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I Will Never Again Open My Heart To My Evil Step Daughter

where to begin.... this will most likely be very long. ..........

I first have to say I truely hate my stepdaughter. I met her when she was 14. she has lived with her bio Mother all her life and still does.
when I first met her I really did not like her, and I think it was more due to her Mother. for the things her mother did to my husband.
but I never showed her I didn't. I always talked with her did things for her. for a couple of months she was coming around and things seem to be going well. then out of no where she stopped coming around and calling. 3 months later out of no where she starts talking to me on the computer. then she started coming around again. then again as things seem to be going fine, poof, she is gone again. months goes by again, then I finally caught on, she was only coming around her birthday then again christmas. at this point I started to back away from her. she will tell us it's her moms fault. that she would give her a hard time about coming around us. would tell us storeis about how her family steals her money from her. (which i fell for, cause i would give her money) lies after lies from this child. I really never thought someone could lie as much as she has.
about a year has pasted no word from her. then all of a sudden she appears. yup, birthday time. this time when i walked in my door she was there, and the first thing i said to her is what do you want? she says my Dad.... I laughed, and said you have a funny way of showing it. she put on fake tears. i was falling for it. she continue to come around, and then she started talking about wanting a car......  my husband said do you think we could help her, sign for a car or something. I said no, but we can help her find a car that she can pay for. that day was the last day we seen her for a year.
mind you, I have done a lot for this girl. first I accepted her as one of my own. I treated her the same when it came to chrismas, birthdays or just in general. but I do have to say. I went above and beyond for this kid. her own father never spent a dime on her. it was always me. I went out of my way and had gotten her a job, that last 2 weeks. she always had some excuse as to why she couldn't come to work. and it wasn't because she couldn't get there, i went out of my way to pick her up and drop her off.
anyway, the storeis she would tell I always felt sorry for her. the way she said her Mom and stepfather would treat her. (but it turns out to be lies)
back to the story, after we told her we would help her find a car, she stopped coming around. I had found out that her mom's mother had given her a car. thats why she stopped coming around.
so time goes on, then again she decides to come back into our lifes. this time, she seems different. maybe a little more grown up. ehich she should cause now she is 20 years old. she ends up getting pregnant, and she tells her father and I that the guy told her to get an abortion or he is going to have her jumped. a friend of ours happened to know this kid/guy she was seeing and he tells us that the guy is nothing like she says. so my husband wants to meet this guy and ask his friend to bring him over. so me, I tell my stepdaughter thinking it's the right thing to do. so I tell her what her Dads wants and she said that is fine. she was ok with it.
the day that the guy comes over, she sends me a message telling me she is not coming over, she wants nothing to do with us and to have a good life. then I get a message from her mother asking me about a mental meeting we are trying to do on her daughter. had said that the guy is going to say anything to get us against her daughter. i ask her why she would even think that. but I didn't get a reply back from the mother or stepdaughter.
anyway, we met the guy, and honestly he is nothing like the stepdaughter said he was. he did admit that he ask her to get an abortion and he said this, the only reason is because she doesn't want to be with me, she treats me terrible. and that he did not want to try and raise his child for the good and try to keep the trash people from not talking badly about him to his own child. (that is her family, they love drama)
she told this guy that I had sex with her x boyfriend, that I did terrible things to her. I could not believe my ears. I was so ashamed of my stepdaughter to talk about me in such away to someone I did not know. after he left my husband and I said no more. can't do this any longer. I waited until the next day to say something to my stepdaughter. and from there it;s been a nightmare. death threats from ehr family. oweing me money and not repaying it. lies after lies. she went so low to send aim text messages to my husband and I, that I need to pack my **** up and take my dead sisters kid with me. ( yes my sister passed away that year, and left behind a 6 year little girl, who we have adopted)
my stepdaughter is a very sick evil toxic person. I still can't believe someone can be that evil. all the **** that she and her family did and said, I truely wanted to kill this girl. I would wake up some nights and that is all I could think of, is wanting this girl dead.
2 years agoes by, and I get a message from her, saying she wanted us to be in her childs life. ( another pregnancy, she did have an abortion wit hthe first one) so this child she has is 3 months old now. I talked to my husband about it and at first he was like no way. not going to put my family through that bs ever again. but we dicided (i know stupid is stupid does) that we would see the child. I told her up front that what she did before she can not do again. she has a child now, you can't do this to your own child. she tells me she wants to do the right thing and have her baby be apart of our lifes. I told her I did not trust her. and I told her it's all in her actions of what she does not what she tells us. so she said she is going to prove it to us and that I was right all along. and that i did nothing to her. and it was her, that she liked causing drama. but she is changing for the better. so with that, we allowed her to come over with the baby. that was in may of this year. things were going well so we thought. the last time we have seen her or the baby was oct 8th. not a word nothing as to why. I do have her baby's father on a site of mine and we have talked. and it's funny from what he has said about her and what I have told him about what she has done to her father and I, he does not want to be around her. says she is not a good person at all. he takes the baby 3 to 4 days a week over nights. says she can't handle it. so now, in order for my husband to see his grandchild, the baby's father brings him over. we got to see him the week before christmas. and said when ever we want to see him he will bring him over. he will send me messages to let me know how the baby is. the stepdaughter does not know anything about him bringing the baby over. he said once she comes to her senses, and starts coming over own her own again then he will tell her. but the think is my husband and i  do not want her to ever come around again. I know for sure that if she ever treid to walk into my home I would choke her to death. but on the other side, I feel bad for the baby's father, cause when she does find out, she will probably try to keep the baby from him. and i have told him that, but he said that would never happen cause she knows I would win in court.
so this is some of my story, i know very long. thanks to the people who made it this far :)
now the question is, is it truely wrong for me to hate my stepdaughter?
peachtree67 peachtree67 41-45 19 Responses Jan 5, 2011

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Keep her as far away as possible. I have a step daughter. At first it seemed like things might work out, but her loyalty to her ***** of a mother blinds her. Mine is materialistic, and only urgently comes around when she wants money or very expensive gifts: x-box, 2 iPhones, Lap tops, large sums of money for shopping. She was the reason I became so stressed out in my pregnancy, and why I went into preterm labor at 23 weeks! Step daughter are selfish and manipulative and it's even worse when Dad is a push over. My step daughter is no longer welcomed in MY home. If my husband wants to see her he will travel to spend a week with her a year. She can try to milk him then, but the rest of the year she needs her mother to fork over some of that child support for her supplies. It is amazing how the child support is never actually used for "child support".

Step daughters are NOT good! for the sake of your marriage please DO NOT insist on a relationship with her because of the baby. The baby is not at fault for the type of mother he/she has, but Your marriage is so much more important than keeping a relationship with that baby.

Maybe it's the mother who has poisoned her daughter, but at the ripe age of 20, she should know better and should be making her own decisions.

Keep her away from now on. It will never work. Step kids are programed to hate step parents.

Stay away. That's what my husband and I have concluded about his daughter from his first marriage. The first wife cheated on my husband for years--literally started 18 months after their first child was born. He had no idea until he caught them red handed when his daughter was 5 years old. It was a man who worked with him...my husband the night shift super -- the man, the day shift super. She met him at the same workplace, when she worked. Their house was small. Her bedroom was right next to the children's. For years she had sex in that room with this man while my husband was working. When he caught them, he wanted to divorce, but she begged him not to. She would end the affair. The man wanted no part of raising her kids. She didn't stop. She went back to work. He was given info by a coworker that she had another affair and the details. My husband confronted her. She admitted it. He told her he would stay with her until his daughter turned 18, then they were finished. She split up with him that year. They had a formal property settlement drawn up and never slept together again. It was as good as a divorce, but his actual divorce was several years later. His daughter lived with him...not her mother...for the following 7 years rent free until she married. One of his kids...two boys, one girl, moved out of state. The remaining two tried to constantly control his extra time. They did a pretty good job of it. My husband had two failed relationships before he met me. I am 21 years younger. We both love bluegrass music. I had been recently divorced and had a child with a man I had a brief relationship with that ended badly. My husband and I met at a festival. We learned we lived close to each other, and for a solid year, we played music and had a great friendship. My baby daughter learned to love him. We tried a visitation arrangement with her father, but it was really bad. He gave up visitation and support. My husband and I fell in love and married just about 12 years after he split with the first wife. He legally adopted my daughter when she was 5. She wanted to call him daddy. I said she didn't have to. She insisted. The social worker said that my daughter adores my husband. My husbands daughter never accepted us. Never. She has systematically manipulated my husband's brothers and sisters and her cousins to stifle a relationship with us. There are a few in the family that don't fall for her lies. I am grateful for those relationships. My husband lost both of his sons prematurely for health reasons. After the first son died in 2005, he was so convinced that his second son and daughter were not his biological children that he asked them to submit to DNA. The son was fine with it. The daughter put up a huge fight until her brother convinced her it was the right thing to do. The DNA indicated they were my husband's biological children. The second son died last year. His daughter has basically estranged herself and his grandson from my husband on/off for 16 years. She was so ugly to my husband (who is 76) and to me at the second son's funeral--which we paid for--until I had to sit in the car balling my eyes out. She made it clear: she wants no emotional attachment, therefore don't send her son presents any further. We have decided it is time to end this madness with her. Our health is more important than her 49-year old grade school drama. She is a carbon copy of her mother. She is an emotional manipulator. Don't be miserable. Live a good life.

I live the same nightmare, never ends and grandchildren are only pawns for her manipulation. You are lucky she quit the job you got for her, I have to look at this one every day at work! Her vile and nasty antics caused my husband to suffer a nervous breakdown, and now my full financial meltdown.
Count your blessings and walk away!!!

I'm pretty sure at this point, I hate your stepdaughter for what she's done. You should definitely open up and talk to someone about this thing. A restraining order would be beneficial.

Since some time has passed, I hope that you are doing okay and things have worked out.

peachtree67, it definitely is hard NOT to hate...hate is an internal emotion hardwired into our beings as a natural defense against dangerous threats against our well-being. We must deal with that the best way possible for our particular situations. According to your testimony, you could get a restraining order against your stepdaughter from coming near you. This will add to any evidence against her credibility in court if a custody battle ever ensues over her child's father taking their child to visit you. Please keep your posts in an organized journal as well. I started writing a "book" about every single detail of my new family life until now, because of all the tragedies I have lived through dealing with my stepchildren and husband. God be with you.

I helped to raise 2 step-daughters, both from a very young age (my husband and I had the girls about 1/3 of each year), and both are in their late 20's now. We have a totally blended family (I had a young son from a previous marriage -- I was widowed -- and my 2nd husband and I then had a son together). For the record, my husband and his ex had been divorced for 5 years when I met and married him, and his ex was the one who ended their marriage, so he did not desert them nor did I break up the marriage. I didn’t even know them until I met my husband. Anyway, I’ve always treated all the children as my own, and they all love each other as brothers and sisters to this day (at least THAT worked out). Same rules for everyone in our house, except because the bio-Mom was somewhat bi-polar in attitude and action -- drumming up drama for drama's sake, and she basically let the girls run wild at her house -- I gave my step-daughters more 'room' for any emotional pain and turmoil that resulted from that and from having to adjust to two differently run households and to a ‘new’ family configuration. Myself being raised in a loving, intact family, I really felt for what they must be going through. Our household did have rules, as it's the duty and obligation of a parent TO parent, and children don’t feel safe without boundaries, IMHO, but we were not overly strict or anything like that. On the weekends, we often took family daytrips to the ocean, museums, parks, etc., or did art projects together – we are a very family-oriented family and my husband and I never had a ‘date night’ away from our kids. I truly enjoyed all my kids and my time with them. I wanted to be friends with their Mom, but she was having none of that. Now, one daughter has always been very loving to me and accepts me as a Mom and we have a great relationship to this day. The other one I found out just recently has been saying some awful, hurtful things about me for quite some time (basically slander) and she apparently hates me and tells other people that she always has; she doesn't elaborate much why or what that's based on; besides the ‘I hate her (me)’ remarks, the rest is basically that I had “ruined her life” and that she “barely survived the experience” and she won’t refer to me by name – just as her Dad’s ‘significant other’. I gotta tell you, this was news to me and I was totally blindsided by all this. I and her Dad had NO idea she felt this way. She won’t directly say any of this to me or to her Dad, but tells everyone else who will listen. She has other personal issues aside from this, but I seem to be ‘the target’, and this really hurt me when I found out. There was no major event or ‘trigger’ to all this, at least so far as we know. I poured tons of love, attention, money, support, time etc., in these girls -- in all my kids. I opened my house to them without thinking twice as they immediately were family to me once we married (one time as a teen she got into a fight with her Mom, was kicked out, and she called us from a payphone and asked us if she could live with us then, and my husband and I did not hesitate for one moment; we spent the money to bring her down to where we lived, she got her own bedroom, we enrolled her in school, I took her out shopping for a new wardrobe, etc. -- in fact, both girls could have lived with us full-time at any point in time if they so wished and they both knew this, but their Mom wasn't about to let go of custody, we believe for fear she would look like a 'bad' Mom to others (she is very much into ‘appearances’) and because, other than a meager income, she was living off the child support we religiously sent every month – in fact, when my husband’s job went from full-time to part-time for a few years, I had to take on a second job to make sure that we could send the child support. The girls to this day do not realize how much of their Mother’s household we/I in fact were supporting). Although their Mother did some fairly wicked things along the way, which I really don't want to go into, I never spoke ill of her in front of or to the girls (and made sure my husband didn’t either) and I always tried to keep a positive, upbeat attitude about it all so I wouldn't even subconsciously transmit how about I felt her behavior was emotionally abusive of her own children. I read lots of books about how to handle these issues, was attending a support group for blended families, and even did some graduate work when I was attending university on this subject matter. I know the Mom tried to alienate their affections of both their Dad and me, and said/implied negative things about us (including my sons) to them, but I just had to shrug it off as if this didn’t even happen. After now discovering what this daughter is saying about me – and in absolutely hateful language -- and after all these years and now many tears shed over this and my own personal soul-searching, I’ve decided I just can't have her in my life anymore. I really think she needs personal counseling, but she would never go to a counselor as she feels there is nothing wrong with her. The other daughter and I are in frequent communication (both daughters live in different states) and we have a very loving, sincere relationship. From Day 1, I never asked the girls or forced them to call me 'Mom' (if they wanted to, they certainly could have, but I never forced the issue), but the loving daughter chooses to do so all on her own. There are so many stereotypes about wicked step-parents still floating around in our culture, and especially about step-mothers, and I read so many posts online, focusing on the step-parent basically sucking it up and remembering the trauma of the divorce, etc., and what their step-children have been / are going through, and to be compassionate, loving and patient with all this. I’m not perfect, but I know I did all that -- I worked very hard to try to be the best 'parent/friend' to them that I could be. Now I have one daughter who loves me and one who hates me for gosh knows what -- I don't get specifics -- and she is an adult now, almost 30, and it's time for me to realize that this is who she is and for me to let go of the relationship. I still love her with all my heart, but just because someone is a step-child doesn't mean that the person is necessarily a nice person, and it doesn't have to be the step-parent's fault. I have been on the rack long enough about this girl, and I am tired of being the designated target for all her drama and what appears to be a self-inflicted immature attitude that she seems to want to hang on to. It's taken me several months to arrive at this conclusion, but basically this is it. I need to re-focus my energy on my other kids and their lives, my marriage, and my life, and just let go of the other. I had always believed that she would 'come around' as an adult, because so many people say that is what happens. Not so in this case, unfortunately. Believe me, I have spent many a sleepness night, thinking what I could have, should have possibly done better, and my loving husband said enough is enough. Even her sister doesn't know where this is coming from. This girl just chooses to hate me. I don’t like using that word, but that’s how it feels. It's painful, and it hurts my heart and I think of all our history together that now seems totally wiped away, but I don't see her changing her attitude (she even says she won’t), and I just can't focus on this anymore. And, I can’t keep excusing her behavior as divorce-trauma, especially when her sister went through the same thing (they are very close in age) and is a polar opposite in all this. I am crying as I write this, but I just can’t think of anything else to do and I have to stop blaming myself for something that, for the life of me, I can’t find that I did to deserve this. Women generally get respect and kudos for being Mothers; just because a woman marries a man with children from another marriage and then becomes a ‘step’, doesn’t mean that woman suddenly turns cold and evil. Attitudes about step-parents really need to be adjusted in this society, the ‘good’ step-parents don’t deserve the fairy tale wicked stereotype, and they can’t continue to be the focus of the blame of a marriage that dissolved, the dissolution of which they had no hand in. This not only does a disservice to them, but it also impedes some children being able to bond and love this new person who comes into their lives that just wants to love and care and be there for them.

HurtStep, I admit I only read half of your post...I stopped to comment after I read how you poured a lot of your own time, love, and money into your stepdaughters, only to have one slander you repeatedly behind your back. I share that experience with you. Things were going so well between my stepdaughter and I for years before and almost a year after our marriage. She even told me while we were engaged that her dad would be so stupid not to marry me, etc. Long story short, she ended up disrespecting me and my husband, then outright taking advantage, stealing, destroying property, and slandering me, when all I ever did was treat her special, buy and do things for her, be like a friend, etc.
The only explanation that ANYONE can come up with, including our pastor, counselor, all of our family members (except her mom), our friends, strangers, and researching, is that HER MOM IS SPEAKING EVIL, VIAL, BRAINWASHING BS ABOUT ME TO HER. Yes, instead of being thankful that she gets a FREE BABYSITTER, FREE stuff for her child, and continued help from her ex whom I married as well as from myself. This is the thanks I get. Race does play into this, sorry to say. I'm mostly white with 1/4 native American mixed in; husband is half Spaniard and half native American. Mom is African American. I have to hear from my teenaged stepson that she and her whole family refer to me as "that white *****", when I did nothing but help her and her children. TALK ABOUT BITING THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU. I don't care about jealousy. I don't want to hear and fing thing about jealousy! All I want to hear is that she finally has come to terms with common sense and is sorry for her evildoing towards me...and ESPECIALLY sorry for CORRUPTING the mind of her young daughter.

No, it's not wrong to feel hatred toward her, but feeling that way is hard on oneself too. I know from my own experience. Still, don't worry about the way you feel -- it'd be odd to feel any other way after all that. But then, what do we do? No easy answers...

Oh wow... I am still shaking my head. I have a dramatic step daughter as well and I totally despise her!!!! You have the patience Job in the Bible and have the heart of forgiveness that the LORD wants us all to have but enough is enough. Tough love needs to take place now. You take care of yourself, that person will have you all in a crazy house!!!!!

NO!! she is evil, stay away from her!!!

Best thing to do is leave! Get out before you get sick. I have a 28 year old stepdaughter that is nothing but pure evil. When I married her father I thought since she was an adult and not living with him things were going to be great. Little did I know that she has never like to work or better herself. Did not even finish High school and does not worry about working as her dad is her mine. All she has to do is snap her fingers and her father jumps and bows to her. She warn her dad that he and her mother belonged together forever and if he ever got married again she was going to have a fit. When we got married she called me every name in the book in front of her dad and the sad part was that he allowed her to disrespect me and continues to do so. He excuses her by saying that is just how she is. Her father always takes her side goes behind my back to give her money, bought her a car pays for her car insurance and does everything she says. She lies to her dad about me, and the sad part is that my husbands hurts me so much when he does believe me when I tell him she needs to grow up and be responsible with her life he is not helping her by giving her everything and she believes it is owed to her. She tells him I married him for his money. She treats him like dirt demeans him but he does not see it. If I put in my two cents my hubby stops talking to me for weeks, he is so blind my stepdaughter can do no wrong. I am giving up on this marriage. I can not take anymore abuse. My husband seems like he is married to his daughter than to me. He sees me as the bad one, the only crime I committed was marrying my stepdaughters father and she will hate me for the rest of her life and my husband will never get the picture.........

It seems you've worked it out for yourself. I had a friend in exactly the same position although she wasn't married to the guy and his daughter was much younger......
Be strong and think of yourself.... they patently don't. Can you do something drastic, like walk out for a while to see what he would do then? Or would this prolong 'their game'? Do what's best for you. You deserve better than this.

sadness12345678, WOW, it does get worse :(... Thanks for the warning; I thought I had it bad now with his teenagers. Moonpenny points out a strategy I thought of as well, but I didn't go through with it because there was a chance that me stepping away for that while would cause suspicion that I was cheating or something! Remember, we stepmoms are the "enemy" when we are the ones being abused!!! ESPECIALLY when we try to do something legitimate about it!
How about you pour your heart out to your parents-in-law, like I do? They can only do so much, like lecture my husband and provide a place for me to lay my head when I'm affected by their son an his kids, but at least no one can say I was out messing around, HAHA!!!

I am so happy I found this site. My husband and I have only been married for three years yet my adult SD has managed to ruin every special event we have ever had. Today I put my foot down and told her she was a lazy caniving user and when she decided to what is right then I would speak with her again. But until that day I would refuse to acknowledge her as a person . My husband is now angry with me for kicking her when she is down but she is always down waiting for the next hand out. Then tonight she texted me and accused me of being a con artist. I need help. I come from money so what little he has means nothing to me. I am beginning to hate her and it is not like me to hate. How do I get rid of her???

cajentllc, what you do is OPEN YOUR MOUTH to everyone that knows your stepdaughter. Not just to us strangers who share your common atrocity. Even her friends, if possible. Without identifying too much at first, ask them how they would feel if they were in your situation. Get a poll going. Then reveal that it was her and you. Let her family know. Send a long, detailed, notarized, certified mail document to the family, wherein you linked proof and witnesses of her actions against you. This is the only way to stop her from manipulating others to your disfavor. She will no longer have any credibility. If she gets nastier, get a restraining order against her and use your documentation as proof, along with her stated threats. It's almost impossible for you to lead someone like this in your life to Jesus. They have to come about Him on their own.

Wow, I thought my stepdaughter was an evil beast, I do feel better reading some of these other posts. My husband has 3 kids from his first marriage, he pretty much raised them when his then-wife ran off with her college professor (I know, how Peyton Place!)...anyway, my husband is a good man and the oldest daughter turned out great, my youngest stepson turned out great, but the middle daughter is pure evil. She has been nothing but a beast: she lies, is very promiscuous (I think she has had 5-6 abortions already and yes, I am pro-choice but come on, that is just plain stupid in this day and age); she has STDs and I'm sure is spreading them around; she is a (recovered) heroin addict who is now addicted to presc<x>ription drugs, which her father pays for (!) since her doctor prescribes them, after all. She refuses to get a job and get this -- about 2 years ago, after my husband paid for 2 years of college and I had given her my old car, she turned on us completely and called the cops, accusing me of assaulting her. Luckily, the police believed me (I swear I didn't lay a hand on her and I have wanted to throttle this evil beast hundreds of times but have always controlled myself). Finally I told my husband that he had to decide: me or her! He "kicked her out" (is what she tells everyone) but get this: my husband has some perverse guilt over the way she has turned out, he blames himself for the divorce, so he is completely subsidizing this little bimbo, she is now 25 and has no intention of ever getting a job, all she does all day is go on Facebook, she has no friends to speak of (except for strippers, drug addicts and ex-cons). She has done so many bad things to us over the years, I could write a book. I used to feel guilty about hating her and wishing her dead, but I went to a therapist who eventually met this girl (I offered to pay for her own therapy a few years ago, is how my therapist came to meet her); long story short, my stepdaughter stopped the therapy after a few weeks, when she didn't like the therapist telling her to get a job, stay in school, become responsible, get off the drugs, etc. (all the things we had been telling her). My therapist told me in private that she felt sorry for me, that she completely understood why I hated my stepdaughter, it made me feel so much better! I was really thinking that I was the evil one! Sometimes just having one person stand up with you makes all the difference. Anyway, my husband is completely "whipped" by the evil stepdaughter, I think because she resembles his ex-wife at the same age when they first married. His ex is really not that bad, after all, I found out. My stepdaughter hates her bio mother as much as she hates me! Not coincidentally, the only "friends" she has are men who use her and dump her; she often speaks of other women as "jealous haters" who don't like her because she is so "pretty" (NOT true!)...anyway, thanks for letting me get this off my chest, I feel better!

I hate my stepdaughter also. I have been blamed over and over again by this child for things that had nothing to do with me. The funny thing is that I have known this child since she was born because my brother is married to her aunt(my sister in law, and my husbands sister). I did not date her father until three months after he and his exwife were separated. His exwife cheated all through the marriage this I knew even before my relationship with him even started. I have tried everything and by the way my parents are divorced themselves and I have never acted this way.<br />
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I have been attacked by this child, called a *****, had my children and their friends attacted physically etc. I have dealt with caring about her for the last time. She dislocated her knee and had a accident last week and I took care of her and although everyone says, him, his family, and even most of his ex-wifes family etc that I take better care I am made out to be the bad guy.<br />
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I have known this child for 14 years and been with her father almost six and I am done. Some stepchildren play victims their whole lives maybe try to care a little bit for the child from a distance and make sure you dont get emotionally involved. Her brother is totally opposite of her and he is the product of one of her mothers affairs that my husband has raised since birth.<br />
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I have acted the complete opposite to my own parents who neglected and have sometimes abused me physically, emotionally and spiritually, and my stepfather was allowed to hit me and deprive me, my stepmother just didnt care for myself or siblings much, and I have given to this child but no more. She is just a spoiled selfish brat that her parents created and they can have it. She actually accused me of badmouthing her deceased grandparents from her mother which is so untrue, that although I wanted to smack her, and my husband let her talk to me that way. This started from an argument that he and I had about bad mouthing my family and she ran into the room and finished it off by accusing me of horrible things.<br />
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So I broke some things because I was so angry and hurt. The fathers usually make excuses for that behaviour otherwise they wouldnt have disrespectful nasty brats. <br />
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I should have never stayed in at I agree with the last comment Get Out Now.

I have great sympathy for you. I had to deal with three (3) stepdaughters from the beginning. It's been 33 years now that I'm married to their father. We had twin boys - now grown up and wonderful. Gave my husbdand such joy and pride. Still the stepdaughters are a mess and still causing drama even though two are married - one is mentally ill and on SSI since she had her mental breakdown at our home when our babies were 3 weeks old - had to take her to a mental hospital after a huge psychotic breakdown in our home and neighborhood - hysterical screaming and running in and out of our home and pounding on neieghbor's doors. Took my brother (cop) and all his strength to capture her and hold her down while my husband drove to the mental hospital. The next daughter was a druggie and dropped out of high school after 10th grade. Disrespectful and mouthy. Nothing but a mess after that. The third we took in and she became a severe alcoholic by 11th grade and through all of this my husband always protected and stood up for them. No discipline at all and always excused their behavior. I was a disciplinarian with our boys and that's why they grew up good - also successful - good DNA.!<br />
If you don't like your stepkids - get out as soon as you can if your husband doesn't get it and doesn't discipline. You are fighting a war you will never win and the stepkids will always hate you if they think their father loves you. They will be jealous of your kids together. It will be a life of hell. Get out when you can - if you can. These step-daughters of mine are now all in their 40's and still hate me and cause problems. Still mental illness and alcohol issues . Now screwing up their own kids. It just NEVER ends! I love my husdband and he is a wonderful husband and father, but too weak when it comes to his worthless daughters. They use him, always have. Have cost us thousands and thousands of dollars in rehabs, attorneys, college that they never got any credits for. A waste of time and money completely. Stole all my jewelry. the stress has ruined my health. I think sometimes the only reason I was meant to be married to this man is to produce our wonderful sons - and everyone else thinks they are wonderful. Not just me. They are appreciative, educated, successful and fun to be with. But those 3 disgusting step-daughters are still at it. Their mother was a druggie - been a ward of the State for about 20 years now because of her own insanity (bad DNA and drugs combined). <br />
DON'T LET IT RUIN YOUR HEALTH LIKE IT DID MINE!!! Detach from them as soon as you can. Send them to live with their mother or her family. Dont accept them in your life - they will only ruin it and ruin your marriage. Don't be bullied by others who don't know the situation into thinking you are a bad person because you dont lay down your life for these ungrateful stepkids. They will always resent you for their father not going back with their father. Even if you met him years after he was divorced - they will still blame you cuz he didn't go back withi their evil mother. They will never like you- no matter how much they say "I love you." That is all BS and they only say that to make their father think they are wonderful and trying. They dont love you at all. They hate you and they talk about you behind your back.<br />
If you dont have kids with this man - get out. GET OUT NOW! It's better than a lifetime of unhappiness.

i hate my step daughter, too. thanks for sharing this. i love kids, teach elementary school, have my own son--who i love desperately--but i loathe my annoying, bratty, now adult step daughter. thank god, i have not seen her in years. seriously, thank you god!

she is 23 now. the thin with her of what she does, it's not just with husband and our family. she will do stuff and say things about other people. if something good happens with a person, she will find away to make it all negetive and then it's all about her. she is attention seaker. for all the wrong. she has to talk badly about someone to make her day. tells lies just so people will say, aww. we are sorry you are going through this. don't worry about those people. you are a great person, you don't need people like that in your life........... when I see things like that written to her, it really makes me sick to my stomach. to know there is really stupid people out that there that believe her lies. I WAS that stupid person for a long time. knew in my heart what she really was, but stayed in denial of hoping it would change. boy was I totally wrong.<br />
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sad to hear about your stepdaughter. she is 8 years old, and honestly, she will not change. it is the type of person who she is. it's in her to be that way. some people may say their is hope for that girl to change, she may with some things dow nthe road. but with the evil, yup it will stay. and the reason it will is, for someone to go out of their way just to hurt someone thrives on being that way. they need it to live. there is no other way for them. I'm glad she is not with you anymore. to live each day like that, wondering if she is going to do something awful to you or your baby. she was taught to be a horrible person. and because of someone elses jealousy she will be the one paying for it for life.

wow she sounds very evil and manipulative and at 20 yrs old come on now she needs to grow up and get a hobbie besides hurting ppl that help her wut a rude lil b***h, this is were u need to close ur heart to her cuz if shes still doin this then she wont stop, i also had a stepdaughter who we just found out wasnt my husbands so we made her move in with her mom, my x sd is 8yrs old ya i no young rite but omg is she evil she would hurt an try to kill our pets, smeered poop on our bathroom 4 times even after we tell her not too, steals lies manipulates to the max, beats ppl up at skool, threatins ppl that shes gonna stab them in the head and the first 5yrs of her life we never got to see her so theres no bond to begin with but we tryed so hard to help her, counsiling, therapy, medications, an we supported her an loved her an she would turn around an do these evil rotten things to us and i thought maybe she just hated me but she did it to my hubbie too an she has no emotions shows no feeling of love sadness only anger an evilness she even looks evil, she smells cuz she wont take care of herself shes overweight an goofy lookin in general so we wouldnt bring her in public with us cuz she acts rotten ne were we go an looks scummy cuz she wont bathe, and me an my hubbie have a baby together and she started threatining to hurt her out of jealousy even though we gave her attention too even aftwer all she did to us so we had to start lockin our bedroom door at night with us baby an pets in there with us cuz we feared for our lives cuz she threatined us all, she was a waste of our time, money, emotions, resources, i got to were id hang out in my room till my man got home didnt care wether she had eatin or anything cuz i just couldnt stand or handle lookin at her face or hearing her annoying voice, im very resentful towards rotten stepkids cuz us steps put up with alot we r willing to take in a n love some kid whos not ours thats a big thing to do and they walk all over us, props to u for being so damn strong and props to ur husband for supporting u and ur wishes it sounds to me like he respects what u want not many fathers do that cuz they r blinded by there evil lil brats mask, hugs for u an stay strong

Thank you so much! I'm finding it hard to let go again. this is where I wish I was a cold hearted person..... I have to keep telling myself that I don't need toxic people like her in out life. she only brings us down. me, we did not deserve her bs at all. I keep telling myself I am a better person and I will always be the better person. she wants to continue to make up lies to make her feel so much better, then so be it. I can no longer have this child bring my family down with her drama.<br />
I do feel sorry for her baby. hopefully the Father will always be there for him, becuase he will be the only one in that circle to give him any can of hope of becoming a decent person. <br />
I have decided not to see the baby anymore. (father bringing him over) not to be heartless or not caring, but I thought about it, and I refuse to be apart of them screwing the child up. they are on their own with that. if some day down the road the child comes to us. we will tell him our side of the story. if he choices to believe it so be it, if he choices to believe we are horrible people so be it again. I will not go through the past with him as I did with her. trying to prove we are good people, then have her Mother tell her we are not. as my husband says, apples don't fall far from the tree :)<br />
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angain, Thank you for your wonderful words and understanding

Honestly, no you're not wrong. I feel so sad now. You know what, I thought I had problems with my stepdaughter, but I take my hat off to you. You've been so strong through all this troubles and your husband can thank his lucky stars for have a wonderful wife like you. <br />
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She never really (REALLY) tried to make things work and you have given your everything to this child, she just used and abused you and your husband's love and trust. No one deserves to be treated like that, no parent, stepparent or other. <br />
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I don't know why stepchildren have these tendencies, I wish I could understand. The little excuses, 'shame, but the parents got divorced and the child cannot cope with that' or in my case 'the mother died when she was 2½ years old', no, sorry, that's just an excuse. The one great thing about a child is that they can adapt to new circumstances very easily, but unfortunately they also learn (as these children do), to use and misuse these circumstances to their own evil benefit.<br />
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Well from one stepmom to the other, lots and lots of hugs my friend, you deserve a golden medal for taking so much pain & heartache and for still standing.<br />
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Lots of love.