My Sister Is A Lazy, Alcoholic Narcissist And Terrible Parent

I have two sisters, one two years older and the other four years older, and I am the youngest. We are in our late 30s, early 40s. My oldest sister is great; she has her own life, husband and children, and is totally normal. The middle one has always been the troublemaker in the family. She demanded the most attention from our mother, but still to this day claims that she got the least amount of time from our parents, even though our father states otherwise.

She started drinking, doing drugs, and having sex as a teen, and she was pregnant by the time she was 19. Our mom died of cancer right before her baby was born, and ever since then she has used it as an excuse to behave however she wants. She also claims she had a head injury as a child and uses that as an excuse her frequent, massive fits of rage.

Her ego is HUGE but easily bruised, so she cannot accept any little bit of criticism, even though she will say she "can't be offended." If she thinks someone is questioning or judging her, she will get very defensive and start yelling. She will complain for hours or even days about things that didn't go her way, and if her husband asks her to stop, she will fly off in a rage at him for trying to tell her what to do.

She doesn't do much of anything. She is a stay at home mom, which should keep her busy, but all she does all day is sit around on the couch, watching television and smoking pot. She won't clean, run errands, or teach her youngest child anything to prepare her for preschool. The only thing she does is make dinner, which she will brag about the whole time she is cooking. It is literally the biggest activity of her day. Other than that she won't do anything else, and if she is forced to keep an appointment or run an errand, she will complain the whole time and yell at her husband that she does so much and he should be thanking her more, even though he works 40+ hours a week and gets up with their youngest daughter everyday so she can sleep in.

Her biggest issue is her alcoholism. She drinks every night, passes out drunk around 4 am, and wakes up at noon with a hangover and a bad attitude. She lies to people constantly about her drinking, saying she only has "a glass or two of wine three or four times a week," when the reality is a half gallon every week night, with beer and shots added on the weekend. She treats her 18 year old daughter like her drinking buddy, because she is the only female "friend" she has (all the others have been done with her long ago), and she even lets her 3 year old have "sips" of alcohol, which are actually gulps of wine, beer, and even shots from just about anyone in the room at the time. I seriously don't think she realizes how much her toddler is consuming every night. Also, if someone denies her toddler a "sip" from their drink, she gets infuriated and cops an attitude with that person, again because she thinks they are judging her for letting her toddler have alcohol, even though they are justified to do so.

She can be very abusive and cruel to her daughters. She hits both of them, and she tells her 18 year old that she hates her and puts her down constantly. Her daughter is fearful of her reactions when things don't go the way her mother wants, because she knows she will overreact and say hateful things. After the dust settles and my sister calms down, she will rationalize her behavior by reminding anyone listening that she had head trauma as a child and can't control her rage. Then she will return to her normal habits of smoking pot all day and drinking all night, which she refers to as her "medication." I like my brother in law, but he enables this by not doing anything about it, but he's afraid of my sister as well, because she is abusive to him too.
CrabNebula CrabNebula
2 Responses Nov 9, 2012

Hi, I know this post is kinda old, not sure if there's anyone out there. I feel like I could have written this about my own sister. Except add in a severe eating disorder on top of it all. She got "sober" less than a year ago and she and her bf thought getting pregnant was a genius idea. She had the baby two months ago and has had several complications (I'm sure bc of her horrendously unhealthy eating habits. Her eating disorder now manifests as a strict gluten free diet). Anyways of course the complications created the PERFECT excuse for her to start drinking again. Two days ago she was found completely unresponsive- passed out cold with the baby all alone in another room. Two empty bottles of vodka. My mom only seems to care about what people will think if they find out the truth. I live on a completely different coast. Getting away from my ****** up family was the best thing I could have ever done for myself (dad is also a selfish immature alcoholic. Like father like daughter I guess).
My issue is my anger at my piece of **** sister. She is a MOTHER. Something seriously horrible could have happened to that baby. I am scared by how much I hate my sister for her behavior. If not for my niece she would be dead to me. She disgusts me all the way through to my core. I don't know how to handle these feelings.

I too have a very "unique" sister like yours; however, just substitute the pot with pain killers. They are very similar all the way down to the giving alcohol to her toddler.

I know she is related to you, but the alcohol is extremely detrimental to the development of the child. Not only physically, but from a social stand point. With that said, you are 100% within your boundaries to call social services on her.

In the long run you are doing more good than bad by making that call.

Anyhow, just my two cents.