Words Hurt. So Do Nails. (long)

I have two sisters, an they're both horrible. I'm 15, and they are 13 (lets call her sister#1) and 11 (sister 2). We're still pretty young, and it's hard to believe my LITTLE sisters are being *******. Ever since I was about 6 or even younger,  my sisters made my life miserable (of course we were really little so it seems like nothing now but it ruined me) they stole from me and hurt me a lot. Have you ever thought about how much little kids love their big stack of candy on Halloween they worked so hard for?  All gone. I would never get it back. As time went on, they did nothing but insult, insult, insult. It was tearing me apart. They didn't stop stealing either. They insulted me SO much that I LOST IT. in 2nd grade, I developed trichotillomania. It was the only thing I could do that made me feel good. My appeareence died. I had no eyelashes. Then, I had no eyebrows. I looked like a freak. I knew this because my sisters would tell me every day. As I grew more, my self esteem completely disappeared. I dressed in bagged clothing, didn't brush my hair, didn't talk. I was a freak. Now up to middle school, I was still dealing with this. No eye hair whatsoever. I wore dark clothing to not get noticed all 7th grade. I also started to fill in my eyebrows with a pencil so people couldnt tell. I was/am a pretty good drawer, so everybody at school fell for it. I would come home and go straight to my room so my sisters couldn't make fun of me. I pulled more and more. I NEVER left that room. I did nothing but draw eyes and the figure of a woman. I didnt want to turn the lights on, it would just remind me of my current situation. I refuse to draw anything else, its my biggest desire. I gradually lost a lot of weight. To show my sisters that I WASN'T as fat as they said I was. At school, people made emo jokes about me. They spread bad rumors, which my sisters probably started. They told everybody that they knew about my trich. In 8th, I got to a new level (last year). I then started to binge. I never really got fat, but I definitley got bigger. I am a naturally curvy girl with big breasts and hips and I love(d) them. They called me fat nonstop. They still do. I then realized I have BPD, borderline personality disorder. I probably developed it around 6th grade. So anything they did hurt me more than it should. To make it hurt at its most, they would frame me in things I didn't do. Like hitting (I was a powerful fighter, with strong legs and arms, I never lost(unless against my mom)). I haven't fought in A very long time. But my parents didnt think so. My mom would yell. My mom is a ***** too, I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm just saying, she is. She loves to yell, to fight. Very immature. And this is the last family you would expect this from. We live in a nice neighborhood and my family acts somewhat nice in public. She would enjoy yelling at me and hurting me and my sisters enjoyed watching. Last year, my mom dragged me by my hair up the stairs. When she brought me to my room I pleaded I didn't do anything and she grabbed by arms/shoulders and slammed me on the floor. I was dizzy because my head hurt a lot, so I just felt a lot of sharp pain and saw a lot of motion. My sisters would watch and laugh outside the open door. This would happen all the time. We moved a couple months ago and it hasn't stopped. My mom told me over the summer when sister #2 took my savings of $253, "I don't care about your emotions". She left me behind the bed, where I was crying because she would hit me if I got mad at her other daughters. My sisters made sure to look innocent and to always have everybody believe them. I have almost no friends because I'm shy and have no self esteem. I started cutting with my dads razor In  his desk over a year ago. A couple months ago, I went in to deep and it wouldn't stop coming down my arms. I dont come out of my room, hell, I'm in my room now, crying because sister#1 took the rest of my money from my winter job and said some things that I can't ever unhear. She spit on me to finish it off. My mom just watched.  I have scars from fights and attacks on my arms and hands, to help hide my cut marks that I've made myself. I got molested last year and when my mom found out she didn't try to make me feel better. She looked at me like i wanted it, like i was an animal. My sisters said I deserved it. Nobody knew how i felt. It was a female friend at a sleepover. Last week, I got mad at my sister when she took my money. She called mom and said "mom's coming. This is going to be funny". With a bitchy grin. My mom hit me. She dug her nails in my arms and threw me. She pulled out my hair(which i really dont need more of) My sisters laughed. They threw insults at me at the same time. They laughed so hard their faces were red. They were just sitting. Watching their older sister being thrown around like a toy. A useless, scarred up toy with no use. Recently, both sisters have been on a run. Every day since i got hit, they have done something mean to me. I cry and cry constantly. I have really noticeable stomach muscles from compulsive crying. I didn't know that was possible!!!! I stopped working out because I could never have the body of a model, they tell me every day. They've convinced me to get surgery. One told me to get a surgery on my eyelashes. Too bad I cant save up, i have no money. Why can't they just love me as I am? I could go on and on. But again, I just turned 15. There's more in stock.
krmc4960 krmc4960
13-15, F
May 17, 2012