Horrible Sister

If she wasn't my sister, I wouldn't talk to her. My sister is mean, judgemental, snobby, and selfish. She is almost 30 and has never had a job. She does not have a degree and does not want to work, but expects my parents to keep giving her money. My parents gave her 25,000 dollars out of their own pockets for her to go to school. Just before she got her degree, she decided to go to a very expensive private school where none of her credits transferred, and my parents then cosigned huge loans to pay for this school. Then she dropped out. Then, she decided to go to yet another college and tried to get my parents to give her even more money, even though by that point she was 28. My parents refused because she had left two schools prior with no degree to show for it. She found the money another way, but then dropped out of that third school. Now, she's going to a fourth college and is considering dropping out of that school too.

When I first started college, my sister was still going to her expensive private university. I was going to a state college because it was really cheap and offered a good education. Because it was a state school and not a private school, my sister kept making fun of it and constantly referred to it as "a hick school" despite the fact that it was a very good liberal arts school. On my first day there she helped me move in, and then for the rest of the day kept putting my school down.

A few years ago when  I was 17 my parents bought me a laptop because I needed one to do my school work with. I got the cheapest one I could find and my sister complained that if I got a laptop, that she should get one too. She was 27 then and had no use for a computer, because at that time she had spent about a year not going to school, not having a job, and spending all day sitting in her boyfriend's apartment.

The most recent college my sister is in is a state school, so now she's acting like it's really prestigious because she goes there (after putting my college down so much because it was a state school). I have applied to transfer there, and she's been acting like she hopes I don't get in. She's been saying things like "Well, it's a really good school, so I'm not sure you're going to get in!" and other things like that in really condescending tones. She thinks if I don't get in, it means she's smarter and better than I am.

Another issue I have with my sister is that she calls my mom literally 450 times a month (with a phone my parents pay for). I think that is a ridiculously high number and it drives my mom crazy. My mom wants to be supportive though so she answers almost every single time. When my mom doesn't answer, my sister calls and texts me asking why my mom hasn't answered the phone. Sometimes she takes a break from calling my mother, and if my mom needs to ask her a question she calls up my sister. But then my sister is really mean to my mom for calling, even though my mom is good about answering all those calls she made.

Because my mom is disabled, she can no longer work. My sister uses my mom not working as an excuse to not work. She says that if my mom doesn't work, she doesn't have to either, even though she's not disabled like my mom is.

My sister is also really mean to everyone in the family. My dad is an author with several published novels, but my sister said he's a bad writer with ****** books (she never read them). My mom doesn't work anymore because she's disabled, but was a highly accomplished computer programmer. So my sister told my mother she wasn't a good programmer. I'm a really good writer and received A's in both my college writing courses. One of my writing professors always used my writing as examples in class and asked me to be a writing tutor. So my sister told me I'm not a good writer (she never read anything I wrote). I'm also an art major, and a few of my teachers thought my work was good and also wanted to use it as examples in class. So my sister told me my art is boring.

My sister also hates her boyfriend but stays with him anyway because he's going to an ivy league school. She only dates people who go to places like Harvard and Princeton. She told me she wants to be a housewife, live off of her future husband and "pop babies" (exactly her words). She told me I should only date people who are studying to be doctors or lawyers and not date any artists, because artists have no money. When she asked me what type of guys I like to date, I told her "artistic, creative ones." So she told me, "Oh, so you're materialistic." What???

 Awhile ago I was dating someone who I had been seeing for several months. We finally decided to "get intimate" and ended up having an accident where the protection broke. I told my sister about it who promptly called my mother and said I was "having unprotected sex" which was completely untrue. She told me she said that because "condoms don't break." Later I found out that while she was saying that about me, SHE was having unprotected sex with her boyfriend. Then she accidentally got pregnant . You'd think after that incident she'd use protection, but she kept having unprotected sex and had ANOTHER accidental pregnancy. Also, she once said to my mother about me: "she sleeps with every guy she meets." I had slept with 2 people. Both boyfriends. Several years apart. And of those, she only knew of 1.

I could seriously go on.

groomgle groomgle
12 Responses Oct 24, 2009

I feel you. I am in a horrible living situation with my sister who is I her early 50s and refuses to ever work again. She had lost every job due to her alcoholism. My mom enables her by giving her money and everything she needs. She is also on state and gets food stamps, free medical and free cell phone.
She gives every excuse in the book never to have to work again.
Her 2 latest excuses is having to take care of my sick mom and that if she gets a job, she'll lose state assistance.
She and I fight constantly. She steals from me. I recently had to put a lock on my bedroom door and for extra measure, put a pad lock on my closet door.
She used my mom's credit card and charged over $200 on it at liquor stores and ATM cash advances while my mom was in the hospital.
I can't throw her out because I am not the owner of the house. I can't afford to move out even though I work a full time job.
I have anxiety and depression because of her. I'm always wondering what she is going to do next. I had to take many precautions, but I feel like that is not enough. That she will figure out ways around everything I blocked her from.
I handle all of my mom's finances now, so she can't get any money.
This is why shy resorted to stealing and pawning things from around the house.
I can't sleep st night and I seldom have an appetite.
My mom sticks up for her, telling me to give her money, but I refuse to.
My sister and I live in the same house, but do not speak to each other. We avoid one another which is very difficult in a house. I usually stayed holed up in a room whenever I am at home.

She sounds very shallow and spoiled. All my siblings care about it money and competition. Don't worry about her life just go on with yours.And take care of yourself and family, and religious affiliation

I don't know about your sister but you sure sound like a terrible person for having kept all these little things in your heart and to hate your own sister and to say all this on the Internet.

As for money, it's up to your parents, it's there money they will do whatever they wanna do with it.

just because she is your sister does NOT mean you have to talk to her or have any kind of relationship with her. If you wouldn't allow your friends to treat you like crap, why would you allow your sister to do it?

wow omg she sounds horrible. My youngest sister is also very mean, judgmental, snobby and selfish so I sympathize.

People who go to liberal arts schools tend to be very well rounded. I went to both a private liberal arts university and a smaller branch of a large state school and they both had their pluses and minuses and I felt it good that I got a strong foundation with the private school while the public university had a much better elementary education program.

I don't feel one was superior to the other. You go whee you want for the reasons you want if you get accepted and can afford it.

Ignore her hick comments and just block her comments from occupying your head by each time you think of it saying no who cares what she thinks and then think of something else force your..I love this school and try to not let her bring you down even though it is quite hard especially if you are a sensitive person like I am.
If she made fun of it again say I could care less what you think about my choices so save your breath or at least I am succeeding and sticking things out if she gets too snippy. Then get away and do not let her suck you into an argument.

Parents do not always get their kid's the same thing and they should have told her, we are paying much more for your education so if you want things equal, I guess we will have to cut some of your funds so your other sister (you) can go to an expensive school and you will have to pay the difference and tween it is all evenly spit to be fair to both our daughters, we will happily buy you that laptop. They could turn her comments to do what she says.

Her comments about you are not good enough to get in would tick anyone off. Condescending siblings suck. work hard to get top grades and prove her wrong that she is smarter than you..they have to be near perfect as she will just say her college was harder but you know and others would too sending her secret jealousy berserk that others think you are smarter than her cause you graduated in top percentiles or made dean's list every time etc.

Your mom and the sister calling is between them even though you may get stuck in middle when mom complains to you. Let them settle it out. You have enough on your plate. Your sister may really need your mom or not have another support system so maybe her temperament really needs to vent to mom. Your mom is an adult and if she does not like it or wants a change, she can com up with a plan or way to do it that keeps the peace.

When she calls, ignore it with caller id and call when you know she is out once a day saying why your mom is not answering instead of letting her overwhelm your life.

Your mom needs to point out when she did work, how hard and say again why she is not working and the differences in age and circumstances. Tell her daughter it will help her resume if she gets some job experience and the benefits of learning when one has a job or skills she might learn that can be put in a functional resume.

She needs to see why this is to her advantage. Mom should say (if true) I certainly worked at your age and this is why I feel it helped me. Brainstorm some things mom can suggest and why a job such and such might help with whatever her chosen career is or interviewing or whatever and that it is not acceptable to use that as an excuse.

Yet understand going to college is very hard and working along with it can get overwhelming so dont expect her to work a lot of hours and still get top marks. Mom should tell her daughter if she does not reciprocate when mom calls her at least half the hours. (IE- if daughter calls 4 times one day, it is only fair mom gets to talk or call at least 2 times without flack and that she will not tolerate being treated like crap.

It is an extreme accomplishment for your dad to be published author and tell her if you never read any, then anything you say is just a wild guess. I am sure this is intrinsic to who he is that he does it cause he is either creative, an expert on something or whatever and though it is hard, I am sure he knows if he is good or not and that is ALL that really matters. Personally I would cuss someone out if they said that to me and hurt them with carefully selected words.

The fact she does not care enough to even read her father's books (what?) shows what a person she is..she just likes to hurt people probably for revenge. Tell your dad often how great his writing is and sends lots of praise his way..ask him his opinion on your writing.

Congratulations on your achievement in writing and art..my oldest son and I are very creative and he is a writer and won the 2nd highest full ride scholarship to art college and I love creative people using their gifts. An esteemed world traveling author professor once told me I was the most creative, right briane dperson he ever taught.

Chose to ignore her and to listen to your teachers who not only actually read your things but also are very good at accessing talents. Good for you..be proud and dont let your sister steal your satisfaction ..she is doing it just to hurt you I believe and sounds like a piece of work..I know this is super hard as I am someone who obsesses over comments my own crappy sisters make when they are not apathetic and having no desire to know me and what is going on in my life etc but I hope you are not like me and waste so much time and misery letting their comments depress you, anger you and cause you to hate.

I have finally learned that despite being my brothers or sisters, it is ok to distance yourself from your family and put them out of your life,..when I finally did after 40 years of putting up with the hurt they caused, it was the best decision I ever made. I have not seen them in 5 years and it feels good not bad though I still get upset they do not care etc

Today I had serious need and had contact with 3 of them and they were so rude and said things that made me so mad and so hurt and that hate of them caused me to seek out this site yet the way I was treated recently I felt I truly affirmed that I made the right decision not letting them continue to hurt me and then stay in my head for years reliving my negative feeling on end was the right one. '

I hope to never see any of them the rest of my life and even longer but the ones who treat me with utter disrespect and conveyance of their negative and judgmental feelings or veiled feelings, and are so compassionate and unkind, then I do not need them in my life and indeed and much happier without them crushing me all the time and caring less about my hardships etc.

I don't have to have them completely ignore me and upset me, nr be hurt they did not invite me to some birthday party of my nieces or a graduation or party, see them stare through me and talk to others like I'm not there and am invisible or look pained to have to talk to me, talk to everyone but me, indicate their desire to get away from me, say things behind my back, make other sibs not like me by saying their untrue perspectives or all those things they do..well not being around them-this gives me some time to heal and possible forgive (without contact) and live my life with the one brother who loves me, helps me,. does not ignore me,. goes out with me, hugs me and is there for me..he is not perfect but when you know they care, you can overlook temperamental differences or when they do wrong a lot easier and forgive and get back to being friends.

If they treat me decently I will shower them with compliments, and appreciation I will think good of then but..if they could care less and they hurt me and make me cry with all the crap they have done to me, who needs them..my grown son helped me to see sometimes you have to write off a family member.

I almost guarantee you, your sister will never change. I had recent contact the last few days which is super rare and even they are all exactly the same as they always were...whether mean, apathetic, volatile, putting you down or whatever they do.
Had they called or said they were sorry, I might have given another chance even though I did for decades but they never call or things like that so they obviously do not miss me or care that I am not around. I seriously think they could care less if I died and suffered and due to that I now feel the same about them (well not the suffering part as I hate to see pain in others but in the dying...I may not go to funeral but I probably will go first due to some health problem and being older than them.

The only good thing that came from the recent contact where they all were so true to themselves as they had been form the past even though 5 years had passed--mean, zero compassion and rude for one who loves to kick you when you are down with her words and putdowns as always, apathetic sister , the not listening to anything you say and with her body movements saying get out of here, I have more important things to do...after not seeing me for five years--ever the apathetic surface niceness but so apparent in how she really feels--also as always or the brother who is terrifying and creates huge scenes where he bullies you, acts like he is 20 instead of late 40s and breaks things on purpose (I was told by the brother I love) so he will not be asked for any help and you I came to realize liked telling me things and doing things to upset and hurt me as he knew I was in a world of hurt tight then and wanted to make it worst while claiming what I good christian he is..all hypocrites to the end.

They dont change cause they dont care...it is very sad. I would consider writing her off or considering it when older as it will continue I am almost sure for decades and rob you of your own sanity...if you are caring and kind, you will never understand why they do and say what they do...all you can do is limit contact and walk away when they do their thing. Do not let them see your upset feelings and sometimes they stop when they cant get a rise out of you or see visible pain or anger on your face.

I cannot stand people who chose mates and friends by externals and unimportant things..they are very superficial. I look for who a man is inside and his character, personality, how he treats me and common beliefs --to me that is far more important than money and looks.

Even though since I am gifted, I like people I might marry to be reasonably smart, I do not discriminant on many things, I have went out with highly intelligent people and with mentally retarded man. I have went out with unemployed, low wage person, tradesmen, or with well off doctors with people with little education and highly educated, good looking, average and not so good.

I look for the things I mentioned. so she is quite snobby as you said I do not judge people on their wealth, jobs, looks, education etc. I treat all peopel with kindness and respect.

I also really like artistic, creative people and my one son who is these things and more would be a great catch for many reasons.

Obviously she is the materialistic one not you think to themselves they are providing security for their futures...no they look for rich or prestigious men and glob on them just that is what they thin is important in life and in others especially a spouse.

I hate when they do that..call others in the family and spew lies, mis-word reality or only give their perceptions and sides only embellishing as they go.

Condoms fall off and break all the time and a good percent of time do not protect against pregnancy occasionally or many STD pathogens which easily slip through as smaller than *****..condoms are really not safe sex. Often women do not wear protection as the man talks her into it so not sure if its her or him wanting to not use things but she is hypocritical certainly.

yes do not sleep with too many men...tell your mom it is not true since it is not true. Not much more you can do but give your word.

If you do write your sister off, dont let your parents talk you back into it. It makes it harder for them as both are their kids but this is your life and mental health at stake. Hatred, anger, stress, upset, these can all harm you..dont make the mistake I did and stay and take decades of mistreatment and pain at their hand..even though I tried very hard to have a relationship with them, it was one sided and the bitter truth is often they really don't care much about you..I did not cut my losses but put up with it for decades and in the end, nothing I did worked cause it is not that much you..it is who they are inside,

I should have listened to my grown son who told me dont go back to an empty well or think they will change..they are horrible, snobby people and you need to stop letting them hurt you, stop going to them and work hard at making friends and building your own "family" who you chose and who is there for you and who you like and they like you back.

Best of luck...know you are not alone. I used to feel bad none of the siblings cared about me..the last few days I feel like wow you got the only decent one and he is worth more than all of them put together...you so made the right decision..the one who loved me kept loving me, the one who loved me some but was so means still is that way, the one who could care less and gave off negative body language and signals while acting nice but never wants to be around you and is totally apathetic is still that way..my son was right he told me they would never change and even though they are all much older now,. their personality stays the same.I could never in a million years do, and say what they have to me...I have no clue why they are so self-centered and terrible...they just are.

I know how you feel my sister is the exact same way. Shes almost 30 and is always putting me down. It is a jelousy issue. I made the mistake of telling her that I had sex for the first time a few weeks ago and the first thing she did was call my mom and tell her disgusting details that were untrue. I wouldent stress about it becuase I know shes unhappy with who she is on the inside so thats she lashes out. Just remember to keep your guard up.

I think your sister may have a psychological disorder. While that may sound harsh, there are many people in our society walking around with psych disorders that can be effectively treated with medication and therapy. <br />
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Keep your head up, stand firm on your own two feet and live your life on your terms. You sound like a bright young woman. Be true to that and you will live life on your terms.<br />
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All the best.

Sounds exaggerated to be honest with you. Either that or you have one incredibly messed up life.

Wow, she really is evil. I thought my sister was just a ***** with an attitude.

whoa........ and i thought my family wrecker sister was bad........ please go on. and oh, i gotta mention that she lets her pervert now former husband touched my vay jay jay when i was 16.... i hate her !

beautyistruth is EXTREMEMLY wrong. I know how you feel. While my sister isnt as bad, she is still pretty awful and i know that when you were younger you probably tried to get along with her but as she got older & worse you couldnt handle it, and you despised her. This is what happened with me. And the accesive calling is probably her just throwing a pitty party, but my problem with my sister goes past just her, my parents like her more and go out of their way to make her happy. Yours understand how you feel. Mine dont.

sounds like she is shallow, liar and mean and has low self-esteem and selfish. <br />
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My younger sister, was not as bad. I always helped her graciously when she needed me. but when I need her help, she will be really mean to me. I guess, the best way to maintain the relationship is to keep a distant from her. I love her the same from a distance. What do you think about my comment?