Where Would You Be Now If You Hadn't Gotten (re)married?I've sacrificed a lot for my stepdaughter in the last four years. I live over two hours away from my job, so that she could continue to go to the same school she went to before her parents divorced. That means over four hours of commuting every day. I also have given up most of the world travelling I loved to do, because my money now goes to pay for braces and school trips and prom dresses. And I've given up my sense of freedom, because I always need to consider my stepdaughter and her well-being in any and all decisions that I make.
I knew I'd have to make those sacrifices before I got married, and I was prepared to make them. They seemed like a fair trade for being in a loving, committed relationship with a woman who shared the same goals, dreams and values as me. And I also knew that things with her daughter were a little tense but I naively believed things would improve after we got married. I believed if all I do for this child is treat her with respect, be kind to her and be a good role model... how could she not grow to accept and maybe even love me?
If you're reading this than you know that's just not how it works. So now I'm making these sacrifices for someone who doesn't appreciate me, or what I do for her, at all. I've helped her mother to be much kinder and gentler with her... she doesn't care. I've helped her to get opportunities she otherwise never would have had... she doesn't care. I've shown her a better way of life than the life she had when her mom and birth father were still married... she doesn't care. And worse still, she constantly (and I mean CONSTANTLY) treats me with disrespect, hostility and abuse.
I've found myself daydreaming more and more about where I'd be if I had realized the mess I was getting myself into with my stepdaughter and chosen to not marry her mother.
At the time I met her mother, I was planning to work overseas so I'd probably still be doing that. I imagine sooner or later I would have met someone special over there and gotten married.
If homesickness got too strong I would have come home, worked in the city and lived in a condo. I would have been free to live where I wanted, had more money to spend on travel and fun and not felt this sickening feeling every day of living with someone who hates me and who I now hate back just as much.
I had reservations about having children of my own, and because my wife didn't want any more I decided to give up that possibility. But I know I would have been a good dad, and I often find myself wondering what my life would have been like if I had kids of my own, instead of assuming responsibility for someone else's child.
Most importantly, I would have been optimistic about the future, which is something that I've lost. No matter what, I know that I'm going to be stuck with this ingrateful, hurtful person, and that's going to impact me forever... unless I finally get fed up and leave the marriage, that is. An evil (what other word is there for it, really?) stepdaughter is like a thorn in your side that you can't pull out. You always know it's there, it always hurts and it never goes away.
So how about? Where would YOU be now if you hadn't gotten married or remarried?
FrustratedSF1 31-35, M 4 Responses 0 Jul 12, 2010