I Dont Hate Her I Am Just Overly Pissed At Her

 I have known my step daughter for atleast 9 yrs now. thats how long her father and i have been together. now I became her stepmother only 4 yrs ago. I dont understand what happen. At first it was really great. She has always been srta shy n quiet but really nice. I loved being her stepmother I bragged about her all the time. Now she grew up with her grandparents because her real mother gave her up the day she was born and my husband didnt know he was a father till the day she was born. I never had a problem with my stepchild's family. Only her mother. but i hardly ever saw her or talk other so no big deal. Even after we gave her a sister my husbands child became more involved and was always willing to be part of family events. we didnt ask much out of her only to be part of her sisters life. we take her shopping if we could if we had the money for it we take her sister to see her at school or at her grandparents house when she was home from collage. It wasn't until about a yr ago when i gave birth to our son she had started to change. She has only seen her brother for 10 mins out of his whole life and he is 18 months now. She refuses to call ont heir birthday, holidays. She still talks to my husbands parents but not us. She has been very balgeriant to both of us and now she lives int eh same town as her bio mom she has had her mother threaten us and be extremely rude. I personally have no idea what could have caused her to be so mean. She is 21 now and sh called her father only to tell him she never asked for this life never asked for siblings and didnt like me calling her my child. I lost my trewmper ( being a redhead) and yes i said some pretty and i mean very narley nasty things to her. After the fact i asked her to keep her doors of communication open with her siblings not to puncish them for what ever reason she is mad at her father and me for. She accused him of getting anew fmaily. Look i have a half brother older then me and I understand a lil bit of what she is going thru. She sees her dad with a nother life but she was never cut out she was there first even if he never did raised her. I never ment to take over if that is how she sees it. but i dont understand why she has to be so extreme as to getting her mother who wanted nothing to do with her untill she became of party age and her friends who have no idea what really is going on other then one sides story. I wish my step daughter would drop what ever this funk is and get over herself and realize we are not the bad guys and if we knew what really was wrong we would do everything in our power to help fix it. She does know this. i love her, i just cant stand my family hurting when there shouldn't be a reason for all this. She has me blocked from everything I figure over time she will see the what a waste this all was and realize we are here no mater what. i just hope its sooner then later i dont want my kids to grow up without their sister.