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OMG!!! I'm About to Go Insane!!!

I am so glad that I found this sight.  I thought I was going crazy for the feelings that I was feeling towards my soon-to-be stepdaughter.  Before you read, please do not judge me.  I need advice and hopefully will be able to get some help on this issue.  Here's my story.

My soon-to-be stepdaughter drives me crazy.  I think it's partially her dad's fault, too.  Well, I have a 6 year old son, Marlon, and my fiance's daughter is, Alisa, who is 7.  My fiance and I have been together for over 3 years now.  The first year was great with the kids.  We all bonded effortlessly.  We have Alisa every weekend and throughout the summer.  When we do have her, she is a pain in my behind!!  She whines and cries about EVERYTHING!!!!  She calls adults fat to their face even though she is overweight herself.  My fiance and I had talked to her numerous times about calling people names, but she still does it and my fiance does NOTHING to correct the problem.  She lies so much and I have caught her in so many lies, too.  Her dad puts her on this pettistool and does nothing to punish her when it's needed.  He always tells me that he will talk to her, but never does.  She gets away with EVERYTHING, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO MY SON, OOOOHHHHH NNNNOOOOOO, MY FIANCE IS ON HIS BUTT RIGHT AWAY.  Anyway, Alisa is 95lbs. so far. She is constantly out of energy, so when we go out, she is always complaining and whinning because SHE is tired.  She doesn't care that everyone else is enjoying themselves.  My fiance always has to cut things short BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT OR SHE IS TIRED.  My son just had a tonsillectomy and adnoidectomy.  She cried for so long just because Marlon got to eat popsicles and she didn't.  She is ALWAYS in competition with Marlon and with me.  She always has to have Daddy's attention no matter what.  I can't stand the crying, the whinning, the babyness anymore!!!!  I hate to say it, but my skin crawls the very sight of her.  My anger goes through the roof at the very sound of her voice.  I don't want to be like this.  I want to bond with her like she is my own daughter, but how do I get past all the anger that has been built for so long????  I honestly think that she is the reason I get out of the relationship.

Jackie0612 Jackie0612 22-25 46 Responses Oct 1, 2008

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I am not against step mothers, nor step kids, really, I think in an ideal world, EVERYONE wants to get along, and I can appreciate that.

Step kids are coddled after a divorce, they are excused from very bad behavior, they are treated like "victims" and everyone feels sorry for them. Step kids in return, take FULL advantage and try to reap the benefits, often becoming demanding and possessive.

I have a step daughter. All the above is true. Her paternal grandparents live near her, and so they voraciously coddle her. They give her whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and rarely question her.

I have dealt with this issue first hand. It sucks. The kid's behavior sucks. I for one,hate being blamed for something I did NOT do. I know she blames me for things I was not even here for, like the divorce.

Her parent's divorce was due to her mother's infidelity. Three years into their marriage, she cheated and got pregnant by some other guy. When the divorce came, the kid moved away with mom back to their home town. my husband stayed put and became successful: studied hard, got his master's degree, started his own business and remained in a high paying engineering firm.

Enough to say that the mother held on to false hope that they would get together again, given to his very generous gifts. He bought the mother a nice used car, but he did it to help out his kid who he felt was in danger when walking home from school. He NEVER wanted the mother back, made it clear and even announced it to the kid and the mother at the same time. But I guess, the mother was more interested in the money he was making.

I met him almost four years after his divorce. I thought he was the most sensitive stable guy, very different from many men. We got married a year later. I met his father before we got married , who seemed wonderful, and met the rest after the honeymoon.

The kid was a pain front he very beginning: spoiled princess, selfish. No one seemed to notice her rude behavior. It was just like I had been sleeping in a deep wonderful sleep and was awakened by a horrible shriek. My own father in law changed, became very protective or this little brat. Please keep in mind that I was polite, and kind, I don't know where all the hostility came from. I told my husband, I was not trying to hurt anyone, and this daughter is acting like a victim, when no one is hurting her. She played her cards well, and I was caught unguarded.

Four years later, The ONLY reason I stayed is that my husband is wary and focused on the behavioral issues that his now teenage daughter is displaying, the manipulation, the sheer interest in money and gifts, behavior learned from her mother. If he had been a LAZY father, I would have left the first year.

The first couple of years were hard. My husband found it difficult to understand how I could NOT love his spoiled brat, how could I become disengaged and even not care. This all was due to his lack of parenting and his meddlesome parents, sisters and ex wife. I decided early on that I would not invest emotionally into the bull that this little girl was encouraged to cause. She wanted the friction, but I was not going to supply the attention. My own father in law question my lack of love toward her, I told him, that when she was ready, she could seek me out and talk to me, otherwise please DO NOT force her to do anything. I was not going to be obligated as well.

My husband had a hard time seeing his family's encouragement of negative behavior and extreme coddling. His sister who overtook much of the child care for his brat has spoiled children, one whom punched me in the breast. He was six years old and his mother said nothing. He is finally able to see the damage the family has caused by feeling sorry for his daughter. His sister is now divorcing, because her husband is sick of her coddling his kids. I asked my husband if that's what he wants. He changed his behavior dramatically after that.

He now asks his daughter NOT to interrupt when I am talking, she did that in such a blatant way, on purpose. He asked her NOT to stare at me when I am eating, she did that to, constantly staring, trying to find fault in me. He told her the truth behind the divorce and that we met year later, and that we share similar moral beliefs and that she should wish to find someone like me when she grows up. He told her that I am his wife and she will respect me. He has stepped up, but it took time, and a lot of patience from my end, to finally get there. She still walks 20 steps ahead of us when we are holding hands, she still looks for ways to hog up her dad's time, even when I have stepped aside for them to go out together alone, she tries even harder now that I am pregnant.
ALWAYS wants to go shopping and spend her dad's money. Demands to use her father's cell phone to call her mother, when she has her own cell phone that she can use. It is not perfect, but, we have made progress.

To those who can see a twinge of change and your partner seems to somewhat understand, don't give up, if there is some hope, he or she (harder with mothers of brats) might fully understand one day. Have plenty of patience and learn to lose some battles. To those who do not see any change, after more than three years and it seems that the manipulation is getting worse with no hope, please seek help, if it is not enough and your partner simply just does not care, move on. Your sanity is more valuable.

I also feel the same way. My husband has twin 6 year old boys and he never punishes them for anything. He just tells me I'm being mean. Glad to find this sight

Oh man I hear ya, I think you have got to be the heavy here, unfortunately. If your hubby won't pull the trigger next time she acts like a brat do the same as what your husband does to your child. I know it will create a stressful situation in the house but you have the ability to make her a better person. Do it know before she becomes the worst teenager ever. (it will be a thousand times worse). Talk to a marriage counsellor too maybe. If he wants you to love her and treat her as your own you need to be a united front that agree on punishments for her with NO wavering (not in front of her anyway) otherwise she will always try to pit you against eachother. She has to understand that you have equal authority in your home as her dad. Which is a shame because getting a kid to change is hard but getting an adult to change is harder. Good luck, I hope your hubby can see through it.

Thing is if you older say in your 30's most men have baggage, and if they don't you wonder what's wrong with them!
All I can say is, I tell myself everyday I'm not her mother, she has one of those, and recently I have decided I'm not doing all the extra running round after her. Ask your dad or mum. My SD makes me feel the same as everyone else, she's 14 so looks like I could have a few more years of this crap, going by your posts... Oh happy days..... Please someone post so good coping strategies !

Wow! 95 lbs at the age of 7? Her mother must have been feeding her crap too. That was in 2008, I guess. What's she like now? Are you still with the guy? How much do you weigh, anyway? I bet you eat frozen pizzas and other fast food things every day because you're too lazy to cook, in my opinion. Look lady, I have a step daughter myself, she lives with us since she was 4, she's 14 now. She's not overweight, not mad in her teens, she's just fine. But we cook proper foods every day, help her with the homework when necessary, talk, do things together, this kind of stuff. Hope Marlon's fine and not overweight and ratty by now...

Wow - I have never felt so un-alone! My sd did exactly as above - smooth sailing till about 12 1/2. Her mom was a royal ***** for the first 9 years, then as soon as she started to mellow, the daughter took over the "manipulation" torch. I am surprised to hear the men having issues w/ sd - thanks for opening my eyes. I too feel I cannot leave because of my (our) beloved 7yr old daughter. I am sorry and resentful that I invested the last 12 years in trying to be a good stepmother, and fostering a relationship between by daughter & her 1/2 sister - mistake & waste of time! I thought things would be better when sd moved in with her mother full-time (due to not being able to follow some basic house rules), but no, now my daughter is feeling rejected and abandoned by her sister, who apparently was just pretending to like her. Spends about an hour a month with her now - just left out of her life. And dad, acts like nothing has changed. The brat left because we expect her to be honest with us (mom supports her lying to us), and is spreading a sob story to my husbands family (passive dormats) that she was told to leave because I hate her. Well now I do. My husband used to say I was soo sweet, & nice. After 12 years of this **** (started at 28), I am now a hardened *****. How can I scrape this crust off & be the nice person I used to? This isn't fair that I gave my best years to sd, and my daughter gets a worn out, bitter, angry old lady!!!! I turn 40 next year.

I haven't read all the stories here so I don't know if there are any stories with it being tha man who is disrespected. I am a 55 yr old man and met up with my high school sweetheart a few years ago. I sold my farm in Ohio and moved to Texas and married her. My wife had children later in life after a military career. Her daughters are 14 & 16. The 14 year old has always embraced me and accepts us as a family. The 16 year old, whom I will call Cindy for name sake, is totally opposite. From the moment Cindy realized that I was a permanent fixture in her mom's life she has gone out of her way to disrespect me. She knows I can't stand it. Many, many times Cindy has become a litteral, physical wedge between her mom and me. Her mom says Cindy may not even realize she'd doing it. I beg to differ. Just last night when I got home I took one step from the kitchen to the family room so I could set on the couch and Cindy took three large throw pillows and tossed them on the end she knew I was going to set down on. Then, she proceeded to stretch out across the couch. She has done this to me twice this week alone. Tonight, she was sound asleep within minutes. If I do get the chance to set on the couch and by chance dose off she or her mom will tell me to go to bed. When Cindy does it and I say something to my wife she just looks at me and smiles. Her mom has done many things thru-out Cindy's life that she is capable of doing herself. But, my wife has told me she does them herself to avoid the attitude and arguement from Cindy. Cindy will not take her dishes to the kitchen, she dumps her school bags and books on the living room floor and coffee table. She starts a conversation with me then escalates it into an arguement. Last spring there were nemerous tornadoes in the area north of Dallas and the knocked out many cell phone towers. Me, Cindy or her mom couldn't contact each other for over an hour. By the time I was able to get to CIndy's school she was a blubbering lunatic. She started screaming at me wanting to why I wasn't answering my phone and why I didn't pick her up earlier, blah, blah, blah......! I told her there was no communication and she just screamed at me more. No one to take anyone's verbal abuse I lashed back at her telling her what I thought of her attitude toward me. When her mom got home Cindy informed her of our conversaton and shouting match. The arguement caused by a lack of a timely pick-up caused by a lack of operational cell towers caused by numerous deadly twisters was all MY FAULT according to Cindy. With discussions over the next few days it was aggreed hat I was going to move backto Ohio. Cindy was in such high, jovial spirits. I was litterally buried in the back of a storage unit I was rearranging for my move when my wife called. I went home and the 14 yr old told my wife and I that Cindy had been intentionally doing things so her mom and I would split up and divorce. When confronted and told I was not going back to Ohio, Cindy got quite angry and said the past few days were the happiest she had been since I got to Texas and now it was all gone because I was staying. Well, 7 mo0nths later and it's starting again agin even after me telling my wife several times about it, she doesn't believe me. I have such a resentment and hatred for Cindy that, like many other writers in this forum, I cannot stand the sight or sound of this step daughter. I have gone out of my way to do what I can to improve the relationship but She goes out of her way to totally disrepect me and put me and her mom at odds against each other. I have a cash reserve from the sale of my farm and probate from my previous wifes passing plus I have a home based business. My wife has a job where her schedule could have her working 8 hours or 16 hours a day. so, it's up to me to do things at home. I pick Cindy up from school, take her to school events, clean up after her, ocassionaly fold her laundry when she asks, give her and her friends rides to movies and malls, plus, I haven even not gone to band practice myself to provide transportation for her. And, she gives me nothoing but total disrespect! My wife is the love of my life, my heart, my soulmate. I don't want to but I have given thought of leaving and moving back to Ohio. She keeps telling me that Cindy will be off to college in two years. Cindy has potential scholarship offers from Notre Dame, Arizona and many colleges in the far reaches of Texas. I'm afraid she will go to some small local school and stay here at home. That would definately send me over the edge and back to Ohio for sure. Any other guys out there with their own unique step-child stories. Screwed in Texas!

I am so sorry. My advice: Run! There are other fish in the sea. Don't waste another moment with these idiots (asside from the 14 yr old).

I am the stepmother to 5 children. There mother abandoned all of them when the baby was six months old. She was too busy nightclubbing and shagging idiots off of the internet. Soon after leaving, she moved in with the guy hired to build an extension on their house, older than her own father.<br />
I was 26 and happy and in love. It has ruined my life. It was not the 3 oldest daughters, although three preteen girls will certainly challenge you. It was the son. He has set fire to items at school, taken his father's gun, stolen money, and is such a compulsive liar that we can't trust him with anything. We've since had 2 children and miscarried a third. I'm relieved and sad. Thank God I won't have to explain all this terrible stuff to 3 kids, only to 2. My grandmother disowned me when I married him. She was very disappointed in me. I understand why but I really loved him. <br />
After his son called his sister a brat on her 5th birthday, I hit my limit. Why do my kids have to suffer with this? The son and has repeatedly been physically aggressive and inappropriate with them, after 8 years of this, I've had enough.<br />
We may not be together much longer. I'm trying counseling but I've told him I don't care if he calls an attorney or a counselor. I really don't care anymore. I can only watch his parental guilt allow this kid to continue manipulating and lying his way through life.<br />
I don't want my children associating with someone that lives under the same roof. How terrible is that?

I TOTALY understand this... so this was about yr ago..what happened????

I have 3 boys 13,11,&amp; 5 from past relationship and my husband has a 10 year old daughter. She is a spoiled brat. When she comes to our house all she does is eat sleep and watch tv. When i get all the kids outside to play after 30 mins shes whinning shes so tired (which during that 30mins shes done nothing but sit) and her dad babys her takes her inside problem is when its comes to one of my boys if they say they r tried even once he yells at them. She talks baby talk to her dad and my 5 yr old picked up on it and started doing it. My husband said its cute when his daughter does it but yelled at my son for doing it telling him hes not a baby. She can be as loud as she wants and he never says a word to her the 1st time one of the boys get even a little loud he yells as them to be quite. And the list goes on. He tells me to treat her the same as i do my boys and i try to but he babies her and yells as the boys. If i try to talk to him about it he gets mad at me. What should i do i cant stand it anymore.

Hello! I am so glad I am not alone in this. I was starting to feel like sh*! .... My son is 5 years old and my soon to be step-daughter is 4 years old. I know my son is not the perfect child but to me discipline is very important and that's the way I'm raising him, he is very polite, does not lie to your face and overall is a good child, with the normal temper issues and attitudes of a 5 year old... but he never, and I mean NEVER gets away with anything, he gets punished 20 times a day if necessary until he learns his lesson, I usually either sit him on the naughty chair or take away his more "valuable" toys/books. My step-daughter is getting to my Nerves, she lies in your face, she stares at me in such horrible way, that it feels as if she wants to kill me when I say that I am not happy with her behavior or when I send her to the naughty chair. I could almost deal with these behaviors UNTIL I found her kissing my son in the LIPS. As I walked to my son's room she walked out in a rush, put her hands together in her back and started swinging from one side to another with the biggest smile is her face and the most charming look, I immediately noticed she was up to something, I thought she broke something(as it is usual) so I asked what had happened, my son became upset and really scared but she quickly said "NOTHING" I continued to ask what had happened and demanded they told me the truth, she said we were playing VAMPIRE, I asked her how do you play that?, she said I was kissing him, I asked my son "where?" ... he said in the LIPS... I punished them both ... sent them to two different rooms to sit on the naughty chair and spoke to my son, and then went to speak to her; they both told me it was her idea. My son does not like to hug or kiss anybody besides his dad, my fiancé and me. I knew that this kind of behavior did not originate from him and I am really upset and scared at the same time. I feel like my step-daughter is coming to my house to teach my son bad behaviors and I'm scared that this type of behavior might continue, I don’t even want to think of them 10 years from now.... I need HELP I don’t know what to do .... I love my fiancé and I am very supportive specially when it comes to his daughter, I know that none of this is her fault but I feel like I don’t want her in my house with my son anymore. I know she is just 4 years old but I assure you that she acts like she is 20…. Her mother takes her to the salon to straighten her hair, to do manicure and pedicure, buys her make-up, dresses her in really tight clothes so you could like REALLY see the shape of her little body. I know is the way that her mother is raising her that is affecting her behavior but I do NOT want these type of behavior in my house around MY SON.

Oh my lord I'm not a devil mom!!! I love my step daughter and I think she is awesome however I knew getting into this marriage that her mom had basically abandoned her and she was emotionally disturbed on many levels however what I didn't know was that we were going to be using this as an excuse for her lazy useless behavior or her disrespect ect. I have a 4 year old daughter who is more helpful and mature on any day! My husband is very very wealthy and so his daughter has never had to want or work for anything. When we got into this relationship my SD was 13 and had already been lying and acting out. She has had sex and has a new boyfriend every week, she won't pick up after herself stating that she is a kid she is now (15) and thinks I should jump at her every whine, she questions everything I say goes over my head to her dad cries and he makes it all better. He tells me I don't want to be a mother to her and I don't love her because if I did I wouldn't make problems just because she doesn't pick up after herself. But that's not it I am angry because she does absolutely NOTHING!!! She thinks because we have a maid once a week she can trash everything and the maid will get it, throws her tampon applicators on the floor (used) never does her laundry(I refuse bc it ends up on floor and back in dirty before she ever wears it) I grocery shop and when I get home she sits her lazy *** on the couch while I bring in everything and put it away then complains there is nothing to eat or demands fast food, when I cook she ask a million times when dinner is going to be ready and complains she wanted something different never helps or lifts a finger, she fights with my 4 year old always doing things to be a poor influence or to upset her (eats candy in front of her before dinner knowing she can't have any, uses her blanket knowing she will want it, changes the tv channel to inappropriate shows when she is watching something family friendly, teaches her curse words) she lies about everything and I catch her in lies and she tries to lie her way out of lies, she takes my stuff and lies about it and I find it mistreated and misused and ask her not to but she continues to disrespect my stuff, <br />
Failed school last year because she was lazy and disrespectful to teachers, had 15 dress code referrals this year because she thinks she is above all the rules. Now my husband disapplines her however I think he has been dealing with this for so long that he has thrown in the towel. He doesn't ground her because he feels like it will interfere with anything we want to do but she is 15!!! She can be grounded and stay alone at home!!! She plays her dad like a fiddle crying that I'm so mean blah blah blah because I want her to pick up after herself and not disrespect our boundaries and I ask her to do for herself like make snacks and stuff and she says I'm a kid that's your job and I got news for you if my 4 year old can make easy Mac and pb&amp;j then so can she!! My husband is constantly making excuses for her, not holding her accountable and always goes back on her punishments. I'm so sick and tired of trying to help her and she just really doesn't care! We both have ADHD and if I can do all the things I do she can help out once in a while! I'm so angry I don't know what to do slap the stupid out of my husband or run! She is a waste of perfectly good talent and potential and he is making excuses for her daily that encourages her to be a lazy pain in the ***!

I am so glad that there is a forum lke this to vent with people going through the same situations. <br />
I have a 17(almost 18)yr old stepdaughter. I've been with her father for just over 2 yrs. We've been married for a year and a half. Shortly after I met them, she was arrested after punching her father in front of the police, then hitting the officer, too. I guess I should have known what I was getting in to. I feel for all of you!

His sounds exactly like what I am going through also. My 13 year old SD came to live with my husband and I a little over a year ago. Since then we've discovered incessant lying, even about stupid things, she hits our younger kids, calls me names and laughs, she was caught with pills at school, we get weekly emails and calls from teachers about class disruptions, and the list goes on. She had been in counseling this entire time and there has been no improvement. My husband sees her for what she is, sometimes. It seems that when I am mad at her antics, he explains to me why he thinks she did it. Like its okay, because she is sad. But when he is mad at her, if I agree with him, he changes his mind! Suddenly it isn't as bad! I can't stand to look at her. I've found the only solace is not letting her see me squirm. If I hate that she is interrupting me talking to my husband, I don't let her know. Just like little kids, if they know it bothers you, they love it. If you don't let these kids know you want to punch them, and you are screaming inside, they will get bored, if even for a moment and leave you alone. Of course they will try again. Don't let them take over your home. Stay in control and at least appear calm to **** them off. maybe even eventually, we really will be calm and cool. <br />
<br />
I, too, think from time to time about leaving. But I won't be chased away and forced to give up everything I've built. This is my home, my family and my husband. Kiss my fat ***, you ungrateful little sociopath.

So no one has posted on here for a long time, but if anyone sees my message -- have any of you actually left your husband because of a stepchild issue? I am considering leaving my husband because of my step-daughter. She is turning 18 next month, but has some sort of emotional/developmental issue that makes her act like she's 10 years old or younger. She's nowhere close to driving, having a job, etc. She's even repeating a semester of high school next year. She has been verbally abusive to me and the rest of the family. To top it off, she is not even my husband's biological daughter -- he took her in when he married his ex-wife, and even after the separated, he kept her with him half the time. So, I have to put up with a step-daughter who isn't even really a step-daugher. I don't see anything changing in the future -- we've gone to hours of counseling, together and separate, and I'm even more unhappy than I've ever been. I feel like many other posters - when she's at our house, my skin literally crawls and I have to hide in my bedroom. My husband has told me flat-out that even if she's 20, if she still can't drive or support herself, then he wants to support her. I can't take it! I really want to leave. :-( Does anyone have some advice?

I am considering leaving my husband as well. His daughter is almost 17 and I have been in her life since she was 2. We have 2 children together and a baby on the way. In the past 15 years I have put up with so much abuse from my SD as well as her mother. 2 years ago Thanksgiving Day my SD came home from her mothers and assaulted me. I had to call the cops. At the time her father was an OTR truck driver. He called me screaming at me that he could not believe I called the cops and what the h*ll did I do to provoke her. I will never forgive him. He is gone and I am raising his kid. See 3 years ago her mother basically dropped her at our door step because she didnt want to deal with her anymore. My husband has always wanted custody. My SD is a very vindictive person at best and enjoys making life h*ll for all involved. My husband doesnt see it. Well after she was arrested, I did not press charges....should have but didnt things arent any better. I am having complications in my pregnancy and she likes to make things worse. My BP has been very high and I am only 4 1/2 months along. I cannot get her to do anything to help around the house, not even dishes. She yells and screams at my two younger kids. It's a nightmare. My husband and I argued the other night and he asked me why I b*tch about her so much. He refuses to see it. His own family will not come around anymore because of her. She has been diagnosed as bipolar and uses it as an excuse to act ridiculous. I hate to leave but at this point even at 18 she is not mature enough to live on her own and had no where else to go. She wont help me and yet if her dad needs something she breaks her back for him. Yet when she wants something she expects me to get it for her. I am tired of living like this. Let me know what you come up with, I myself am torn. But dont see any other way. She makes life miserable for all involved.

If you don't have children with him, run, run run!!! Don't look back. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

The way your SD whines and crys about EVERYTHING sounds so similar to my story and also your feelings toward her seem to be mine the same. I don't know any advice to give you because i to am seeking advice for my SD problem. It's just nice to know there are others out there and am not alone. People say what are you crying about you knew what you signed up for when you entered this relationship. Really I had no idea this is what it would be like. You never know what it will be like until you live it and by then there is so much invested it's like WHAT THE F@*# DO I DO! I say seek counseling, i know i need to......

I feel so much better after reading this. I met my wife when my stepdaughter was only 8 moths old so I have almost always been in her life. She was such a perfect little girl until roughly half way through 12 years of age and then things went down hill. Now at 14 everyday is a battle. She is incredibly disprespectful, calls me names, steals and constantly plays my wife against me. I cannot take it for much longer but I also cannot leave, I love my wife and our 4 children (stepdaughter excluded) and would be devastated at leaving them. I dread when it's time for her to be home from school to the point I feel like my mind may snap. When she bullies the other children I really want to smack the crap out of her and they way she talks to my wife drives me insane. Yet my wife tries to be her friend, she will shout at her but then tries to make up....it's maddening. I just hope I can deal with the next 4 years, hopefully then she will grow up and leave me alone. I apologise if I have babbled, I just needed to release this poison before it infected me entirely.

I can seriously relate....I have 4 kids of my own, hubby just has the one 13 year old crybaby. If she does something wrong, she or he will always find a way to bring it back on one of mine and I'm accused of being a bad parent. Also earlier comment about bloody towels and whatnot, yeah step devil wiped herself with MY personal towel I accidentally left in the bathroom and wiped her bloody *** on it.....and then brought to me and said I shouldn't leave my nasty **** in the bathroom!!!!! Wtf? She played it off on me and my husband believed her and told me I was nasty. Ugh hate that b*tch!

I am glad I am not alone. After reading all of your stories, I’ve realized that maybe I don’t have it so bad. I always try to keep thinking to myself, “It could be worse,” but honestly it could be better, too. My husband and I have been together for 2 years. His daughter, 16, does not live with us. He did raise her on his own up until she was 12 or 13. During that time, the majority of his relationships (girlfriends) were kept separate from his daughter. Throughout his daughter’s childhood, he gave her his undivided attention. He constantly entertained her and did whatever she wanted. I think that is one of the biggest issues we have now. Anytime the three of us are together, she has to still have ALL of his attention, which he gives her. If he just happens to sit next to me instead of her or if he talks to me about something for a moment she will get upset. She starts whining, slamming doors, and goes through phases of not talking to him for weeks. He’ll try calling, texting, and emailing her, but nothing. Then she comes back and says she was mad because she was ignored or something stupid and childish. Yet, if he went without responding to her calls, texts, and emails for one day, she gives him crap about it. She acts like a 10 year old sometimes instead of a 16 year old. I try to tell him that he needs to tell her to open her eyes to the fact that it is not okay for her to ignore him, but get mad at him if he misses one of her calls. I hate to see how she is going to make it in the real world. I also fell sorry for whoever marries her. He better be prepared to give her A LOT of attention. I don’t think she has ever been disciplined and I am not allowed to. My husband is one of those people who doesn’t worry, brushes things off, and tends to forget things. When our relationship first started, we lived on opposite sides of the state. Eventually, one of us had to move if the relationship was going to get more serious. I gave up my family, friends, job, and the place I grew up and loved, to live where he was because there was no way he was going to do that for me. After moving in, my stepdaughter through a fit that I hung a picture in the main bathroom. She fussed that it was her bathroom. It was not her bathroom for several reasons (she doesn’t live here anymore and it is the only bathroom on the main floor). So my husband took the picture down. She used to spend Friday nights with us all the time. After some time had past, she got mad that I was always at the house on Fridays. It is my house. I don’t know why I am not welcomed in my own house. Then she told him that she didn’t want me to go to family functions. She said that I wasn’t family. On one occasion he did exclude me from an outing. I flipped. I moved here and gave everything up and here I was alone. I try to talk to my husband, but he just tells me to be nice to her. It is hard to continue to be nice when you get crap back. I bought her clothes, a college fund, offered my car for when she started driving, and so much more. You can only be nice for so long. My husband always takes her side and is never on my side. He never remembers the bad things she does. I try to explain it to him, but it is like talking to a brick wall. She is his princess and does no wrong. That just gets me more frustrated and angrier. He is supposed to be my best friend. Whenever he mentions that we are going to see his daughter, my blood pressure rises, my breathing gets heavier, and I have a hard time concentrating. You can only image what it is like when I am in the same room as her. He says I act as if she is satin. She isn’t, but she is no saint either. I try to understand her, but I don’t. I was never like this with my stepmother. I love my stepmother like my own mother and always have. The only time my husband and I argue is because of her. I love him so much. If I could start the relationship over knowing what I know now, I would probably not change anything because of how much I love. Call me stupid. However, I just don’t know how much more I can take before I go insane. She is bringing out this evil side in me, and I don’t like it. I hope I find direction soon.

I petitioned for my husbands son (15 at the time) to come live with us. He has been a headeache every since. The school diciplinarian and my husband are on a first name basis. Thats how many times we have gone to parent teacher conferences... He is defiant, disrespectful in school, He never did anything in school . Got F's and then had to go to night school to make up, compulsive liar... always justifying himself... He is never at fault it is always everyone elses fault. Never followed curfew...comes in late sleeps till noon or later... never helps around the house..etc...got into some stuff that he never got caught with becaue my husband covered it up. He is disrespectful towards his father. I also have an 8 yr old. I thought I was a pretty cool stepmom until I saw the lack of respect and consideration he had towards his father... it went as far as them getting into an altercation and I told him he had to leave. In the eyes of his mother and paternal grandmother I am the one to blame for everything and he is the saint. I will not have this child in my house showing my 8 yr old that it is ok to have anything to do with ilegal activity. I don't trust this child let alone setting such great examples. I don't know what to do anymore... his father is at his wits end

I petitioned for my husbands son (15 at the time) to come live with us. He has been a headeache every since. The school diciplinarian and my husband are on a first name basis. Thats how many times we have gone to parent teacher conferences... He is defiant, disrespectful in school, He never did anything in school . Got F's and then had to go to night school to make up, compulsive liar... always justifying himself... He is never at fault it is always everyone elses fault. Never followed curfew...comes in late sleeps till noon or later... never helps around the house..etc...got into some stuff that he never got caught with becaue my husband covered it up. He is disrespectful towards his father. I also have an 8 yr old. I thought I was a pretty cool stepmom until I saw the lack of respect and consideration he had towards his father... it went as far as them getting into an altercation and I told him he had to leave. In the eyes of his mother and paternal grandmother I am the one to blame for everything and he is the saint. I will not have this child in my house showing my 8 yr old that it is ok to have anything to do with ilegal activity. I don't trust this child let alone setting such great examples. I don't know what to do anymore... his father is at his wits end

I read all these comments, I relate to all of them, but I'm scared that since I joined this web and this forum I may turn really bitter towards my SD. I know it comes from somewhere, she's a spoilt brat, that's why I'm here, moaning and ranting about it with all of you. However, either I take the highway, or I comform to it, because it will never be my way and I'm scared I will do something silly, say something stupid that will make me lose my head and look silly, at the very least. Not that I haven't done it yet, but they can still count as minor incidents. You know what's like...you turn a blind eye here and there, and that's when things are actually ugly, then suddenly you don't realise you've bottled up too many negative feelings for too long and end up having an outburst for no reason, at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons. Then, everyone looks at you like...wtf? Why is she reacting like this? What has my poor princess done? Only because you held things back for too long when shouldn't have. Never do that. Take advantage of the right moment to express how you feel, but do it calmly, otherwise you'll be the qualified b****, not daddy's girl who will complain about you and dad will side with her. I have to be careful. I either act cleverly or I go, leaving all this behind.

I feel somewhat guilty reading these stories as my SD, at least, is not a 'stealer.' So I guess some people here have a harder time than I do, especially because my SD does not live full time with us. However, whenever she's around, I kind of resent her presence for many different reasons. She's also always very miserable when she goes out with us. She thinks adults are so uncool! She's 12 going 13 next week, so she thinks she's so over her dad who she rates as an idiot yet a "clever" cash-dispenser, only! She sulks when we are out and about having fun and if her dad says something she has a real go at him. His fault, actually, because he accepts it and brushes it off. She's only happy shopping because Dad pays for it all, nothing else matters. If we take her to a show, she hates it, especially if we enthuse about it. She's happy when she has a friend with her, really loud and cheerful, the very opposite to when she's with us only, but I cannot acccept sleepovers in my place with a bunch of other teens in the house when she can have them when she's with her mum. I really don't like it when she calls her dad an idiot and I've made a point this has got to stop! She's ok now, only because her birthday is next weekend and she wants Dad's money and others' presents, but soon she'll be back to her old self, just as when it was Christmas. I know teenagers are like that and perhaps I'm being unfair, but I know not all are the same, not all are so spoilt by their parents and have rules in the house. Her room is a complete mess, like a bomb exploded in it. I don't care, it's her bedroom, but telling her to tidy it up is a war which I think belongs to my bf who is scared of her and feels soooo sorry for her after a divorce where Mum poisoned Dad. I just don't want my towels being left wet on the floor. Too much to ask? I don't know. I chose not to have kids myself, so I find this all very hard!

You have to play the little brat at her own game. Step-daughters can be crafty and spiteful so mirror her behaviour in such a way that she knows exactly what you are doing whilst ensuringno one else does. My friend has a step daughter who goes out of her way to lie and set her up with her husband (child's Father) and he believes the vile cluster of cells everytime. Well, brat's Mother was getting married and brat was to be bridesmaid and could not wait. She was absolutely thrilled about it. She said she wanted her hair cut short (which she was only saying to be dificult) but her Mother said she had to wait until after the wedding as she wanted her to wear her hair up. Brat was not happy! When brat was asleep one night, my friend chopped her hair off! She hacked at the fringe so that it was ridiculously short and wonky and chopped one side shorter than her ear and then hid the hair in brat's bedside drawer along with the scissors. She made sure that she went into brat's bedroom first thing and confronted her over what 'she' had done to her hair rather than leave brat to find out for herself and her Father to believe that she was genuinely surprised and shocked. Brat 's Father was absolutely livid and told her that she could not be a bridesmaid as her hair was so atrocious. It had to be cropped short like a boy's in the end. Brat screamed with frustration that she couldn't wear her dress at her Mother's wedding. Brat denied it, of course and her Father didn't believe her (for the first time ever) and was so angry at what she had done and her lies that he swatted her butt. She had never had this done before and the surprise meant that she launched off of the floor out of her sandals and landed forward a little way. My friend told brat that she had cut her hair off, which of course brat told her Father and he believed my friend when she denied it. My friend has done a couple of other little things and made sure brat knows she did them but no one believes brat. Brat's behaviour has improved towards my friend as she keeps her distance now and just eyes my friend up through narrowed eyes. Victory to my friend! Brat knew what she was doing and does not like someone playing her at her own game. The only way to do it....

i thought i was alone and crazy, childish.. i felt like im a bad step mom, because i hate my 2 SD, but when i read all your stories, i felt like im not the only miserable step mom in the world. me and my husband don't have our own kids, he has 2, 15 and 14 which is damn F***ing lazy, they are the exact definition of LAZY word. worse than u can imagine. Luckily the mom agrees to keep the youngest for good after the school ends and the oldest wants to live with her grandma. not by force but their choice, my husband dont feel any guilt because thats their choice. he will just going to see them everyweekends. to sort things out, we all talked and agreed for custody. in short my inlaws has the full custody of the oldest and youngest is with the mom.. for good! but as of now, while the youngest stays with us until the school ends, i just have to go with the flow..

I feel bad about it, really guilty and as if I am a rotten person, but my step daughter truly makes my skin crawl. I cringe when I come home and see her car in the driveway. I need to keep as far away from her so as not to scream at her every time I see her. And when we are home at the same time I count the seconds until she leaves. She is nearly 24 years old and just moved back here about 5 weeks ago. This is about the 4th time since she was 18, when her mom moved out of state and she decided she would live with us becauser she didnt want to move. Childsupport over of course, no support for us supporting her. She doesn't follow the rules of living here, she doesn't contribute financially at all, she eats whatever she wants and uses all the luxuries of home as if it were her right, even my own personal items. She doesn't clean up after herself, she leaves her wet laundry in my washing machine because it's time for her to go out with friends. She fights with our twin daughters as if she is 12 as well, which makes the occassional babysitting assistance seem worthless. She can not keep a steady job and she is still trying to finish her undergraduate degree on her elderly grandmother's cosignature. She bounces debits and doesnt pay tickets and lets her car insurance lapse. As far as I am concerned this is the last move back here - when she moves out to live with her friend of the week in the future she will not be welcome back here and can go across country to live with her mother again if it doesn't work out. It is affecting my relationship with my husband not because he disagrees with me but because her presence makes me so unhappy and stressed out. Her bedroom is next to ours and the desk where she sits on her computer day in and day out is about 4 feet away from our bed. My patience with everything in my life has dwindled because of her, and I am really not sure how to deal with the sittuation anymore. Any suggestions?

I've been in my stepdaughter's life since she was seven. Back then we were best buddies. She even called me daddy after my wife and I married. My mother in law and grandmother in law gushed about what a positive influence I was. Now she's 12 and screams at me that I'm not her real dad when I'm trying to get her to school on time, or other small discipline stuff. Her biological father hasn't seen her since she was two. I see him in our local paper about every two years for one criminal act or another. I'm the business and city government writer for the same paper. My son, 4, is starting to mimic her negative behavior traits. I don't have much optimism things will improve. She's turning into quite a liar. We've caught her sneaking out of the house at night, and I've caught her "walking to the park" with a sixteen year old boy. call me selfish, but I'm not interested in raising the future mug shot. Adoption is no longer on the table. She can keep her "REAL" dad's last name. All I have to do is live like a prisoner in my own home for six more years from hell...yikes. If I leave, I'm the bad guy, plus my son lives with her example instead of mine. I don't see a winning situation no matter what I do. What sucks the most is that my wife just shrugs her shoulders. I'm beginning to see I'm just a paycheck and and health/vision/dental. Thanks for letting me rant here. Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight for a change. Wow. Does councelling help?

wow u just told my story, i am also at witts end what to do

I've been in my stepdaughter's life since she was seven. Back then we were best buddies. She even called me daddy after my wife and I married. My mother in law and grandmother in law gushed about what a positive influence I was. Now she's 12 and screams at me that I'm not her real dad when I'm trying to get her to school on time, or other small discipline stuff. Her biological father hasn't seen her since she was two. I see him in our local paper about every two years for one criminal act or another. I'm the business and city government writer for the same paper. My son, 4, is starting to mimic her negative behavior traits. I don't have much optimism things will improve. She's turning into quite a liar. We've caught her sneaking out of the house at night, and I've caught her "walking to the park" with a sixteen year old boy. call me selfish, but I'm not interested in raising the future mug shot. Adoption is no longer on the table. She can keep her "REAL" dad's last name. All I have to do is live like a prisoner in my own home for six more years from hell...yikes. If I leave, I'm the bad guy, plus my son lives with her example instead of mine. I don't see a winning situation no matter what I do. What sucks the most is that my wife just shrugs her shoulders. I'm beginning to see I'm just a paycheck and and health/vision/dental. Thanks for letting me rant here. Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight for a change. Wow. Does councelling help?

My 9 year old step daughter loves to make me look bad. She is so quiet, shy and innocent, or so she seems. She is so damn sneaky. She will take her brothers head and slam it into the wall and her dad will ask what happened. Her brother will say what happened, she will shake her head and say "no I didn't". One time my daughter wrote me a note about being the best mom and she took it before I got home to see it and changed it to you are the worst mom and I hate you, then lied about it. My husband says why would she do that? DUH to get my daughter in trouble and make me feel bad. She pulls that crap all the time. Then today I get out of the shower and someone carved in the fr<x>ame around my master bath mirror.....I hate you. GEEEEEEEE guess what my husband said I don't think she did it, she said she didn't do it. Im so damn sick of it, I am ready to cut my losses because she makes me feel like a complete looser. I love her father more than I ever thought possible, but I don't feel like it is worth fighting with him over it every 2 weeks for the rest of our lives. I think if she lived with us it would get better, but she lives with her mom and her mom lives in her own little world and is unable to comprehend anyone else's point of view, thoughts or feelings. My kids are brats, they argue with eachother all the time, but they know better than to lie to me and that I will make their life hell until I get the truth from them. UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH1

OMG SAME SITUATION HERE! I absolutly hate my stepdaughter too! She makes my skin crawl and ruins my whole day! I just joined this site because I feel like iam at my end with it and Iam not sure how to deal with it anymore either! Its a awful situation to be in but the kids bring it on themselves! I feel my stepdaughter knows right from wrong but she plays things very well to get exactly what she wants and I cannot stand it!

diamond 28, your not crazy...this is a real problem, when it happened to me i thought i was losing my mind....my teenage stepdaughter would lay on my husband to watch tv and then look over at me like ha ha look at me, she would race to sit next to him in the truck, say things like if you buy her a christmas present and you dont buy me one, im going to be very upset....it was a definate competition in her mind....and being a survivor of ******, it really flipped me out.....