My Stepfather Is Abusive

Well, I suppose this is jut like any other story on here, one filled with pain and uncertainity.

My mother divorced my father shortly after I was born because he wouldn't have anything to do with me. He never wanted to take me out in public, push my stroller, or anything else that involved being a "father." One day, my mom had enough and filed a divorce. After that, she tried to maintain a relationship between him and I by encouraging visits, but it was always us who made the effort. So, I got fed up with it when I turned 9. I stopped calling and coming over to his house, and he didn't seem to care. Never once did he phone to wish me happy birthday, or merry Christmas. And it hurt. I never did grieve over the "loss" of my dad, because my mom wouldnt have cared, it would have just made her angry that I was crying.

So, fast forward a couple of years, to when I was about 7 years old, she got married again. This time, the man was abusive, and hated me because I wasn't his "own." I hated him too. But really, I was just terrified. He threatened countless times to kill me, pushed me down a couple flights of stair, hit me and beat me till I was covered in bruises, and yer still, my mom didn't believe me. Then she got pregnant with my half-brother and I thought I would never get out of that house. One day, as I came in their bedroom to say goodmorning to my mom, my stepfather was waiting crouched down behind the door foor me. As soon as I entered I was pulled down to the ground and pinned underneath him, my belly facing down. Next, he proceeded to cut up my exposed back with a broken copper belt buckle. I cried and wimpered but he whispered threats in my ear so I went silent and bared with the pain. My mom didn't even stir from her sleep. Once he had let go of me I had run to my room crying in agony, blood streaming down my back and soaking my nightgown. After that, I slowly just began to wither up inside, wishing I could dissapear. But I couldn't. Eventually, 3 years later, my mom finally figured out what was going on, and called the cops so we could leave in the middle of the night.

Things were bad after that. My grandparents and mom were constantly in court battling over my step brother, I barely ever saw them. We won after about 3 more years, but the damage was done.

About a year before we won my step brother's custody, my mom got together with another man, whom she is still with. I hate and resent him more then I could have ever imagined. He is horrible, but only to me. He fooled my mom with expensive purses, clothes, a car, and a ring. And then, he became my stepdad. My misery. My sole reason for hating life and my mother for being so damn desperate, something that seemed to distract her from noticing I was being abused...again. A month ago, I got home from a doctor's appointment, causing my step-brother to miss a tae kwon do class. He goes twice a week, and there are plenty of classes he can just hop into if he needs to make up for one. Of course, as soon as we were home, my mother ran upstairs to the washroom, and my brother followed her for fear of getting in trouble. My mother's husband ran downstairs from his office to see if my step-bro went to his class, and I explained to him that he missed it because of my appointment that I have been waiting to get into for 6 months (I have heart problems). Obviously he didn't care though. Instead, he started screaming at me, calling me an f***ing b*tch for making my brother miss his class. He pushed me into the kitchen and shoved me into a chair so that he could start hitting me, my shoulders bruising from him. I started to cry and tried to get away, but he blocked the staircase and started to shove himself up against me, asking me "What are you gonna do about it? You are just a girl!," repeating this line over an over. Meanwhile, my mother just stood on the staircase watching, occasionaly asking him to stop. She didn't even try to protect me. I managed to slip by him and ran up to my room where I cried, but he came up and began to mock me and make fun of me. I cried harder and ran into my mother's room, where I curled up in a ball, my knees up to my chest, and my back against a wall. I buried my face in my palms. He came up and began yelling at me, telling me I couldn't live with them anymore. I was only 14, and I still am only 14. Who says that to a child?! I began to yell back at him, absolutely sick of everything. I agreed, and told them I would go to my grandparents, but of course my mom wouldn't let me because then they would know he was abusive, and she enjoyed not having to work too much. Screw them.

Anyways, there is a lot more I could say, but for now I just need to go cry. I am only 14 and yet, I am on anti-deppressants. It seems wrong. I never had a childhood, and I won't in the future either. I just want my mom to break up with him. I love her, but hate her. I find no fault in her, yet I blame her. I just don't know what to do....

Please, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all. I feel like I just wanna die, and I really can't take any stupid comments right now. Thank you.
SoulOfSorrow SoulOfSorrow
13-15, F
8 Responses Jul 28, 2010

I know how you feel, I was seventeen when I left home because I couldn't take it anymore. my stepfather.. thats a compliment to that excuse of a human being. lets just say my moms ex..
he was abusive and inappropriate towards me for a long time. threatened to kill me, hit me, and attempted to stab me with my cd which he broke in half when he was drunk.. which was like all the time.
my own mother didn't believe me when I tried to tell her numerous times what he did, instead just took his side as if I didn't matter one bit. made wonder what happened to the woman I once knew as a small child...our relationship will never be the same. she seems to think its all good but in all honesty it's not. just try not to talk about it a lot, brings back so many horrible memories n emotions. n just really hate how she betrayed me for some *** hole
I was in a state of depression due to everything. and on antipressmt meds for three years. never felt ao alone.I spoke to the cops as I wanted him arrested. so nice of my family to turn against me... my social worker went with me when I gave my statement the cop didn't hit record so said I had to go back.. I never did its just so hard for me to talk about. but at the same time he deserves time for what he did. Now all of a sudden my mom says she will testify n be on my side. It frustrates me, like where were u when I needed you the most?
childhood was non existent for me. I was about to go to a foster home but ended up in a group home instead, still not the best place to live. I would never put my child through that. ever. font bave kids if u cant put hem first...No one deserves it. leave while you can, :( it's not good for u, especially your mental health ..

Oh god, your story sounds so similar... No that man does not deserve to be called your stepfather (and he doesn't deserve to be called a man either). You are so strong to put up with all of that and still be you. It is the most frustrating thing when a parent isn't there for you when you need them most - and it is the biggest betrayal. I ended up going to the cops and giving them a statement, then I was placed in a group home, then foster care. I discharged myself from the group home because the kids were on drugs and I didn't want to get caught up with their situations. Foster care was an absolute nightmare. The foster family had serious issues and I had to leave that as well. In the end I was reunited with my dad who I haven't seen for 5 years, and life is finally not upside down. The memories don't leave but hopefully the pain will someday. My mom now spends her time spreading rumours about me. My grandpa supposedly is "done" with me and my grandma won't bother replying to my emails where I say I hope she is doing well (she has health issues now).

And you are so strong for taking yourself out of that situation. I really admire you for doing it. I should have left sooner. I promise things will get better and you will get out of that group home and into a better place. Things will work out and one day you will get to prove to everyone that you came out of it stronger and you will be able to take on the world. If you ever need or want to talk I'm here <3 I appreciate your comment.

yea. that was about 5 years ago when i left, still seems so vivid in my mind.
i am definitely doing alot better than i was, after living in a group home i went to college and lived on my own. i now have an amazing boyfriend who is so supportive.. Wasn't easy, but i made it with some support, unfortunately not that of my mom or family.
i remember wanting to go back east to live with my grandma, before the group home, but of course that never would have happened. Wouldnt want to ruin the image of a perfect mother' i mean to this day she probly doesnt even no the truth. My mom tried to take her own life when i was 8 and yet it was never spoke of. ..scary to find your mom like that...n she still chose to say with that person for 11 more years. the reason is beyond me.

Although i took matters into my own hands, and made my way it affected me in so many ways. social anxiety is one of them. Just hurts how it doesnt even seem to phase my mom. Shes more close with my ex step sister than any one of us. its just a lil sad.
Sorry for my rant. thanks so much for the kind words, i appreciate it. <3 you are strong as well. truth is everyones going to hurt us just gotta find the ones worth fighting for.

I

Can you help me because you've been through the same as I?
So my dad walked out and my mom remarried this terrible guy. I (Scott) am fourteen and my little brother Charlie is ten. My dad is almost wound too tight. When things arn't perfect or if Charlie spills a drink or dinner isn't on the table when he comes home from work then I'm screwed. And of corse my loving mother just goes to her room. Anyways, my step-dad freaks out hits a ton. The latest time something happened was when we were at a diner Sunday night and Charlie accidentally knocked over his water onto the floor. My step-dad was steaming all the way home calling Charlie a "little dipsh*t" and "why did I get stuck with you two miserable little f*cks." Then when we got home -my mom went to her room- and by stepdad grabbed Charlie and threw him against the wall and started to kick him. I pushed my stepdad out of the way and grabbed Charlie and tried to cover him. I have to do this a ton, instigate the basta*d so he goes after me not Charlie. That's why I have a chance to write this... I stayed home today because of a sprained wrist...
I know this is stupid of me to put on the Internet but I just needed to get it out and tell someone. If I told anyone in my life my stepdad said he would kill Charlie. Charlie will always come first.
So what should I do? I'm pretty freaking desperate right now...

I'm so sorry my reply is late and that I am not there to physically help you and Charlie. To be honest, I never expected anyone to read what I wrote or comment on it. I'm 17 now and that story is from 3 years ago. You are so brave to put your brother first like that and protect him. Hun, I know it sounds scary, but sometimes the best thing you can do is remove yourself from a situation like that. Things became too much for me and in the end I put myself in foster care and it led me to eventually being reunited with my dad (who I haven't seen for 5 years). I would recommend you talk to a school counselor and tell them EVERYTHING. I know you said Scott would kill Charlie if you ever told anyone, but this is a threat. Bullies make threats. I know that Scott has hurt both of you terribly, but unless your mother steps in he will not stop hurting you and the ones you love. It is a sickness when humans hurt others. For Charlie's sake, and yours, you need to be brave once more and tell a school counselor. The only way to stop Scott from hurting any of you is to get away from him and be strong. The path to a healthy and abuse-free place seems scary - but it will pay off and you will succeed. You, your brother, and your mom will be okay hun <3 But first you need to talk to someone who is there physically for you. If I could I would make sure you and your brother got the help needed, but I can't. Just one more step, okay? I'm here if you every need anything :) Things will be okay xo

I know im 3 years late... but i know exactly how you feel. im a 19 yr old male, this still brings tears to my eyes. But we get older and the people who abuse us forget that we get older, stronger, smarter, faster, and all the suffering we faced creates a demon, a demon that we use inside to our advantage. I went through abuse from age 6 to 17. and now at 19, the people who used to hate me, hit me, make fun of me, call me worthless, kidnapped me, made me want to end my life, they are all scared of me and they cant look me in the eye. they've seen who ive become, how strong i am, how smart and succesful i am. To anyone out there who feels like there world is over or the torment will never end, hold on a little longer. the future awaits great opportunity for you, you'll see how amazing you will become. You'll look back and use your past as your advantage.

I apologize for replying months late - I really never did think people would read my story. Thank you for your supporting words, they really do mean a lot coming from someone who has been through so much and learned from it <3

so true. can totally relate...

today there are many guidence counslers at schools that their sole reason that they are there is for abused kids like you. they are there so use them. take advantage i sure didnt have this when i was a kid. talk to them. or call the cops. or tell a family member (like ur grandparents). if you talk to someone, they will take care of this. I know you are scared but YOU NEED to talk to someone. if u dont then he will keep doing this to you. good luck and god bless you. (:

Thank you and I did end up talking to someone about it :) I put myself in foster care and got away from the abuse and mayhem - life is finally starting to make more sense and look brighter. I've certainly learned a lot from it all.

Call the police! Its foolish anyone would tell you otherwise. Emancipate yourself. TRUST ME, I went through the saMe thing. This will destroy you if you dont.

Thank you and I did end up leaving just last year in August, 2012. I should have done it sooner but I still loved my mother and worried for my brother. In the end it was the best decision I could make.

try and let some councellors at your school know whats going on...possibly even the principal...is there any way you could speak with your mom, possibly move in with your grand parents....you should let these ******** know that one day there will be payback for this abuse. When they are old and grey you can get tham back 10 times worse by just cutting them off.

I did talk to some counsellors before but it never resolved anything. In the end I left and put myself into foster care - it was certainly the best decision I could make. I also have cut myself off from them (and now my grandparents dont forgive me and my mother is spreading untrue rumours about me). To be honest, now that I'm away from the situation things are a lot more clear. Thank you for the support <3

I know the feeling but somethings are better off turned a blind eye to then to pay attention to...God be with you

Thank you <3 I did end up leaving and things are much better now.

Your story literally made me shed a tear..you are a very strong girl and even if there's nothing you can do at the moment to get away from this horrible man..just know that you are better than him. Know that one day you will be out of that house and live a happy life. But, I would definitely recommend telling someone close to you whats happening...he is verbally abusing you..which is not ok. If your mom isn't doing anything to stop this, tell your grandparents or any other family member because if you don't tell anyone you're just going to be stressed all the time from keeping all that pain inside. Trust me I know...my step-father is a drunk who verbally and emotionally abused of me and my mother since I was 8 yrs old..I am now 20 and to this day whenever he calls its so say something negative. Yes it hurts..because I've never had a real relationship with him or my biological father for that matter..but theres nothing i can do to change him..so I just ignore his negativity and keep on living life my way because I know that I am better than him. Make a promise to yourself that you will never treat your kids like he does you. And as for your mom...I dont want to tell you that she's a lost cause..but reality hasn't hit her yet..she is probably too scared to leave him.<br />
But if this new stepdad ever touches you or hits you in an inappropriate way, he is wrong! And you can put him in jail for it...remember that. Next time he comes and yells at you...lock your door and put some headphones on with loud music and block him out. It helped me through my difficult years....<br />
Be strong.

Your words made me shed a tear. I want you to know I appreciate everything you said so much and I'm so sorry for not replying sooner. I finally left on August, 24th, 2012 and put myself in foster care. I will admit - my foster family turned out not so great and it was hell getting through it (I ended up leaving because a lot of reasons). But eventually, I was reunited with my dad who I haven't seen in 5 years and I'm so thankful for the independence and knowledge I gained from everything. &lt;3 I truly appreciate yours and everyones support. It means so much to come back to this site and see these words and the fact that people care.

And you be strong too - maybe stop answering when your stepdad calls? He doesn't deserve to know such a wonderful person :)