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All Three Of Them

I am the youngest in my family, and my sisters are much older than me. The oldest is I believe 12 years older than me, my second oldest 10, and the third oldest I believe 8 years older than me. I feel like my second and third oldest don't respect me as an adult, probley because I'm youngest and maybe because I have a form of autism. They may not realize how badly they're hurting me, with how they always tell me how I should live my life. I may be autistic and live a co-dependent life, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid or can't make my own decisions. Plus, what seems easy for them is not easy for me. I am constantly fatigue, or have other health problems, and it interferes with me doing alot of things. I hardly leave the house because of my fatigue. My second and third oldest sisters and one of my brother-in-laws would sometimes comment how often I shower, but they don't understand that even taking a shower makes me exhausted. They also thing that my fatigue and stomech problem is due to how I eat.

My eating is not the problem. I found out months ago that my symtoms were caused by depression. Depression actually does make a person ill, and my sisters are partly the reason why I have it. They way they treated me as a child, how they constantly picked on me, when what I put up with at school was bad enough. And now, I have to put up with how they treat me today. They seem sweet most of the time, but most of the time I feel more like a family pet to them. They loved me when I was baby, but after turning five, they either ignored me or picked on me. Today I'm still mostly overlooked, I hardly hear from them, and we visit, they don't spend that much time with me. I try to make our relationships better, by trying to spend time with them.

My third oldest sister and her husband, I used to get along real well with at some point for a while. During visits, I'd stay at their place while my parents stayed at a hotel. I stopped staying with them because they made me feel insecure. They'd nag about how I should eat better (my depression effects my appetite) or I should shower more. My brother-in-law once said "so you're just gonna give up on life" just because I said during a conversation that I won't be going to colledge or ever learn how to drive. I have not given up on life. As a matter of fact I plan to publish my stories someday and make money as an author. I love writing stories and I think I can benefit from this. I also hope to someday be able to go places like New York, Japan, Germany, Las Vegas, the Bahamas etc. Another thing my brother-in-law did was that on the last time I stayed at their place during visit, when I was getting ready to leave, he out of no where said "what you're not going to shower." I didn't have time, plus it was inappropiate for him (or anyone else) to comment about that.

Another thing, one time during a visit some time before, I was taking my medication, they teased me about how I needed the medication for mental problems. It was also during that visit that they and my second oldest sister ganged up on me and nagged me about how I should live my life. At my parents hotel room, I broke down crying because of how they treated me. Why can't they just leave it alone and let our visit be without nagging me. At least I have never gone to get drunk they have, or smoked like my second oldest sister. I haven't done stupid things must kids done. I just can't have a normal life because of my constant fatigue and health problems. Why can't they understand that?

My second oldest sister has been a bit better these days though. I think she's starting to understand that nagging hurts me and is makes things worst. She actually now treats me better than my other sisters and I kinda trust her. But still there is some strain in our relationship. I don't hear much from her, and when she visits, we don't do much together. In the past I had suggested going places together, however she would always say she was not up to it. I eventually stopped suggesting going places, because I didn't see the point. We still don't do much together during visits. She usually just sits there on her laptop.

My oldest sister I find the most annoying and selfish, and I have little desire to interact with her. On Facebook, I've blocked her posts from my news feed, because of all the crap she posts. She's a drama queen and likes to be the center of attention. I know this is because is insecure, and she shouldn't. She does not realize how beautiful she is and how unattractive her behavior is. She often posts pictures of herself and they all look the same, and sometimes she'll post lyrics from songs or poems. I like the pictures she posts of her son, but the pictures she posts of her daughter are awful (and my parents agree with me on this. My big sister has been doing an awful job at being a mother to her daughter. My niece is overweight, she's being bullied at school, and she's been suicidal lately. My sister thinks that my niece being suicidal is just her being a brat and a way of spiting her. The kid needs comfort and counseling, she needs her mother to be more sympathedic and do more to help her! My big sister needs to stop being self centered and think about her daughter's needs!

Another thing that annoys me about my big sisters is she calls at the worst times. It will be night time and we're watching TV or my mom's nap time and she will call. And what I can tell, it's mostly my sister doing the talking when she on the phone with my parents. Also, when she's dealing with problems, she won't listen to their advice. Sometimes I'm tempted to take the phone from my parents and call her out on her stupidity and tell her to listen to their advice.

My oldest sister and her family (before she got divorced) had lived with my parents and I for year when I thirteen. It was a nightmare. They had pratically taken over the whole house, and my parents and I were living in our bedrooms like hermits. My sister and her (now ex) husband were usually irresponsible with their kids, and their daughter was a chaotic brat, messing up the place (she even once broke the other screen of our TV) and constantly tormenting me. There was hardly a moment of peace when they were living with us. It was quite traumatic for me. Also her husband behaved a bit inappropiate towards me. Nothing illegal happened, but it was still inappropiate. I told my mom and sister about it, and my sister went to talk to him about them. Then a few days later, my sister had the man pick me up from school so she could look after the kids. Why couldn't she pick me up and have him look after the kids instead?! She knew what about his behavior towards me before! He could've done something horrible to me after he picked me up! Thankfully, he went away for a months, as suggested by my mom. Too bad he came back. I also wish my sister had divorced him after I told him about how his inappropiate behavior. I was quite relieved when she and her family finally left, but I was an emotionally wreck for a few months after that.

Then a couple of years later my sister and her kids came to temporarily live with us when she seperated from her (now ex) husband. Things became a bit chaotic again, and one day I went to my mom broke down crying. Fortunately, not long after that my sister and her kids left (unfortunately, it was to return to that cheating bastard she was married to.) My second oldest sister and her family also lived with us for a year a couple of years ago, and that too was awful, though not as awful as when my oldest and her family lived with us. I seems that whenever either of my sisters and families live with us or even when we visits each other, things don't go well.

I'm starting to feel a little better now that that is all out of my system. At the beginning of writing this, I was close to crying. I told my mom about this website, which she's glad I can I go to discuss my problems and she also suggested seeing a psychologist about my problems with my sisters, but I felt it was easier at the moment write here than to actually speak it. My mom has always been very supportive of me and has always been there to comfort me. She understands what I go through, and I'm glad I can always confide in her. I can sometimes confide in my dad as well, though alot of times he's not much help. Often I wish he could confront my sisters when they give me problems, or at least be more understanding and comforting towards me.
MoonWarriorAutumn MoonWarriorAutumn 22-25, F Mar 14, 2012

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