Don't Know What To Do.....

I have 4 step-daughters. The youngest is 15, then a 17 year old and 19 year old twins who will be 20 in December. The 15 year old and 17 year old live with us. One twin lives with the mother and the other twin lives in GA with her boyfriend. I have no problems with the 15 year old. The trouble starts with the 17 year old. She was ok in the begining but it just got worse and worse in the past 4 years. She won't do anything to help around the house. She tells me I'm fat and I'm a loser because I work at a department store. She lies about anything and everything and if she doesn't get what she wants, everyone has to pay for it. She has very large breasts and she wears clothes that she just pops out of. She makes comments to her Dad that make me feel uncomfortable. It's not anything specific that I can point out, it's just comments that I feel are meant to make me feel excluded. Which is fine because I really don't want anything to do with her anyway. She has brought out pictures of my husband and her mom when they were married and shown them to friends of ours that were over for dinner. The latest thing to happen was she informed me that her mom would be joining her sisters and my husband on vacation. My husband was right there when she said it and looked at her like she was nuts. She has a sense of entitlement that is just awful. She expects everything to be handed to her no matter how badly she behaves. My husband is no longer friends with a guy that used to be his best friend because of her. She was all over him everytime he was at our house and could not leave him alone. She walked around being provocative and even went through my husbands phone to get this persons number. This girl may only be 17, but she looks like she's in her early 20's. She knows how to manipulate boys and grown men, believe me. My husbands "friend" ended up crossing that line and kissing her and going as far to say he wanted a relationship with her. He's 25. I'm not saying it's all her fault. I believe it's both of their fault. The list goes on and on with this girl. i used to think that teenagers will be teenagers, but I don't think so. At 17, you should have self-respect and respect for others. She has none of the qualities of a good person that I can see. People in her family have tried to help her. She won't listen. My husband has lost control of her and I feel like he has given up.  She is going to be a senior this year and I have no idea how she managed that. Every report card is F's and D's. The only thing that I feel for her now is sadness and hate. I'm sad because she really is a beautiful girl with lots of potential but doesn't want to use it. She thinks she can go through life using her body to get what she wants. Her attitude makes her a very ugly person. I feel hate for her because of the way she treats me. The way she talks to me. I hate feeling scared and anxious to walk into my own house because she's here and I don't know what to expect. I hate her attitude towards life and people. I have alot of patience but it's really being tested. I avoid talking to her unless she speaks to me because I'm scared I will explode. She needs help. But at this point, I'm just hoping she moves out of our house soon. I feel terrible for feeling all this hate and anger towards her. But it will not go away.
ceb241218 ceb241218
26-30
2 Responses Jul 14, 2010

Thank you so much for that!! For a while I really didn't think there were people out there like me. I felt like a horrible person for a long time. I don't feel that bad anymore. It's true what you said though. They are going to grow up to be horrible people. Thank you so much for your input. Just knowing other people are going through the same thing is really helpful. Thank you.

Hi Ceb241218,<br />
<br />
I'm sorry for your experiences. I know how painful it can be to have someone act like you don't exist in your own home.<br />
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And I know what you mean aout feeling sad for her and hating her, and about being scared and anxious in your own home.<br />
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I'm actually feeling that right now -- SD decided to run away on Monday, putting her poor mom through hell. She ended up going to her dad's for a few nights and thankfully was at least safe, but she came back home today while her mom is at work.<br />
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And because her running away got her mother so upset, I think she figures now that she can run the house. She walked it with a big smile on her face, like she knew how much hurt and upset she caused her mother and I and like she couldn't care less. She didn't even look at me when she came in -- just walked on by with that big smile and locked herself in her room.<br />
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She is a cruel, heartless, abusive teenager, and I know no matter what we do she's going to turn into a cruel, heartless and abusive adult. I've done my best to stay patient with her and and tried to look past her behaviour "because she's just a kid" for the last four years, but those days are over now.<br />
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And that's where I'm trying to find my comfort. Her mother and I have really tried to help her, to help teach her right from wrong, to get her counselling for her anger and pain and to give her opportunities where she'll learn self-respect and responsibility. But she doesn't appreciate any of it.<br />
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But as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. At least I can hold my head up high, knowing that I did more for her than anyone could ever expect of me. And knowing that I was a good person, and was good to her, even though she did nothing to reciprocate that or to show me it was appreciated.<br />
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I can also take comfort in knowing that when she does get older and move out, I will be free from her daily poisoning of our home, and her mother and I can finally live in peace. I'm sure she will still try and be a thorn in our side after she moves out, but I will be doing my absolute best to put an end to her abusive hold on our home.<br />
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And I also believe firmly that life gives back to us what we put out into the world, which is why I always try to be a good person (even to SD).<br />
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SD is already feeling the consequences of her behaviour, like how she has so significantly damaged her relationships with both parents and her brother, and how none of her extended family, her teachers and even most of her classmates want anything to do with her.<br />
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And these consequences are only going to continue as she gets older -- lost jobs, no friends, bad relationships. I don't wish these things for her, but it's the natural outcome of the way she behaves and treats others.<br />
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Because she chose to hate me and not listen to the things I could teach her, life will teach her those lessons instead. And as we all know, life can be a very cruel teacher indeed.