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Evil Manipulative Control Freak

She has treated me like **** all my life.  Used to tell me each day i was going to hell.  She wants to control everyone and everything.  She has caused me nothing but pain and grief.  Called me a loser and a low life, has judged me even though she herself cheated on her poor husband.  She is manipulative, evil inside and controls everyone around her.  She has poisened people against me from her distorted reality, has put me down for years and is a pious *****.  If she died tomorrow, i would feel nothing but relief.  For all the twisted, evil, mean spirited things she has done to me and all the while acting like she is "doing this because she cares"  She has so much bullshit inside her.  She feels good and gets off on making people as miserable as her.  Her husband left her, poor guy.  I am sick of her controlling manipulative lifestyle.  She to me is toxic.  My grandson will never see her again.  i hate her with a hate so deep that i have dreams of her demise with a smile on my face. 

Kitten3660 Kitten3660 46-50, F 18 Responses Nov 10, 2009

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My sister is 40 years old and lives with our parents along with her 17 year old son. I had the guest room for years and would spend weekends at their house to get away from my husband. He is not the easiest person to live with. My sister moved her friend into that room and put a lock on it so I could no longer stay there. She also started spreading lies about me. My parents say it will work out but it won't. My sister has the mental age of a 15 year old. She is beyond cruel. I could go on and on but I have decided to remove her from my life. She is a failure and not worth the time. I am glad there are so many people who are experianceing the same thing.

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I too have a sister that is just awful to me. I can't even begin to go into what she has done to me as it would take forever to write about. However I can say at every opportunity she belittles me to my family and others. I think she is sociopathic - if you read about that personality type they do not have to take a life but love controlling others, being charismatic and singling out one person to dump on. The other day we were at a family function at her house and I was taking my elderly mother home - I had not had a chance to say good- bye to everyone and started to get out of the car and my sister looked at my cousin and told her - oh you don't have yo say good- bye to her! As if I am not worth anything. I could go on but I am at a loss at what yo do as the only reason we get together is for our mother - I do not want to celebrate my sisters birthday as it comes ALL out of my pocket and I feel so unwelcome. Her birthday is first so I have to always reach out - I font want yo thus year and am in fear of the repercussions - I really can't stand my sister and it makes me sad as my friends have such good relationships with theirs - thanks for letting me vent

I need to add - I am the older sister who left home early because I couldn't stand watching while she put a wall up between my parents and me and controlled everything around her - I really despise her! I left to go onto the Army to get away from her!

I am very sorry all of you have to deal with a sister who is a control freak. How can they treat their sister and family the way they do? I don't understand it at all. My sister is a year older than me & has tried to destroy me with my own son who has a new baby, my 1st granddaughter. She even told my mother that if she had anything to do with me, that she was no longer her mother and then stormed out the door. My mom and I are very close. My mom simply told her she was not going to listen to her nasty remarks about me. My sister says such hateful awful things about me. Her behavior is bizarre. I no longer speak to her at all. My poor mom is constantly trying to make me feel better. I could be here all night writing about this. I wish you all the best and stay strong.

I have an evil sister too, she makes my life hell, she is arrogant, feels no guilt or remorse, thrives on drama,loves to brag, always in short term relationships, she gets bored with men and when she has got what she wants she then dumps them, she constantly infiltrates others lives including my own, she would love to be the only child, its such chaos if I go and see my mum, always blaming others and never taking resposibility or saying sorry, she is a compulsive liar and a control freak, loves to gossip and is very paranoid, she is also very aggressive mentally and physically , she attacked me in May of this year and then phoned the police and told them that I had hit her, this was a lie, I was held for 14 hrs until they worked out that she was lying, the police are currently helping me to get the arrest record removed thank god, also the courts are hopefully going to issue a restraining order.

my only sister is evil too. She really enjoys lying about me to my brothers and elderly parents. She enjoys causing me grief and troubles. I hate her so much. It makes me sick. She has no conscience at all. Will God ever punish her? Or, at least stop her from hurting me further? I don't understand this type of person

i honestly thought i was the only one who had a sister so manipulative and sinister, everything she does has a motive. her days consist of planning my destruction. and its comforting to know I am not alone and that people out there know exactly what I am going through.

i have sister just like that and she so annoying ;can't wait until i'm 18+
i'm 14 years old and she 12 , but she is a real pain in the butt !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so glad I found a forum of people like me. I know I am not alone and I will post my own story soon

thank-you i thought i was all alone in this kind of family

My older sister is evil too and a hypocrytical ***** i hate her and will never forgive her fir the things shes done to md all my life that ***** had been abusing me and im sick of it shes a rwo faced ***** i will always HATE her

I understand your stories here, I have a sister who no matter what I do for her...all the sacrifices I have made for her, the things I did to help her or the things I have given her ...its never enough to make her treat me better... sometimes I just wish someone she takes seriously would say to "you can't keep manipulating and hurting your younger sister" she does not care and does not like to be reminded of all the bad things she did to me... but just so long as I have nothing and am nothing that suits her... some of the cruel things she has said to me and my mother and father have to be heard to be believed... her fighting everyday over anything, her controlling and she has no idea what she has done to ruin my life. she always says "I am hurting you for your own good! I am hurting you cuz I care " yeh, sorry i can't see it! like seriously what BS mental illness is that sort of talk...? she always wins and people actually help her to abuse me since I was a child... its something i do not understand and never will. <br />
my sister was allowed graduate from junior and college, I was not; my sister was allowed to have boyfriends she chose for herself I was not; my sister was allowed to get married and have a child and I was not... why? the double standards???

Very sorry to hear this.you don't deserve this.you parents have a responsibility to protect you from abuse.doing nothing to stop it perpetrating it.they don't have a right to stop you from school or to marry who ever when ever you want. I am so sorry to hear this. Your sister is jealous of you amongst other things.she wants you to not work out and have a good life.she wants her satisfaction from ruining you,shame on her.so sorry for you

I am also a younger sister, and my older sister is 5 years older than me. Now I am 52 yrs old, and she is 57 years old! Ever sisnce I was born, she has been mean to me, and never let me play with her and her friends, she put me down, and never cared about me, or tried to help me at all. Our mother made me suck up to her all the time, and wear her hand me downs, and she got to wear all the pretty clothes, and not me. She got to buy all the new s tuff, and do everything. She stole all of my friends, and also my dreams, and also my boyfriend, she also tried to steal my husband, and I called her a slutty sister, and *****, and a husband stealer, and she got mad. She never calls me at all, just to say hi, or ask how I am doig, (I have my own place now, and apartment, and sshe got a big house, and is married), she never invited me to her house, as a guest, only to do womething thre, and to help HER! I dont know if this is normal for sisters, but I got sick of it, after triying for so long to be her friend! I loved her alot, and wanted to be like her, but then, I got mad, and wanted to have my own life, and house, and everything. I had to share a bedroom with her, growing up, until she got married and left, moved out! She thought she was so big! And then, she had an affair, and got treated like a gutter tramp, and had to move in with her boss, and become his houseslave, and then, he married her, and he became her second husband, and he made sure she will not run around on him like she did to her first husband. I still loved her, and also my parents tried to be on her side, especially aftgre they had a baby, and the baby became my niece! Well, she got jealous of my career, and then, I got maried too, and had a son, and she tried to steal my baby, too! she tried to act like SHE was the mother of him! I got mad!<br />
But I was too weak, to control my own mind, and life and even my body! When my parents got divorced whe was kind of nice, and got me a Christmas present, and a Barbie doll, and even helped me when I started my period! But then, she got selfish and greedy, and I am not like that, I am not materialistic like she is, and she wantted to marry a millionair, and be rich! Well, anyway, I guess I will stil always love her, becuase we wil always be sisters, but I decided not to get too close, and to keep my boundaries, and freedom, and not have to ask her permission for doing things, since I am also an adult now! But anywway, even if I dont want to confide in her anymore, we will always have to share our childhood memories, and parents, and family, thats all! Family is important in life, and I guess I am old enough to be responsible too, and to be able to live my own life.<br />
She doesnt own me, and I will not let her or anyone destoy my life, anymore, or my marriage, or career! We are jsut different, and thats all, but anyway, I dont hate her anymore, I have forgien her, but still will keep my boundaries to make her respect me, and my life now! I will not let her treat me like that anymore, or to humiliate me anymore, or put me down! I nver told anyone about this problem, with my sister before, but now, I think that I should post it, so people know hoe my sister has been to me, ok? I just wished she would call me sometimes, jsut to say hi, or to invite me to do somthing, or go somewhere, but all she wanted to do, was to show off her big house, and everything in fron of my husband, thats all, and then, try to steal him away! I called her a *****! But anyway, her husband has to be with her, and also sher daughter, thats all, even if hes got two sons from his first marriage, I know she must have alot of big problems, because. of his first wife, (who is his ex wife), but anyway, she doesnt ever tell me about her problems,ok? I guess no matter what happens, we will alwys be family, and stay sisters, even if we cant be friends! I guess I said it all, and besides, we have two brothers to share together, so, I guess we will stay bonder forever, amen.....

I notice that the more you don't respond or react to the evil control freaks tactics and manipulation, the more they start self destructing.

Both the above messages were good to read. Yes you do have to be a strong person to deal with a control freak. Really strong - especially if they are a family member and you have to deal with all the emotional fall out as well. Deceit and manipulation and lack of communication are all tools of the control freak. Trust your gut instincts Pamymail is right keep calm and pace it. Also from my experience don't expect to change a control freak - they can't. You can be honest and speak the truth and don't get distracted by their behaviour from the main issue. You probably won't win either - you can expose the issue and behaviour but yes best to distance yourself from it. Unfortunately yeah too sad the condition exists - too sad for the family. Look after yourself and your own immediate family. What I've seen is people eventually notice the behaviour or get on the wrong side of a control freak with a difference of opinion. Then they end up shunning them. Too bad for them.

control freaks hurt a lot. I see them as losers. In fact for them to do all the defeating on others thing a sport should make them be clasified as unable to handle life. According to the great message above they are just protecting themselves. So it takes you to be a really strong person to defeat them. Great you ust only deal with them with some strategies. but in the end they are a failure. They must come to those states because they were reproved a lot. That is why we must not keep encouraging their behaviour. Deal with them ok but must not let them ever take control for real over anything. Too sad these people exist. Thanks for the message above it was great to see it though.

It took me over 50 years to find out that my control freak sister is not evil - she is severly mentally ill with an anxiety disorder that started with my coming into the world when she was 5 years old- and your sister has the same mental illness - all control freaks do. There is absolutely nothing you can do about it - she would have to want help before she can change - and control freaks can not admit that there is anything wrong with them. In my case - I have finally had to cut my sister totally out of my life, not because I don't care about her, but because I can no longer let her destroy my life. I have cut some interesting facts from an article for you - hope it helps.<br />
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Keep in mind that control freaks are not trying to hurt you – they’re trying to protect themselves. Remind yourself that their behavior toward you isn’t personal; the compulsion was there before they met you, and it will be their forever unless they get help. Understand that they are skilled manipulators, artful and intimidating, rehearsed debaters and excellent at distorting reality.<br />
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Two Types of Control Freaks<br />
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Type 1 Control Freaks: The Type 1 control freak is strictly attempting to cope with their anxiety in a self absorbed way. They just want to feel better and are not even very aware of you. You will notice and hear their agitation and tentativeness. They usually do not make much eye contact when they are talking to you.<br />
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Type 2 Control Freaks: The Type 2 control freak is also trying to manage their anxiety but they are very aware of you as opposed to the Type 1 control freak. The Type 2 needs to diminish you to feel better. Their mood rises as they push you down. They do not just want to prevail; they also need to believe that they have defeated you. They need you to feel helpless so they will not feel helpless. Their belief is that someone must feel helpless in any interchange and they desperately do not want it to be them. The Type 1 needs control. The Type 2 needs to control you.<br />
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Some Coping Strategies<br />
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1) Stay as calm as you can. Control freaks tend to generate a lot of tension in those around them. Try to maintain a comfortable distance so that you can remain centered while you speak with them. Try to focus on your breathing. As they get more agitated and demanding, just breath slowly and deeply. If you stay calm and focused, this often has the effect of relaxing them as well. If you get agitated you have joined the battle on their terms.<br />
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2) Speak very slowly. Again the normal tendency is to gear up and speak rapidly when dealing with a control freak. This will only draw you into the emotional turmoil and you will quickly be personalizing what is occurring.<br />
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3) Be very patient. Control freaks need to feel heard. In fact, they do not have that much to say. They have a lot to say if you engage them in a power struggle. If you just listen carefully and ask good questions that indicate that you have heard them, then they will quickly resolve whatever the issue is and calmly move on.<br />
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4) Pay attention to your induced reactions. What is this person trying to emotionally induce in you? Notice how you feel when speaking with them. It will give you important clues as to how to deal with them more effectively and appropriately.<br />
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5) Initially, let them control the agenda. But you control the pacing. If you stay calm and speak slowly, you will be in command of the pacing of the conversation.<br />
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6) Treat them with kindness. Within most control freaks is a good measure of paranoia. They are ready to get angry and defend against what they perceive is a controlling hostile world. If you treat them with respect and kindness, their paranoia cannot take root. You will jam them up.<br />
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7) Make demands on them-- especially when dealing with the type 2 control freak. Ask them to send you something or do something for you. By asking something of them, you will be indicating that you are not intimidated or diminished by their behavior patterns.<br />
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8) Remember an old but poignant Maxim: “Those who demand the most often give the least.”

Here too.. i have a sister now in age 62 and im 52. She has checked out my weak points eversince i was born in order to manipulate me and the persons around me. She has always been manipulating the whole family so that she always got the highest scores in forms of money, wealth and famousness. She is narcistical, selfish and cruel. She acts like she was the most normal person in the world but shes nothing but a s*** personified. She would like to lock everyone whos even a little differentmindedthan she is, in mentalhospitals or in jails. Shes my halfsister so she has the characters of her dad who was a psychophath and i have had another dad who was not violent in any means.<br />
I hate her and i wish the cannibals ate her!

I totally know how you feel, my sister, now 57, I'm 47, used to leave me notes on my night stand for when I would wake up in the morning as if they were written by the devil, about him "coming to get me while I sleep". That was only the beginning. I posted my story, and I actually do hate her. She can't argue a point, she immediately turns to personal attacks.