Too Complicated Relationship With An Older Sibling

I have a difficult time figuring out if I love my sister or hate her. I doubt there is a middle to that. She is nine years older than I am and she has one of the most unbalanced personalities of anyone that I know. There were times when she was nice and times when she made me want to off myself. When I was a kid, she would yell at me to "Shut UP!" for no reason. If I spoke to her, she would suddenly snap at me and yell. I have a ton of anxiety because of that. She can also be very hypocritical. She makes fun of me because I read all the time and the other day, she told me that she read a book before she saw a movie. I use to live with her when I was eighteen. She and her husband were very rude and they showed no compassion. She would constantly tell me to get a job. I managed to get one. She kicked me out of her house that December and I was very upset over it. That's when I lost that job. She eventually let me back in to her house, but she kicked me out again in August. When I was little, I rarely asked for anything. I remember asking for a doll and she called me a spoiled brat because of that. Now, she has a daughter and she sends my mom and her mother-in-law pictures of what she wants them to give to her daughter. I find this very irritating. She calls them and tells them when to get them, which type, and where. She's very demanding. Her husband is as bad as she is. He always complains that his mother never gives him anything, yet she gave him the exact video game that he wanted for Christmas. He blames her for not having any money while he was in college, yet she paid his rent and his gas. He got a full scholarship into UC Davis and majored in Chemistry, so he thinks that it makes it acceptable for him to call me a "******* retard" or "Retard with a capital 'R'". My sister supports him in everything and he does her too. The situation can be twice as bad with both against you. Their friends are stuck up and they look at me like I'm the village idiot. They never show me any respect. They look their noses down on me.
When I went back to live with my sister after she had kicked me out the first time, she kept complaining about me being unemployed. I attended three career fairs, went to the local malls every other day to submit applications, and spent at least ten hours a day searching online for employment. I found a job and when I told her, she said that it was a crappy one because I was being paid minimum wage. I found a job at a Bank, but I could not apply for it because the position was for MWF and she wanted me to babysit her daughter on those days. She was attending community college at the same time I was and I had to make my schedule according to hers. She would call me an old lady if I was home on Friday and Saturday nights, but when I went out with my friends she would complain that I made too much noise when I came back in. When my friend was moving out of the country, I asked her for a ride to her sister's house so that I could say 'goodbye'. My sister had been in her pajamas all day, looking at travel sites and she said that she was too busy to fulfill my request.
One time, she asked me to babysit so that she can sit in lectures. I told her that I had to work and my brother-in-law called me 'a *****'. Lately, she's acting pretentious. She asked me if she would get a discount if she brought her 3D glasses to a movie theater. I told her 'no' and she said that it's sad that there is no incentive for saving the environment. She and her husband always complain that they don't have money, yet they eat out at least twice a week. She takes trips every couple of months. They go shopping at least twice a week also.
She treats our parents like dirt. She dumps her dogs on us and takes off wherever. She comes into town and does not even stop by to say 'hello' to them. Instead, she goes to a restaurant with her husband and leaves with the excuse that she does not want to get stuck in traffic. My mom is bothered by this, but she does not admit it. I feel really bad for my parents.
My sister asked me what video game I wanted for Christmas, so I thought that I was going to get it as a present. I didn't. I realize that she did that on purpose. She always makes things about her. She'll ask me how I'm doing and when I start to tell her, she interrupts and talks about herself. I can't stand that. I can't stand her. Please let me know if it's acceptable for me to feel that way. I need to get the opinion of someone else.hat
gigityler gigityler
22-25, F
1 Response May 8, 2012

sounds like someone needs to know her place.

Are you talking about me?