she's with me, my mom passed away when i was really young so she's taken care of me and she's a little like a mom but she beats me up so much i get scared of her. But i hear her when she hangs out with other relatives and friends, her voice changes and she's all nice around them, we dont have much money but she goes to good schools like an ivy league on scholarship but she shoves that in my face when i get mad and calls her stupid when we fight and tells me she's better than me. Plus we just had a fight because she keeps spraying perfume and i get mad because i hate the smells and am sensitive to this sort of thing so i bounce around on the bed we share when she's home and she sprays it right in my mouth and computer (which was bought by her and used as a weapon in arguments) so i spit it out quickly and she sprays even more perfume which smells terrible. We sit around ignoring each other on our laptops and then i just dig out some old deodorant which she told me to throw away quite a while ago and i smear it on my hand to make it smell at least a bit better. Suddenly, (it happened so fast i didnt really see what was going on) she takes it and starts yelling at me about how i stole it and i explained to her i didnt steal it and she didnt want it and she just starts yelling about how she doesnt care and i should never touch it . Then to make matters worse she's just like oh well if you want deodorant so much why dont you have some and starts smearing it all over my bare skin. i get really mad and then she hits and digs her nails in to hurt me and i get mad so i kick her where i can find a place like her stomach but im too afraid of having her hurt so i do it gently, at least to my standards, and the deodorant falls out and make a mess so it crumbles and some pieces fly around and end up on me. Meanwhile she fights me for the deodorant and threatens to break my glasses i get so mad i just throw it at her. Afterwards she starts in about the laptop again and she pulls the wire away to stop the flowing energy and we keep this up for a few minutes until she took half of the extension cord. But it wasnt enough and she starts in about an accident where i was hit by a car when i was 12 and tells me she wished i died which is why i sometimes contemplate how i would end up if i was dead just to avoid these painful arguments where i lose and i get hurt. And i get upset sometimes about it since my dad says that when we argue too so i really wish i did die but i only broke a leg. So she told me to go die and i just cant help but cry even more, since im the baby of my dad's whole family and ive always been shy my whole life. She continues on but i cant hear her over the show im playing on my laptop with earphones and then she tells me that our mom's death was our fault, which she's told me several times but hasnt brought up in a while, she told me that when i was a around a baby/maybe a little older like 3...(im not sure) that i would cry and thats what caused my mom's car accident b/c of that night i cried and woke her up too early to drive to work and caused her to not pay attention. Ive never really known my mom and i feel a bit guilty but i get so angry when my sister says this, especially since once a old chinese neighbor told her she was bad luck and thats why my mom died. I know i will not have a sibling relationship like those other siblings who seem so close and thats why i want to isolate myself from my family totally. Im sorry for going on so much but it just feels like we have bad sisters and when i want to ignore my sister i use the method of listening to music which is one of the best things in the world. Has she ever seen a therapist or doctor to help her? THat might relieve her moods and tell why she's unresponsible.