Hating Step Kids

I honestly hate my stepdaughter as well. She is 13 and gets away with practically anything. Her dad will allow her to do anything she wants, but when it comes time for my own daughter to choose something, my stepdaughter will come up with an excuse not to go. It is not mandatory for my stepdaughter to go to any of my daughters function and didnt even to my daughters kindergarden graduation. When my stepdaughter asks to do something my husband will make everyone go. My husband treats her like a queen and our own daughter that we had together like crap. My husband should divorce me and marry his daughter really!!! My stepdaughter will swear,roll her eyes, spit on people and basically give no people any respect. Any yime i confront her about her dad will step in and start giving excuses for her. I am fed up with this? Should i keep keep confronting her and my husband  or should i just get a divorce,take full custody of my daughter and get a restraining order? I honestly dont want my own daughter around my stepdaughter at all. 

rippeson rippeson
31 Responses Jun 13, 2009

I've been dating a guy with three awful kids and a crackwhore baby mamma. The oldest girl is twelve with a nasty attitude and a trashy tattoo. The youngest girl is seven and is not poddy trained! She ****** in her pants and all over the house. These boy is eight and steals from classmates at school. These kids don't bathe, brush their teeth, and have had no discipline. There are other fish in the sea. Find a man with no baggage. And step kids are a lot of baggage! Especially I'll mannered **** pants brats who lack basic respect for others and home training. Leave!

RUN while you still can! That sounds awful.

I Have been reading alot of these post and i feel sorry for the relationships you have with your step kids. I am a step kid, I am 30 years old and my step dad became apart of my life at 11. I absolutely hated him not because he did anything wrong I was just scared he would be like the last 2 guys my mom married, I would get close to him and he would leave. I pushed him away argued and rolled my eyes talk down to him. One day I went to far and her grounded me for a year, yes a year I was not able to see friend or communicate with the outside world. Funny thing happened we became best friends. When they split up I was a really young adult i had just finished high school instead of going with my mom I went with my step dad. My dad has since then had a child his first biological child. I love my brother and his mother. My kids only know my dad and his wife they are nana and papa. They dont really know my biological family at all. I will let you know if you are willing to put in the time you might end up with the best friend you ever had.

Touching story, and I really am glad that turned out that way for you. It seems, however, that there is sometimes a darker side to this story. I stuck it out with my stepchild since she was only 4 (she's 20 now). I did so much for her and cared for her so much....I thought we were friends. Turns out she's been faking it this whole time and can't stand me. Not the best friend I ever had, not a friend at all; friends wouldn't treat me that way. Feels like a gigantic waste of time. Would it have been better if I would have seen her issues at 5, and bolted the other way? Maybe. I don't know.

I have to say that at first I told myself that I would never be involved with someone who had drama with a EX. Well I met my BF 4 1/2 years ago and when I first met him I was reluctant about going out with him cause he hadn't been divorced long but he had been separated for more than 3 years and his children at the time 16 (daughter) son 19 lived at home with him. He raised them but later I found out that they didn't have the discipline or they didn't have morals its if no one raised them to teach them good from bad. I have two children a son in college and a daughter in the Air Force who I raised as a single parent then my daughter was 14 and son 16 and it was very hard I can remember all the times that they said they hated me for being strict and for making them help out around the house It was my responsibility as a parent to make sure that when my children went out on their own that I thought them all I could about respect which comes in many forms and that choices in life come with consequences rather good or bad. My story is that when I first met my BF daughter I could tell she had no manners and right away you can tell when someone children have been raised right or not. I tried to just blow it off and my kids at the time would tell me things like wow mom we couldn't never act like that or talk back to you like that they way they do to their father. Well as time went by his daughter would call me to come and hang out with me and my daughter so I would pick her up and things seemed to be going good and little by little she would tell me horror stories about her mother and things that happened between her mother and father and some I already knew and some I didn't and there are somethings better left untold, they weren't actually good stories, so I couldn't tell if she was doing it to get to me or if she just needed someone to talk to about them. She would tell my daughter she wished her mother was like hers and that she was lucky and how she never seen this side of her father and she wished that her father treated her mother they way he treated me and she would say but I know that my mother didn't deserve to be treated good by my father she was so mean to him and would abuse him hit him with pots and pans and my dad stayed for us and she would tell my daughter that she was grateful to have me around, the house felt like a real home they never had things like they do now. Well their mother left them several times for more than months at a time and would return and my BF at the time would take her back because they would cry for her. I sold my house and we went to stay with my BF and he was in the processes in selling his so that we could buy a house together and he asked me to marry him. The thing with my BF daughter was that she would come into the picture when she didn't have a BF and would come telling my BF daughter all kinds of things like her dad did her wrong and she had no were to go and how dare him bring another women into their house and try to make her be ugly towards us and she would try to and whats so sad she would cry telling me that she didn't want to be mean to us that I had been nothing but good to her and her brother. I NEVER once said a bad thing about her mother. Her mother was Bipolar she had been on meds on and off but as soon as she had a BF we would not hear from her and it was one of those waiting games cause these is how it was for the first 2 1/2 years until finally her last year in high school her mother was back in her life calling her and picking her up which was fine but it got bad she started not wanting to go to school and we found out her mother was telling her to drop out of school get her GED and they could live together her mother started drinking with her smoking pot in school and her mother was trying to be friends with her and make herself seem like she was a cool mother well my BF tried talking to her but she was ugly and rude and would say somethings to my BF that I would have slapped the crap out of her mouth. I stayed out of it would go to the other room we were having a hard time selling his place due that is was a mobile home and the property was worth more it was 10 acres he wanted for us to build a house there but I couldn't not see doing that due to all the drama with his EX he would tell me this was my house my land, he moved from CA to TX with the kids and bought that placed and lived there for with just them until crazy come along looking for the kids and he let her stay and she would always say that was her house I lived in and her place and even had her daughter saying it when I was in the room one night when they were fighting I hard her tell him this was our house our family house and believe I understand all of that completely and I never wanted to move there for that reason and I never felt comfortable staying there and even thou until this point they daughter never treated me like this till now, well I started finding my things missing and I would come home from work and find her in our room laying in the bed with my laptop and noticed she used my makeup and had been eating in the bed and had food all over it. I told my BF he needed to put his foot down I was tired of this that me and my daughter where moving closer to town he assured me this would stop but every time he tried to talk to her she would just go off on him and he would tell me what do you want me to do I tried talking to her finally one day my daughter stayed home from school sick she calls me and said she got up to go to the restroom and the whole house was covered in smoke she and a few friends of hers where smoking and had the whole house smelling well long story short that night I finally said something to her nicely and she told me her mother had bought it for her and gave it to her and I talked to her for a good while things until she went told her mother she said I had not right telling her anything well lets just say it got worse and BF told her she needed to get out and move with her mom and it got ugly and she blamed it all on me that I wanted her gone yes and no if she wanted to believe her mother and not follow the rules then get out and my kids know I don't tolerate behavior like that and my BF of course felt bad well I told him maybe this is what she needs to see how good she had it here, well we went on vacation that following weekend and when we got back she and her mother had come back to the house and took all my belongings and just mine only she took over $8,000 dollars worth of stuff and it was so obvious his son had brand new play-station 3, Xbox my daughter had a lot of expensive electronics in her room and only my things were taken she took items that could you could not put a price on that had been in my family for generations that belonged to my grandparents all my clothes were on the floor and tore up my shoes were taken and my BF new the whole time we were on vacation he said he didn't want to ruin it for me and I have to admit that the day before she left the house she had said some ugly things to me and I finally told her that she didn't deserve her father I told her its true what your mother told you about your father never wanted you and I told her that her father was not her real father and how he in tears has always believed that but he chose to raise her and she has always known that but he has always assured her different but to me he has told me that he knows she not his but he raised this long when her mother left her with him and her real bother for more than 3 years before she came back I grow so much hate towards her and started felling resentment towards my BF I realized that this was all of his fault and hers because I would NEVER party with my daughter much less encourage her to treat ANYONE rather you liked them or not they way she treated me and my BF and my family there are other stories but I will not go there but we moved on and she started with the son trying to get him to turn his back on us but he always stated how when he got older he knew she was evil and he couldn't believe how she influenced his sister well lets just say she got to him. My BF lost his job because guess what he went to jail because his daughter missed school and he was charged so he took a loss on his property and we moved bought a house that had to be in my name only and am glad now and I told him I didn't want his money for a down payment because was unsure of what was going to happen and things were good for a while until daughter went to jail for hitting her BF and yea I am the one who gave them money to help her get out but yet she continued to be ugly at this point my BF had not talked to her for more than 1 1/2 and his son moved out problems we had with him and daughter is 19 and pregnant from some drop out smoking pot kid and the son as a loser had his car reprocessed and gives all his money to a girl who only comes around on payday only day you ever see her... last I heard his ex and daughter got into big fight and she 7 months pregnant daughter beats up the mom told my BF what do you expect but yet he wants for all of us to resolve what has happened I told him I forgive her and not for her but for me so that I can move forward but don't ever expect her to come to this house I don't want nothing to do with her and he gets sad we have a nice home with underground pool, big game room and its just us there, he wants them to be able to come over and hang out put that will never happen and now here recently she been trying to contact him and he been texting her and we have been fighting a lot I finally realized that he is the parent and if he not able to control them and have my back because they blame me for everything that I ruined there lives no they ruined their own but behaving they way they did, I tried to be nothing but nice and I always told them I just wanted to be their friend I was not here to be your parent and would be there to help if you wanted my help I never butted in on any of there fights with my BF until they got my daughter involved and am sorry but it my job to protected her and these kids had been through so much drama that a kid she never have to go through and in the end its the kids who end up all messed up that is why I chose to file a divorce from my husband my kids were not use to see all this kind of drama and fighting and much less my BF daughter being the aggressive one with her father. What so bad that my BF sister filed for divorce she found out that her husband of 22 years had been trying to help my BF EX and later found out they had a affair and now they are together my BF sister tells me I love my brother but you should move on because these will never go away you will always have to deal with his daughter who has gotten worse and my brother will always feel sorry for her and the fact he grown up with out his parents and raised by his grandmother and uncles makes it worse, I told him stop feeling sorry for yourself for them because all you do is enable them and make matters worse and my BF will be moving out at the end of the month, I love him very much he has never failed me only when it comes to his kids all I ever wanted was for him to but his foot down and have my back, he knows that my kids would NEVER EVER treat him they way he allowed them to treat me my son never liked him but was always respectful and talk to him and was never rude or showed any sign that he didn't care for him he told me you raised me better that why be bitter I support you as long as he never hits you which he never did. He is a great man to bad that he failed as a father he himself said I felt if I just took care of them that was enough he never showed them or thought them what they needed to know about life and that is so sad. I wish him the best of luck and like my mom said to me you will learn that if you are not hard with your kids they will run all over you and lose respect for you and there will come a time will you will be there enemy but now my kids tell me they are thankful for being there as a parent and not a friend. I told them I am your friend but I am also you parent so there is a fine line you don't cross and am not saying my kids are perfect because they are not but they know right from wrong they are old enough to understand right from wrong and the choices you make in life can haunt you. But to all you ladies out there if your partner is not willing to take charge things will never change and you cant keep pretending they are only he can control his kids its like trying to get a drug addict to stop doing drugs they cant until they acknowledge there is a problem and try to fix it even if it means tough love...

I really need to get this off my chest before i SCREAM! I HATE being a step parent!! I to have a step daughter that gets a way with everything! I don't know what to do, I love my husband but I am starting to resent him also. She is almost 13 in jan and she acts like she is better then the other two kids in the house. Her mother is rich and buys her 100.00 jeans, 100.00 backpack for school and she thinks she has to have the same at our house. She grips she has no clothes at our house and thats cause she takes them all to her moms house and so no she doesn't have clothes at our house cuase she doesn't bring them back. She hardly comes over and when she does she is nice to everyone until her dad comes home then she is rude and doesn't even act like you are in the room. I buy everything cause my husband can't keep a dime in his pocket much less 100.00. When i buy her something she tells him thank you and not me, she accuses my 16 yr old daughter of stealing her stuff all the time and borrowing it without permission and instead of saying anything to us she goes right to daddy and then he yells and screams at everyone for it!!!! He gets pissed if you eat all the poptarts, cherries, so talking to him is pointless...i am ready to divorce this man because we babys her all the time, heck untill she was 12 he had to sleep with her or she would throw a fit! I am sad all the time, scared to go home and im scared to leave my kids with him. he doesn't yell at her like he does my 2, and i am just sick of the unfairness in our house. She NEVER cleans her room and there is always clothes all over the floor!!! the bed is NEVER made! And when you ask her to take out the trash or load the dishwasher her excuse "i don't know how"!! For example they bought her a vera bradley purse my daughters friend let her borrow one that is the same color and all, step daughter throws hers under her bed and when i saw it i put it in my closet so noone would use it she goes to her dad accusing my daughter of having it when its in MY closet the whole damn time. then she says my daughter stoled her friend size 5 shoes my daughter wears a 9 and i found those in my step daughters bathroom closet!!!!! Thanks for listening to me ramble i feel alittle better!

A three year engagement would be clue number one. Anyone not willing to put a wedding ring on my finger in a reasonable amount of time is not buying the cow to keep the free milk a gushin'. Guilt. It's what drives many divorced parents. So, they cave when it's their time to have their kids or to prove to the ex they are better parents or to themselves that their kids will have everything they should when they aren't with them on a daily basis. Only you can choose to be the milk, or to be put third behind his kids...

I've been a step-mom for 18 years and I have a nickname for my stepdaughter, who is 34, it is Splenda. Yep, as artificially sweet as they come, on the phone or to your face that is. Then, she's a crap-talker behind your back. No relationship with her, there is no authenticity, no honesty. First building blocks gone, no can do. Oh well, life goes on.

I agree; if someone is a fake, where can the relationship go from there? No where. They're a waste of time.

I found out my step (who is nice sometimes to people's face) was talking crap behind people's back. At first I thought about confronting her with it, then thought--what's the point? Probably not going to get an honest answer anyway, and there's no trust there to build a relationship on. Discard her, move on.

I cant stand when people are quik to judge just because we say we hate our step kids. I cant stand my step kids!!! I think I have the right to choose who I love. And if they treat me badly then why should I give them love? That's like loving a man who abuses you. Just because their kids does not make them innocent. There are all types of kids. Just like there are all types of people. My step kids are children yes. But they do things to intentionally to hurt me. With no influence from any body. They are just spoiled and mean. And they don't like it when my fiancee does nice things for me and doesnt inculde them. People who think all kids are sweet and innocent. Need to watch killer kids on the bio channel.

Thank you!! I've been hearing the "kids are innocent" mantra for so long, and am just sick of it. I could compare my step kids behavior to many other kids behavior at that age, and it falls short--it is less calm, less empathetic, less considerate, what have you. Just because they are not legally liable for a lot of stuff they do does not mean they aren't morally responsible for it. When they "accidentally" hurt other kids or manipulate, they know what they are doing.

And I agree with you analogy about loving a man who abuses you. Bending over backwards to show love to a stepchild (especially an adult one) who doesn't appreciate you or care for you is just emotional abuse. I want no part of it (and my therapist agreed with me on this one).

I hate my step daughter, my husband and I are mature aged now, for my husbands 60th birthday she showed up with a photo album for him full of pictures of my husband and his ex wife, and this was after we were married for 14 years. And yes one picture of me with my back to the camera need I say more.

She's a rotten piece of ****.

That is honestly sad of your step daughter to do. These kids have no respect for people who come into their lives and try to help them.

My stepdaughter brought a picture to our house during one of her summer visits when she was about 13. It was a picture on my wedding day of me, her, and the ring bearer. My face had been scratched out. I confiscated the picture. To this day she insists (to my husband) that she didn't deface the picture in any way, and was upset I took it. I have the picture to prove it, though.

I"m beginning to hate my stepdaughter also. She is 13 years old and I swear her daddy thinks she can do no wrong. She has stolen from school, and he is yet to punish her for that. All she has to do is cry and he melts like butter and no punishment is given. It is making me sick and I refuse to deal with her. She is starting to notice boys now that are older then herself but not the kind you would want your daughter to bring home to you. The thing about it is she is not even attractive and is physically matured and therefore does not look her age. He is hard working and work long hours at the office. I think she is looking for attention from him but it is tearing us apart because he says he needs to spend more time with her but I am not asked to participate. I really am beginning to feel hatred towards her because she is coming between us and she knows its. I give him my opinion when he asks but he has yet to use it. So now when he asks I tell him I do not have any suggestions and he gets mad at me I told him my advise is never used so I am not giving it any more you deal with her on your own or go ask your ex wife to assist you with her !!! My step son is no problem.

Fukk that crap! Find a good man with no bratty kids. There's plenty of em out there!

I don't hate my step kids but they are rude and disrespectful and think I owe them everything. My husbands answer was to start going to his moms when he has them. The problem now is I'm ecppected to buy them school clothes, bithday and christmas presents. I have turned very resentful towards the kids and have refused to do this anymore. I feel like I'm expected to buy their affection. I have 3 kids of my own and I don't get child support were as my husband pays 800 dollars a month. I think there is something wrong with me!

You shouldn't have to buy them anything unless you want too. My stepdaughter started thinking for a while that I was just a maid who doesn't get paid, and that I should be doing all the housework. I quit making her meals, because she and her mother refuse to send over the sheets from the doctors office that tells them what foods she is allergic too. Since I cooked meals often for her, I stopped because I didn't want to serve something she is allergic too. I told her and her mother that I would start cooking for her again if they handed the sheet of paper over so I could properly cook for her. My stepdaughter refused to believe a person could die just by eating those food, and that some people could die just by touching them as well. I didn't want to be responsible for her death. My stepdaughter thought I was being rude for not cooking for her. After that argument, she never came here again. She lives with her mother all the time now. I honestly think they have something to hide. Her dad is sad because he never gets to see her anymore. But what can I do? I didn't want to hurt her or even accidently send her to the hospital where she could died over something she ate, just because they couldn't hand over a single piece of paper.
Don't think for one second that you have to do anything for them. I only did things or didn't do things for them because either I could afford it or I just wanted to or the circumstances called for it. Noone should make you do something, because they want you to do it..

Anyone who hates any child should be ashamed of themselves, grow the hell up.

Unfortunatley this is real life and we dont all live in a Mary Poppins world, kids are a pain in the *** especially step kids who are disrespectful.. play them at their own game. they will learn a lesson or two! We're the adults they should respect us!!

sss1970 What do you mean by "play them at their own game?"

to sss1970: the only problem is your attitude, which is obvious by the comments in your post as well as too many others who obviously think like you. Respect has to be earned. It isn't given just because you are an adult! Hitler was an adult too.

Stop trolling this forum. No one cares what your nasty opinions are.

1 More Response

I can relate to almost all the previous postings. Ive have been with my husband for 8 years, and I love him. But, I can't stand his kids. They are now 17 and 13. My step daughter was here over St. Patrick's day, after she left I noticed my favorite blanket, pajama pants, a back pack and several of my cosmetics were suddenly missing. When my husband asked her about the missing items she told him a homeless man must have broken into our home and taken these items. My normally very intelligent husband believes her. I mean come on how obvious is this lie to everyone but him. I don't understand his total ignorance to this. And now his son is coming to stay with us for a month. My husband works 6 days a week close to 12 hours a day running several restaurants, he is not planning on taking any time off, so I am stuck with his lazy rude heathen. Who refuses to acknowledge me as his fathers wife or our son as his half brother. He also enjoys telling me how much his father loves him mother, (big lie, they were married 11 months) and also how his mom won the lottery and gets payments every month form the win. These payments are the child support payments that my husband doesn't feel the need to set the record straight. Did I mention my husband thinks his son is the most important person on the planet? This kid complains about everything under the sun form being sandy at the beach, too hot out side (We live in South Florida), to many fish in the water at the beach, and is freakishly worried about getting sunburned. I have no patience for this kind of attitude, I find it annoying and very childish, my husband thinks it is normal behavior for a 13 year old. Also my stepson insists on sitting next to my husband everywhere, at restaurants, the couch, at movies, in the car. If were at home he also has to always be touching my husband, very odd if you ask me. If anyone has any advice on how to handle this situation other then excessive alcohol consumption I'm all ears.

Omg. My 10 year old step son is the same way. He complains about every thing. And he has to constantly be all over my fiancee. He gets mad when we go out to eat because we have a baby. And he is in a car seat so there is no room for him and his sister to sit at the same table as us. So they have to sit at the table next to us. No he wants to sit next to my fiancee. He even gets mad
when they do fit. But I sit next to my fiancee. He fake cries to get my fiancees attention. And my fiancee always feels sorry for him. I cant stand it any more.

Hi, I've been married to my husband for a year now. He has a 4 yr old daughter with his ex-girlfriend who I hate. We started going out when his daugher was 2 and I was unsure of being with someone who had a child with someone else, but Iove him so I told myself to get over it. I thought after time I would get used to it but its only got worse. Apart from being spoiled his daughter is actually lovely, everyone is always telling me how cute she is. I don't see it though, when she comes to our house I treart her like she's my own daughter and don't let her see my feelings at all, but I have to lock myself in the bathroom at least 5 times a day to cry my eyes out because I can't stand being around her. I think its because she will always be my husbands first child, and I will never be able to give him that. We want to have a baby of our own, and even though I would love one, I am worried that my feelings of resentment would only get worse. If anyone has any advice please let me hear it.

My husband has a daughter and son from previous marriages, I know exactly how you feel. I used to cry because I thought if we ever had a child it wouldn't be special because he had already been a dad and experienced first the pregnancy and the birth of his first born son and daughter. But I was wrong we just had our son in January and it was even more special and amazing then his previous experience because he truly loves me and i wanted him involved unlike his other marriages. as for dealing with your husbands kid, its been 8 years and its not any easier to deal with my step kids.

it will never change.. find a guy with no kids

I have a 26 year old step daughter with mental illness. She does occasionally move out and live with a temp boyfriend but ends up back at "HER DAD's house" Where he and I have been living together for 2 years. Her two sisters and mother will not have anything to do with her because she is just as rude and awful to them and total strangers as she is to me. Her sisters will only come around if she is gone so we meet them at resturants and parks etc and let them know when the coast is clear.The in-laws know that she is like this and so does he but he feels sorry for her. Yesterday HE TOLD ME THAT I CAN KICK HER OUT. Unfortunately, as far as she is concerned, I don't have the right to tell her to pick up her dirty undies off the living room floor...much less to leave. She is trying to cause trouble between us and says that he told her that he is ready to kick me out. I know that is a lie and that she wants the house and pool to herself and friends like it was when he was single and gone allot. It took a year to get her to actually ask before she invites 15 people to have parties here when he is at work but I am home. She didn't feel that I whom pays half and does all the cleaning and buys all the food that she lays around eating has any right to be asked if she can have all those people in . She treats me like I am her maid and I can just GTFO if I don't obey her and kiss her butt. When he is home she is usually fake nice to me but he knows she isn't.
I know that almost everyone here is here to get someone to help them feel sane again and so am I. Anyone have anything ...?

JaneB19 and especially antistepkid! Go see a counselor and get over yourselves. Who are you to say what is normal and not normal in a child? You are an adult, aren't you? Start acting like one.

Who the hell are you to critique these women? Do you even have stepchildren or any experience in this subject matter, or do you just have no life and enjoy trolling forums and being judgmental? Im guessing in your case it's door number 2. I'm a stepparent and it is one of the hardest things to go through in a relationship. Until you've walked a mile in their shoes, keep it to yourself.

2 More Responses

Hi , <br />
I have been engaged for 3 years to my partner , im now 28 , hes 48 , in the beginning he was a full time dad to his son 13 which I lived with , the mother moved closer with their daughter19 to be closer to the son ,long story - the mothers a nightmare- now the daughter lives full time as well , I moved out as I didn't sign up for that one. <br />
My partner thinks the sun shines out of her *** , he takes her to dinner every night , European holidays every year and because I can't stand her I'm alone. <br />
The worst thing is she's actually a lovely girl. <br />
Totally lazy and a princess but not nasty. <br />
Both kids have no friends so are very reliant on the farther. <br />
It's just a constant demand them being there and I'm considering leaving my partner over it. <br />
I can't stand even hearing her name , they are very close and this makes me sad that I've lost closeness since she moved in. <br />
I feel replaced in the house, at times I have broken up with my partner and I'll be at home in total greif and he'll be out with 'mindy' <br />
It's such an awful feeling , I hate this resentment being part of my life ,<br />
Help !!!

then stop being resentful. You are the only person in control of that.

Wow, you just keep the stupidity-a-comin don't you?

I don't have an easy answer but I do know the issue isn't with the child...it's with their dad. If he truly parented (instead of pandering to his child out of guilt and fear) and insisted that you be treated with respect, you wouldn't feel so alone and angry. You should talk to him about how you are hurting and ask him to step up even when it means tackling tough issues. The best modeling he can give is to show his child a loving couple united in parenting in a functional home. I'm struggling with the same issues. Best wishes.

I really feel horrible for saying it sometimes but I really hate his princess.. Ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. He has an 11 year old Daughter and I have an 8 year old Son. My BF and his ex wife were divorced for 3 yrs before I came along. My Son lives with us fulltime (real dad stepped out) and his daughter comes every other wknd) When we first met things were great! Then things started unraviling.. The ex would call my BF whenever she felt like it to confide in him. He would drop whatever he was doing basically to get his daughter for the weekend to benefit his ex. She thinks she still owns him. She makes her Daughter think im taking all of her dads time and money, when in reality i have no control what the child recieves financially or when she comes over) But im the bad guy. Out of nowhere it seemed the kid really started hating my son and I only wanting her Dad to herself. She makes up lies and and her mom and dad believe her. She plays the victim soooooo well it makes me vomit in my mouth. She is always in competition with my son who doesnt have a father and he loves her father. My bf treats my son great until she comes over for the wknds. If my son got something during the week and she comes over on the weekend she has to have the same thing whether its a boy toy silly band or a piece of paper.. it really drives me crazy.. she hates my son she picks on him all the time and he tells everyone thats his sister bc he loves her so much. We are a happy family when its the 3 of us and then she comes over and its like im hiding in my bedroom away from her face anymore bc shes always starting crap, plus i want her to have alone time with her dad.. She always whispers to her dad which i told her that is rude and i dont like it, she never listens. She'll get him alone and ask him for things.. her dad always sticks up for her and makes her seem perfect but my son is always in the wrong.He'll lie and say she doesnt ask me for anything. shes always tattiling on my son for everything. she will set him up then tell on him. Her dad plays me and her against eachother. He'll buy her something like a phone for instance than tell her not to tell me he bought it bc id be upset, the kid told me anyway BC she wants to destroy us!!!!!!! Her Mom will get $$ off of my bf left and right for "bills" for the kid.. what "bills" does that child have she never washes her nasty hair or takes her to the dentist kid has yellow teeth and 5 cavities.. I try so hard to make her feel like were here fam too and she hates it.. Her dad believes everything from her mouth. The kid is so damn rude to me im seriously at my wits end with this brat i know she wants me and my kid gone but when shes not here i love her dad so much.I dont know how i do ive always been second best to his ex wife and his daughter... idk what to do. Advice please!!!!

Why not try to see the good in your step-daughter. Ever considered getting out of the relationship? Why do you want to be in a relationship where your preconceived notions and obvious hatred are poisonous and where you feel second best anyway? BTW: you aren't her mom and you have no business telling her what to do. you aren't even married to her dad. And if you love her dad as much as you think you do then 1. you would get married. 2. you would shut your mouth and smile.

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I know how you feel got a 13 year old step daughter and a 9 year old step son and I hate them I do feel awful and in Godly for saying this but for almost four years they have lied manipulated me there parents, they are spoiled brats in most ways but there moms a retard even told me two weeks before I gave birth to my son that she was sexier then me I couldn't see my own vagina so okay you got me there lol but the kids are just like her I even hate the way they look talk sound really everything about them they make me sick I've tried to like them but just can't they say alot of lies ones that imbibe the cops even I don't want them in my home but what can I do there his kids but i wish they would disappear!

I also have a 13 yr old step daughter. She's not mean, but my husband acts as though she is perfect in every way. She is VERY LAZY. I understand no child wants to do work, but I ask her to do chores and help around the house- I get yelled at for asking princess to do something. She has chores at her mom's house but not ours??? Her mom is pretty cool but my husband is an idiot. I love him and he's great when it's just us, but she comes around and he becomes completely stupid. She's good at playing him on his emotions for her. He's even admitted is she lived with us she would have to do help??? MEN ARE DUMB. Please always remember that!!!

Apparently, women are pretty dumb too if they think they should just be able to waltz into a child's life (who is not their own) without any repercussions. Why should your step-daughter like you??? Guess you shouldn't of married a guy with a kid.

I am a grown step daughter who was alienated when I was child. Til this day my step dad still alienates me and my children now. My Mother who has passed away is not able to see how her kids are treated different. He remarried and has another step daughter and treats her better then what he treats his own real daughter whom is my half sister. We argue all the time and in the mean time our family has crumbled with bitterness with everyone refusing to say they are sorry. Yet he has his new wife now and he is happy . As long as he gets his sex. I feel like he just used my Mother when she was a live. If you meet someone with other children and if there is any selfish bias in you, it is just best to not get married or live together. For the sake of the kids. I have no real relationship anymore with my half brothers and sisters. I have no real relationship with my kids as my step dad has treated them like crap too and they are too scared of him, so they take it out on me as they know I will forgive them and I will take it. I should not have too though.

Why stay in a marriage if you "hate" your stepkids? Seriously, I mean, we all have choices in this life. I am a bio Mom in a marriage with a man who apparently does not like my kids. And he hasn't done much to hide it. So they react by "testing" him, he reacts predictably and the dynamic continues untill the situation becomes so toxic that everyone becomes poisoned. Most of all the kids. <br />
I get that kids can be quite unloveable at times. Even for the biological parent this is true, so it is certainly understandable that a step-parent's feelings for a child could escalate into full-time dislike. But when that happens, you should leave rather then subject a child to your hate. I don't care if your step-child is Lucifer himself, he deserves grow up in a home where he/she is safe. Do you think a kid doesn't sense that you hate him/her? The humanitarian thing to do is leave and spare that child your toxic hatred. <br />
My husband is a decent man who simply can't stand my daughter. Instead of admitting that fact so that we could make appropriate decisions, he denied it, ignored it, minimized his bad behavior toward her and then wasted everyone's time pretending to be committed to working it out. Now 5 years later, I have a child who is an emotional mess. Her self esteem has taken a beating for 5 years and I am as much to blame as he is. <br />
So I left. But why? Why did I have to uproot 2 kids (our son and my daughter) and secure new living arrangements? And why does he try to stop me to this day. <br />
Pure selfishness. And those of you who hate your stepkids and continue to live with them should consider what your responsibility is as the adult in this situation.

Wow your a real piece of fucken work arn't you. Maybe if you would have disiplined your own children and supported your husband when you turned him in to the disiplinarian like so many biological parents do you wouldn't be having the problems you do. Also if you would have taken in minde that your husband was the one you were going to spend the rest of your life with you wouldn't have been such a selfish *****. Instead you let an unruley kid not only distroy your life, but the life of your husband. All biological parents need to get off their *** and start being parents instead of insisting on handing over all the disiplining to the step parent. Secondly you need to stop belittleing the step parent in front of your brats. Fact is you should keep the rule SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT. Thats what I as a step parent did and the biological parent thru the fricken drug addict ********** out of the house.

I would say that you are the "real piece of fucken work" Reno122268. Have you always been such a macho, control freak? Can't even follow half of your rambling. Courtney602 is spot on. Maybe you should do something about the obvious guilt and anger you have such a tight grip on Reno122268.

I married my lifelong best friend 3 years ago. I have two sons from a previous marriage, one who lives with his girlfriend and one teenager still at home with us. My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage and she visits every other weekend and four weeks over the summer. My husband really got screwed in his divorce as far as visitation goes, but that might be a blessing in disguise. His daughter was great- at first- right about the time we got married things began to get difficult. I didn't realize it but my husband basically got his daughter whenever her mother felt like it. Despite the court order she dictated when he would and would not pick her up due to things she planned with her daughter. Prior to us getting married my husband always caved to her plans but after we got married on more than one occasion it ruined our plans for the family for the weekend so he said, "No more!" Since then she has become more increasingly difficult. She accuses him of not paying child support, her grandmother (whom she and the daughter live with) speak ill of my husband all the time and says there's really no reason for her to visit. My family has welcomed her as another grandaughter, niece, etc. and her mother and grandmother say they are NOT her family. She has blocked our phones from calling my sd's cell directly violating the court order of equal access. It is 2 to 3 days to get her to return a call IF she returns them. Then my sd has no privacy to talk to her Dad. I want to go to mediation anad put a stop to so much of this but my husband is so spineless. Now my sd is talking back to us and acting out so negatively I can't take it anymore. I know that there is a direct relationship between how kids feel and how they act and I can't help but think that her mother and grandmother harass her continually about having a relationship and wanting to spend time with us that when she is here she feels torn and guilty, but I am tired of my husband making excuses for her. She is now yelling at us, rolling her eyes and openly telling us no. If my son who lives with us were to treat us like this my husband and I would take everything he has in the way of privelages but there has been nothing done to correct my sd's behavior but talking, though sometimes my husband screams and yells at her. I am scared that this will be the end of us. She is only 13 and I cannot live like this another few years!!!

sat here in tears after yet another row over his kids mine have all left home while his remain to treat me like s..t his daughter now 16 is so rude...or as he says normal teenage....i dont think.mine all lived here and never once passed rude comment to him.they say i have not brought them up to do that...i wish i had at times so he would know how it feels...deep breath of to bed him one side me another.thank god for supper king.

I have been with my partner for 3 and a half years.<br />
His 2 children live overseas (2 different mothers) and probably visit us once or twice a year..<br />
I know i sound like a horrible person but i dread the 10 days inwhich they come to visit.<br />
My partner complains that the children have no boundaries at home.. yet when they are with us they get away with absolute murder.. and i am supposed to put up with it why? Because they are only here for 10 days.<br />
While they are here all i hear is "My mummy hates you", "your not my mum", "He's MY dad" and i'm like and i care why? Thank god i'm not your mum actually goes through my head!<br />
I havent seen his kids for over 12 months (remembering they live overseas) and they are comming this weekend... I am living on the edge in dread of what the next 10 days holds for me..<br />
My partner tries to involve me in everything they do (which is a really nice thought) but all i want to do is run away or go way with my friends when the kids are here... but i dont want my other half to think i hate his kids... what do i do?

Check yourself into a hotel for 10 days, or if they kids and your partner, for that matter, are lucky, check yourself right out of the marriage. Do you know how selfish you sound? 10 days is all they get to see of THEIR dad and YOU are complaining? Good gawd. It's not all about you!

i hate my stepkids. Ive bin with there father 4 10 years he and there mum had bin split up for 2 years before we met as she went off with someone else. He as 3 kids a 16 yr old boy & 2 girls 13 & 14 at first we use to get along treating them as I do my own when they use to come up to my house where I have 2 boys aged 13 & 15 but then things started to change after a few months there mum started slagging me off calling me to them, they then started to be abusive towards me & my boys & there own father who just let them carry on said they are my kids... I put up with it for my lads as there own father walked away when I wouldnt take him back, well he had an affair in the 1st place..There mum then stopped them coming up saying she didnt want them near me well I want saywhat she & the kids started calling me& there own father as its so bad.. This has carried on month after month.year after year & it sill carrting on. Im at my wits end do I go for a divorce?? We married 2 years ago & he wanted them to the wedding so I agreed but what a mistake his son said you might be my step mum but Iv never liked you & I never have I told his dad , he said nowt to him said didnt want to causes a scene on are wedding day.. The foul mouth nasty abuse still continues to this day I am at my wits end what to do.. There mum was with someone for 8 years, had 2 kids by him then she was found in bed with another man by her partner so he kicked her out.. My husbands 14 year old daughter ran away from home , his ex then rang him & he went running. im begingn to think if he as any respect for me with allowing the **** to continue for so long. He sees them away from the house I have had to change my home & my mobile number, had nasty letters from them & he stil lsays nowts to them as says they are my kids & they are hurting just wanting to see more of there dad tho he either at work all the time or at footy as he runs 2 football sides. We dont spend harldy any time as a family because he is never at home. My boys hate his kids vecause of all the horrible things they have caused & said, the arguments me & there stepdad have had. I carnt atke any more I would appreciate any advice

It is a really tough situation it seems to have STEP-KIDS.. In the beginning when I was dating my husband, his kids seemed ok. They were polite, sweet, and seemed to like me... At the time, I thought if we got married that it wouldn't be a problem having smaller kids around.. 5 and 8 (his kids) My children were 13 and 16.. Anyway we ended up getting married. and now two years later I totally resent his kids and really have discovered I don't want small kids.. I didn't know I would feel that way.. MY kids are now 15 and the oldest has gone off to college.. I feel I'm done with the "little kiddy" stuff.. Not to mention our financial status is screwed up and I knew when I met him, he had to pay child support, but I didn't sign up for my bills to be constantly behind just so he can pay that on time.. That has made me resent his kids a ton... I go with out health insurance and our bills are always behind.. and yes I work full time and so does he... Secondly, his older one has turned out to be a BIG BRAT!!! For example she lies, and not to mention kicked my little dog off of the sofa one day.. I told her dad and she lied about it.. He finally got the truth out of her, but there's plenty more lies where that came from.. I could carry on but will end right here... I don't like harsh feelings and not sure what to do...

Everything you posted, is EXACTLY what you signed up for when you got married to him. And I suppose your kids can do no wrong? LMAO and go see a shrink.

I have a similar story expect I started out different. When I first met my current boyfriend we got along great. I went over to his house and a little 4 year old girl came out the bedroom and called him daddy. So I find out he has a daughter. That's when I told myself, "Ok. I have to stay away from this guy. I'm not trying to care of someone else's kid." Then a couple of minutes later a 6 year old boy comes out the bedroom and calls him daddy. And I start thinking to myself, "Ok. I definately need to stay the hell away from this guy! He has 2 kids?! That's crazy! I was only 25 at the time. I wasn't ready for that kid of commitment or resposibility." So we just remained friends. But he kept wanting to be with me, always calling me and wanting to spend time with me. Well, I let him know from the beginning that I don't like kids and I don't want to be a replacement mom to his kids so it wasn't going to work out between us. I told him he just wants someone to take care of his kids. But he kept assuring me that I didn't have to take care of them or spend time with them. That he wasn't looking for a replacement mom for them because they're already taken care of and they already have a mom. I really liked this guy so I said ok. We can try this out. Well, 5 years later, we're still together, and we barely hear or see from their mom and I'm stuck having to watch over them. And he gets mad at me because I don't want to spend time with them or take care of them or anything. I keep reminding him about our first conversation about that but I guess he thought I would change my mind. WRONG!!! These kids get away with murder. They're nasty, disgusting, annoying, disrespectful, oh, and did I mention nasty. His boy, now 13, throws his dirty socks behind the couch, living room floor, basically anywhere around the house except for the hamper. Even after constantly telling him to put it in the hampter. His daughter is a manipulative lier, she tells all of our business to the whole neighborhood, she can't be trusted, her room always looks like a hurricane came by. All she eats is junk food. She drinks soda for breakfast, cake and ice cream for dinner and my boyfriend lets her get away with it. <br />
2 years ago, we had a daughter of our own and I really wish we didn't because she seems to follow his daughter around and I don't want my daughter picking up her bad, nasty habits. Not just that, her grammar is sooo bad and that scares me. I don't want my daughter picking up these habits. I don't think I've ever heard his daughter say a complete grammatically correct sentence yet in the 5 years I've known her. My boyfriend and I have completely different parenting styles and I hate it. I wish I would've listened to my instincts in the first place and stayed away from this guy. I just want to take my daughter and run. But she loves her daddy and I would hate for her to grow up without him. I just don't want her growing up around these nasty kids and his uneducated family, to top it all off. There's so much to this story but I can only write so much. Just wanted to vent a little.

You have to set boundaries, let all parties know your expectations and for every choice there are consequences (good/bad). For example, dirty socks will not get cleaned and if they are left around they will get thrown away until they have no socks. In regards to the grammatical errors that is more of a school thing, your daughter may pick up some bad habits but you should be able to correct those behaviors. You need to continue to be calm and express your feelings and thoughts to your husband/BF in a calm controlled manner. Let him know that you understand its a package deal but that he needs to step in and take care of his side of things to have it be more equal grounding. Get rid of the junk food and she will have to find something else to eat, if you want a treat for your baby and you go get a cone while the kids are at school. :) good luck

I know this is 2 years later but I am curious how you are faring.

well considering that she emejia, hated kids and still married the guy and then had a kid (who is perfect don't you know) I'm sure she is as happy as when she wrote this two years ago, because she obviously doesn't have a mind of her own and is easily coerced into little things like MARRIAGE! Give me a break!!!!

OMG help me too I have a similar situation going on. I don't like my step son. He is 13 and his father has wanted us to be a "normal" family for the past 4 years when I first met him. He lies, is sneaky, & phoney. I always picked up a lot of this and figured it was something he would grow out of. But it's been made worse! One day he tells us he wants to move out of state so he doesn't have to ever see his mom, the following week we get court papers saying that he requested the parents get 50/50 custody. In the mean time he comes home from his moms and tells us that she doesn't do anything, she never diciplines him, she is a liar, and she never listens to him and she never does anything with him. He just sits in his room and plays xbox all day long. These are HIS words, then when report card time comes along, he says that she checks his homework and makes sure he does it, and he cares about his school and that he is doing well. The story always goes back and forth. After 4 years I am exhausted. I am in tears thinking that I just need to divorce my husband because I can't handle a lying kid. Also it doesn't help that 4 years into the marriage we have no kid of our own and he might be sterile. So I'm left in a marriage where I have to put up with someone elses kid and I have to think about how I will never have any of our own. I've spoken to my husband about this and all it seems to do is make him sad that I will never feel like a part of his family because of this kid. Despite how much we have both tried to act like a "normal" family, or live like a "normal" family this kid is just distant, secretive and sneaky. I really don't know what to do anymore, I just want to give up but it breaks my heart to think of leaving my husband.

for the sake of everyone involved I hope you got your divorce. Good gawd people, really? You think you are the victims? So pathetic! And you obviously have no clue what it means to raise children even as a biological parent! Poster, WHY should his kid like YOU?

Lalapalooza, your comments on here are disgusting. You criticize everyone and obviously know ZERO about being a stepparent. No one wants to hear your judgy pathetic comments. God I feel sorry for any person involved with you in the real world. You sound like an old shrew.

I mety husband three Years ago. He was previousely married and has two children. I took them under my wing from when his girl was three and boy four. We got married two years later. Things were great we all got along including his x(which I thought was great for the kids to see). Until the day the x found out we were pregnant. We recently had a baby of our own, a girl. My husbands x became a nightmare and basically forced us to not want to talk or look at her with her actions. Now my step kids are six and eight and my step daughter gets more and more like her mother daily(lying, phoney personality and mostly manipulating). She is constantly telling us how bad her other house is, 'i have no toys, mommy lies and is never home' etc. I know that most if that is a lie. I'm trying to read parenting books talking to therapists and trying to bite my tounge but I can't ignore this. I feel like screaming at myself for putting myself in thus sitsuation. How can I get by without ruining my marriage? My husband is aware how I feel because I don't keep anything from him. <br />
She is only 6 and sneakie, obnoxiously conceited(like mom). <br />
One of my biggest fears is that my little one will one day grow up and look up to her and learn these negative behaviors. The step kids are good kids(clean up, listen) but the sneakiness and other negative traits do not have consequance at their mothers house. <br />

Does he pay child support? If so, she probably will ask for more now because she will think you got more money to spend than you are actually stating. i think the x is also jealous cause her kids are not gonna get all the attention now as well. I went throught this when I got pregant after trying to accept 2 kids from my husbands pravious marriage as well. ufortunatly it not gonna get easier unless you find time for your husband to spend time individually with each one of them. There will be times where you guys will spend money on one and not the other, and yes the other kids will be brats and throw a fuss because of it, it you will have to remind them that you will get some stuff for them as well when it's their time

She is only six. She is still a baby for gawd's sake! Your "little one" is going to learn negative behaviors regardless. There are no perfect children anywhere... bio or otherwise.

I totally agree, my husband has 2 perfect childen who treat me like **** (sorry for the language), we have had issues, but he lets them not even speak to me (hi in passing, etc-) these are older kids, 15 , 19, but if i did leave are they gonna take care of daddy???

why should his kids have to speak to you? Is there a rule about that? You really think that he can force his nearly grown kids to behave a certain way? YOU are sadly mistaken. Does daddy need to be "taken care" of? Seems like you are confused.

I feel bad for you. You are in a no win situation. I totally understand how a husband, without trying to can amke you have hard feelings against his child. They grow and grow until it shows mo matter what you do. This is more you husbands fault than the daughter. I suggest you figure out what you can do about it before you and her relationship can never be fixed.