So Glad I'm Not As Alone As I Thought...

I don't want to hate the youngest of my SDs.... but she's no longer the lovable child she was when I first started dating her father.  I know it's not all her fault, she lives with her mother - who treats her as if she can do no wrong.  In fact, she's been told up there she is the "princess of the house" and is practically allowed to rule the roost.  She tried once to tell me that since she is the youngest, she's also the "princess" when she's with us.  I nipped that right in the bud and said there were no princesses in our home.

 

She does not act her age - the child will be 12 in just a couple months.  Some of her habits/attitudes put her more along the 7-8 year old range.  This coincides with her age when her parents split.  It's like she arrested developmentally at that age or something.  She cannot yet tie her shoes (or just is refusing too.. not sure) or cut her own meat at the dinner table!  If she doesn't like the meal being served, she'll pout and push the food around on her plate.  As soon as we are done cleaning up - she complains about being hungry.  I refuse to cater to her - only cooking meals that she requests / likes.  My daughter and SD#1 also should be able to request something... I try to rotate it around to do favorites for each of them.  
 

For church, her clothing choices mimic those that the toddlers are wearing (ruffly tiered skirts with leggings, cutsie shirts/cardigans) - not along the lines of others her age.   I see others her age adopting a more grown up look, instead of trying to dress like their younger sisters (granted, SD#2 is the youngest).   I tried to talk to her once (gently) about her problems washing her hair... right after her shower and drying it - it still looks greasy.  She does not rinsed all the shampoo / conditioner out.  I've brushed it (she has troubled getting the tangles out...) and had to wash my hands afterwards as they felt thick with a greasy residue.  She didn't want to listen to me - so burst into tears like I was being horribly mean to her.  Anytime she's not getting all the attention she thinks she deserves - or anyone is trying to correct some sort of behavior - or she isn't being handed something she wants... the tears flow.   

 

Very often, when out, she will decide that she needs to hold her father's hand as we walk around the store (mostly as he and I are holding hands).  In the beginning, I would let go of his hand and fall behind, as the aisles weren't big enough for 3 across.  Her father didn't say anything - at first.   As time went on, when I'd let go, he turn around and look at me with a questioning look.  I'd just respond that there wasn't enough room for the three of us to do that.  He then started dropping her hand and gently moving her ahead of him.  Now she just rudely tries to shove herself between us to hold his hand.

 

The Christmas holidays fell around the end of our first year dating.  We were talking about getting married - but not in front of his girls yet... (for the record, they are now 11 & 14; my daughter is 18).  

I had brought over craft supplies to his mother's house, to help entertain his nieces and our daughters.  We were having a great time, making jewelry that afternoon.  Then one of the nieces looked at me and innocently said "You should marry Uncle *****".  The SD#2 quit what she was doing, clenched her hands, shook her head NO, burst into tears and ran into another room.   As soon as it was said, I knew that SD #2 was going to have a fit.  She had already informed me that while it was okay I was dating her father - her parents would *never, never, ever* be married to anyone but each other - if they ever were going to get married again it was only going to be them getting back together.  That day - he took her aside and let her know in no uncertain terms that he and her mother getting back together was never going to happen.  

 

Last time they were here, she asked him to come in May for a weekend day (that is not on his weekend) to just hang out.  He immediately said he couldn't do that - my daughter will be graduating from HS that day.  The thing is... SD#2 *knew* it was the day of graduation.  The child went home and complained to her mom that her dad is always choosing my daughter over her.   Commence drama of his ex calling and stating what can and cannot happen under our roof.  He isn't to ever - for any reason, to choose my daughter over his (so if the child wants him out of town when mine graduates, he is to go...).  He is to spend time one on one with each girl every time they are down - the girls are NOT to spend one on one time with either my daughter or I.  In fact, it would be preferable if they didn't see us much.  After all - it is HIS weekend to see the girls and HE should be the one seeing them - not all of us. 

 

Oh - and he wasn't to tell me of their conversation... *insert eye roll*.  He and I have already figured out that his ex isn't happy with how things ended up for her after leaving him - and therefore doesn't want him to have any happiness either.  At this point,  I'm wondering now how much of SD #2's attitude is her own - and how much is her mom telling her what to think.