first and foremost - THANK YOU - for having a site where i can vent my feelings about this subject. for years i've felt like a horrible person for resenting and hating this child, but now i know i'm not alone. this is my story...

i met marc online in sept of '02. i was 19, and he was 31 going through a nasty seperation. his wife had cheated and left with their child, who was 4 at the time. we met in person for the first time in dec of '02 and by april '03 we lived together in my parents house. that required a hefty move on his part (i'm from mass, he lived in florida). a month after he moved in, his daughter came to visit for the summer. she celebrated her 5th birthday with us. he hadn't seen her in 8 months - his wife also moved out of state which enabled him to move to me. everything was fine. i loved her like she was my own. i bought her clothes, took her places, played games with her, made us special "sleep over craft nights" that were just us girls. everything was great. until she started to get in the way.

i couldn't go near marc without her getting mad. she had to hold his hand, sit on his lap, be next to him every minute that i was home. but when it was just the two of us, we were fine. for some reason if you added in more people, her personality changed. so we sat her down and talked with her as best as we could because she was only 5 after all. we explained that her mommy and daddy weren't going to be together anymore and that i was here now and her daddy loved me, too. then we got a call from her mom saying that she was going back to school and if we could take her this school year for kindergarten. we agreed.

we had to teach her how to tie her shoes and how to do the alphabet before she started school, because that was what was required. but she was a smart kid and already knew her alphabet so marc focused on her tying her shoes. and she did it great! so because she was now going to live with us, i had to change my work hours so i could get her off to school. i worked 9-3 and marc worked 6-2.

getting her up every morning was a battle. she threw things at me, yelled at me, refused to get dressed, wouldn't tie her own shoes anymore, and would not sit still at the table for breakfast. she would constantly fall all over the floor while her mouth was full and i would freak out because i could see her choking on something and it scared me. so i would start yelling at her because i was 20 and never had to deal with a child that didn't listen to me AT ALL. i would ground her, take things away, punish her, but nothing worked. because when she came home from school she'd go right up to daddy and complain about how mean i was. and then marc and i would fight.

we hardly EVER fought before she lived with us. and it only got worse, too. she started getting sent to the principals office, twice a day everyday for disrupting class and not listening. so she saw the counselor there and we had her see one outside of school as well because she was just always so angry. we felt it was about the divorce so we had her speak to someone. the first therapist we saw told us she was normal and fine. so we took her to another one and that one said there were deep issues for her. so there she stayed. she saw the school counselor daily and the other one once a week. things looked a little better. now it's '04 and the summer was approaching. her mom asked us again if we'd take her for 1st grade as well because she had more schooling to do. we said yes. so her mom came to visit for a week and you know what this child did???

she clung to me like i was her BFF. she would do NOTHING without me. and it pissed her mom off BIG TIME. so when it came time for her to leave back to illinois, her daughter asked her if she could call me MOM. that sent her mother over the edge but she said she could call me mommy nicki. anyway... she ended up going with her mom back to ill because she wanted to visit her there and we wanted a break anyway. next thing we know, the mom is calling us and screaming and calling me every name in the book because her daughter told her i beat her, hit her, lied to get her in trouble with her father, and wouldn't feed her. WHATTT?!!? instantly we weren't able to have her for the next school year, and marc turned on me. he called me petty and jealous and immature. he ended up cheating on me for 8 months with some.. girl - i'll be nice.. he met online and then one he worked with. i couldn't call him at work, i couldn't go there to visit him, and he took someone else to the christmas party at work and left me home. i was devastated. we went from perfect together to this in 2 years, all because of the lies his daughter told - at age 6 (her birthday is in may).

so we fought hard to get back to where we were before. he came clean about cheating - the only way i found out he even cheated was because he told me. and the rest of '04 (thanksgiving to new years) was hard for me to handle. i was jumpy, hurt, upset, and i started to resent that kid for tearing us apart. so when she came to visit for christmas, i wasn't too thrilled and her attitude and lying didn't stop. but marc caught on fast and started to put his foot down.

so then it's '05 and we find out her mom took her to a psychiatrist and they diagnosed her as BI-POLAR. she's still 6 and her mom gets married to someone she met 6 months before. whatever i won't judge. then the daughter gets hospitalized for her behavior. she screams all the time, kicks the walls, threatens to have the family dog bite her so she can have it put to sleep. she focuses on hurting someone (in her mind) and actually thinks she's hurting them. but miraculously after 10 days in the hospital, SHE'S FINE! they send her home. but as soon as she's in the car with her mom and her step dad, it starts all over again. she's put on medication.

i'm going to fast forward here and just outline what happens - because honestly i get a little blurry because sooo much has happened..

she strangles her cat, kicks little dogs (my moms prized yorkies to be exact), bent her baby cousins legs back to hurt him, tries to push her step dad down the stairs, breaks her door off the hinges, again tries to get the rottie to bite her so she can have it euthenized, told her father she hated him for marrying me - 3 years now :D (because i didn't stop doing dishes to help her fold a shirt). anything else?? oh yeah. she told her step dad and step sister NOT to sleep at night because she would kill them. she lies, sneaks food, and refuses to bathe. her breathe smells like something died, she's getting FATTER and lazier, and NEVER wants to do any chores. she never does her homework, and i'm sorry but she still tries to come in between us, and she just turned 12. her mother called us before the summer and asked if we wanted her because she was done with her. everything she does or says becomes a battle and noone ever wins. just one problem. i'm pregnant now and with her threatening her step dad and step sister, and already hurting other children (she stabbed a girl in the eye with a flag and tripped my 3 year old cousin down the stairs), I REALLY DON'T WANT HER LIVING HERE.

but i sucked it up and told my husband that yes, but things were going to be different and if she EVER tried to hurt me or our baby, that she would be gone. he agreed. only thing stopping her is her mother, and her mother doesn't think being around me or our baby would be good for anyone so THANKFULLY she's not going to live here. she's also not going to be coming this christmas either because i'm due 11/30 and we need to prepare for the baby. then from now on she's only going to be coming 2 weeks in the summers because she's such a bad influence that my hubby is afraid i'd take our baby and leave him because of her. and he's right. i told him if i knew then what i know now, i never would have married him, no matter how great he is - and believe me HE IS AMAZING.

so it comes down to him protecting the family he has now.. even though he loves his daughter - it's not safe for me or our child to be around her. he feels bad and i feel bad, too, but this is his new life and if she won't be a willing and pleasant participant in it, then she can't be in it. i think i'm a little luckier than the rest of you in that aspect, because my time with her is limited now because of this pregnancy.

but i still cringe at her name... which by the way literally has the word SATAN in it. i hate her voice, i hate it when she calls.. i just hate everything about her. thanks for listening to my story. :)
LovinglySerene LovinglySerene
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 15, 2010

The divorce destroyed her life as you can see. She definitely didnt take it well.