She's Not a Bad Kid

She is 14 and decided to move in with me and her dad soon after I found out I was pregnant, this is my first baby and is actually my husbands first baby also... He didn't get a chance to help raise her as he got someone pregnant when he was 14. He didn't see this child till she was 5 years old. Their relationship has been jadded from the begining. Anyway with out too many crazy details... let me move on to my rant or my vent. She is a liar, she is two faced and a horrible person. I can't stand to look into her face. she sent an innocent man to jail because she claimed that he touched her.. It was her soon to be step-dad and she didn't like him.. well she got what she wanted. She smells. She refuses to take showers on a daily or even every other day basis. her dad is oblivious to how much this person bothers me. She is a burdan to us. Financially, emotionally and in everyway a Burden. I can't stand her in my home and if I would have known that she would end up with us I don't know if I would have married my husband. I don't trust her in my house alone, which has to be done becuase she gets out of school before I can get off work. She eats like a freaken pig... She is a waste of my resources. A waste of my money, and emotions, I hate her. I want her out of my house as soon as possible. I will never allow her to babysit my child. I will never accept her as my own. I cannot stand that she is even near me... I come home late from work to avoid her. I stay in my room until my husband comes home from work. I don't care how her day is. I don't even care if she has eaten. I hate her..... GO AWAY! and I especially hate that she knows and loves that she is ruining my life.
tatiana tatiana
26-30, F
79 Responses Dec 3, 2007

Have the same prob with my sd.She was ok
To begin with but when her dad n I got serious she did everything to split us up.When that didn't work she tried to split her mum
N step dad up then when my daughter was born she asked to c her.i gave hr ghe benefit of the doubt despite her lying about me n Mkn my life a misery.She was only allowed to c my daughter If I was present coz I knew her dad wud not think twice about leaving them alone together and after her mum telling me she had Bn deliberately. Hurting her half brother I would not allow that.Her dad went behind my bk one day to let them c each other and I find out before it happened n stopped it so she went mental threatening me and my daughter who was six wks old, tampered with tyre on car under where she knew my daughter sat nade false allegations against me.She has Bn stopped seeing my daughter but am
Worried if she went to try n get visitation would she get it? I am
In Scotland and think she wud do it just to get at me.She is dangerous, even her mother has said that but she is now allowing her contact with her half brother and things are fine between her n her mother now.i am worried about my daughters safety if this girl went for visitation.She even told her dad during a confrontation with him which she was the instigator that he is lucky she has not tried to get my daughter taken off us.i just wish she wud really leave the country.Her dad always paid maintenence for her then in October she applied for it to b paid direct to her and my daughters child tax was tkn into account, so now he pays more for her than before we had out daugher and she told everyone the only reason she dun it is coz the more she gets the less me n my daughter get.I fully understand where u r coming from, u just have to hope that her dad eventually sees her for what she is.

I love my step children. They are my children. I have raised them for the past 10 yrs. They are now 13, 14, and 15. The youngest is going through some issues right now. She lies alot and has a very bad attitude. At first I took it personally and it was causing serious marital problems. I've taken time to think about things and realized she is a teen and has been through alot and needs me more than ever so I just can't let her push me away. These kids have the typical teen problems and the issues deep down of a broken home and missing parents. They often ask what they did for things to happen the way they did with their mom, they don't realize its not their fault.

It is difficult to have a teenager in the house. I have fell out with my own daughter. She is a liar too. She lie to me many times. She doesn't want to talk honestly. We try to help her and give her the best life but she think we are rubbish. I can't stand her anymore and enough is enough. I get rid of her from my life.

I totally understand your story. My SD is like yours. She is a liar and a mess. She can stand not to take showers for one week in summer. And she has all trashes on her floor, throwing dirty words to her brother and punch him whenever she can. I was there for her since she was 3. Her mom left her when she was 1.5 and never contributed anything to her since then. I was the one who took care of her since she was 3 year old. And now I don't want any relationship with her. She is horrible. She uses F words to other people and keeps bad mouths her brother who is 4 year younger than her. She doesn't want to do her homework and keeps lying to us and her teacher and tried to play her father to make him against me.

Now all I matter is my own life and my own kids. She is out of the picture. I don't talk to her except I tell her to do something. And I don't take her anywhere on the weekend. I told my husband that all I have done worth nothing and I decide to jump out of the motherly role. It's not my job anymore. Besides, she has her own BM who lives not far from her. And all my SD's needs should be taken care by her since she claims that she is her only mom and doesn't even allow her to call me mom. I used to feel frustrated. But now, I feel released. I DON"T HAVE TO BE HER MOM! I HAVE A CHOICE.

I feel much happier since then.

This is exactly why I would never take leftovers... I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I would never, ever, ever, EVER go with a divorced man who has children under 30.

I couldn't have said it different. You hit every on stick to the tee with what I go through. It made me chuckle as I read this because it seemed like every sentence you write was mirror image of what I am going through. But now what? How did you solve it?

I understand how you feel. I hate my step-daughter, she is a horrible person too. When I had my son she was 7 and decided she did want to be a part of our family so she told everyone her dad "touched her in a bad way" which was totally not true! He lies were so far fetched then she told that truth that she made it up. My husband has been trying to get more time with her, we have her on the weekends. and he threatened to call the cops if the BM didn't comply with the parenting plan, which got to my step-daughter and now she said she hates him and will do what ever she can to make sure her mom get full custody of her because "we are always calling the cops on her mom." He did call on her once 8 years ago when she comply with the parenting plan and I called on her step-dad who showed up drunk to pick her up so yeah he got a DUI. I am afraid she is going to accuse him of something else. I hate seeing my husbands heart get broken by his daughter all the time. I am glad I am not alone.

I have done nothing but treat her like one of my own for the last 7 years. Take her to do fun stuff her mom is to lazy to do with her. I go out of my way to make sure she keeps her room clean so she doesn't get into trouble (my husband is strict, but this is her one and only chore), go to all sporting events, cheer her on and was even team mom when she asked me. Only to find out she tells her friends she is a slave at our house, she is always in trouble, she hates me, and talks **** about my kids. Btw she is also 14, but i can't stand her anymore. I hurt me at first but I'm now over her.

My SD did the same thing. I was her only parent for many years. Her dad worked all the time, and when he was off, he had his hobbies, so I always had her. Her mom only came to get her when she needed money. She would pick her up and ask my husband for money so they could go do something. This was only about once every 3 or 4 months until she was 11. She was 3 when we started dating. I did all the school functions, plays, volunteered, field trips, dance classes, soft ball, etc. I made sure she got a bath and brushed her teeth every night, tucked her in, read her stories, played tea and barbies, helped with the homework, cooked and cleaned....... all of it. And the same thing..... I was a monster. I made HER do everything...I wouldn't wash HER clothes (this because I told her I would only wash what was in the laundry room). The list is endless of how horrible I was to her. She is 8 years older than our son, her half brother, but she tells everybody how mean he was to HER. UGH....She is 25 and telling more and more lies, she says her dad chased her with a belt all around the house ( Oh, if only he had once or twice...) and she tells that her brother slapped her so hard one time that she had a welt on her face. (never happened, she would have killed him) Even her doting dad was afraid to leave them alone in the room together. She always managed to "accidentally" punch, kick, or knock him off of something usually resulting in a bloody nose, lip, or knee. We never left them alone. I have been the only person in the whole world she could count on all through her life, and she bad mouths me and manipulates her dad to get around me to this day. Good luck with your SD, I hope your story ends better than mine. After reading and posting to all these stories, I think I finally am realizing that it is all futile, and even if I lose everything I have and love, it will be better than living the rest of my life in constant dread of what she will do or say next.

i feel they exact same way

If her parents taught her right from the beginning you wouldnt have this problem bad parents = bad kids.

Not totally true.....and very unfair to assume such!!

Those that have trashed this lady are idiots and living in a surreal life. I have a 10 year old stepdaughter who hates me for no reason other than the fact that I am here for her 350 days a year and her real father is only available 15 days per year. She literally spits on me and locks me out of my house while laughing. I have sympathy for her situation, but her father lives 1 mile away....he is still alive, healthy and able to spend time with her.....but chooses not to. Kate is an absolute ******* ***** to me and my kids - she is 10 years old and not a baby - I am completely on the OP's side with this one and the rest of you need to get out of your ******* stepford wives world and understand what we have to deal with.

To the haters-suck it! 14 is not a child couponclipper, a minor sure, but a child? Nope. Some adolescents are a pain in the butt hole and then there are the step adolescents and they not only are butt hole pains but narcissistic, entitled, pity party of one, butt hole pains! I'm 26 my SD is 13 and I have had her ft since she was 7. No bm in the picture. She has always been a lying, manipulative, conniving, beastly brat, but after figuring this out when she was 9 during a particular nightmare she decided to put her dad and I through for attention, I simply decided to quit trying to be a mom-figure and focus on just getting along. This worked for a few years but come to find out she was just lying and stealing and acting a ho the whole time. As of last month when **** hit the fan for real (I found her stealing my lingerie and underwear and wearing it to school amongst other unsavory thigs ) I simply ignore her unless I'm telling her what to do or wear. I don't want a relationship with her anymore. Its like when you break up with someone her betrayal was more than I could take the proverbial last straw. Her dad and I have been at odds since this and she is all over him now its gross and weird and very uncomfortable for me. But to those of you who think tatiana is horrible or mean, you have no idea what she's going through, its not worth it being a stepmom because you step kids make it miserable even when we just want to love you. Its unfortunate for everyone involved but the step parent is the one having to make the biggest adjustment of all ,becoming a live in outsider is the worst!

For those people that think that she is wrong, let me ask you...are you in her shoes? Of course not!
Step kids are a pain in the ***'s not fun dealing with them and the ex

You are horrible, horrible, horrible! Having been the step-daughter to a step-mother just like you... I just pity you. I've realized her abuse was not about me but HER. It made her feel powerful, superior, and like a better person as long as she was better than me. Bullies are nothing but weak children underneath. And you too will use your step-child to vent life's frustrations, and treat your own as a king. Shame and pity on you, she's only a child. Did you think maybe she is going through something being a teen? I bet you were perfect growing up eh? I'll pray for you and your poor step-child.

She is not a horrible person! Sounds like you were just another bratty spoiled stepchild sucking the life out of your stepmom! The step parent in a family is definitely the one getting the **** end if the deal. Ever been an outsider for YEARS ON END because spoiled kids have a problem minding their own damn business and all they want to do is mind yours??? I didn't think so. So **** off and pray for your hypocritical self!!!

Wow..You REALLY don't need to be a mother at all.This is not a rant,it's a hate speech! This is a CHILD and you talk about her like she is an ADULT.You really make me sick.I support you,in the fact you KNOW your not the right kind of person she needs in her life.Get this: YOU KNEW HE HAD ANOTHER CHILD BEFORE YOU MARRIED HIM.

Yes she knew. But how the hell was she to know the daughter was a little ****??? You don't know until you try and then its too late. Ever cut your hair off because you thought it looked great in the picture but come to find out it made you look ugly and it was undisciplined and unruly and completely unmanageable once you got home and had to style it yourself the next day? Yep same thing, only on a more life altering scale.

I do the same stay out till her mother come, or like now am in the room till her mother comes, i have been their since she was 2 and just the other day she has the guts to tell me that am not her dad and that her mum has been both dad and mum. i feel like a prisoner in my house but what hurts most is that the mother sides with it all. but i have a plan. All the best.

I completely undertand all of these stories. I thought I was the only one dealing with this situation. Although, I have a great husband, he has three kids where the oldest is 26, and pretty much has her own life, and is very respectful, and the other two which are 19 and 17, are demons from hell. (These two have a different mom). Currently, we do not have any kids, still working on that, but with all the stress, I'm wondering if it will ever happen...To make a long story short, the 19 and 17 year old have been brainwashed, and manipulated, every since there were young. It has become worse because my husband went to court to fight for custody for the 17 year old daughter when she was 14 back in 2009. He won custody hands down because the mother was proven to be abusive, showed differences with her other kids, which she has a total of 4; the other two are by different men; moving from place to place with section 8, different men around, and married to a guy in prison, can't keep a job, habitual liar, thief, and the list goes on and on....the son at the time wanted to live with his mom behind the scene making up lies as well; so thats why the daughter ended up living with us. When she came to live with us the first time, my husband enrolled her into a very good high school (she was so behind in school credits because her mom had moved so much, she had been to at least 5-10 schools prior). The first time she lived with us for about 8 months or so maybe even close to a year, all of sudden, she becomes defiant, plots a story with her mom and brother and calls department of children services. She lies on me, my husband, steals his cell phone in the middle of the night when she ran away, stole jewerly from me, (The piece to my wedding band, fashionable jewerly I had long before she came to move in with us, and other personal items of mine.) My husband did not know she had ran away until the next morning when we woke up...Finds out the mom had checked her out of the high school without his this was planned. My husband talks to department of children services while under this investigation and explains everything to them, they even came out to the home to interview the both of us. All of the allegations that she lied about were unfounded and we were cleared, and the case was closed.. Months go by, the daughter calls back basically crying and saying that her mom made her do it (same story she is using today) My husband believes her, and she comes back into my home. I obviously was pissed off because I knew it was not over. She comes back and this time, my husband enrolls her into another high school 10 minutes away from the house. I even asked a co-worker to use her address to get her into this school. Everything appears to be okay, but again she becomes defiant not wanting to listen, she love boys, didn't want to clean up behind herself, always want to hit the streets on the weekend, couldn't live without the cell phone, to the point to where she ate, slept, and took pictures of herself with the cell phone; which we later found out their were pictures of her pratically naked.) Anyway, for the second time because my husband didn't agree with everything that she asked for; she runs away for the second time, meets her mom and the local police station, and make allegations that my husband inappropriately touched her..The entire family could not believe that she had the ordacity to make up a horrible lie, and potentially get my husband arrested for some crap he would definitely not do, and ruin his career..Of course she goes back to live with her devious mom again. As the investigation is being conducted this time, two months or so go by, and she picks up the phone with her brother on the phone saying that her mom made her do it, she didn't mean to lie, so she tells my husband, she would call the same police department that she had previously gone to and confess that everything she said about him touching her was a lie..She does call and speaks to the detective on the case, and he records everything, and he tells my husband, I knew she was lying on you, I have seen similar cases like this...There were no charges filed and the case closed. Here we are again dealing with a bunch of lies...still trying to live your life, but you have tainted kids that are liars; and yes I know that it is a learned behavior......Months go by again, she's now calling her grandmother and my husband trying to make piece with everyone so that can come back around, and it works for the third time...but this time, my husband decides if I let you come back, I think it will be best for you to stay with your grandmother, and go to school with your cousin, and maybe she can mentor you, and you can have someone to basically watch you since the cousin was a senior at the high school. He enrolls again in the 3rd high school (she's obvioulsy still behind,with 9th grade credits). He's still doing his fatherly duties by seeing her everyday, buying her clothes, bus passes, enrolled her into drill team; which the total cost would have been 900.00 for the entire year. Again, as time goes on, she appears to be doing okay, her grades even improve for a brief moment, all of a sudden, she meets this boy, she's now not going to classes, not going to drill team practices, getting home late, talking back to her grandmother, etc...My husband puts his foot down by telling her he's going to take her cell phone, and stop her from seeing this boy, and what did he say that for, all of a sudden, she becomes this demon, now she's plotting with her mom again, by calling her saying she ready to leave and go back with her. She runs away for the third time, calls department of children services again, and make some allegations against now her grandmother and the other family members that live in the home...Investigations are now being conducted. She has recently come clean again by text messages and voice mail saying once again, my mom made me do it...She's jeapardized everyone that comes in contact with her, and this all she can say....I am so pissed off and tired, and my husband is obvioulsy tired of all the lies, but of course he obligated.. Although, she has come clean, she is not 18 yet (can't wait), but now my husband has to go to court soon to still prove himself and clear his name so that we can hopefully move forward with this marriage...and when you look at all the times he has forgiven this girl, all he was trying to do was help her to make her have a better life, but now our marriage is suffering, and I'm to the point, I can't take it any more. With the help of prayer, family and friends, everyone is telling me just see what happens after this court case..... So for those of you that don't understand how it feels, walk in someone elses shoes that has shared their personal stories, and then you can comment...It's not fun constantly trying to defend yourself, especially when everything is a complete lie, and it keeps being proven that we are not bad people, and his daughter keep confessing that her mom made her do it. At what point does she take any responsibility for anything? I'm just hoping that we can prevail from this because this time this can make or break this marriage.<br />
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Signed, <br />
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Disgusted and Tired

My husband and I have been together for 12 years. When I first came along his son was seven and living with him, and his 3 year old daughter and 12 year old step daughter were visiting every other weekend and the son would visit the mother every other weekend. One night in those early years I was visiting when all three were there, we had been together about 3 months at this point. It was getting rather Late and I thought I would leave, the 3 year old was in bed and the son and his stepdaughter were up playing it was roughly 8:30 in the evening So I announced I was leaving, and the 12 year old stepdaughter says "oh you shouldn't walk home alone it's too late and dark, you should drive her home dad". As the relationship was new, my now husband felt guilty and agreed, but I insisted that it was no trouble as it was only a block away and I had walked it a billion times even later, and the three year old was in bed and we would have to get <br />
her up ect... Then his stepdaughter starts saying, "but dad I can look after the kids" her words, and that her mother and new step daddy let her do it all the time, and they have a newborn that they let her look after,(Yes the mother has four kids to three different fathers) and they go out all night and you guys will only be a few minutes. As she finished desperately pleading her case to be taken as a responsible young person, my hubby suspiciously agreed, but was firm and said do not answer the door or phone, I will be two minutes, all along I kept saying no it's o.k. So we leave and we get around the corner and my husband gives me his mobile and tells me to call his house to see if she answers as a little test. The phone was engaged, so the little brat was on the phone.<br />
The next day was a Saturday morning that I will never forget, I was super excited because we were going to take the kids to a fun park, I get to my now husbands house and here he is packing all his stuff as though he is moving. I said " what's happening? Where are the kids?" Then through a slight sob he starts telling me that when he got home he started questioning his step daughter,( whom he raised since she was a baby) about who she was talking to and she wouldn't answer him so he sent her off to bed, his seven year old son followed, then he gets a knock at the door, and it's the bio mum's butch lesbian sister, yelling" how dare you leave those kids alone! "I am taking them." With that she snatched the three year old from her bed and marched out with all three of them, just before leaving he stopped his son and said, " do you really want to leave?" and the son simply said yes. Which was the worst for my husband because he had complete custody of him after the mother got rid of him at age four when she didn't want him. My husband was a wreck, he couldn't eat or sleep, hoodwinked by a twelve year old. After that he was only allowed supervised visits at the local Mc Donalds, for three hours every second Sunday, it was first proposed that the stepdaughter go along, but my husband refused any further contact, as he couldn't trust her anymore. Then one day my husband gets the news that they are moving to the other side of the country, even more crushing. For the next three or so years we only saw them for three weeks each Christmas, and each month we would send a care package, and call them each fortnight. The son called us one night crying that he had made a huge mistake and he wanted to come home, that was heartbreaking because court orders were in place and the mother didn't listen to her kids pleas. Throughout this time, the mother changed the kids names to her surname, poisoned their minds with parental alienation, cut off all contact until I wrote to her, did everything in her power to be completely difficult. Then one day out of the blue we hear they are moving back to our state but still a couple of hours drive away, then still we were only able to see his two kids every six months or so. For years she would train these two into saying that the stepfather and his family were the kids real family, the kids loved me but would repeat the horrible things she would train them to say, like your dad can't have kids cause he had a vasectomy, which was true, but little did she know he had had it reversed. But it was still hurtful to me cause we wanted a child together and weren't certain that the operation was a success.<br />
Fast forward a few years by the time his son was 17 and his daughter was 13, we welcomed a son, this sent the birth mother to be institutionalized, because of severe alcoholism she blamed all of her problems on my husband, by this time they had been divorced 13 years, she had remarried another guy with whom they share an eleven year old daughter, they had by this time divorced because she never worked, and spent his money like crazy and slept around. The eldest daughter my husbands stepdaughter had moved into a trailer with a boyfriend, it was so crazy, always has been.<br />
By the time my baby turned one, my husband starts getting phone calls from his daughters school which is three hours away, saying that she is severly malnourished and neglected, so with the help of school counsellors, she came to live with us by the time she was 14. Without any fuss from the alcoholic mother. By this time the son who my husband desperately misses moved in with his girlfriend and her family, and has very little interest in visiting us unless he can cash in. ( just like the mother) he still goes by her surname. Right when hubby and I had our baby, he got engaged to his girlfriend, and used the apparent ring that his mother was given by his father when he was born, while my hubby protests there is no such thing. The son also makes flippant comments like: "It will be a sad day when mom dies" and "my mom is a lady" and "I remember when it was just me and dad" and so on. But the daughter who now lives with us has changed her name to ours, but because of her upbringing, she is not so great at school, suffers chronic asthma cause mom and stepdad smoked around her, she was getting drunk at ten, arrested for shop lifting at 12, kissing 18 year olds at 13, was barely fed, she is happy with a mayonnaise sandwich or garlic or plain butter. Now after living with us for a year and a half it is hard to get her on the right track, cause sometimes we see the light but then she goes back to spend time with her mothers side of the family, and slides right back into old habits because there are no rules. But we can not keep her from them. The step dad seems to have this weird hold over her also, even though he is divorced from the mother she speaks to him the most out of the two if them. My husband has no connection with her cause he never raised her, it has all been lumped on me, and I have bonded with her over the years but I guess a lot changes when you are all of a sudden made to parent a teenager. She was also self harming and anorexic to top it all off. It amazes me that someone who tried so hard to keep her from us, could now not give two rats about her. My husbands ex stepdaughter who was in the middle of all this rubbish has now cut off her mother and wants to make amends with us saying she was her mothers puppet, but she still doesn't hold much integrity to me, as she is shacked up with a guy but is pregnant to another guy.(like mother, like daughter) All in all step children suck, if your potential next parter has children run for the hills. It never ends, the nasty comments, the parental alienation, the mental toll, and most of all it usually does not matter how bad a person the biological parents happen to be, the kids will still hold them in a higher regard than the step parent, it is primal instinct. I travel the world as a classically trained singer, have a masters degree, come from old money but am not usually a bragger. Am related to celebrity, have featured on television many times have eight properties, can speak three languages have won many awards, and donate to charity, but at the end of the day they only care about their alcoholic mother who finished school in grade 9, and that's it, apart from all of the above and then some. Why is the world so unfair

I can't believe there are other people out there that feel the same way in do. I started to think I was the worst person in the world to dislike my husbands daughter (can't even call her my step daughter). She really hasn't been in our lives. Her mother took off with her shortly after she was born and I met her dad a couple of years later, I was young and naive and didn't think him having a kid was a big deal, especially because she didn't even live in the same state as us. Now fast forward 16 years and she is 18 and I have an infant and she is slowly trying to become part of her fathers life. He doesn't see it but it is for no other reason then for $$. <br />
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If I only knew how I would feel towards my husband for having a daughter that wasn't mine I might not have ever married him. I resent him everyday for the fact that our child was not his first, I feel like it wasn't as special for him. <br />
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Sorry back to the daughter, she has been in some serious trouble lately with boys and drugs and now she is supposedly cleaning herself up and wants to stay with us for a little while. Is it wrong for me not to feel comfortable with her in my house with my son?? I don't want her around him. God if my idiot husband would have just bagged it that night 18 years ago when he himself was 18!!

To anyone judging, you just can't. You cannot know what you are getting into until you are living it. And every situation is different. There may be one step parent that adores their step kids and another that absolutely hates them. There are different personalities and situations involved. I would love to want my stepkids around and to truly love them. It would make things so much easier! But you can't help how you feel, only how you act. Lucky for me, my husband had stepkids when he was with his kids' mom, and knows what I'm feeling and dealing with. He has even said that he never loved them and would never want to be a stepparent again knowing what it's <br />

I feel your pain!! I came here tonight because my stepdaughter made me so darn angry it's all I could think about. Thing is, she is only 7 and is generally an ok kid. She has a weird personality sometimes and has said some rude hurtful things to/about me in the past when I used to really try with her. Now that I have my son I don't even bother with anything I don't have to besides feeding her dinner and picking her up from school, but I still resent her. I honestly wish so bad that she just didn't exist!! That is mean I know, but it's how I've always felt about her..always! Ugh.

When I grew up I had a stepmother that I never got along with. She never really made me feel welcomed or loved. I am older now and married to a man with a daughter. Lets just say I dont blame my stepmother anymore. I dont think that my stepdaughter is horrible in any way (yet). But I can't seem to love her or really want her around. Her smell Irritates me, her voice, her weird disgusting habbits etc. I really wish I knew before I got married that I might feel this way. I hate this about myself but I dread when she comes over. I have my own girls which are now 1 and 2. Ever since my husband and I got together he forced me to watch her every other week since she was 2. At the time I was pregnant and out of work so it was fine. But she was in her terrible twos and it was frusterating. Especially potty training which took over 2 years to complete. Her father never changed a diaper and never cleaned up after her or spent any real time with her. Now that after I have had my own children I'm still forced to watch her and I hate it. He still doesn't spend much time with her and its like hes pawning his problems off on me. I really just wish school would start so I dont have to deal with this as much. I have enough to worry about and take care of.

I was a stepchild too, who totally gets it now. I could tell stepmom wasn't a mean person, but she really didn't like me at all, instead of taking it personally, I wish I had learned it just sucks to be obligated to a child that legitimately or not you just don't want to be around. And you don't really get it until it's too late for everyone and there is no good decision.

I Really agree w person that said u can't understand until it happens to you. It happened to me too and I'm reverting marrying my husband because of his son (who's 18 now) and his brat (now 9). She's come so far as to lie to my husband about me supposedly saying that she was nothing but trouble &u that she should stay w her mother. Which I admit I feel that way, but those words were never uttered out of my mouth. HE said it to her! And now she DEMANDS an apology before she comes to visit in summer!!!

Some of the stories I'm seeing on this post make me sick.

Now here's a different perspective on the situation. I'm seventeen years old, and I hate my mother's boyfriend more than hate itself. They've been together since I was eleven. He hates me as well, but I honestly never did anything wrong... We lead a bit different lifestyles. He loves to stay up all night and partake in illegal activities and keep everyone awake, while I'm a junior in high school, an honors student, and I need my sleep! I try to tell him, nightly, but he won't listen. I guess when someone takes ten or twenty pills, they lose concern for others... Every single night, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, he'll wake me up at least once. I carefully and cautiously come upstairs to ask him politely to please, please keep it down... And he screams at me, throws things, and refuses. I don't know what to do. I never feel well for lack of sleep, my grades are suffering, we're hating each other more and more daily, and there's nothing I can do. In my house, I was raised to be the mature and responsible one; I'm the oldest of five children, and I'm more like a parent most of the time than a sibling. I have to remind my mom daily when we need to go grocery shopping, when she needs to pay the bills, etc. This wouldn't be so horrible, but I have the responsibility of a parent, and the power of a small child. One night, after years of abuse (much more than I've mentioned here; he also doesn't allow me to eat or ridicules me when I do because I "should lose weight," etc...) I snapped and told him that if he can't show any respect for anyone, he needs to leave. He responded by throwing a vase at me (narrowly missing my head and smashing it into the wall behind me) and telling me that I need to f***ing leave. I informed him that this is MY house (This is true; my grandmother left it in my name). My point being, that I have no power to say when something needs to be done. My MAIN point being... I'm not telling you ladies and gentlemen that your situation is this severe, by any means, but maybe the step-child's behavior is partially your fault. You've all mentioned being stolen from, being disrespected, lied to, etc. Maybe this is your step-child's defense. Try talking to him or her, asking why they do the things they do. If you treat him or her civally, rationally, respectfully, and maturely, you could be surprised by their response. Maybe it WAS you who did something, but you were too busy criticizing his or her behavior to realize something you did had upset the child. If you feel this would not produce great results, have another family member, or family friend, talk to the child. I know from experience that if a child has an issue with a step-parent, he or she is more than willing to discuss it with anyone who will listen. <br />
I hope I shed a new light on this subject for you. It CAN be your fault, even if you don't realize you did anything wrong. Please, you're middle-aged ladies and gentlemen. Use logic and rationality. Be the bigger person.

You need to report this abuse. You dont deserve to be treated like this and your mother is not protecting you. At least when you turn 18 you can be completely on your own.

You are an amazing kid. Even if you weren't, you wouldn't deserve what you are dealing with. Now imagine you are grown up and as wonderful as you seem to be, and most of your decisions have been good, and you're saint like in your behavior, and you marry a man with a child that you decide to devote yourself to and despite your every effort (and based on your reasoned discusion they would be stellar efforts) you had a person in your household that behaved like your stepfather or worse. You perhaps wouldn't feel safe leaving your children with them, leaving them alone in your house, with pets, etc. You can't leave because then your children would certainly be alone with them and your staying just makes your miserable. You don't want things to be unpleasant for anyone, but this person is ruining their own life and they are going to take you and everyone your love and everything you care about with them. Maybe your step dad had some really horrible life experiences, maybe he was born a sociopath, but at some point you are really not going to care either way, you will just want you and your family to be safe and happy. Unlike you, we all had a choice about getting into our situations, unfortunately, sometimes we don't realize we are in over our heads until it's too late.
What you are going through is not your fault. Rise above it as much as you can and keep making decisions that will be good for you. Most of us would give anything to have a stepdaughter like you, and we would give you the support you deserve. Unfortunely, we didn't get you, and we're doing what we can with what we did get. Your words are definitely awesome and may help someone.

Thank you for your kind words. I'm mature enough and smart enough to understand situations such as my mother's, but too much is too much... I'm only saying that these "parents" need to realize when something is their own fault.

I really feel sorry for you. But let's look at this in another point of view: How can this guy do this to you? He is not even your step-father.
No matter if you admit or not, my feeling is: he can do this to you because your mom gives him the authority. Have you talked to you mom about this? What's her reaction? Why can't she just dump this guy because he is hurting you? She didn't protect you. But still, I don't see a word of blaming your mother instead of your mother's BF. I think your mom's BF definitely is a trash, but at the same time, your mom is not a good mom too.
Did you see the point here: Step-children always blame their step parents. And you just prove this.

I blame my mother as well. She\'s not made great decisions. She\'s tried to make him leave, though, and he downright refuses. She won\'t get the police involved, in good reason. They\'ve done nothing but add to the problems. Things are looking up now, as horrible as it may seem to be saying this... He has cancer. Super advanced stage 4 cancer in multiple areas. He doesn\'t have much longer. For this reason, I\'m trying to be tolerant of him. I\'m doing my best. All I can think, though, is that karma is a beautiful *****.

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Do y'all think that's right what yall are saying?? I am 13 years old.. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. Do y'all know how childish you sound.. Y'all act younger than me.. Do u think God wants y'all to say those things.. Ur suppose to except everyone no matter how they are.. Your just jealuse of someone else's kids... Get Over yourself. Excuse my language but Y'ALL ARE ****** INSAIN GET A ****** LIFE.

You said basically the same thing I did, but you helped their point, honey...

I have a completely mirrored situation!! I HATE MY STEPDAUGHTER TOO!!and I too had I known that she would have to live with us n ruin our relationship with my own two daughters n new baby boy together, I'd never have gotten together ever with him!! Her mum (his ex) became a crackheads n basically sent kids to children's aid so we get stun with now 5 kids instead of my two n baby!! The both of the kids r so needy n have Psych problems!!!! AHHHHH HELP I WANT THEM OUTTA MY LIFE MY HOUSE MY HEAD my EARS!! I can't wait till their old snuff so I can kick them out!!! I never will accept them as my own, they still don't get how to behave n its goin on three damn years!! Lost causes I wish wed never taken on the responsibility! I CAN'T STAND THEIR LOOKS THEIR VOICE THEIR COMPLAINTS THEIR STUPIDITY N BAD INFLUENCES...ARGGGGG GET OUT!!

Now this I DON'T LIKE.I understand that some people have problems with their step children but you sound like you LOVE your own and HATE them? Come on! YOUR KIDS ARE NOT MORE SPECIAL THAN HIS.GROW UP! I cannot STAND when a woman/man marries someone and "doesn't want to EVER except them as their own" You should have THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU EVER MARRIED HIM THEN!

I have a completely mirrored situation!! I HATE MY STEPDAUGHTER TOO!!and I too had I known that she would have to live with us n ruin our relationship with my own two daughters n new baby boy together, I'd never have gotten together ever with him!! Her mum (his ex) became a crackheads n basically sent kids to children's aid so we get stun with now 5 kids instead of my two n baby!! The both of the kids r so needy n have Psych problems!!!! AHHHHH HELP I WANT THEM OUTTA MY LIFE MY HOUSE MY HEAD my EARS!! I can't wait till their old snuff so I can kick them out!!! I never will accept them as my own, they still don't get how to behave n its goin on three damn years!! Lost causes I wish wed never taken on the responsibility! I CAN'T STAND THEIR LOOKS THEIR VOICE THEIR COMPLAINTS THEIR STUPIDITY N BAD INFLUENCES...ARGGGGG GET OUT!!

Here is all simple. She feel power other you, but you are afraid of her. Don`t afraid her, be better. I give you good advice : ,, Beat her by her ,,arms,,`` You will see, she will change.

And I thought I was alone. OMG. How I hate the fact that he gives in to every whim and desire of hers. I have 3 children from my first marriage and he died. I met him and he said his daughter lives away from him, but she comes home every weekend. Now we are expecting our first child together and he is not excited. His dillemma is whether his daughter will accept the baby. My 3 kids totally accept the idea of me having a new baby. the eldest is 14, the same age as his spoilt brat. She is always Dad this and Dad that even when I am around. I have not seen someone as jealous as this brat. She goes to the most expensive school while my 3 kids go to a charity school. He gives her presents which cost the earth while he scrimps on me and my kids. I dont know how he is going to treat my new baby with this brat around!

It sounds like your problem is with the father, not the child.

The problem is almost always really with the parents. They usually create the problem with bad parenting, but think of when you are subjected to a super bratty kid, you don't always automatically think, "Man that kid's parents are really bothering me." And people aren't bad parents because they want to be, they just don't know how, or they don't know how to implement good parenting.

I am so sorry to hear all the horror you are going through. Im married with 4 children, 3 from my current husband. When we first married we took in his 16 year old son. I won't even go into detail with that, but all you need do is read the many other blogs to get a clear picture. In short it was a nightmare that ended when I moved his stuff out of my home and changed the locks when he'd just turned 18. I do not hate my husband's child, and honestly the bulk of our problems came from my husbnad failing to work with me to properly rear his child. He has no problem being a one accord when it comes to my son, a fault I have dealt with but refuse to deal with again. He has a 14 year old daughter who he just got back in contact with b/c her mother kept her away 5 years simply b/c she did not like me. The only reason why he got visitation back is b/c the girl has gone wild and now the mother is deperate for some relief. They recently went to court about child support and the mother said that I would keep the child from talking to her father. This is a complete and utter fabrication! I have told my husband that he MUST visit with his child outside my home. I hate it has come to this, but I have 4 kids, 16, 4,2, and 2mths and I can not afford to has this mother or child lie and jeopardize the safety of me and my kids. My cousin had to to be investigated by DFACS for months off of a lie her stepchild told. When my cousin and the little girl (10yrs) were alone she told her she lied b/c if she does not have her mother she does not want her stepsister's to have their mother either. I love my husband and I hate to put him in this horrible situation. At the same time I am in complete self-preservation mode. The mother had my husband arrested several years ago on a complete lie. I refuse to be their victum. Unfortunately husbands come and go. If our marriage is resolved due to this it will be tragic, but it is a risk Im willing to take so that I can keep my kids and myself from harms way. She simply can not come, even for one night! When she is 18 years old she is welcome, but while she is a minor, NO WAY! <br />
Let me just offer this one point for you all to ponder. You know that our sins are among us and that are children often suffer these sins. I feel sorry for my stepdaughter and my husband, however, if my husband were not sinning with the maniac, this situation would not even be an issue. The child came about due to a booty call....he should have at least been using protection. Now the child is here and her life has been turned upside down b/c of her mother's emotions for a man who has never and will never love her. I do feel sorry for the pain each adult it feeling, but I feel most for these poor children. No wonder they have issues. A bunch of irresponsible people have been rearing them before they entered your homes. I for one have seen and heard tand lived the drama and now Im tapping out. I refuse to go down this path AT ALL!

Good for you! Stepmartyrs make nobody happy and get no thanks. You could pour all of your resources and love into that kid, and she's already been messed up. You will have squandered everything at your childrens' expense. Treat her with what kindness you can but don't destroy everybody to be a martyr.

My experience so far with my step-daughter is not to that extreme.. but i feel ya! im a rookie at this. we have been having her for only a year now... but boy had she been putting us to the test lately! and shes only 4yrs old!! Shes rude, doesnt listen when we speak to her... ahh i know shes still adjusting but my gosh! im glad i found this site! im hoping that it will give me some inspiration!

All in all? Most of you sound jealous your husbands (or boyfriends) care more about their daughters than you. 'WAH I HATE MY STEPDAUGHTER. she gets more attention from me than my husbandddddd. she eats at home. he helps pay to take care of her. she has a learning disability. why is she doing this to me?! she's ruining my lifeeeeeeee cause im soooooooooooooo important. shes a part of his olddddd life. can't she just go awayyyyy?' That's generally how most of you sound. uhm, I'm sorry, But when the hell did the world begin to center around pigs like you guys? If a kid eats at home at 16, that's fairly normal, a dad taking care of a daughter - no matter what the age- is fairly normal, a girl with a learning disability also normal and really also not your place to judge. <br />
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For the RARE few of you, you have legitimate complaints, but for the most part, most of you are selfish ******. I mean for pity sakes, you married these men because you figured they were decent people, and decent people, take care of their children because its what they WANT to do, because they LOVE their children - they help pay for the stuff their children need, they let their children come over, they let their children eat food, they don't judge if their children have learning disabilities, they trust their children. If you want to marry the sort of guy who will chuck his child out on the streets when they need him, or when they try to act like his family (which they are, more rightfully so than you) than go marry some ******* or quit complaining. <br />
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Or look at it like this: If it was YOUR little girl, would you not want him to care more about HER than a new woman if he re-married to someone else besides you? <br />
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For you mommies to be: Teenagers CAN BE a massive pain. Many of you will give birth to teens who will lie to you, scream at you, be lazy, eat your food, and be a downright pain. Many of you will also be so mentally diluted you won't even see it, you'll see your children as perfect little angels, who under your noses will get away with a lot cause you really aren't all that smart - your constant whining has already proven that. There will also be those of you who will have your own daughters brought home in a police cab at 2am, drunk, knocked up, swearing at you, and you will be forced to realize how bad teens can be, cause trust me, your stepdaughters are nothing compared to what is out there. <br />
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Besides which, when your daughters or sons are 16, lazying around, eatting your food, having your husbands attention/love, ignoring you cause they're annoyed with you for whatever new reason it is that week, are you going to kick them out? I doubt it. You'll let them stay and keep on loving them cause its what parents do. If you do? Well... than I feel sorry for those kids for having you as parents. <br />
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For those of you who say you tried: Imagine being a teenager. You're hormonal. You're dealing with a ton & a half of ****. Your mom may or may not be the best but you love her. Your father is around. Your parents aren't together and as much as you want a family, you don't want some stranger barging in and marrying your father, pretending to be your mother; you already have one. <br />
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It's all well & good to say you'd of accepted the new lady if she was nice, that you would have seen she'd make a better mom, but lets be realistic; that's complete bullshit. Quit fooling yourselves. You guys are forcing yourself upon girls who don't want you, no matter how screwed up their moms may or may not be. At least subconsciously? It probably seems like an attack on someone they care about when you try to push your way into their lives, as if you're acting like you can do soooo much better than someone THEY love.

ttopper wrote: It's all well &amp; good to say you'd of accepted the new lady if she was nice, that you would have seen she'd make a better mom, but lets be realistic; that's complete bullshit. Quit fooling yourselves. You guys are forcing yourself upon girls who don't want you, no matter how screwed up their moms may or may not be. At least subconsciously? It probably seems like an attack on someone they care about when you try to push your way into their lives, as if you're acting like you can do soooo much better than someone THEY love.


Forcing myself on my stepdaughters? How so? Because their father and I fell in love and got married (after their mother left him for another guy?) I haven't tried to "push" my way into their lives... being in each other's lives is a natural consequence of me being married to their father.

Isn't that a little simplistic and lacking insite, even for the narcissitic stereotype you're describing? I think most of us here would gladly settle for what you are describing, but even then, do want us to celebrate how wonderful it all is? Their father's aren't even doing that.

Are you kidding me? Jealous of a little girl? Not at all, at least not in my case (I am sure a lot of people on this site disagree with you). Simple, I don't want to waste my emotion, my resources on someone who doesn't show a little respect on me. (not count all the troubles she and her BM brings to us such as going through DCFS investigations etc.)

"You guys are forcing yourself upon girls who don't want you" Is this a joke? Simply, I don't have anything to do with her now. I would be more than happy if she lives with her BM as long as she is willing to take her. Obviously, she stuck with us because her BM doesn't want her. She is out of choice, so as we.

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year. I love him very, very much. Now, his teenage daughter has moved in with him. She has already been out running around at 3 a.m.and had the cops call her Dad (my boyfriend). She wants $200 for Victoria Secret's underwear (she's 15). She wants a new,.expensive cell phone every year, she whines when she talks, and begs her Dad for money every chance she gets. She fights with her brother, and wants her Dad and Grandma to wait on her hand and foot. I love my boyfriend with all my heart but I know that if I move in with him, that she will be very jealous of me. She already erased my picture off of his cell phone and put hers on. I guess I have to wait until his daughter turns 18 and moves out in order to live with my boyfriend. Her father gives her everything she wants, and lets her do anything she wants. She is also verbally abusive to her father. My stomach churns when I hear her whining and yelling at her father just to get her own way. My boyfriend is the most wonderful man I have ever known. He let his ex-wife walk all over him, and now he is letting his daughter do the same thing. I can watch this happening from a distance, but I can't watch it every day under my own roof. Advice... stay out of their relationship and because it's between father and child. It's their deal, not yours. All you can do is tell him your opinion in a quiet, gentle voice when the two of you are alone. And if you feel as if you are being abused... and your body starts showing signs of illness because of stress, leave... if you aren't married yet. Get married later, when your boyfriend can really be there for you. The stress of living with someone who doesn't really accept you will only tear the relationship apart. God bless you for trying.

It doesn't end when they are 18, and it might even get worse. And husbands and boyfriends that behave that way with their children are abusing their kids worse than someone who smacks them. What is going to happen to that young woman when she's an adult? I'm all for giving kids everything you can, but not as a reward for ****** behavior. Not because it ****** us off, but because it absolutely destroys children.

OMG I read your posts and this sucks you think it's bad when it's a stepkid try having your only daugher who just turned 13 doing all this horrible stuff. She ran away two weeks ago and has not been heard from since. She lies to everyone can't hold a friendship because she lies and talks about everyone she acts like a perfect angel and then cuts me like a knife to the heart by skipping school, having dudes in my house while her father and I are at work oh and for Mother's Day my husband woke with a start in the middle of the night he is usually a heavy sleeper and he went right to her room oh man she had a 17 year old in her room at 2 in the morning having sex she was only 12 WTF! We have tried really hard to raise her properly and give her all she wants and since 12/2010 she has done nothing but betray lie and embarrass us. Her dad still believes in her and that she is only a child and her friends are making her do these things but damn it only so much blame can be placed elsewhere this is all her doing. She is a smart girl knows the consequences of the things she is doing and truly doesn't care. She left us a nasty note when she jumped out of her window at almost mindnight and we live in Florida hello home of the predators and she hasn't so much bothered to pick up a phone or send an email we even went as far as to beg her on FB to come back and nothing she knows she is breaking her fathers heart and she doesn't give two sh**s I don't get it. And all her damned friends and boyfriend are hiding her out really. I hate to say this but she has turned my heart cold as Ice and I hate her for it. It's just sad that she is my only daughter and I don't think I will be able to forgive her for breaking our hearts. Am I a bad mother for feeling this way? I hope not I tried over and over again to no avail she just flat out hates us and there is no good reason for it.

If you are bad, make peace with it. What are you supposed to do? Have her keep endangering herself and your home with reckless behavior, pour all of your love and resources into her, and she still is a creepy ****** person who won't quit destroying herself and everyone around her. Take care of yourself. Your husband is obligated to love her even if she is Charles Manson, but you do not. What's going to happen if you are saintly and never have a bad feeling or make a mistake with her? Are you going to fix her? At some point you have to let go, wish everyone the best, and do what is best for you. The alternative is that twenty years later you are saying and feeling the same things, she is older a little bit better, but still a ****, and you wonder where your life went.

OMG I read your posts and this sucks you think it's bad when it's a stepkid try having your only daugher who just turned 13 doing all this horrible stuff. She ran away two weeks ago and has not been heard from since. She lies to everyone can't hold a friendship because she lies and talks about everyone she acts like a perfect angel and then cuts me like a knife to the heart by skipping school, having dudes in my house while her father and I are at work oh and for Mother's Day my husband woke with a start in the middle of the night he is usually a heavy sleeper and he went right to her room oh man she had a 17 year old in her room at 2 in the morning having sex she was only 12 WTF! We have tried really hard to raise her properly and give her all she wants and since 12/2010 she has done nothing but betray lie and embarrass us. Her dad still believes in her and that she is only a child and her friends are making her do these things but damn it only so much blame can be placed elsewhere this is all her doing. She is a smart girl knows the consequences of the things she is doing and truly doesn't care. She left us a nasty note when she jumped out of her window at almost mindnight and we live in Florida hello home of the predators and she hasn't so much bothered to pick up a phone or send an email we even went as far as to beg her on FB to come back and nothing she knows she is breaking her fathers heart and she doesn't give two sh**s I don't get it. And all her damned friends and boyfriend are hiding her out really. I hate to say this but she has turned my heart cold as Ice and I hate her for it. It's just sad that she is my only daughter and I don't think I will be able to forgive her for breaking our hearts. Am I a bad mother for feeling this way? I hope not I tried over and over again to no avail she just flat out hates us and there is no good reason for it.

Wow! I really cant believe all of these comments. Look at how bad you have talked about these children. Although they might be bad in your eyes and do things that are awful. If it was the other way around and your partner felt this way about your child, how would you want them to go about fixing it? Would you still want to be with someone who hated your child and wanted nothing but bad things for them? You hating the child is doing nothing but fueling the fire.

GO thoughts exactly

I can sympathize with all of you. When I first met my husband, his children were adorable, loving creatures who seemed so eager to have a mother type figre in their life. And they were so grateful that their father had finally found happiness. Then reality set in. They began to disrespect me. They live in filth,food, spilled drinks, dirty clothes, stained carpet and all. They came from living in a single bedroom together with their father to having a beautifu house. They never had any money or material things before i came along and they were perfectly happy! Now they have everything and are miserable and unsatisfied. They demand new clothing, video gaming systems, cell phones.....the cell phone they have is never good enough....a new xbox is not good enough anymore they have to be online gaming. SD is just destructive in every sort of the word. She peels the paint off the walls. I'm not exagerrating. I had to repaint her room and replace the blinds because they were all broken when we recently moved into a bigger house. Things went even further downhill when I got pregnant with our first child. SD told me to my face that she didn't have to do anything I said because I'm not her mom. No sh**.......I'm not your mom because if I was you wouldnt be disrespectful and you wouldn't be allowed to live in my house while lying, stealing and spreading your legs for the whole school. She ran up a $1,000.00 phone bill by texting when we told her the phone was for calls only. She lies to her father and says shes going to stay with her cousin for the nite, then has her 22 year old boyfriend pick her up so they can ****. We had the photos of her from her facebook of her drinking beer with her BF, cofronted her and to our face she lied and said she didnt have a BF and she wasnt drinking. She went to stay with her bio-mom for a few months. Come to find out she was took her to get abortion at the age of 16. She has since moved back in with us. Things are getting progressivly worse. She will be 18 soon......Still lives in her own filth, steals my clothes from the laundry and helps herself to my shoes. Asked her the other day if she had seen my new underwear i just bought, she said no so I pulled her jeans back and she was wearing them. We turned off her cell cuz we couldnt afford it, so BF got her one. Found out why, so she can send naked pics of herself to him. Her BF has since broken up with her, yet she still goes over to his house every nite for a courtesy ****. Is he her pimp? Cuz they are not together, but she has sex with him and he gives he money for the week.....what do you call that? He stopped paying for her phone so she steals dads phone off the charger at nite to facebook and text. She now has a new boyfriend and still goes over to the ex's house everyday. The stepson is not anywhere near the pain that she is, he is just a 19 year old who didnt graduate and has never worked a day in his life. Instead of looking for a job, he plays video games all day. Bio-mom has said they are no longer welcome in her house. Must be nice. I have begged my husband to make him get a job and to stop letting his daughter go to her ex-BF's house. He then accuses me of putting too much stress on him. Even their bio-mom is on my side, but he will not have any contact with her. I hate living in this house. In the mean time I'm trying to raise my 3 yr old daughter in a loving, respectful environment. I don't know how much longer I can take it. Husband would rather sit in front of the tv and just let his kids suck the life out of me than confront them because they might get upset with him. No matter what I say, he will always give in to them....they know all they have to do is cry or pout and he will give them anything or let them do anything they want. It's pathetic. They will never amount to anything. And while he goes to work everyday I get to sit in this house with his children and clean up after them.

AAAAAAAhHHH! Why do these men destroy their children and make everyone else suffer for it! I want to rescue you and take you to a situation you deserve.

I just left my live in boyfriend because of his 12 yr old daughter. I could handle her but she would completely ignore my 6 yr old daughter and thats where i drew the line. its one thing how she treated me but a 6 yr old shouldnt have to endure hate for no reason. i left so soon i feel but knew there would be so many problems up ahead being that he would do nothing..

I just left my live in boyfriend because of his 12 yr old daughter. I could handle her but she would completely ignore my 6 yr old daughter and thats where i drew the line. its one thing how she treated me but a 6 yr old shouldnt have to endure hate for no reason. i left so soon i feel but knew there would be so many problems up ahead being that he would do nothing..

He shouldn't have been having sex when he was 14. I hate to be uncaring and crude but karma has a way of coming back to bite you in the ***.

My step daughter is 13. Bipolar, ADHD and god knows what else. I married last year, have joint custody with my ex of my 2 sons, 6 & 13. Really good decent boys. She is a menace. A thief, a liar a manipulating little B. I love my husband more than I ever knew I could love another. He's raised her pretty much on his own since she was 4. Her mom has the same psycho issues. She's ruining my family. I don't know what to do... We've had the cops here because she was playing with fire in her bedroom, because she was bored. She's been punished, taken to counseling. I put her in the choir, she's just vile. She talks to her friends about getting high on her adderall. I'm so pissed, I spanked her on the butt tonight as she relaunched her fb account under a 4th alias. Nothing wrong with fb but she's been band because of bad behavior. So abusive to her parents. I worry that I will wake with her trying to kill me. I'm freaking exhausted. My new family showed such promise. I will not my boys suffer. My last marriage was abusive and my 13 yr son is still reeling from that experience. What the heck am I going to do now?

I'm glad I found this site! It almost makes me feel better about my situation! To lyder23, having just read your story, GET OUT. Your husband needs to man up and find himself a job. If he can rake leaves in a park, he can most certainly find work somewhere. And it's amazing how little things can add up: doing dishes, cleaning the house, disciplining his daughter when she disrespects you, etc. You work 3 jobs?! Girl, I bet if you worked 2 of those jobs and had two less people in your house, you and your 4-legged children would have a wonderful home and a wonderful life!! Life is too short. Perhaps you lay down the law, give them/him a time limit to make some major changes (2 months? A little more, a little less?) and if something doesn't happen (and STAY that way), get the hell OUT.

My 12 yr old stepdaughter has been through a lot with her mother before moving in with her Dad and I. My husband has 2 girls with his crazy, bipolar ex wife. One is 14 and other is 12. When i first met my husband i noticed a huge favortism between the families and the two girls. We could never have our youngest stepdaughter more than a few hours but could keep our oldest stepdaughter forever if we wanted.I also noticed that when the ex starts acting crazy my husband does whatever she wants to keep the peace...first mistake...i call that creating a monster!! About six months ago crazy bipolar ex wife calls and tells us she no longer wants our youngest because she's having sex, running away and now has started hitting her mother back when she hits her first. She no longer wants the responsiblity of her. Keep in mind 4 yrs ago we took in our oldest and she kept trying to run my house & tell my husband what to do. After repeatedly trying to fight me we sent her back home with her mother. She actually recently matured & we get along pretty well. But my 12 yr old does not listen, has no rspect for my belongings, steals stupid things like my deodorant, my personal snacks, my bras & underwear!!. She sneaks & watches YouTube girl fights all the time so she can be "GHETTO" in the streets (her words). She got kicked out of public schooling for trying to fight the Principal!! And she totally refuses to get help because she" doesnt want people knowing about her problems". What i hate the most is she keeps saying "we're trying to change her into a white girl"....?? So does that mean black people have to be ignorant and run the streets all hours of the day and night?? I wish i knew what to do before i really start hating her and give up!!

I feel your pain. I hate to say it , but your life will never good as long as as she is around. I have 4 demons sent from hell to deal with. They stab me in the back every chance they get. they steal, lie, treat me like crap and my husband does nothing about it. They are constantly trying to split us up and he chooses to live with blinders on. It will never get any better . I used to think it would get better but I now know it won't. When he plans to go see his extended family, his daughters dictate to him he needs to go alone, but they just mean without me. They all go together. When he was in the hospital, one of the daughters stole his car (he dropped her form our insurance due to her driving record)and he told me I was out to destroy her for saying something about it. He is totally brainwashed . I love him dearly, but they make me dread each day . As soon as you can get out, and save yourself.

i so wish i could get the support u do on this site, ive been nothing but critisized b cuz i have the same problem as u except my 8 y/o sd is not biologically mine or my husbands but we still took her in an tryed to help her an now we want her out of our home b cuz she is out of control, weve hasd her in counsiling, therapy, on medicine and we also had her evaluated an found out shes a sociapath, shes a psycho, she smeered her poop on our bathroom 4 times, tryed to kills our kitten an me and my husband have a 3 months old babygirl whome the 8 y/o is so jesalous of an she threatens to hurt her so now me my hubbie our baby an our animals all gotta sleep in our bedroom an lock our door at night cuz we fear our lives, i cant stand her so we r signing off our rights to her b cuz thats just the tip of the iceburg of wut shes done, shes a pathological liar, a thief, shes dirty an hates to shower or brush her teeth an shes overweight an bullys ppl an calls them fat wen shes the fatty, i no how u feel after all weve done for her an weve tryed loving her an helping an she shows no love for us an treats us all like crap an disrespects our home so bad, if we didnt have to take care of her an feed her legally i wouldnt i wouldnt care at all but i just dont want cps getting involved with us so now we r finally getting her out of our home shes going back to live with her looser mom cuz she finally got cps off her back an thats the only reason weve been taking care of her an helpin her for three years cuz she had no were to go an no one wanted her b cuz of how rotten she is

i hate my step daughter . she's going to turn 14 yrs old in december. i lived with my husband for almost 5 years. first of all, when i met my husband , his daughter is 11. his daughter doesnt like me at all because she's afraid to lose her dad for me. she went on her way to make me mad and to make her dad mad on me all the time. our relationship was on and off. i love him blindly so i didnt leave him because of that. i have been explained to her that i never take love away from her but she didnt listen to me. i tried my best to be a good mom. everyday i have to take her to go school and pick her up after school, help her with homework and everything but she never appreciate me. all she does is giving me an attitude. when i dont help her, my husband got mad at me . he said i dont love her. when i tried to help her, she made me mad. i went to tell my husband. he didnt do anything to her. he just said i must do something to dislike her . that's why she giving me an attidude. she made me stress out lately. she is such a bad, rudeness kid. she even rude to her dad. i cant stand for her attitidue. every freaking week, she comes up something that we have to buy new things for her. it cost fortune out of us because we dont make good money. she knew it too but she doesnt care. she doesnt keep her stuff. every freaking 4 or 5 months she lost or break her earrings, ear phone, this and that. i got very frustruated about that and stress out because we dont have money. we barely have money enought to pay bills for each month. now we have to come up some money to open party for her birthday this december. i really hate her , i hate to look at her face, her voice. i never like to have her around me. i loved my husband and she always get into our relationship either making her dad mad and curse at me and to do something to make me mad at her. then she went on to tell on me. if her dad is not around, come home late because of work, she doesnt listen to me. all she does is making me mad so she can have something to tell on me. i always have to control my temper but sometime i lost my wisdom. my husband is stress out lately too because of our fininace and her school work. every freaking week, we always had complains on her . my husband stress out, mad at her and turn around mad at me . he always blame on me for everythings. i dont know if i can stand it for long . since i married my husband, i am unhappy because of this child. i didnt find myslef being happy anymore. i hate her so much. everytime she made me mad, i cant do anything to her. this make myself more stress between school and family because i am currently in school to finish my degree. i am so glad that i found this site and can express myself

hatw when people comment abut others situations, my step daughter has basicaly turned into her mother coniving and sneeky, we pay already 1300$per month and she wants more, ontop of that we pay dental and vision and have everything at our house for her, but she doesnt thank anyone here she just wants more i cant stand it. she just uses us. today i lost it because she punched my daughter, she is 13 yers old and lies like crazy. saying she didnt but youcan seee the bruises on her. I cant take it and my husband who i love and tries doesnt say anything just asks her did you do that, well duh she;s gonna say no. her mother is a loser and lier and only wants the money and it is rubbing n the daughter.

hatw when people comment abut others situations, my step daughter has basicaly turned into her mother coniving and sneeky, we pay already 1300$per month and she wants more, ontop of that we pay dental and vision and have everything at our house for her, but she doesnt thank anyone here she just wants more i cant stand it. she just uses us. today i lost it because she punched my daughter, she is 13 yers old and lies like crazy. saying she didnt but youcan seee the bruises on her. I cant take it and my husband who i love and tries doesnt say anything just asks her did you do that, well duh she;s gonna say no. her mother is a loser and lier and only wants the money and it is rubbing n the daughter.

Ok, I know lightwisp that the kids are supposed to come first. We are not stupid, and a lot of us do make this commitment. However, don't be so quick to judge us until you have lived in our shoes. I think this site is great. It's really nice to know that we are not alone.<br />
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I am married to a husband with a 17 year old hellion step-daughter. What can I say, I hate my stepdaughter and I'm beginning to hate my husband. It didn't always work this way. We have been together for 3 years now. My husband and I barely had time to date (3 months) when his (then 14 year old) daughter was tossed out by her useless and abusive mother. My husband (then bf) had moved in 2 months before, and so we really had no choice. She was fine at first-we even got along well and I loved her. I did my best to treat her like my own and give her everything. She came to us with nothing but the clothes on her back. I was stupid and I spent so much on her and her dad (getting him out of debt) that I drove myself to bankruptcy. I bought her a computer, clothes, furniture, etc. I paid his bills, fixed his car, and bought him a computer too. She had nothing so I felt it was my duty to give her everything I could. Dumb, I know. Wish I could go back.<br />
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We spent a ton of money to get custody of her so we could move to another state when I took a job. I fought SO hard to get her. Does she thank me? No. Does she act nice towards me? No. Is she constantly a ***** to me? Yes, all of the time. Does she complain all of the freaking time? YES and I'M SICK OF IT. I am getting so fed up with her that I bite her head off now every chance I get. I am just sick of her. I can't stand to even look at her these days. She is only nice to me when she wants something (like I'm that dumb), and the routine is wearing thin. Lately I can't even stand the sound of her voice or the sight of her so I am constantly burying myself in my computer work. When she does talk to me, I know that it's never for anything good. She doesn't want to discuss anything interesting like politics or even her school (which she is getting kicked out of-way to go slick). She just wants money, or expensive clothes (who the hell spends $150 on a pair of boots?) or she wants me to save her butt from screwing up at school (which I'm tired of doing).<br />
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Recently, things have started to really go down hill fast. She is constantly demanding, bossy, rude, she cusses like a sailor and she eats and lives like a pig. She has made it perfectly clear that I am her 'maid.' I don't have children of my own (I don't know if this is good or bad given our situation), but lately she is even mean to my dogs who are my kids. If she were to ever hit one of them, I think I would lose it.<br />
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Sadly, this is starting to spill over to my marriage as I am beginning to really think much of the problem is also with my husband. I earn the money in our house by working 4 jobs (one full time 3 part times). I work hard, and we were supposed to split up the jobs of the house (he was going to run the house, I was going to earn the living). Lately I find myself doing everything except laundry. I cook, I clean, I do the dishes AND work 4 jobs. I will admit he helps me at times, but it's only when and what he WANTS to do. He is becoming so damn lazy. He rakes pathways out of a park, but he won't touch our yard that is covered in leaves. He says it is depression since I 'don't love him.' This just makes me hate him that much more. I haven't admitted it to him yet, but yes, I don't think I love him anymore. If he would discipline his brat of a daughter once in a while I might stop resenting them both. However as of now they make my life hell.<br />
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So the kicker is that he is on disability, with little income and so if I do kick them out they will likely be almost homeless, plus I took them to a new state when we moved. Now I'm stuck. I'd ship that little ***** stepdeamon back to her mom in a second if I could these days. I keep telling myself that she is leaving soon since all she does is complain but her shrink says that won't likely happen. Great, kill me now. Seriously, if it weren't for my dogs getting a good home I would kill myself just to get away from them. <br />
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It's nice to vent, and dream about kicking out 2 losers so I can get my life back. I used to love life. I loved to laugh and joke with my friends. I had tons of parties at my house and invited all of my friends over-I don't do that anymore. My step daughter says my laugh is to 'annoying' and frankly I'm to embarrassed to invite anyone over. Who wants to show off a little ***** like that?

Lydyer23, You wouldn't let someone treat your dogs like this, so why are you letting this happen to you? Do you think they are going to appreciate you more for destroying yourself? Find a different way. Either get things to change at home, or get away if you can. I'm really sorry for what you are going through.

I just want to say to the eighteen yr old "child" who commented-maybe when you have grown up and are with someone u love u will realise that actually ur husband or wife comes first-children second. Its a question of priorities!

That's absolutely barbaric. Nothing comes before the children.

I used to agree with you but shrinks have convince me otherwise, but I think you are taking it the wrong way. I hate my step daughter, but I would probably die trying to save her from a burning building. So in that sense, she is first. But when it comes to running a household, it should be you and your spouse. To do it otherwise, puts the child inappropriately in an adult situation that will ultimately harm them. You might be the exception. Most kids put in your situation are the examples your reading about. It's easy to be armchair about it, but again imagine someone behaving worse than your stepfather, and you are not only responsible for their safety and wellbeing but all the other people around them.

This is totally just another perspective, but I think that many stepfathers and stepmothers are completely selfish in a certain way. Your partner's kids should ALWAYS come first; they didn't ask to be there. Before you ever entered the picture, the stepchild went through a painful situation--a divorce or the death of a parent. How would you feel if you were a young child and a complete stranger were forced upon you as a parent? It's ridiculous to spew hatred at a 14 year-old child. There's a reason that we call 14 year-olds children--because they are not adults and should not be held to the same standards as adults. <br />
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I don't know why people think it's okay to destroy a child's world so that they can be happy in a romantic relationship. The child comes first, not the romance.

You haven't been hurt enough yet. Come back when you have felt what these people have felt

You can probably say that about most of the children kept in youth authority prisons that rape, kill, and hurt people. Maybe some are born horrible and maybe some had ****** parents, or bad dynamics. I can feel bad for them all day long when they aren't raping or killing me.

my husband and i have been married for 15 years. both of us coming into the relationship with children, me two boys and him a teenage daughter..........ugh. silly me i really thought that i could be a mother to this child, he own mother was just a waste of space, a meth addict and an abuser....the first couple years were just unbeleivable, she refered to me as her.....she ruled my household, bio mom lived on the other side of the united states. She ruined my relationship with my mother in law, because she lied to her and said i was mistreating her...she lied to teachers at school telling them i was crazy and wanted to hurt her, she told all her friends about her evil step mother., to this day, i see her friends and they look at me like im a peice of ****....her father did not have a clue how to handle her, to tell you the truth, i know now, neither did i, i really regret not forcing her into counceling, and now here i am 15 years later, she is grown, but still its horrible, she degrades me, she puts me down, she tries to control my relationship, she tries to cause problems, but the latest and probably the hardest, she gave birth to my grandaughter a year ago, and now she has a whole new way of being cruel, by using my grandbaby to hurt me, since that sweet baby was born, the verbal abuse has only gotten worse, daring me to say one word and no grandbaby. enough has gotten to be enough, because now she has gotten physically abusive, so i have made the decision to step away from the situation, cut my losses, if for no one other than my grandaughter, my stepdaughter thinks she is just hurting me, but she is hurting my grandaughter....she is a selfish, competitive, controlling, mean and abusive. If i had this 15 years to do over again and know what i know now, im not sure i would have done them the same way, I love my husband, but the heartbreak and the humiliation of dealing with this emotionally abusive relationship with my stepdaughter, has taken its toll on my life. I have really tried to reflect on the relationship over the past 15 years and i know that although i am not perfect, i tried very hard to be a good mom to her...i tried way to hard, anything i ever did, or would ever do, would never be good enough, she has made it her mission in life to make my life misreable, still spewing the poor poor cinderalla story....telling people how she has forgiven me for mistreating big of her huh? Just another way of degrading me...she was never abused or mistreated. I know it is hateful and horrible, but i just want her to stay away from me....i dont even want to see her face, she is nasty person, she is mean and hateful...when she went to prom i called her bio mom and told her how beautiful she was and when her daughter was born i called bio mom, so she could hear that first stupid was bio mom, the recovering drug addict gets to see my grandaughter, not me......

Here's our future.

I HATE MY STEPDAUGHTER TOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I want her to go.......just to leave, I dont care if she runs away, is alone on the streets, or long as she isnt in my house w/me and my two boys!! Ur story is so much like mine...I love that I can connect w/others who share the same feelings. I wondered at first if maybe there was something wrong w/me? Now I know I'm not alone. My daughter is 14, and as soon as shes 17 we are getting her emancipated and OUT SHE GOES!

oh my god, your story completely echos my own, except she is 16 going on 17 and i swear the damn girl is fricken SLOW. she should be in grade 11 but she hasnt even done grade 9.<br />
she constantly lies even when i have proof shes lying!... she was supposed to clean her bedroom and bathroom and she lied and said she had but the cleaning products never left their cupboard.<br />
i'm having a baby in 4.5 months and i just wish she was gone! the bedroom she came and moved into was supposed to be the nursery and now the baby is gonna have to sleep in the room with my boyfriend and me.<br />
every time i buy food i have to hide it or she eats it before i get to have any!<br />
i wish she would just move out already.<br />
and those of us who hate our stepchildren are not evil people or really selfish.<br />
though who says caring about how your self sometimes is a bad thing? if we dont do it who else will?

If she eats the food... She's probably hungry. That's not abnormal for a teen girl. If she is in your and your husband/wife's care, it's your responsibility to make sure she has enough to eat. I don't understand why people complain about something as simple as eating your food.

You all think you have i badly? Listen to this. <br />
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I met my partner when her daughter was 5. She was a weird one, always saying she was going to kill herself, saying really weird things like "I'm going to cut my ear off" whenever she got in trouble. Not even trouble really, anything that wasn't all sunshine and roses, she would threaten to kill herself or cut herself. Not to mention, her grandmother was also crazy, and decided I was to be killed and has come over to the house trying to break in to kill me. She's very mentally ill.<br />
My girlfriend, was later hospitalized for being bi polar, and her daughter went into foster care. I thought this was a great thing really, cause maybe then she could get the help she needed. Her mother and I got back together a couple of months later, and the child was eventually back into our care. I've tried bonding with that child for years. And sometimes she can be really sweet, but other times, she literally freaks out. For example, she once put a metal pin through a kittens ear at age 5, at age 6 she broke her mouses tail and tried to drowned it, at seven, she picked my dog up by the collar trying to choke her, and now, at eight, cut our baby chihuahua's ear and head with scissors. The latest one just happened a couple of days ago. I came downstairs from having a jacuzzi, and there was blood everywhere! I was freaking out and called the kid to find out what happened. She acted dumb until I saw the baby puppy covered in blood. The whole house was covered in blood! I didn't know a three pound chihuahua had that much blood in its body. I went into shock screaming, and then yelled "What did you do?!" She said "I was trying to make it a hat" I told her she was so dead when her mother came over. I freaked out and paced the house for ten minutes in complete shock just screaming. I couldnt processes a thought. I was literally in shock. The puppy was still alive and bleeding profusely. I finally called my girlfriend at work telling her to come home that her daughter killed the puppy (I thought the puppy would die at any minute)<br />
Eventually, I couldnt take having her in the house. I called my cousin who works for Childrens aid to come and get her. I was losing control. The kid was screaming "Your gonna kill me! Im gonna die! I'm going to cut myself" Im gonna cut my ear off!!" I just wanted to smack her, but I was too concerned with the poor puppy, I ignored her besides saying "Shut up you idiot! How could you do this to a helpless little puppy?!?!"<br />
So the puppy didn't die, the kids mother came home and luckily shes a nurse and got the wounds to stop bleeding. My cousin came and took the monster. <br />
It's a couple days later, and I have just been notified that Children's aid has been contacted with a report that I said I was going to kill the kid, that I was screaming and yelling at her, and such. So now, I'm being made to look like a monster, when this "kid" is trying to kill animals, and who knows what she will try to kill next. She had no remorse for the puppy, she thought it was funny, and is now using the situation to get back at me... I guess because I ruined her plan to kill the puppy, I don't know. <br />
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I hope that thing can get some kind of help, or hospitalization. I hope that she doesn't kill someone... cause honestly, this is the fourth animal shes harmed, and it just isnt normal. I don't see her as a kid, I see her as a monster. Humans have compassion, humans try to help things in need. That kid is not human. She's an abomination. She's going to end up killing someone, or multiple people. You have liars on your hands? You have thieves? I have a psychopath.

This is one of the few stories on this post that isn't just a whiny, jealous girlfriend, with an actual concern. Did this child ever get help?

You really do have a psychopath. They don't get help. They are hardwired. The mom should still try to get help, and you should get far, far away.

I live with my boyfriend and he has two teenage daughters who come to visit every other weekend. I have been with him for 2 years and I tried to be something to these girls. There own mother is a waste of space. She left my bf for another man 8 years ago and now this man lives with her. The girls are 16 and 18 and sometimes I get along with them and other times I don't. When the 18 year old was 16 she use to dress sexy and prance around my bf. This use to bother me alot. Now she is 18, and I was getting along with her until about a week ago something happened. She had lost her car keys and we were looking everywhere for them in the house. Her dad (my bf) was at work and I called him to tell him about the lost keys. He was pissed off and was yelling at me on the phone--his daughter witnessed the fight and went to the bathroom. I got off the phone and started looking through my purse to see if they were put there by accident. I wanted to find those damn keys because her car was blocking mine. When she came out of the bathroom, she saw me going through my purse. I was getting frustrated about the keys so I told my bf's daughter that I was going to jump in the shower and wait for her father to help us find the keys. I was in the shower when my bf came home. My purse was still out in the kitchen. After I was done with my shower, my bf had found the keys and guess where they were--in my purse. He gave me this look, and I tried to defend myself. The little ***** started getting all her belongings together and tried to get out of the house in a rush. I told my bf that she was standing next to me when I was going through my purse--The little ***** said to me--"These things happen". I was so pissed off that I ran to my bedroom. I was in tears. My bf went to say g'bye to his daughters. I know the little ***** did this whole scenario--she didn't want her dad to be mad at her for him to be leaving work to find the keys--so she put the keys in my purse--I do not trust that little *****--she is a sneaky secretive little *****...I really have nothing to do with his kids anymore and I don't care if my bf leaves me. Little girls grow up and have lives and then daddy will be alone again...who cares...I am over it...

OMG! I thought I was the only one who felt like this. I hate that I've had my home invaided, my things disrespected and my privacy taken away. I feelilke the stranger in my own home, I work late to avoid going home, spend most of my time in the bedroom and just feel really stressed as soon as I step foot over the door. This has basiclly ruined our relationship. Am I wrong to ask my partner to tell her to leave, she's is 18 and does have a choice about where she lives?

you just told my story. i work evening shift so i don't have to interact with my husband's 17 year old. i adore him and loathe her. being in the same room as her makes me sick to my stomach. 6 more months and she's gone, i hope. we have been married 8 weeks and already i don't want to be home when she is there. lazy spoiled manipulative self-centered lying sneaking piece of scum. there- i feel a little better...

You are not wrong, but is it really going to happen. Even then every holiday or special event is going to be ****.

I also hate my stepdaughter. She is 16. She is already on probation. Cops bring her home frequently. She drinks, smokes, sneaks out and screws every nasty sleazy boy she meets. Her grandmother butts in and tries to cover for her and yells at us telling us we are bad parents. Now grandmother is trying to get my boyfriend to turn against me because I told her what I thought of her! I go to a friends house after work until my boyfriend gets home because I'm afraid I'll bitchslap his daughter if I have to be around her. The only peace of relaxation I get is when she goes to her moms house. Unfortunaty her mother is a meth addict and when step daughter comes home she's worse than ever. I wish she would run away or move in with her junky mother. Boyfriend is just as frustrated as I am but is never one to fight and lets her get away with murder. I hope she keeps screwing up and the courts take her to juvie. I can't stand that girl. Biggest pain in the *** ever. Plus that she never does her homework and I'm pretty sure she won't graduate on time which means she'll live with us forever. I swear to God, somethings got to give or I'm going have to be scandalous and rat her out to her probation officer for everything she does and try to get rid of her!!!! I don't want to be a hateful person, this is ridiculous. Anyone have any ideas about coping with or getting this kid out of her? She also lies, steals and manipulates everyone every chance she gets. She's a ***** and she has no respect for anyone. She also pretends to be a cutter, so she can get attention. I want her to GO AWAY!!!!!

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When I moved in with my BF, he told me his "one-night stand with an ugly str1pper accident loser teenage brat daughter" (my words, not his) was moving in with us full time. I said, Fine, as long as she's not a demon child. I can deal with a kid. Fast forward a few months....I do everything for this brat. Drive her around, buy her things, hang out with her, cook for her, pay for her being in my house, don't say a word when she curses, makes messes, fails every class, steals, acts like an idiot, and says rude things about me to my face, to her friends, and online. Her mind is completely filthy for such a young girl. I find drawings she made of her poisoning me and stabbing me. WTF? Jealous much?? I can't imagine any other reason she would be so hateful. Her mom bangs a new guy every week (her words), yet her dad can't have one girlfriend without her losing her sh1t? She is gone now, but if she decides to move back in full time with us...I am gone SO fast and not even leaving a note!!!

yikes, being a child still well 18 years old and reading this i have to say you are wrong. how can you call a child he made a burden? she eats like a pig? shes a waste of resources. i am sorry but you seem kind of selfish and not too pleasant yourself. she never had a father growing up until she was what... five? how does that deal with a kid, her dad never wanted her, her mom probably wasn;t good or she wouldn't have left.. and her step mom hates her so much and won't even try to be nice to her.. he's trying to have a relationship with his kid, and sorry it's their kid before you. it's just priority..

how do you know if she was lying or not about her stepfather. she probably has problems because of her past and you probably aren't helping her

I totally feel for you and agree with others that no one can trully understand how you feel until they have been through it. One of my responses to my story was that I need to realize my husband probably doesn't feel the same way as I, but fortunately he does. He wants more then anything for her to be gone. But she has been kicked out of her moms and where does she go from here. I say, I don't care. I hate it because I am wishing the next two years of my life away. I hate thelook in my own childrens eyes when she is being flat out nasty. I hate looking at her, cringe when I she her laying on MY bed and can't stand the hearing her voice. I live for the days she is so busy she isn't home until bedtime otherwise I dread every moment with her and loath doing things for her. The place for her, straight jacket in a psych. ward. That is where her mom, aunts, cousins and grandmother have all been. O guess the apple does not fall to far from the tree.

I so feel for all of you. I am 38 yrs old and when I was just almost 16 I met an older man(22) that I thought was it. He was still married but not with his wife and hadn't been for quite sometime. They had a daughter that was 4 and was basically raised by her grandparents. I got along pretty good for the first couple of yrs and then we moved in together. We lived fairly close to his parents so if I was to tell her to put her clothes away or pick something up she would tell me NO and out the door she would go. I then got pregnant at 20 and by this time was getting so angry that I would hide with my child in the bedroom so she could't have any contact. I would always tell my husband that my kids will never act like her. This child was handed anything she wanted and never did no wrong. She decided to go live with her mom when she was a teenager and visit us on week ends. One week end she told us she didn't want to go back becuase her mom was mean. NOW I see it was all a lie. She didn't get to do everything she wanted so this was her way to get to stay and ofcourse her dad didn't maker her go back. So I will jump ahead a few yrs. She has some medical issues to boot. She had figured out how to make herself have siezures. I was so scared and bent over backwards for her over the yrs. I missed work to make sure she would get to her app.and make sure she had eveything she needed. Her high school yrs was spent with her mom in another state which was GREAT for us becuase we now have 3 boys at home to raise. She would come for a visit and we would be fighting before she left because he would NEVER tell he NO and she always got what she wanted. She NEVER picked up after herself of offer to help me with anything. At the age of 20 she got pregnant with her first child. At the age of 21 she got pregnant with her 2nd one and at the age of 22 she got pregnant with her 3rd. She did get married and he tried but nothing he did was good enough. Her dad and I drove and moved them back, paying for all expenses. I had remodled a house and had it totally furnished for her. When we got to her she had not packed one thing and the place was a dump. FILTH and the babies was living it. He dad wouldn't say a thing to her about it. They wasn't here a few months and eveything that I had done was TRASHED. Curtains was ripped down, food all over the floors, pictures broken and to top it off animal fecis was all over. (no animals allowed) ha. I went and cleaned becuase I couldn't stand the fact of babies living in that. Thru this time she is sick and can't take care of them so I am not only working and taking care of my 3 but her 3 also. I COULDN"T TAKE IT. This was making me hate her more and more everyday. This girl did NO wrong in her fathers familys eyes. No one would tell her anything as they was affraid on upsetting her. She had one son in preschool and the other parents and teachers was calling me for everything. I would relay the message and all she said was she didn't have time. Needless to say I am now divorced and having a hard time moving on. I have SOOOO much anger!!!! I can say I HATE HER and eveyone that helped to create the monster she is. This girl is 26 with 3 kids and no job. Everything is handed to her on a silver platter and it makes me SICK. I need to know how to move on and not let the past interfere with my future? I am dating a wonderful man that has 2 small children and it scares me becuase its like i'm jealous of them. When I am around them which in not often I feel those same feeling as I had in my previous life. These kids haven't done anything to me but when they are acting up and not listening or getting their way I feel this crazy feeling coming over me to RUN. I do LOVE him and I don't know what to do. How do I love his kids like my own? I get MAD so easy at him when his kids around and there is No need for it. It's my awful past haunting me. PLEASE PLEASE someone tell me how to get thru this and move on without it still controling me.

You've been through so much already. I can fully understand your new love's kids can make you cringe. It's hard to be practical when you're in love, not matter what our age. You must be upfront with your new man. Make sure he understands what you've already been through. Make sure he knows what you feel all the time. Better to lose him now than find out he can't understand your emotions concerning his kids later. Then you will be fully into a relationship &amp; it's harder to walk away. He must be fully aware that you can't cope with step kids and their crap. And always remember, these are not your kids. You don't have to love them. You only need to have a friendly relationship that both tolerate each other for the sake of everyone. Don't try and love them. It's not meant to be that way. Respect and understanding is as far as you have to go. And when it all gets to much, you need to know your new man will understand and try and help, not take sides. This is where hell starts. Please, be very very sure about things before you go any further. You have a right to be worried because you have been treated badly in the past. It takes a special man to share his life with his children and a partner, and take care of both relationships. A lot of men can't do it. Be careful

I'm so glad to have found a 'safe' site where I can vent my similar frustrations. My stepdaughter is almost 12 and I can barely stand her OR her trouble causing mother. I dread every visit when she's here. This is my 2nd marriage and I have already raised 2 daughters who are now very responsible and successful adults. My husband's daughter is the complete opposite of what my girls were like. She lives with a spiteful, nasty, full of revenge mother who has hated me since the day she found out about me seeing her ex. They were not even living together when we met, but she still loves to claim that I am a 'homewrecker' and split them up. She feeds the daughter this garbage too, so I've never really stood a chance. She refused to let my husband even SEE his daughter once he met me and made him fight in court for his visitation. He even had to fight to have his daughter be a part of our wedding. This woman does not work..never has. Classic welfare case who has nothing better to do than try and come in between my husband and I by using the daughter as the 'bait'. He will not stand up to his ex .. it's as if he is afraid of her. It makes me sick. He has told me over and over that his daughter is "all that matters to him"..even before me, his wife. What woman wants to hear that?? Of course it creates resentment. When his kid is here, she is a complete slob. Her room looks like a bomb went off in it by the time she goes home after 2 or 3 days...garbage and clothes everywhere..half empty water bottles, pop disgusts me. Her father picks up after her. I refuse to do it anymore. I've heard from sources that she wants her dad back with her mother. I am certain she acts up here on purpose just to create tension betweeen her Dad and I..which it often does. I am not "allowed" to even get into any kind of disagreement with him while she's here. He says I do it on purpose just to ruin her time here! Couples have's a normal part of life! But not when his little darling is around..he tries to shelter her from everything. I am to just shut my mouth if anything upsets me whenever she's around. He does not see anything 'wrong' with any of her negative behaviour..his little princess is perfect. He babies her. I did try to form a bond with her, but it just isn't happening and I doubt it ever will. I see her as sneaky, manipulative and coniving..just like her mother. My husband has mentioned a few times he would like her to live with us, but luckily she hasn't wanted to. (Too many rules in our house for her). If she ever DOES, I have already told myself I will be out of here. There is no way I can imagine my life with her living in our home all the time. My husband recently accused me of not liking his daughter. I denied that, but to be honest..he is right! I don't. Some days I'd give anything to turn back the clock so that I never would've met him and left my first marriage for him. To top it all off, he is emotionally and verbally abusive to me when nobody else is around. Blames me for everything that goes wrong between us. He has 2 very different personalities. I'm sure one day I will probably just get out of this mess, but right now I'm not able to because I can't afford to be on my own financially..even though I work full time and make good money. Hopefully one day..

I don't blame the daughter for this a bit. It sounds as if you're jealous of the affection he gives her.
"He has told me over and over that his daughter is "all that matters to him"..even before me, his wife."
Really, you don't say... I had always thought parents were supposed to love their children more than their spouses. You're nothing but an attention *****.

Jealous?? Your'e too funny. Far from it. And your'e an opinionated, completely ignorant to the whole story and the facts *****

@hadenough2228 ..You are the funny one ... I hope you get divorced soon :) since you don't even love him and just stay with him for the money .... thank god he has at least his daugther to care about him ...
and ... you are talking about facts? what facts? I read your whole story and It is just you bitching about a girl no cleaning her room ? ... hmm If you were her real mom you won't be overreacting over such a stupid thing ... grow up woman ;) if you do love your mate, you will also love his background

Wow. That post of yours is 2 years old. I hope the brat didn't destroy your marriage. Mine is equally a nightmare. Without detail, my present wife has a 12 year old red headed daughter. Yep, red headed step child. And why in the world was I damned with the stereotype. Moreso, this step child is a cross between Damien and Carrie (I joke you not). I can handle the statements like "why did you have to marry Mike" and "why do women marry ugly men: and "I will NEVER forgive you for having that baby" (yes, we had a baby together right after the marriage 2 years ago). I tried the bonding thing. That only led to vandalism of my neighbors home (great way to meet the new neighbors) and vandalizing my business office down town ("heres my new step daughter...I'm so proud!!!). Yeah, total freak of nature. Totally spoiled, gets everything, etc. No "poor little girl" bs. A vindictive Jeffrey Dahmer type (did I mention she cut the ears off her cat Sparkles?). Scary. But it gets worse (gets meaning present tense of pesent HELL ON EARTH). Anyway, if all the above is not enough to turn a sane man...well...insane (is abortion 12 years later legal as a late term abortion?). Just kidding, I'm not for stuff like that...but I can dream. I do have that left...right? No, she took that too. The little red headed darling went on a blog campaign about me, her mother, and my children (I have 4 from a previous marriage). Yeah...blogging...insane stuff. I'm laughing while I'm typing this, trying to avoid putting my fist in the wall. Anyway, it gets worse. She called Child Protective Services and told them her mother has marijuana in her purse. Tell me, it legal to put a kid in a cage and dunk them in a river? Can you do that? lol. No, I would never do that or condone any harm to any children. But did I just describe a child? A human? A monster? <br />
<br />
I am so sorry you have gone through that. Forget what everyone tells you. Draw the line and put the brat in her place, daily, moment to moment. Don't kick her out, make her leave on her own accord.<br />
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My prayers go out to you and may you get the happiness you deserve. May the brat who is tormenting you ROT IN HELL. I'll ask my red headed step daughter to reserve a place for her.

wow so much like my life also.

and his monster steals, too...when she comes home from a trip to the store with her Auntie she has candies that Auntie didn't buy her and he just says, "well, we can't prove she stole it so we'll let it go...". <br />
and she stole two dollars from my purse and tried to say that my daughter who is grown up, married and has plenty of money of her own stole it because she was visiting when it happened. later on i saw the two bucks in his brat's toy purse. i knew it was mine but he said someone 'must have given it to her' and forbid me to take it back. dishonest little thing!

oh, it's so nice to know i am not alone in disliking my chosen mate's child. his is four years old and her mother is literally insane. he refuses to discipline his brat and allows her to control everyone in his home, including his elderly mother. he looks forward to his 'Babymomma' giving him custody of his little mistake, and i am hoping that the crazy woman moves to another state (as she threatens to) with it so that we don't have to have the insufferable brat visit as often! <br />
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can you believe he is so crazy about his daughter that he won't allow her to have her own bedroom and makes her sleep in a tiny crib in our bedroom with us? i woke up the other day to the nasty little snotnose elbowing me in the ribs in an effort to shove her way in between us in our bed! <br />
what kind of father lets his four year old daughter sleep with him and his girlfriend? ewwww!<br />
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the weird thing is that she is obsessed with me and follows me everywhere i go about the huse. if i am on the phone with my own children who are grown and treat people politely, she throws a tantrum and screams for my attention. and no one in the house makes a move to shut the little princess's gob!<br />
<br />
stepdaughters are nasty little brats to their father's mates.

Oh yes my life is the same stepdaughters are awful jealous spoilt brats I can't stand mine I'm sure her mission in life is to make mine miserable and what hurts the most is I'm the one that does everything for her,her own mother has nothing to do with her doesn't spend a penny won't even spend a cent to call her,she's all sweet and innocent around daddy who gives her everything she wants out of some misguided guilt because of the way her own mother treated her,well that's not my fault and she's not my responsibility I won't do anything for this poison tongued brat ever again I wish she was gone from my life.the past 2years she has lived in my house have been a nightmare this thing sexually abused my 4 year baby in the bath,I ended up in an asylum for a week and no one helped me her father blamed it all on biomum,the brat had been living here for a year by then,I can't take my eyes off her she lies,steals and is so cruel to everyone,eats like a here I am still stuck with this kid because no one else wants her,still getting no help,and miserable in my home wishing I could find a way out.

My sd is 9 years old

I'm with you all the way. I absolutely HATE my step-daughter. She is a compulsive liar and thief. She's a manipulater. Her dad keeps trusting her after she has proven time and again that that's not possible. I don't want her in my house when no one is there. I can't buy any groceries for meals because she eats it before I can fix it. I want her OUT of my house NOW. My husband thinks I'm always on her *** for something. Which if she would do what she is asked/told to do I wouldn't have to be on her ***. She is a pig. She thinks I'm her maid. She informed me that she doesn't do dishes. I've started throwing away ANYTHING she leaves laying around. I HATE HER.


well, i can feel your agervation here, i have a 12 yr old stepdaughter, and i love her but cant stand her.. i was raised never to hate anyone but she is pushing it, she has had a rough life with her real mother but it gives her no excuses for what she does i have been a good mom to her and let me tell u this child has done some stuff went as far as over dosing on pills and admited doing it for attention, try to have sex with my daughters boyfriend, plays me and her dad against eachother, i have lost a baby already she loves to fight back when she is being corrected, this child has the most evil in her i have ever seen, its hard to explain but she has pushed me to where i dont care anymore where she go's , what she does, everything, the mother is a nut case, she took off out of state with the 2 youngest and we are fighting to get them back she lies too..and i want her to go back to her mom as soon as we get the youngest back, anyway there is so much to this u have no idea

I understand everything you stated. I am so sorry to have to tell you this...but it only gets WORSE!! I have had my stepdaughter for 2 years. She will be 14 this month. I have spent many hours of frustration about things you have already talked about and more. I will pray for you that the demon in your home will not destroy you and your marriage. I fear for the little one on the way. Be careful and God bless.

I understand your frustration, too. I hate it when my fiance lies to me about his daughter, just to make himself look like a better father. His daughter is 7. I feel bad feeling this way about a child, but I can't help it. Her mother is a piece of s*** and I can't stand her. My fiance's daughter has trouble reading. Her teachers and her mother had told him that. He wouldn't believe it. He said when he reads with her, she reads perfectly. So I wanted to see if I could help. She couldn't figure out a lot of 3-letter words such as 'his' or 'her'. I told him that I think she needs additional help on her reading, and we ended up in a huge fight. He's way to overprotective of her. Anything negative said about his "PRECIOUS" will get yelled at. Just know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Sounds to me that your problem is with the father, not his daughter. It's not her fault she can't read well. Her father, however, could do a better job helping her. Why won't you all realize this? It sounds like most of you are simply jealous over your significant other's love for his daughter, which is utterly pathetic and sad. I hope you can all grow up one day.

This is a place to discuss frustrations with stepdaughters, not a place to be judged. Go take your opinions somewhere else, valid or no.

bull if you do not want comments that are differeing then do not write it in a public forum...valid or no? please get a grip you are behaving like a child... you have a right to your opinion just as the rest of us do and my opinion is the problem is YOU

I totally understand your frustration. Going into it you never know that things are going to be the way they are. Does your husband understand your feelings. I feel like mine tries but he just will never grasp the fact that his daughter has issues. If you know what I mean. Lying ruins lives and not just yours. I dred when she comes and only find relief when she leaves on Sunday. She's ungrateful, annoying, hateful brat and I have tried to grin and bear it for so long but I just don't even want her to come anymore and am willing to give my husband up every other weekend for them to do their visit somewhere else. And I know thats horrible. I feel bad for you and understand what you are going through and you can't escape because she is there all the time. Maybe ask your husband to put her in some kind of club or activity after school so she isn't home when you are there alone.

I totally understand your frustration. Going into it you never know that things are going to be the way they are. Does your husband understand your feelings. I feel like mine tries but he just will never grasp the fact that his daughter has issues. If you know what I mean. Lying ruins lives and not just yours. I dred when she comes and only find relief when she leaves on Sunday. She's ungrateful, annoying, hateful brat and I have tried to grin and bear it for so long but I just don't even want her to come anymore and am willing to give my husband up every other weekend for them to do their visit somewhere else. And I know thats horrible. I feel bad for you and understand what you are going through and you can't escape because she is there all the time. Maybe ask your husband to put her in some kind of club or activity after school so she isn't home when you are there alone.

I feel so sorry for you! No one can know what your talking about as long as they won`t live it! I`m living it and I hate my stepdaughter SOOOO much! she is almost 17 and lived with us for 1,5 year and she`s moved out. Didn`t speak to her dad 4 3 months and now suddenly she is here twice a week and sweet as anything. Last time was asking about my boyfriends ex wife in front of me. I know what she is doing. she is trying to split us up but i will never let her! My boyfriend is saying he can`t do anything becouse she is his daughter. Last time she called him **** and told him to **** off. She texted me to take a run a jump and now is everyone acting this never happend. When she was living with us it was a HELL!!!! She was stealing my stuff, she was lying, she had a party in a house while we were on the holiday, etc. We had to put a lock on our bedroom door! I hate her with a passion! Sometimes I just want to end my life becouse I love my boyfriend very much and hate his daughter in the same time... And i was really nice to her at the beginning but when she moved in and start stealing my stuff i`ve had enought!

Your story is almost identical to mine. I was six months pregnant when my husbands two daughters moved in with us. I have been with him since they were 3 and 4 years old so they had moved in and out of our house a lot during the years and were 16 and 17 when they moved in during my pregnancy. I was immediately sick when my husband told me they were moving in with us. When they live with us our lives come to a screaming hault. It is all about them and their troubles with their bi-polar mother and how crazy she is. They are both in college now and the oldest and I have a great relationship but her sister is just like her crazy mother. She has always hated and rejected me. I regret investing so much time trying to be a good role model for her and doing nice things for her hoping we could have a good relationship some day. I just found out today that my husband just paid a $248 medical bill of hers that he told me he was not going to pay. I found out by going through his check book carbons. Now he has lied to me which is one of my biggest pet peeves. I hate when people lie. I feel like she is destroying my marriage. <br />
You need to be careful about this situation because of your health and the health of your baby. I was soooooooo miserable and depressed and angry about them living with us. It was an extra responsibility that I did not need. I ended up in the emergency room a week before the due date and had a seizure and stopped breathing. They called a code blue on me intebated me so a machine could do the breathing for me. I had an emergency c-section and my baby was born pale and floppy and not breathing. They almost intebated him but he started to breath on his own and then he had a seizure too. We both made it out alive but I was very healthy before they move in with is. The stress and how I felt toward them was the cause of the trouble I had during the last trimester of my pregnancy. If you need to leave the environment that she is in, even if it means leaving your own it for you and your baby. Sometimes you have to take the "my way or the highway" approach. I still feel like we coud end up getting a divorce over his daughter who will always be a problem. Just be sure (at least while you are pregnant) that you put yourself first. Good luck.

Heyy, i just read your post and it feel so good to know other people are experiencing the same situtions and im not crazy lol. My boyfriend who ive been with almost 2 years has 2 daughters that he sees EVERY weekend, in the beginning i didnt think i would mind, i thought i'd be able to just leave them alone and go visit my mom or do errands when they were around but the further along our relationship got, the harder it was to see him around his daughters because theyre not 'our' kids and it just hurts so so bad to see how much he loves them and to know he had these kids with this woman who he hates more then anything in the world. His daughter was an accident, thought she was on birth control and when he found out she was pregnant it wasnt until she was 4 months along that she told him and was too late for an abortion. Now he lets his daughter sleep in the bed with us(shes 10!!) And goes in the bathroom to help her shower which is totally uncomfortable and litterally going nuts and dont know how much more i can take. I love my boyfriend and dont wanna be without him but these kids are really coming in between our relationship and it sucks!! Ever since they(the kids) knew he was with me they always wanna call/text him allll the time and know what were doing and when they come for th weekend if were sitting on the couch together they come over and haVe to sit right next or in between us!! Of course he doesnt see anything wrong with it but the whole situation is f'ed up and its disgusting how he lets them sleep in the same bed and how he has to go in the bathroom while they shower and get dressed. What cran i do about this? Is there anyway i can stop or cut his visitations with them?? This is making me physicly sick