My Step Daughter Hates Me and I Hate Her
It all started in 1976 when I married her father. He had been raising his child along with help from his parents. She was 10 years old and looked like she needed some extra love and attention. I on the other hand happen to be 22 years old no children of my own. I had always loved children and I thought I could help my new step daughter with new experiences such as fashion,learning how to cook and how to do her hair and nails. She had never really known her biological mother as she never cared much about being a mother to my step daughter. The mother didn't come into the picture again until the year before I married her father and that was by mistake when they happen to run into her at a place were she worked and they had went into to get a bite to eat. After that she might have visited my step daughter a dozen times but nothing really ever came of the relationship,she still calls her mother and sees her a few times a year. Her mother still has no time for her(mother is still self centered as well as her daughter is)
As much as I seemed to help my step daughter nothing would ever be good enough. She would go crying to her grandparents if she didn't get what she wanted from her father or I. She would go all out to get what she wanted even if she had to lie to get it. She told her father so many lies about me that many times he believed them,it took a few years before he caught on that it was she not I that was doing all the lieing. I didn't know if my marriage would work at times and it was so nerve racking I thought I would have a break down. Her grandmother thought that she was the little angel and would telll other family members that I had been mean to her grand daughter. Later on in life the grandmother found out just what a angel she was! Anyway,my step daughter would break things of mine,and lie about it,even if I caught her red handed she would still lie. After my daughter was born she tried to burn her with hot qrease from a skilllet,she was 13 at this time and my daughter was 3. She told my husband that the baby pulled the hot skillet off the stove. Later when I questioned my little girl she said her half sister picked the skillet up and splashed the grease in her face(my step daughter was frying a egg). I told my step daughter if she ever harmed my daughter again it would be on. Later on at 15 she scalded my 5 year old(same child) in the tub by turning on the hot water while the little girl was taking a bath. She said she didn't do anything she had just used the toliet and the 5 year old did it herself. Both of these accidents happen while I was at work in the evening(5-10pm)and my husband babysat the two girls. But the five year old said again that her half sister did it to her.
I have tried in vain to be good to this girl,she is now 40 years old and has been married 4 times,had 4 children and didn't raise any one of them so they were put up for adoption because she wanted to party or run with men,she has nothing to show for herself.I took care of them and fed them for months after she decided to run off with one man all the while caring for my own two young girls. She is very smart and made very good grades in school. She never finishes anything she starts. She still calls us if and when she doesn't have any place else to go. Uses us for what she can get for a few months and then starts with the same old crap. The lieing,stealing and telling everyone she knows lies about her father and I. She told her youngest half sister(her father and I have two together)that she hates me,and that I am mean to her father and to her. Years ago she told a group of people she worked with that her father had molested her for years when she was young. A friend of mine worked with her and my step daughter didn't know she was a friend. The friend called me and ask to speak to my husband and told him what his daughter had told at work that day. It upset him so bad,that he cried and thats not something that he does easily. When he questioned her about it,of course she lied about it. He told her he had to live in this town and thats the way things get started in small towns. The next day she was gone and of course to another state. We didn't see her for three years or hear from her. It has just been here the last year that she has been coming back around and a few months ago started this crap again. It upsets my daughters and keeps us all uptight. What can I do,or should I do. She knows the type of person I am,if she calls she knows I will help her. I have done some things to her,it has not been all a bed of roses. I have not been the perfect step mother,I have got back at her for things she has done when it got so bad I thought I would break. She told me she didn't want her father and I together and was going to do everything she could to break us up(at 13) I told her go ahead,because the harder you try the harder I'm going to stay! As long as she gets what she wants and is the center of attention of all men and I really mean that she is happy. She wants no one telling her what to do but then she'll ask for advice. She doesn't want to work and expects others to support her and give her money. If she has a boyfriend and they break up...she has another man as soon as she can find one,looks doesn't matter as long as she can benifit until a better man comes along. For example: She may have a older man on the string getting money from him and all the while seeing another young guy for sex. I mean it feels good to get all this off my chest. My sister said its a wonder I'm not crazy after putting up with her all these years.
I know this is hard to believe but I am telling the truth. She has stolen from other family members as well as her father and I. She has used social security numbers from my two daughters to get telephones and such and ruined their credit with the phone company. When my oldest turned 18,she wanted to get a loan to buy something(at the time I can't remember what it was)and when the loan officer checked her credit,my step daughters birth date was on the credit(bad credit)but my daughters name and social. So please keep a check on your childs social number flag it if you can to stop others from using it if you feel someone is using it.
I have taken care of my step daughter when she was ill,cooked for her,washed her clothes,bought her fashionable clothes to wear,gave her money out of my pay check,took care of her children when she had them,went to the hospital and took care of her when she had the children. Gave her the clothes off my back,filled her apartment with food and furniture and she says I have been a mean step mother?? Should I care..not really because god knows whats gone on...but it hurts me so to know she hates me..I really don't hate her,I just started out with a rant. You can't make some care about you who only cares about themselves. This girl uses and them spits people out.
Recently a few months ago she came to our home again,down and out. This time she said she would never leave and wanted to stay on a pieace of property her father and I own out in the country. Her father and I let her stay in our home for one month,fed and clothed her and gave her money while we decided what we would do for her to get her on her own. We bought a older used model trailer for her and put it on the property. It needed work,painting the outside and alittle paint on the inside and have the electric turned on(we already had another trailer there with electric that was our weekend trailer)we ran electric cords to the old trailer while we cleaned it up.(AND saved the money to get the electric on,we are retired now) She moved in and did some decorating(not much)had one of her older men boyfriends buying her things to spruce it up. She got a job and worked two WHOLE WEEKS! Then quit the job because she said her older m an boyfriend gave her money why should she work. Anyway,after letting her live with us in our home for a month,she only stayed at the trailer three weeks. The third week,the next week after quiting her job,her father ask her why she wasn't working...and you guessed it...she didn't want to work and she knew if she stayed she'd have to work so she moved(only after leaving all her newly aquired things in the old trailer for another month before she and the older man boyfriend and another old hag came and got the stuff) We found out later she had plans on trying to get the larger trailer,move a old boyfriend and his children in and squatting until her father died to get the property(34 ac.)to sell after her fathers death. A so called friend of her's told me that on the phone. What do you think of that. We have no will as of yet,but in the next week we plan on going to a lawyer. How does one leave a child like her out of a will when they don't deserve anything??? I am very tired....Why do I care about this girl when she cares for no one. I think its because I love her father so much that I can still care about her. I think the best thing to do is just not to have anything to do with her anymore. If she calls I just don't think I can answer the phone. Her father doesn't want her around any longer,it makes him stressed out and sick he said. He does expect me to take care of most everything that concerns her and even did this sometimes when she was younger,which used to cause alot of arguements betweens us. I just don't know what else to do. Do you think I should just wash my hands of her? Her half sister have got to the point they don't want to deal with her either. Has anyone else experieanced a step daughter like the one I have. This has been going on for 33 years now. I'm just 51.